Still alive. Sunday. Slept 10 hours.
Tinnitus still in my ear, as loud as always. It's been there since the first steroid injection, 10 days ago. They said there would be no side-effects. They said I am imagining it, after I reported it.
It doesn't bother me as much as I heard others say. What bothers me is that I didn't have it before the injection.
And it bothers me that I had to get the injection to play nice to doctors I don't trust, in order to get the HBOT sessions, and I had to play nice as a regular patient to regular doctors, because my father didn't use his connections to get me all the assistance he could have gotten me. With such connections, all I'd have gotten is HBOT sessions and no injections. And instead, here I am, about to get 3 more injections, because the doctors I have to kiss up to, think that I need them, along with another 10 HBOT sessions.
I'm not going to forget this easily. The tinnitus will be there to remind me of this.
...
A little search and sure enough... here's someone else arguing that his tinnitus was caused or worsened by steroid injections:
http://www.actiononhearingloss.org.uk/community/forums/tinnitus.aspx?g=posts&t=4936
Hi everyone, I would like to know if anyone else has had expereince with steriod injections. One of the things that happened to me at the onset of my current bout of terrible intrusive T (3 months now) was that I had not one but 2 steriod injections for arthritus. I am reasonably sure this has taken my T from background barely intrusive to wrecking my life T 24/7. I came across this somewhere "Tinnitus can be traced to drug-induced hypertension brought on by medications such as amphetamines and corticosteroids. These can sometimes increase the heart rate, which brings on hypertension, severe headaches, fatigue and tinnitus. These medications are often used to treat skin conditions, various kinds of tumors, anxiety, depression and attention deficit disorders." Any comments. G
And another one:
http://curezone.org/forums/am.asp?i=1416252
Dont ever,ever let any Doctor give you steroid injections into the middle ear!!! I had a bad case of tinnitus after a music rehearsal and I snapped after about 2 weeks of this relentless noise . I tried a number of things, xanax,clonazepan,even hyperbaric oxygen therapy etc.
...to make a long story short...I recieved some intratympanic injections of decadron(dexamethasone) into both ears. 1 shot a week for 3 weeks in each ear.
At the time my T was fluctuating up and down so much that I couldnt tell if the injections were helping or hurting...sometimes it would be louder after the shot sometimes not...in retrospect I think the shots made it a little worse each time but I didnt notice because I had been given the sedative clonazepam to try to take my mind off it and it was what made the shots seem like they were working.
Before I realized any of these corellations my left ear started to get alot worse and it was suggested that I try another agent, solu-medrol, another similar drug but this one is better because it absorbs faster and deeper into the ear so i agreed to try one more shot to my left ear...
Wow, I never had such a painful procedure in my life!! and the ringing got so bad after that last injection that I now had very severe tinnitus...my left ear is unbearable...my right is extremely loud but is drowned out by the left...i am on the verge of a nervous breakdown...I have destroyed my marriage and my business...this as essentially ruined me.
i am still holding on to a thread of hope that something will be available to help with my situation...if anyone knows ao anything other than the usual trt,masking etc. please let me know thank you
Please do not try the injections!!!
Thank you,
Unbelievable, and yet, despite all this, I just set the alarm, to go to the hospital tomorrow, and get all these things done to me. Why? For these reasons:
1) I want the 10 HBOT sessions.
2) after the second injection, the tinnitus didn't get worse
3) there isn't a wide majority of people complaining about tinnitus being caused by steroid injections
4) I gave my word to the last doctor who assisted me - yeah, I was desperate to get those HBOT sessions, but I don't want to disappoint him by not showing up tomorrow. I feel the risk of further damage is low enough to not disappoint this doctor who helped me, by prescribing me the 10 extra HBOT sessions I wanted.
You see, the funny thing is that here you could simply pay for those 10 extra HBOT sessions, but things work so poorly in Italy, that even if, like me, you're willing to pay, they're not organized enough to let you pay and get what you want.
So, your money is almost useless, and your rights as a citizen are useless as well, so basically you either know doctors personally, and I mean important doctors, like heading the hospitals, or you're screwed. And, without my parents, i have none of these such connections. That's why I am very upset. That's what I've been saying for the last 2 weeks. My parents, instead of getting cured, have been urging me to return to the office, from the very onset of my symptoms. According to them, I should have been getting no therapy at all, nor a visit by
any doctor. According to them, your hearing comes and goes, LOL, and then comes back by itself. Not only according to them but also according to all the other doctors/relatives who were hanging out with us on the island, who told me not to worry, that it was due to my cold.
...
And here I am, lying on bed at 1 pm on a Sunday, with my laptop on my stomach, in a situation of permanent complaining, of quasi-despair, but not so desperate that I can't watch movies. So maybe it's not that bad, or maybe... let's say that it could be worse. I could have this and a tooth-ache.
Maybe I am indeed exaggerating the symptoms, in order to get all the breaks I can get with a given amount of illness. And maybe my parents have understood this. Indeed, as I said repeatedly, they're the kind of self-sacrificing people who keep working until they collapse, ignoring all the symptoms, and, as I said, they both collapsed.
What bothers me though, is that I did not sign up to be a martyr nor a hero. I don't see it as my duty to ignore my illness (I am never sick otherwise), when I have it, in order to work for my bank, or do charity, like my mother does, or follow a political mission, like my father does.
I didn't sign up for this, and I can't accept others signing me up for it. I am selfish, and selfishness is the most important quality I have, because it keeps me alive.
And I am disappointed that my parents care more about me being at work than about my own well-being. Can we forgive them?
Probably yes, given how they do not take care of themselves, given their ignorance and self-sacrifice. But the fact of understanding them and forgiving them does not mean I should get damaged by their attitude, nor that I should even deal with it. So, for the time being, I will avoid them, in order not to have to see such disrespect for my... selfishness... of wanting to get cured.
You see, LOL, to them, losing a little bit of hearing is not a big deal. You shouldn't miss 3 weeks of work because you lost some hearing and are trying to recover it.
They would do the same for their own hearing, as I said.
So, I can't really be upset that they're treating their son as they're treating themselves, or should I? No, I guess not.
But, as I said, it still bothers me enough to make me want to avoid them.
...
Now, the tinnitus, as many people argue, is psychological, similar to a panic attack. In other words, if you change nutrition and lifestyle, it could go away.
This could be a great excuse/reason to quit my job. But it's not big enough to justify something like this.
But, if I change my overall everyday attitude in a negative way (even exaggerating symptoms of discomfort), and if some profits come from my position trades, then I could work on this outcome of quitting my job. Maybe by the end of the year.
And, in this view, these extra injections, should they worsen my hearing problems, would contribute to the desired outcome.
Yeah, actually, it doesn't sound very good. I would prefer to have no health problems and keep my job.
But, given health problems, why not exploit them to quit my job.
Well, given that I won't kill myself yet, we will see what my mind decides in the next few months.
For now, the most important policy will be this of avoiding my parents, given that they just hurt me no matter what they say or not say, for example by not showing any concern for my health, and bringing up other subjects.
...
But... it seems almost impossible now, given the present state of despair/sadness/frustration, but if my positions pay off, and let's say GC goes to 1700, SI to 27, GBL to 135, JPY to 1.05, ZC to 500, CL to above 100... if this happens, and my capital goes above 60k, then I would be a new person. I would forget about whatever health problems I will have left in 3 months, and I will at least make two trips, which I've been planning for a while:
1) amsterdam, for pot and possibly for sex (only if I'm in a really good mood)
2) london, to visit my cousin
Then, if all this profit happens, which I've been expecting for over six months, basically expecting that all these markets finally bottom, which they never do... if all this profit happens, I will also take a trip to the island, to meet the old maid, provided that the new maid, that bitch, is no longer working for her. Yeah, even 2 trips, in case the bitch isn't there. And as I said, if my hearing goes back to normal, I still have that pledge to go every single weekend, until she dies.
These in the last paragraphs were my dreams. My complaints and despair are instead all over the journal, page after page. So that reader will be happy. He asked me to mention reasons to live for. I finally wrote something on it, a 1% of my entire journal. My reasons to live are taking trips to the island, to amsterdam and to london. And, even before that, seeing my position trades produce profits. In other words, succeeding at trading. Yeah, and resuming the trading by my automated systems. Once again, I can confirm that money is everything. With money, I wouldn't have slept in that cold house on the island, and would have no health problems now. With money, I could have travelled or moved to a place where my money could have cured me. With money, I would not even have a job to worry about. Money is everything. Money is time... money is health...
