my journal 3

Lindsey Williams: The Final Countdown - YouTube

Lindsey Williams is almost always right and he says that the dollar is going to collapse within the next six months.

oh, and he said that the elite have decided that obama will lose and romney will be the next president - i believe this guy, Lindsey Williams

First Presidential Debate: Obama vs. Romney (Complete HD - Quality Audio) - YouTube

This is why, says Lindsey Williams, obama lost this debate, because he was demoralized and scared, since they told him he won't be re-elected

...

It would be a good way to make... to triple a bet:
US Presidential Election Winner Betting Odds | Politics and Election Betting

Snap1.jpg

I am going to do it, the heck with it:
Betfair - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Let's start investing on world events, since I'm studying them so much.

2012 Presidential Election - Next President bet | betfair.com

Whoa! This is a nightmare. They want me to use betfair.it but that's got worse odds. So i tried two proxies but still failed to be accepted. Awful. I am giving up. Probably it's for the best.

On the UK site they give me 188% if romney wins, whereas on the italian one they give me 160%. Can't accept it.
 
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Stew Webb outs Cointelpro Agents: Alex Jones, Ted Gunderson, Drake, Benjamin Fulford - YouTube

many hours of very interesting stuff - very intelligent and most likely true, too

dude, I am listening to the third hour already, and it is clear by now that cointelpro is a reality and it's a whole mess, because you've got truthers lying, and other truthers accusing them... very complex.

Now these guys say ted gunderson was a stooge, belonging to FBI division number 5. And so far I can believe it, considering all the facts they're bringing up - furthermore gunderson is dead so there'd be no point in discrediting him now.

But then gunderson is friends with others, such as anthony hilder, which seems totally credible, but they say he's a cointelpro agent as well.

But then hilder is friends with Gamble who did Thrive, and if he's lying, too, then sooner or later I'll turn out to be cointelpro as well... this is very complicated, because by associating these people, we all become cointelpro agents. So somewhere the link has to be broken and someone must simply be wrong.

Now they say alex jones and david icke are agents, too.

The characteristics of cointelpro agents is that they say 95% of truths and even all truths, but they'll lie about important details or simply be quiet about them. And these guys say... so what I am saying is that basically you cannot even prove, by what they are saying, that some people are cointelpro agents. They could simply provide distraction from the real issues.

Very very complicated.

...

finishing the third hour - stew webb is the best on cointelpro so far, and cointelpro is the most advanced level of being a "truther" so far: understanding that not all who seem to be fighting the government are actually fighting the government

problem is that i still haven't seen clearly what is the disinfo that alex jones is exactly spreading: i see more benefit from him for the truth movement than damage, if there is any damage at all

after all the work jones has done for the truth movement, i'd like some really strong evidence that he's a disinfo agent, and so far I haven't seen enough - yet these guys seem totally honest so I cannot discard them either, so I am at a standstill
 
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lessened office worry

Regarding that big worry of being transfered to another department, it's kind of decreased now, because I have just talked at length about it to my father and he has my approval. Things we have agreed on:

1) the boss is offended by me and his authority is undermined by my presence in his office (because i criticized him in the past), and he probably would like to get rid of me - all due to my harsh criticism of him in the first six months (when the ACE team was there), all criticism in good faith and motivated, but I understand his feelings, and I probably exaggerated, despite being right

2) my hard work and qualities are a good thing, but if I don't act modest - which I don't - i may be considered pretentious and self-conceited, which I totally am, because I am aware of how stupid and dishonest these people are

3) at the moment, since I don't have singled out my enemies yet, nor their precise intentions and strength, I will not do a thing

Now that i have my father's approval and that his assessment coincides with mine, I can stop worrying about it.

It's not going to work, obviously, because that's the way I am, but I'll worry about it a good... 10% less.
 
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crazy sonsofbitches

cliff jumps - YouTube

instead of helping each other, they encourage each other to get hurt... that's what friends are for

and it just keeps going and going... with drinking in particular

being by yourself is a sign of mental health

unless you're so lucky to be in the company of a friend whose company benefits you, but that is rarely the case
 
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doing a little better, but just 80% as worried as i was two days ago

if i deal properly with my roommate's harassment, i might manage to put up with the stress from human resources and stay in control of my nerves - this means keeping him at a distance, forget eating his fruits and going on breaks with him, regardless of how much he insists. I'll also keep the answering of stupid sentences to a minimum

this guy needs a whole lot of contact, verbal and physical, and he'll keep insisting relentlessly, but maybe less to the extent that I get him used to a lack of interaction, by simply not reacting to his actions, when he talks, and to act like a wall when he crosses the room and comes to put his hand on my shoulder - what a ****ing pain in the ass to be around such animals

next week I'll definitely have to go to see more movies because i can't take this otherwise - the stress originating from the meeting with human resources will lead to compulsive gambling for sure, so i must at all costs avoid being at home at least until 7 pm

I need another whole week of movies - i regard it much like a medicine
 
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oh wow, i forgot to write about this

I was talking to my father, and he asked what job i'd like to do, so he's open to give me his blessing and help for a new job and for leaving this job with the big gift from the bank

i told him i'd be interested in going from this job to no job, and that i can't really think of any job that i'd like to do other than trading so the conversation ended there

i mean, i am talented at a lot of things, but i can only work for someone else, and if i do that, then there's the whole structure of the company to worry about. I can't just say i want to be head of a company, or be a movie director. Basically his question was if he can help me get a job in another company, but, of the type of job i can get, i really see no other job i might like better than this one, or rather: i don't see any job that wouldn't be worse than this one, because you have to add to any job, the fact that where i am now, I know everyone. Where I'd go next, I wouldn't know anyone and i would be new.

I can't tell him I want to be a farmer or that I want to be a lighthouse keeper. It seemed a sincere offer of help... but what does he expect me to say?

so, there is some hope that he might agree on my quitting my job, not a lot of hope, but i thought he was against it 100%, whereas it's more like 90%. But I don't think there's much hope that he'd agree on me quitting my job and staying at home.

so, again, we're at a standstill, and basically i'll just keep on going to the bank, until one of these happens:
1) i reach a capital of 30k, at which point i can pay someone else to work in my place and someone can believe in my work, at least a little more - at least I can believe in myself a little more, a whole lot more
2) economic collapse finally happens and brings some positive changes, like destroying my bank and a lot of colleagues
3) I get subjected to too much abuse at work, and i just quit, but this would suck because i wouldn't even get any extra money, and then, i know it already, my father is going to blame me for not quitting earlier with the money i was offered
4) something else, which I am not expecting, such as someone dying or being hospitalized: 1) my boss, as I hope, 2) me, 3) one of my parents, 4) the human resources bitch (as I hope).
 
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talking with my mom - she's so stupid, in everything she says and does

i have a daily meeting with stupidity and dishonesty (not my mom), at work, and around rome

so disgusted with it, despite being exposed so much for so many years to it - the stupidity and dishonesty of people
 
I have thought about it briefly and I am positive about this. If I reach 20k, I will have the confidence that my systems will keep producing profit without risking any blowing out of the account due to drawdown.

Once I have 20k, I have confidence that I'll be able to support myself and that i've got something good going. I will be a confident person overall, something that right now I am not.

At the rate of 6k per month on average, with the drawdown hopefully behind me, this will take 2 months at the most.

Therefore in 2 months I will be a confident person.

Provided that I don't engage in compulsive gambling.

In order to avoid compulsive gambling, I have to keep up the discipline of going to the movies for the next 2 months.

2 more months of movies means about 20 extra euros per day, all included (taxi, movie ticket, snacks, beer)

20 times 40 movies = 800 euros.

800 euros to be spent to achieve a profit of 12k. It is worth it. I have them. I'll spend them. Just 2 more months of movies.

Let's resist. Let's pull through this drawdown (officewise and tradingwise)

...

movies for tomorrow:
Cinema Savoy Roma RM - Programmazione film, film in sala oggi
Cinema Doria Roma RM - Programmazione film, film in sala oggi
Cinema Reale Roma RM - Programmazione film, film in sala oggi
Cinema Adriano Multisala Roma RM - Programmazione film, film in sala oggi
Cinema Barberini Roma RM - Programmazione film, film in sala oggi
Cinema Eden Film Center Roma RM - Programmazione film, film in sala oggi
Cinema The Space Cinema – Moderno Roma RM - Programmazione film, film in sala oggi
Cinema Fiamma Roma RM - Programmazione film, film in sala oggi
Cinema Quattro Fontane Roma RM - Programmazione film, film in sala oggi

¤ Cinema (Roma)
(from this the movie theater Savoy is always missing)

There's something to watch here, at 15.15 and at 15.30:
¤ Cinema Quattro Fontane (Roma)

And here at 16.30:
¤ Cinema Reale (Roma)

And here, too, at 16.30:
¤ Cinema Savoy (Roma)
 
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Back at work.

Very demoralizing. The boss didn't come to tell me anything. It could be because he's about to have me moved to another office and he feels ashamed, or it could be that I am imagining things.

With these back-stabbers you can never be too paranoid.

In the meanwhile in the other room next to mine, they're talking about sex or soccer, as usual. These guys are cool, according to management. If you work quietly, then you're not cool. Yeah, because you make everyone else feel uncomfortable. I give them anxiety by working too hard. So you end up getting in trouble if you don't conform to the average employee.

It makes me laugh. The average employee and boss here is so low and lazy and pathetic that I really cannot adapt. So i guess i'll have to put up with being punished for being a conscientious employee. Just great.

I wonder if I'll ever be rewarded for my work within this bank.

...

I guess I know how I could use this misfortune, of not being rewarded for my work. I could become more determined. In my life I've always felt that i've been lucky and that I got a lot of undeserved things. Now things are evening out. And i don't feel lucky anymore. Maybe this is what i was missing to make money with trading: i felt i didn't deserve it. I felt guilty for having it so easy. Well, now I am not having it easy anymore, and maybe I am ready to accept all the money the market is willing to give me.
 
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I made a mistake with a friend of mine, a colleague here at work. I have to remember this, to avoid it in the future. She asked me for advice on a laptop to buy, a used one.

She had found a HP laptop, and it seemed fine, so I told her that it was ok to buy it, but I didn't check the description carefully enough and it turned out the battery didn't work, nor did it have WiFi reception:
eBay Italia - Aste online e shopping a prezzo fisso

I feel so guilty about this that I offered her 40 euros, but she didn't accept.

I really sucked. Unforgivable mistake.

Also because the next day my mom wanted to buy a similar laptop and this time I found a similar deal, but with the battery and the WiFi:
eBay Italia - Aste online e shopping a prezzo fisso

If I were a tiny bit richer, such as someone with a capital of 20k, I would simply buy one of these for her and give it to her. Unforgivable mistake.
 
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Ok, listen to this. Now my colleague just told me that he's going to go to the movies every day. I get the point. He's willing to go to any length in order to have something to talk about with me. First he got into learning English, with me teaching him, then he needed math exercises for his daughters just when i was studying math (what a coincidence), then recently he almost became a vegan and got into studying the alkaline diet, and he even got into conspiracy theories. Now he says he wants to go to the movies every day.

Very very pushy and intrusive man. I should be flattered and instead I am slightly bothered. Pretty soon he's going to ask me to go the movies together. I need to watch the movie Zelig again, movie about my roommate.

...

got it:
Zelig.1983.WEREWOLF.avi | PutLocker
(beware: zelig gets quite boring after the first 20 minutes)
 
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nosy intrusive pushy roommate will ask me tomorrow which movies I watched and i'll tell him that i'd rather not list every day the movies i've watched, since as of today, he has started prying into my extra-office activities again.

What a pain in the ass.

I'm going to have to stop him right from the start this time, because I know how these things go. He'll ask me every single day not only which movies I've watched yesterday but also which movies I'll go to watch today. He's absolutely unbearable.

On the other hand, if nobody asks me, insistently like he does, I feel like writing about it.

I watched two movies:
1) step up: left after 20 minutes, but the good thing is that they gave me the 3d glasses, very good ones and i'll try them on the web now

2) total recall: left after 40 minutes, so obviously i liked it better

I have to say step up was maybe better, but the topic was disturbing, because I am not a fan of dancing.

Total recall wasn't too bad either but, despite not being afraid of heights, all those falls and flying after a while get kind of annoying, and I had eaten too much (mc donald's today, then a hot dog, beer, two cokes).

Step up was closer to "art". Total recall was just entertainment. But step up bothered me more. Maybe because i am envious of those guys dancing.

OK, being already 7 pm, I can now check the battlefield, but let's just write this memo one more time: "no telling my roommate which movies I have watched or he'll ask me every day".

Battlefield:

Wait!

Up or down?

I expect... up at least 1000 dollars. I expect and hope.

I rule out anything down more than 500.

I would be happy with anything higher than +500.

Snap1.jpg

Yeah, down 150. I can manage it emotionally. Just because i went to a movie, and I didn't come home at 3 and haven't been monitoring for the past 4 hours.

...

still recovering from mc donald's.

some good news from the battlefield - it looks like we'll win today's small battle:

2.jpg

...

you know what? the junk food i eat by being at movie theaters is starting to hurt me, just as the junk conversation i hear by being at the office

on the other hand, by being at home alone, i might be unable to breathe better health.

you know what i mean: at home i engage in compulsive gambling and compulsive scratching of my head, and this means that whereas by being at movie theaters i ain't that healthy, nor at the office, i am not much better at home, but there is a big but

the but is this: when i am on vacation i am totally healthy

so it's not really about me being unhealthy but it's about me being unhealthy in the places I am forced to be:

1) the office
2) at home
3) movie theaters

we have to be immersed in nature - this is what hurts us: being too much around one another in cities, in small places, in small rooms

that's why i like the sea so much: it means open space, lack of people, space, space, space

...

oh, god
i ate at mc donald's a regular meal: mc menu, with the usual fries, coke and hamburger

it must have been like 4 hours ago

i feel like i have to go to the hospital

every vegan every once in a while should check what it means to not eat vegan

it means going from not feeling yourself digesting to almost needing to go to the hospital

i feel like puking almost

man, it's ****ing clear that my body prefers eating vegan - there are no ****ing doubts about it

it is like going from not digesting to food poisoning

my whole body is aching and feeling weak, almost like having a fever and shivering

all energy is drained by my stomach digesting two cokes, angus deluxe, and french fries

nap1.jpg

nap2.jpg

nap3.jpg

This food poisons my body like average people poison my thoughts

1300 calories and very little vitamins and minerals of the ones I need

and i feel like puking

mother ****ers, people, what they say, what they eat... mother ****ers all people, mother ****ers...

[ Taxi Driver - 1976 ] - "Here's a man who would not take it anymore." - YouTube
 
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All right.

Today - I am going to work in a few minutes - i will have this task at work. To not tell my colleague personal business without using his language. If he asks me personal questions such as what movies I saw or what I ate, I will not reply the way these guys talk, with "it's none of your business" or "I'm not going to tell you".

I will try to not tell him without being rude. It's tough to be polite with people who are being rude to you.

I will say this, in the following sequence:

1) hmm...
2) forget about it...
3) let's drop the subject...
4) ask me another question...

If he objects to this, too, I will say:
1) yeah... you know me...
2) sometimes...
3) I don't feel like...
4) ...like providing these lists...
5) ...of things i've done...
6) ...but we can talk about something else

Ah ah, basically I am slowing down my answer. I think this will do. Objective: to tell him to mind his own business without being rude.

Yeah, if I can do this, I am ready to work for human resources. On my way to becoming a big liar.

...

Ok, it worked.

At first, when he asked what movies I watched yesterday, I told him: "forget it..." and he said "why?" as he was crossing the room and walking towards me. But then I said "right now I am busy...". So he stopped and went back to his desk and made a phone call.

Then, an hour later, I took him for a coffee break, where no one drank any coffee or ate anything actually, and explained to him, among the many things I told him, that sometimes I don't feel like recounting every little detail of my previous day after work. That it would be like me asking him what he did in bed with his wife last night. And he answered "we watched TV". Very funny. Basically this guy is rude because he's used to being around rude people.
 
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dead tired of this psychological stress that comes from not knowing how they're playing with my future

i better... the systems better make some money soon because i don't know for how much longer i can wait - i need the confidence deriving from making money with trading, i need it badly
 
Ok, today I am going to try and take a break from the movies and I am going straight home.

But what am I going to do? I cannot just go home without a plan or i'll end up with compulsive gambling.

The plan is this: I turn on the bath tub as soon as I get home.

Then I move the laptop in the bathroom and I watch a movie online, but I need to find the movie pronto - any hesitation could cause me to gamble.

So now I have to find the title, even before I get home.

Then at six, I have to help someone with a math website he wants to build - he's a math professor, and I am going to assist him in my capacity as former web designer.

Gotta find a movie now. Or a documentary. And I'll buy beer on the way home.
 
Still gambling-free at 13.39

battlefield is lacking any real action:

Snap1.jpg

Nutrition-wise, it was an interesting day.

I piled up 1650 calories, just by eating fruits and vegetables and seeds. It was much more work than eating at mc donald's and it took me hours instead of 20 minutes. But I ate the right vitamins and the right minerals, and i did not pollute my body. And I didn't get a stomachache.

...

speaking of nutrition, the excellent peter glidden was just now on alex jones, spreading wisdom as usual. You don't get sick as you get old because your body is falling apart or because of genes, but merely because of the wrong nutrition, as your body has run out of the nutrients it needed. Like a car with the wrong fuel.
 
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