my journal 3

Yeah, back.

Went to a movie theater for teenagers - everyone was a teenager. I felt guilty for being there. Yeah, teenagers: sorry for being alive.

There was this movie with Matthew McConaughey, Magic Mike. Good movie. It's a mix between The Wrestler and Spread, where Ashton Kutcher plays a gigolo. Both excellent movies. This one was almost as good. But not a masterpiece like both of those movies were. All three movies are an example of neorealism.

So anyway. I was there watching this movie, which is quite good and profound, but these teenagers - there were very few of them - looked at me, maybe, because sometimes I am paranoid. But maybe they did look and thought: what is this adult dude watching a teenage movie? It's because you are retarded, guys, and cannot get the meaning of this movie.

Anyway, I looked at these two 14 year olds, kissing, and thought: yeah, i was 14, too, i could have done the same at 14 - there was this girl who liked me and touched me in the morning before our first class, and I could not figure out why she was touching me. And she was only 13 so i could have gone to jail. At any rate i never did anything with this girl, so i guess what i really miss now is not being 14 but being 14 with the knowledge I have now. But then again these guys might be more mature than I was so they might be exploiting the opportunity. When I was 14 i was waiting to be 18, at which point nothing really happened, as I felt too poor to get the really hot chicks, and then I was waiting to be 26 and rich, but that didn't happen either. Always postponing basically.

So anyway, the movie resumed - the lights went on during the middle of the movie so they could sell us some snacks. Sell them actually, because i didn't buy any.

The movie resumed and it turned out to be much deeper than these deep****s could grasp. Just watch it - i don't have to tell you about it. When I say a movie it's good, it's good. It's not a masterpiece but it's good, not excellent, but good. It has some flaws but it's good. The Wrestler and Spread are masterpieces. Watch those first. Or if you're going to watch all three, then watch this one first, then a better one, which is Spread, and then finally the best one, which is the wrestler.

So, again, I was watching this movie, and now I'll finish it in a bit, after checking my trading. I left the movie theater early because I didn't want to be caught jerking off in the movie theater or whatever those teenagers were expecting me to do when they looked at me - or again I could be imagining this whole thing. Well, what is good is that for sure they didn't beat me up - thank you, mother ****ing idiots. Besides, there was another adult - maybe their teacher.

So, ok, before finishing that movie (I found it here) for the old pervert that I am, let's check the battlefield.

Snap2.jpg

Yep. Another lucky day. Now my capital is almost at 13k.

I won't touch anything. Let's pray the gods of the markets.

And of course I am quite aware that all that profit could vaporize and could end the day unprofitably. But the systems, as a rule, trade better than me, so let them trade.

...

What makes you understand that a movie is good is this: how could anything but a good movie get me to watch the life of a bunch of male strippers?

How could anything other than an excellent movie get me to watch the lives of a bunch of wrestlers?

You get my point? When you sit down and watch a story that you'd expect to bore you, that means you're watching a good movie.
 
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All right, there's only two more hours till the markets close, so i guess i can check the battlefield without the risk of tampering.

I was making 1000 for the day when i checked the last time. How much am I making now?

Snap1.jpg

Damn. I knew the CL was making too much money to stay like that, but I decided not to tamper so here i am, having lost 300 dollars of profit.

The NG is now compensating for that lost profit, so the overall amount for the day is the same.
 
ok, so much for broccoli

there were crawling insects in it, what do you call them, "maggots", "worms"...

I know my father keeps saying that these insects that have been eating vegetables are healthy to eat but screw that - i am not buying broccoli any longer, as lettuce gives you the same nutrients anyway and it's much easier - doesn't even need cooking - no more cooking at all from now on

let's take another peek at the battlefield - when i last looked i was making 1000 for the day (some of the profit was from the overnight trade on NQ, so part of that doesn't count):

Snap2.jpg

damn!

Only making... 700 for the day and... well, it sucks. The NG profit is all vaporized. The CL profit is momentarily on hold because there's another ongoing trade that went the other way so the resulting position is a zero.

All right. Can't complain. Made money for the week.
 
Yeah, listening to alex jones.

I said i was ok because the week was profitable but the thought of not ending at the highest possible profit, as usual, is bothering me.

Hey, i was making 950 on CL and now only 600.

I was making 300 on NG and now zero or negative (i haven't checked).

I was breaking even on GBL and last time i checked i was losing 150 euros.

****ing A.

Let's check again

Snap1.jpg

Yeah... lost that money on GBL. QM so so, let's forget about it, too complex to calculate what's going.

NG, forget about it. It's gone.

All right, thanks to this journal at least I kept the systems untampered with.

It was painful. Let's pray to the gods of the markets for a profitable week next week.
 
Alex jones has been talking about speculators for half an hour now and about oil prices and dollar devaluation - he knows quite a bit about it, even though it is not his field and he rarely talks about it. It all comes together with this radio broadcast: i came to conspiracy theories though trading and now conspiracy theorists bring me back to trading.
 
Yeah, can't sleep, still awake after scratching my head for 20 minutes - i am tired, but i can't fall asleep. I feel guilty for resting. I haven't achieved enough during the day and i can't go to sleep.

Vinny hastewood, that's what i'm listening to - conspiracy radios

his real name is vinny eastwood. he's intelligent, very young, very courageous - he will go far

...

they're putting me to sleep, him and his guest

very good talk - he's a great host because he lets his guest talk, not like alex jones who ruins everything by repeating the same things over and over again and i am a fan, but he wastes a lot of potential in his show

...

the systems in the past x weeks have had this track record:

7,387
2,009
-565
-539
4,974
-3,903
1,883
5,194
10,057
2,886
890
-4,008
1,587
6,911
1,724
466
-778
3,575
-239
5,964
1,065
970
-1,916
-11
1,455
3,147
1,993
1,031
818
1,429
-3,818
2,059
7,033
426
1,260
4,133
1,008
2,431
490
1,514
1,785
1,571
1,453
1,150
865
2,149
445
-2,404
929
135
-337
2,826
8,055
5,223
6,381
-687
5,141
604
-863
5,202
-2,418
214
-446
-1,809
240
3,627
871
475
2,004

77% of weeks are profitable

does it matter that the past 5 weeks have been profitable? Probability theory says no. It says i still have 77% chance of next week being profitable.

1 week per month will be unprofitable, statistically.

we also know that the average losing week is 1500 dollars in the red

we also know that the average winning week is roughly 2500

so next week is overwhelmingly likely to be profitable and the closest prediction of profit is 2600.

So, another thing i can say, is that after a month, after 4 weeks to be exact, i am most likely to have one down week of 1500 and 3 up weeks of 2600, for a monthly profit of roughly 6000.

Given the blender's testing i have posted yesterday, the chance of blowing out becomes infinitesimal beyond 20k (the higher the better of course).

So, all in all, i am statistically, and probably, going to be out of danger in one month. Will it ever happen?

Will I allow it to happen? I really wonder. Will I not find a way to avoid success? I feel that maybe success makes me uncomfortable and i continually find ways to avoid it.
 
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Pretty nice: "reality theorist". The mainstream media keeps calling us "conspiracy theorists" (for believing that 911 was an inside job and similar) as if we were crazy or displaying too much fantasy. The reactions i've heard so far to this is the host of Reality News Radio, just now, proposing that we call ourselves "reality theorists" and another host a month ago, i think it was the truther girls' sonia, "conspiracy theories" to be changed to "conspiracy facts".

By the way, yesterday, much to my pleasure, I met a taxi driver who is a conspiracy theorist as much as me, just like the protagonist of the movie Conspiracy Theory.
 
Today I've woken up late and have eaten 2 tbsp of almonds, 1 tbsp of walnuts, and 2 tbsp of sesame seeds. I am loaded on copper, iron and manganese. Especially copper. Need to have a little more of the other two.

Calories only 250, which is actually as much as one fifth of what i've been eating every day in the past 3 months.

This is good maintenance of my body. I know I should also do exercise but right now here in rome, i really don't know what to do besides going to the movies (the walking to the theater and coming back).

And going shopping for fruits and vegetables.

I don't want to get stabbed, get killed by a car - pretty easy here - it's healthier to not just walk around rome as a way to exercise. Better to find something else.

Ok, now I'll go and eat 2 tomatoes, 5 medium leaves of green lettuce, 1 cucumber and some olive oil, i mean 1 tbsp.

That's going to bring me to 440 calories.

...

Nope had to add another tbsp of hemp seed oil, because 1 tbsp of olive oil wasn't enough. I also added some salt. I don't to drop out of my raw veganism out of boredom.

Anyway, now calories for the day have reached 560. 800 more to go.

You know, i have said this before probably but it has to be stressed out that being a raw vegan... houses should be built for health and therefore they should be built from the start for raw vegans. That means no kitchen necessary, no cooking required, no refrigerator, no dishwasher, no detergent either because vegetables don't need it and you shouldn't be eating olive oil in the first place. This is just awesome: healthy, cheap, quick. No dinner table either, because there's nothing to prepare and so people should just pick up a carrot and eat it whenever they feel like it. No preparing necessary.

After eating raw vegan for a few days, all the flavors come back and you don't need sugar any more, because bananas taste sweet again, very sweet... forget sugar. That's really bad for the alkaline diet which avoids tumors.

Yeah, because raw veganism also satisfies the requirements of the alkaline diet.

Being raw vegan and doing it right requires work, on excel in particular. Besides the shopping of course.

You can't just eat popcorn. Or frenchfries, which of course is not raw vegan anyway. Well, you need your table to study the nutrients daily intake. Funny thing is that you never monitored your intake for decades before starting this raw veganism, but now that you've learned about minerals and vitamins, you need to do it. Also, I am suspecting that it might be easier to get away without monitoring it as a meat-eater, because... it all boils down to vitamin b12.

Meat-eaters get it and raw vegans do not. And it's necessary.

So, I guess you could argue that veganism is not a natural diet, since it misses b12.

You could have a point.

But then we could argue that being vegetarian is perfect, because you get b12 in the milk. So right now I prefer to get b12 from milk than to be a complete vegan. Other than this I am a vegan.

Dude, i am going to eat two slices of melon. Then I need to stop because I've been eating too much, and i still am only at 633 calories. As a raw vegan it is very difficult to get fat. Unless of course you just eat seeds and nuts, because those things give you a lot of calories.

...

What's really interesting is that you get stuffed and full with eating but your stomach will not feel it. Your stomach will never feel tired from your eating. Whereas with processed foods and meat, you could eat very little and keep digesting it through the night and on to the next day! But with raw veganism, as a rule, you can eat all you want, to the point of being full, and you will not even feel that your stomach is digesting something. More or less like when you drink water, because in fact we are eating a lot of water. Cucumber for example has 90% of water. Melon has 97%.

Nutrition Facts and Analysis for Cucumber, peeled, raw
Nutrition Facts and Analysis for Melons, cantaloupe, raw [includes USDA commodity food A415]
 
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Yeah, ok, i went shopping at the local... store - i don't know what it's called in english:
Castroni 80° Anniversario

They sell special products, spices, "colonial drugs" (it says on the store sign - it was established during fascism, when italy had colonies), it is always very crowded. There was this asian lady today, hot, and as i was looking at her, she called "luigi...!". Not really to protect herself but she noticed that i had spotted her, maybe she called her boyfriend at that moment precisely to discourage me. Well, she was italian, despite looking asian. She probably was adopted. Hot.

I bought 30 euros of stuff, a lot of stuff. I'll try to remember because i've already arranged it in the kitchen.

1) flax seeds
2) hazelnuts
3) raisins
4) ...

I bought seeds and nuts in this place because they have plenty more stuff, but i only need seeds and nuts for my raw vegan diet.

4) weetabix
5) pistachios
6) pine nuts

Can't remember what else.

hang on, let me go and check... no, wait i remember another one

7) dates

I've had many dates. Yeah, the fruits - not the women.

Yeah, i checked. That's it. Basically if you buy fresh fruits and vegetables, you can come home with two bags full of groceries, for just... less than 10 euros. With seeds and nuts, you come home with just one bag, it's light, and you spent 30 euros. But that's because - the difference is water. This stuff I brought home is all dry, it's more nutritious, much more nutritious and will last months. It might even be more convenient to buy seeds and nuts, nutrition-wise, nutrition/cost ratio. If it weren't for luigi and his asian girlfriend. They bothered me. I wanted to do her but she was already with luigi.

Now I need to write down all the new products (hazelnuts, etcetera) on my table to make sure that if i eat one, i can mark it and calculate exactly what nutrition i get from it. I could not survive in the wild, because i wouldn't have my excel sheet to make sure i am eating what i need.

...

Ok, done. Now I have to battle with the maid, who keeps on misplacing things - she's retarded.

...

Oh, wow. I've just eaten a tbsp of flax seeds and, like mitt romney, they suck... bad.

Obama Is Giving Out Free Cell Phones? OBAMAPHONE LADY WITH SUBTITLES - YouTube

4409 -- OBAMA PHONE: Obama giving away FREE cellphones...WTF obamaphone - YouTube

https://www.safelinkwireless.com/Enrollment/Safelink/en/Public/NewHome.html
 
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things2do

Moments in the Moonlight - Frank Sinatra - YouTube

Now that i'm on my way to becoming rich, i could get married and raise a mosquito like everyone else, or I could set my mind to something else.

Right now i can't do both, but i have enough time, and money, to... set my mind on something else.

I would like to become famous.

But I don't want to be known.

If I start a website that becomes successful i can become famous but still be unknown.

I don't just want to avoid being a famous face, but also a known name. I want to be able one day to say "hey, i am the guy who created this website", but still not say who i am.

I would like to create a successful website, but not in italian.

I will have plenty of money for this activity, because web design is quite cheap, I was a web designer myself, and I know what's lacking is ideas rather than skills. I can pay someone to do a website technically perfect that most likely will get no visitors. That is what happens most of the time.

I don't even want to make money from the site, just want it to be visited and to become famous. I don't want to market it either. It has to be so good that people will go to it.

For the domain name there's that "domains by proxy" thing. This way I can keep that under control without disclosing my name.

I know a good host for the server.

I don't want to sell out, by putting on the web site something that I don't care about.

The idea would be to create a website for "optimal living" where I can promote my lists of movies to watch, foods to eat, books to read, songs to listen to, toothpaste to buy, shampoo to use, politicians to vote, battles to fight... and so on.

But i know how this is going to end: unused and unvisited, like some websites i started to keep my journal on (this is the most successful so far, because it's not my website).

So I need to combine this with another idea, come up with another idea altogether, or forget the website and do something else, such as produce a movie (yeah, there's talented kids who just need the money for the video camera).

I know i have time, and I know i have money, not much, but i can waste it. I have money to waste, right. Because I am going to have more than i need, simply because i spend very little.

So.

I could start a... The reason I am doing all this is that I cannot quit my job, otherwise i'd set my mind to something else, such as crossing the mediterranean in a sailboat or swimming.

Having to still be in rome, I need to find something else, that is not related to sports.

I am not going to adapt to friends, so I can be an idiot like them and waste my time with them. I stay the way i am and find some good activity. Even to do alone.

Another thing i'll try is to shave another hour off my work schedule, which will allow me to leave at 2 pm. They'll ask me to return the form in a month, so i'll try and see if they accept it.

So let's think about what to do with this website related to my lists.

Again let's review in which directions i could go in the next few months:

1) travelling each weekend: travelling to the island and relaxing for the rest of the week

2) drugs and travelling: getting into drugs and alcohol, to relax, and maybe travel, too

3) women: get my friend to introduce me one of those dangerous women and get into the dating business

4) focus on the web site i am talking about

5) work with talented teenagers who are trying to produce a movie. Like my friend, years ago, he had to wait a year before buying the video camera, to save up: that time is precious. If I buy someone a camera, I might be able to participate in the screenplay or the subject.

6) watching movies

7) none of the above: this would be the biggest problem because i will resort to compulsive gambling for sure - it always happens. It is better to walk around the city drunk than to come home sober. I will gamble and blow out the account again.

Travelling is tiring. It is tiring to go to the airport and buy tickets online... but it is the healthiest thing - except for the stressful part of travelling. When i'm someone else's town and house, i am a different person than i am here and i am resting from my life here.

Most tiring and healthiest is travelling probably.

The website needs more ideas and I don't know if i'll come up with something so useful that it will become successful and merely based on my knowledge.

Doing drugs is complicated, too, because I don't know where to get the drugs. I'd get pot, right away, but I don't know how to go about it, since I don't have any friends. Not just pot-smoking friends, but no friends altogether.

Let's start discarding things that are not realistic:

1) I am not likely to get pot, so "drugs" only means: buying beers

2) women: I am not likely to blow my money on women nor meet my freeloading friend - unless of course he comes home with a japanese, in which case i will do an exception - but he'll have to tell me

3) i had forgotten: math courses - i could take those math lessons i wanted to take

4) travelling: it's only going to happen once a month, because i don't have that kind of energy, so let's not focus on that

I need to make sure that i don't trade at home first of all, and then i'll focus on the other aspects.

Ok, I am now down to just two activities out of all the unrealistic ideas that i wrote down: getting drunk and going to the movies.

How many movie theaters are there in rome? Enough to keep me busy every weekday? 20 movies per month?

Ok, let's do something small but let's ace it. I will get drunk and go to the movies. This is my commitment for the next few weeks.

Roma Cinema Programmazione film provincia e citt di Roma programma cinema e sale cinematografiche Roma

Ok so the big ones are here more or less:

Near the office:
barberini 7 theaters/screens (whatever it's called in english)
fiamma 3 (quality film choice)
the space - moderno 6

On the way home:
farnese 1

Near home:
eden 5
adriano 10 or more - not clear

Ok, so this is very good.

Even if sometimes the theaters overlap in the movies shown, i have plenty of movies to see. Even one per day and I will be able to see them all. So here's the plan. In the morning i buy a good newspaper, like Il Tempo. There i get the list of movies, on page 18:

Snap2.jpg

Ok, so at work I study page 18 of the newspaper and find the movie to watch by the time i get out at 3 pm.

Then at 3 I leave and before entering the movie theater, also depending on the time before the movie starts, I buy the beer.

Or, if I can postpone it, better still, I buy it after I get out. Otherwise i buy it before and another one after i get out. What matters is that i relax.

That's it. This is all i have to do. I'll get home at 6 though, and then there's still plenty of time to tamper with the systems.

I need a plan for this, too.

Not friends... not pot (damn, this would be the best thing to do: come home and smoke pot)... now that bitch relative aunt told me that i am old, I feel too old to even take math lessons.

That could have been an option.

Yeah, but the money is a lot.

30 euros per lesson. If I do it every day, plus now i am not inspired... i can't afford it anyway.

the movie in the early afternoon is great, because there's few people there, and because i am busy for two hours and i like movies, but then what do i do?

math lessons too expensive still, and not inspired right now

friends, forget about it

wow, i have no friends - now that i think about it, even if i wanted to meet friends, i couldn't because i have no friends that i like, and those i don't like i have crossed off my list.

wow, so even if i wanted, i cannot have any good friends

terrible

i am even worried about this problem, for a split second

...

I just went and smoked what was left of my cannabis plant - i had saved part of it, hadn't eaten all of it. Damn, why didn't i smoke it to begin with? Tell you what. I'll plant a few seeds again, and smoke it as it grows this time. This time I won't tell the maid anything and will keep it in the attic.

Leaving Las Vegas (Sting - My One and Only Love) - YouTube

My plan was never to be depressed out of the circumstances. My plan was to be depressed because of the human condition, not my condition. Like a poet, not like someone at the hospital. Like the guy in Leaving Las Vegas. What's wrong with him? Nothing. He is depressed because life makes no sense and we should all be depressed. I don't want to be depressed because my aunts tell me to get married and to not live my life alone.

No friends, no women... this seems more like a real depression rather than a chosen depression.

It's strange that it has happened now that i've come closer to realizing my dream. Or maybe it happened like this: after finishing up my studying of all the conspiracies, i felt the depression coming because i had run out of compulsive activities, and therefore I made that last desperate attempt with NG and ZN, and successfully created a capital to trade, but now that it's happened, I am out of conspiracies to study, the vacation is over... it has woken up my senses, my health... i haven't switched back into automated mode yet, and i am reviewing my life behind and ahead, and I am getting very depressed.

...

Ok, I just went and checked on the porch, and my plant, or the pot with the eaten plant, is gone. The retarded maid has struck again. Who told her to get rid of the pot? How much money was it worth? She probably took it home with her to use it. Bitch. She'll probably try to revive the eaten plant. I can't even ask her if she still has it, because that would be like suggesting that she stole it - which she did, but I will spare her the accusations.

This is an opportunity, though. Yeah. Because i never liked the bugs in the dirt that you need to grow plants, so I could start growing the seeds hydroponically or similar.

But now i am thinking of my aunt again, am i too old to grow pot, too? Bitch.

I need lights and some more stuff, which i can buy at a store. I've got the seeds already.

John Coltrane "My One and Only Love" - YouTube

How to Grow Marijuana - Part 7 - YouTube

I had females and the bitch maid took them. They're probably growing in her house right now.

He's right about the pollen. My females were contaminated by the male(s) and they grew some seeds as a consequence, which I've been smoking as well.

This guy is amazing, both at the film editing and at the growing part. There's no way i can grow anything close to what he is doing and I am wondering whether i should even try to grow anything at all.

Yeah, forget pot for now.

All i've got left is that plan to watch one movie per day and drink one or two beers per day, at least for one month, when my capital should be large enough to start paying for math lessons.

Then I might start the math, the summation notation and the portfolio theory.

For now I am very very bored and a bit depressed. The real depression, not the fake one of leaving las vegas.

...

I smoked some more pot, the last bit left, and now i put the pipe away for good.

I am glad that i can't find a pusher and that i can't grow pot either. I think it'd be a bad influence on me. It's good to be able to do it once in a while, like once every several months. But i think that if i had it at home and could do it every day, i would abuse it, and it would be a bad thing to have at home, like also alcohol, sweets, cigarettes.
 
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Today i don't know what to do. I feel unhealthy because i've gone to sleep late. I am glad that growing pot at home hasn't worked out. While cannabis has great health benefits, they do not happen by smoking it, so it is not an excuse to do drugs. Since I cannot eat it, forget about it, for now. I'll have to move to amsterdam and pay the guy who makes Rick Simpson's oil there, he calls it "Phoenix Tears". I saw him in a documentary.

I don't know whether to get up and go buy some brazilnuts or to stay home, sleep some more, listen to some conspiracy radios... which is what i'll end up doing because I am not getting up.
 
Down The Rabbit Hole w/ Popeye (10-03-2012) Monsanto, CPS, Anthrax Attacks, Albert Pike & Amber Lyon - YouTube

More listening to my conspiracy radios, as expected. I've been and will be listening to them all day long. I just came across a new one, Orion Talk Radio.

I now have seven of them, but i can't post the ".pls" winamp file so I opened it with notepad and am posting the content here below:

[playlist]
File1=http://s1.voscast.com:7880
Title1=Orion Talk Radio
Length1=-1
File2=http://high.lrn.fm
Title2=Porc Therapy Encore (LRN.FM - 64k - The Liberty Radio Network)
Length2=-1
File3=http://216.240.133.177:2005/
Title3=Republic Broadcasting Network
Length3=-1
File4=http://gcnplayer.gcnlive.com:80/channel2-lo.mp3
Title4=Robert Redding - Redding News Review - Live (Genesis Communications Network: Channel 2 - Low Bitrate)
Length4=-1
File5=http://184.82.196.86:8228
Title5= (American Freedom Radio)
Length5=-1
File6=http://64k.oraclebroadcasting.com:80
Title6=Doug Owen - Black Listed News Radio - Free podcasts OracleBroadcasting.com (Oracle Broadcasting - The Home Of Cutting Edge Talk Radio)
Length6=-1
File7=http://stream1.infowars.com
Title7=Replay - Hr 1 (PrisonPlanet.com) (Alex Jones - Infowars.com)
Length7=-1
NumberOfEntries=7
Version=2
 
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