my journal 3

Good timing to buy QG, the small NG contract, worth one fourth.

It's lower than 2.500 now. Think about it: for every tick you can lose 2.5 dollars (for the big contract it's 10). Now, there's only 2500 ticks, which for the big one are worth 25,000 dollars, but for the small one are worth one fourth, which is... 6,250 dollars. So, if worse comes to worse, and NG goes to zero, you lose 6,250. But this is practically impossible, right? So let's even assume it could go to 1,5, which is much more realistic an assumption. In that case you'd lose 2500 dollars. I'd say it's pretty good, especially if you consider that it's more likely to go up, to a value 3.5, in which case you'd make 2500. This is much better than going to the casino, for sure. I'd say this is even better than buying government bonds.

And for me it is optimal, because it represents a future that literally cannot go any lower than x, because zero is the bottom. Given that i am someone who cannot exit a trade at a loss, this is really the perfect trade for me. I ought to look for more such trades. I would imagine there's lots of such opportunities in the forex markets, especially with the mini-futures... I don't mean the e-mini, but e-micro futures actually. Here's one example:
E-micro EUR/USD

You know, "buy and hold" type of thing. These e-micro futures have one tenth the leverage of the regular future. So if it goes from 1.31 to 1.30, instead of losing 1250 dollars, you lose 125 dollars. So IF the euro went all the way down from 1.31 to 1.0, you'd lose 3875. I might actually buy one of them, and make a few hundreds on it. The margin required is only a few hundred dollars. I am going to do a lot of such (discretionary) investing when I'll have unneeded capital, just sitting there.

[...]

Actually I have to correct myself: this strategy is only good for going LONG, because if you go SHORT and you're wrong, there's an unlimited loss, with the method of not closing your positions. Instead, in the other direction, if prices are really low, you can only lose so much after it gets to zero. So, believe it or not, this seems like a very good strategy for using capital that is not needed at the moment. For example the NG is a perfect trade:
Commodity:Natural Gas/WikiChart

Snap1.jpg

This is the chart of the NG. If you fall as much as zero (impossible), you lose 6,250. If you rise to the highest values where the NG was a few years ago, you make 25,000. Is this clear enough? This investment is better than buying government bonds.

I mean: it's bound to rise, and if it doesn't and natural gas fell to zero, you don't blow out the account but only lose 6,250. You can't lose. Provided you're buying the QG.

With the others, it's different, because you might not have enough capital to withstand the potential drawdown.

I am sure there's many other such LONG-only trades on other futures.

And besides, here I am saying "if it falls to zero", but that's impossible. The worst that could happen is that it fell from 2.5 to 1.0. In that case you'd lose 3,750. So, to the downside you have -3500, and to the upside you have a potential profit of 25 thousand dollars. This is much better than any lottery, government bond, or any other long term investment.

But the way I'd play (will play it) is not waiting until 25,000 of profit, because it could always turn around. I'd wait from 2.5 to 3.5, and make a profit of 2500 dollars from it. This could happen in just a month. If it doesn't happen, I'll wait and hold it. It would probably fall to just 1.5 and make me go down 2,500 dollars, temporarily.

Perfect trade for people who, like me, just cannot make themselves close their losing trades (it feels like a burning defeat). But i mean: it's only good with this future (QG) and this timing. It could not be started any higher than this, or with more leverage (as far as my capital is concerned).

Oh, and it can only be done with the way this chart is looking right now (about to bounce back up):

Snap2.jpg

Basically this trade (and similar trades) just cannot go wrong.

The E-micro EUR was a similar trade (LONG-only as i said), but if that one fell to zero, you'd stand to lose 15,000 dollars. And to the upside, you can gain much less than with this because it' won't likely exceed 1.6. So, you can make 4k, or lose, in theory, 15k. But with this guy, you can make 25k, and lose, in theory, a max of less than 4k. So it's almost the opposite. So i really do not have any doubts that it's an awesome infallible trade. And what if it doesn't go anywhere for 3 months? So what? You sell it, without having lost anything. And the margin required is less than 1000.

A similar awesome trade would have been a few years ago, when oil was at 30sh. You could have simply gone long on the QM. In that case it's worth half the CL, so you would have lost, by going to zero... 15k. But going to zero is impossible, so you were standing to lose 7k at worst, and to make (by getting back to 100, as it did, and as could be expected) 35k. Not bad, huh? But these trades only come along once every 3 years. Or, if you really monitor everything, they come maybe once a year at the most. I would call them "the trades for travis and those who cannot conceive using the stoploss".
 
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The day went ok. I didn't do any damage to my account. I didn't get any sleep either though.

Tomorrow I have to go there by 9, so I can leave by 15, because they've got one of those bull**** meetings, where everyone is preaching something to the audience. But, being on a part-time schedule, I get to leave exactly at 15, when the meeting starts. If I went at 9.30, I'd have to leave at 15.30, and then I'd be stuck in the meeting, one way or another.
 
What the ****!!!???

I still can't and won't go to sleep, after all these hours awake...?

I feel I don't deserve it maybe?

What the hell is going on in my mind??!!

I need to sleep but I just won't allow my mind to go to sleep.

This seems like one of those guys in those wars, where they say they stayed awake for several days in a row.

This is crazy.

Maybe the trading has just been going too well and I feel bad about it?

Or going too well and I am afraid I am in for a big disappointment?

Maybe that's what I do by doing discretionary trading and sabotaging my trading: I make sure I fail right away so i can finally sleep.

**** **** ****...

Just what the **** am I going to do about this?!

I must absolutely not destroy my trading because it's the only way to sleep.

I must overcome this thing, and sleep despite being profitable.

This effort has to keep going. I must not stop it. I must find other ways to go to sleep other than by destroying all my trading work.

Oh, man.

I need a vacation. I need a vacation. I need a vacation. Months and months.

[...]

**** it. I am gonna do some math.

Ok, done the nth review math exercise at khan and now they're at zero again, but only for a few hours.

Now I'll do some statistics here:
http://stattrek.com/AP-Statistics-2/Experimental-Design.aspx?Tutorial=AP#

Ok, it's a whole lot of theory and notions, memorization and crap I don't like. For today I got till this title "Completely Randomized Design". One fourth of the page.

They really want to destroy my strength and make me give up, but i'll try to finish this nightmare of a tutorial.

Now i'll read some online newspapers and then I'll finally go to sleep.

One more thing.

Tomorrow NG should make 5%.

That means it's going from 2.500 to... adding 0.250 divided by 2 = 0.125, so it goes to 2.625. Yeah. And instead of making 1250 dollars, I make one fourth, which is 312.5, which will cover one third of the margin I am using, so I am not left with less margin than necessary. Yeah, that's pretty good. In just 3 days my margin will be back to normal, and on top of it I'll be holding this future.
 
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Drying off after a shower. I managed to get some sleep. The trading is going ok. I will now go to work.

[...]

Here I am, at work. The nightmare begins. Another 5 and a half hours here.

[...]

Another 3 and a half hours. Today it's going smoothly, because a politician got caught stealing money from his party, so it's all really interesting for us here at the compliance/AML department. We're having all sorts of discussions.

[...]

The NG is losing today. It touched a low of 2.415. And I am now losing 200 dollars, which is pretty small. You can fall all you want. The lowest you can go is zero. Every point you go down, I lose another 250 dollars. It's amazing. For the first time I am not afraid of losing, because I know what is the most I can lose. Who ever said that losses with futures are unlimited? They aren't. The most it can fall is to zero.

Just another 2 hours at work.

[...]

Losing 260 dollars on the NG, but as I said, I have nothing to fear. I can now only lose another 6000 dollars.

Only another 1 hour and 24 minutes to stay here.

I studied some more statistics, and did some more review exercises at khan's.
 
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Ok, back at home. I'll finish this statistics lesson:
AP Statistics Tutorial: Experimental Design

I am on "randomized block design". After this I'll be done for today, because i've already done about 15 review exercises at khan's. So i am done for today.

Other than this, the systems aren't losing anything, and my trade is losing a few dozen dollars. I told you: it can't go below zero, so I am safe. All I can lose is 24k divided by 4, which is 6k (IF natural gas is worth zero). Gee - math really has given a whole new attitude to trading. I was already going in that direction, with trading systems, but by studying math for the past 4 months, I have very much improved my attitude to trading. I am one of those few people who experienced the pleasure of studying math, not because it was assigned at school (I never did in the first place, when I was in school), but because I needed it.

Oh, and some mother ****er rated me another one star. May he get run over by a car.

[...]

I am done with statistics, and I finally got right up to the interesting part of it (after months of boring stuff), the lesson where statistics and probability meet (within the "Anticipating Patterns" section):
AP Statistics Tutorial: Probability
This is going to be very very interesting for me. But I'll do it tomorrow.

Now I am going to do some probability quizzes:
Flash Quiz - Theoretical Basic Probability

Wow, did I just say that some non-required and self-assigned homework is going to be "very very interesting"? That's how you know I've really gone cuckoo... cuckoo for math.

Brazil by Terry Gilliam 1985 - YouTube

Theme from Terry Gilliam's "Brazil" - by Geoff Muldaur and Michael Kamen - YouTube

[...]

Wow, that probability quiz was anything but easy. In fact, it was very concise, useful and well thought out. Once again, a website which seems designed for children turned out to be totally scientific and much more advanced than it appeared:
Flash Quiz - Theoretical Basic Probability

[...]

Yup, I actually gave up at question #8 because it got too hard for me. I did learn something, so that is what counts. You can't get everything done at once. I've learned to be patient and not feel dumb just because I could not figure out everything. As far as studying math, consistency pays off much more than perfectionism, odd as it may sound.
 
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scattered thoughts

Not enough action. I need a lot more money so I can trade like crazy and fulfill my need for action. Buy the natural gas was a start but it's not enough. It's good though, because it's the first time that I experience buying without being afraid of losing - given the maximum loss that can happen if it goes to zero (6000 dollars).

I'm tired but i know i'll have problems falling asleep, because i am not tired enough, having slept 7 hours last night.

I am going to finish the probability section here:
Combinatorics - Algebra 2 - Brightstorm

I just need four more sub-sections. Then I'll have the stat trek AP tutorial to finish in the next few weeks, and then some more quizzes on probability, and then finally I can move on to the book by Ralph Vince.

I think I'll do math now and then try to sleep. If it doesn't work, I'll come back to write some more. You know, the videos at brightstorm are a real pleasure to listen to. Very concise, clear, and those guys, the teachers, have a very pleasant attitude and peaceful voice and soothing effect. I could even use them to go to sleep.
 
Woke up again.

Slept 7 hours. Last night I ate too much (it happens each time I sit at the table, I should not sit there). But sleep was under control.

NG is not falling. Where is it going to fall, to zero? Great investment.

I now have to call, in 4 minutes, my friend, like several times before, to advise him on software to spy on his wife, who - he says - might be cheating on him.

Then I'll go to work, and spend the usual 6 hours there.

My lack for action needs to be answered by speeding up in math. Today I am going to go faster. I want to finish everything I have left within this month, and then start reading Vince. Always one thing at a time, but faster.

[...]

I am at work. Another 4 hours to go.

I've done some khan review. I am going to do some statistics now, even just a few sentences:
AP Statistics Tutorial: Probability
...
Yeah, I got up to here, "How to Compute Probability: Law of Large Numbers" (not included). It's a piece of cake, since I've already read probability theory.

[...]

Another 2 hours and 10 minutes to go. Roommate just left for lunch.

I have been reading up on anti-money laundering regulations:
Money laundering - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
This is actually part of my job, where a large number of people have law degrees. But I never bothered to really get into it, because, due to trading, I was hoping to get out of here any time soon, and I still hope so, even though I ended up spending years here. Another reason I didn't bother to study the laws is that I was too busy working to have any time to focus on the subject.

But now I have a lot more free time, since the new boss came here, and I have my roommate who's really into law so he's getting me to read something on the subject, here and there, now and then. Until here I've been useful to the bank simply for my expertise in excel and willingness to work hard, rather than focusing on the core subject of our compliance department: anti-money laundering regulations. I mean, I work even more than others, but they know the laws, whereas I ignore them. They know the laws and do nothing all day long, I ignore them and I work my ass off. I am "incompetent" but I work, they're competent but they slack off. Included my roommate, who just left for his daily two-hour-long lunch break.
...
I am going to read the last section of today's statistics lesson:
AP Statistics Tutorial: Probability
...
The section "How to Compute Probability: Law of Large Numbers" made me realize that the "law of large numbers" is where probability meets statistics (it is not a coincidence, since this is where a statistics course talks about probability theory). With a large number of trials, our probability formulas (such as the probability of rolling a number on a die) are likely to be very close in predicting the statistical data. This is how they sum it up at the end of the mentioned lesson:
The idea that the relative frequency of an event will converge on the probability of the event, as the number of trials increases, is called the law of large numbers.
It is the idea that the statistics of a large sample will tell us the probability of that event. We could almost say it is the same thing. But there's a lot I am ignoring, so if they keep it separate, maybe it means it is not the same exact thing. Maybe the fact that an event has happened 50% of the time, is not exactly equivalent to saying that the event is 50% probable. "Converging as the trials increase" does not exactly mean "it is the same thing if the number is large enough". This is complex. I know I am not understanding everything, but once again, it is better to move on, than being a perfectionist. Because as I'll add quantity (of reading theory), also past quantity (past readings) will improve in quality. Like working on a puzzle: I need to find more pieces before putting it all together.

Just 1 hour and 40 minutes to go.

Next Sunday, February 12th, at 9 AM, it will be one month of trading:
http://www.trade2win.com/boards/trading-journals/140032-my-journal-3-a-23.html#post1764834
It's a miracle I am still trading, still haven't blown out my account (made over 100% return), and that I managed to resist the pressure, the enormous pressure I feel.

The next statistics lesson is here:
AP Statistics Tutorial: Rules of Probability
I am so proud to have gotten this far. And to think that I used to skip classes all the time. I've become a... "student". I think my biggest problem was perfectionism. I could not understand everything perfectly, so I decided I wouldn't do it. Besides being fed up with homework due to receiving extra assignments from my dad at home. Thanks to trading, I've been forced to turn to theory again, because learning theory helps practice and viceversa. Then I learned that even if you don't understand everything, understanding a little is better than nothing. Instead I used to just block out everything I could not understand perfectly. Accepting your limits, is a big step towards progress. Otherwise you end just not undertaking any task that you cannot accomplish perfectly. Which is good in some situations, but not always. And especially not with learning. It's good instead with situtations where you should not start something you cannot finish, or start something where you'll do damage, such as repairing your own sink, electricity, cable, and similar.

[...]

An hour and 17 minutes to go. I have read my Anti-Money Laundering articles (for now I am reading what they say about it on financial newspapers, because the regulations are too boring to read).

I am going to get started again with the statistics course, and cover this lesson:
AP Statistics Tutorial: Rules of Probability

New things I am learning:
The probability that Event A will not occur is denoted by P(A')
The probability of the intersection of Events A and B is denoted by P(A ∩ B).
Ok, I got up to here (excluded): "Rule of Subtraction". Only one more hour to go.

[...]

Did some more office work. Now only 43 minutes to go.

The big thing in regulations lately is that since the end of last year, there's a limit of 1000 euros to the use of cash. This won't make any difference for me because my trading has nothing to do with cash. It's just a big thing at the office, because we're supposed to get a lot more suspicious transaction reports from the branch offices, but it still hasn't happened, because no one here takes the law literally (or seriously).

Sometimes I think this will help me with my trading, but since i've made no money yet, the fact that I am working at AML makes no difference for my trading. Not that I have to do any money laundering anyway. But since here in italy only the innocent go to jail, it's good to know how I should move money across borders. The fact however is that, one way or another, so far I haven't had any money to move, except maybe from my account to IB, but it rarely worked the other way around.

Only 35 more minutes of office. My friend being cheated on, I am done with him for the week. Today he didn't answer the phone, maybe because his wife was there, so we're done for the week. I am tired of calling him every morning for our software consulting session.

[...]

ex_done.jpg

298 exercises done, with 20 problems per exercise on average (including reviews, and some exercises that had 100 problems), amounts to a total of about 6000 problems. Yeah, believe it or not. Plus all the problems done on other websites. I think I've done more math in the past four months than in all the years from elementary school to college. And practice really makes a difference.

[...]

22 minutes before 3 pm, when I'll go home, and my roommate still didn't return from his two-hour long lunch break (which should be less than an hour). Today, as usual, he was telling me about his sense of duty.

[...]

Over 2 hours of lunch break - shameless **** sucker.

I am going home in just 15 minutes. So basically all I have to spend with this guy is from 10 to 12.40. Less than 3 hours a day. It's pretty easy to do. I will stop complaining about him, because he's such a slacker that I pretty much don't spend any time with him.

Henry Hub Natural Gas in the meanwhile is slightly rising.

Ok, I am going home, and I'll resume writing from there.

Ok, I did some more stat trek tutorial, so I am here now (excluded): "Rule of Multiplication".
 
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Ok, back at home. Trading is going ok.

I just have to hang in there for another 24 hours and I'll be able to celebrate my first month of trading without blowing out. But the real celebration will be once I get to a capital of 20k, which means I've made it and i can finally relax because then the chances of blowing out will be less than 1 in 10 thousands (cfr. this post):

129226d1328453686-my-journal-3-snap2.jpg


[...]

Ok, I've done some stat trek work, and now I got up to here:
http://stattrek.com/AP-Statistics-3/Random-Variable.aspx?Tutorial=AP
It's unbelievable how heavy this course is. I haven't even covered half of it yet.

[...]

Today, so far, I've lost a few hundreds from automated trading. Maybe this week will be another unprofitable week. It's very rare to get two such weeks in a row, let alone three in a row. It is the same as 1/3 to the third power. Twice a year.

[...]

Tomorrow we're supposed to get more snow here in rome. It's going to be a pleasant day, because whereas I can still go to work, my colleagues mostly won't come to work, first because they're lazy (and use snow as an excuse) and second because they're mostly using public transportation.
 
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eureka: compulsive math

This deserves a new post.

I found myself resorting to math in order to answer some urges for action, caused by worries about the future. And this could very well become my new compulsive activity whenever I am feeling restless or unhappy or worried about something.

You know how you sometimes go and eat something to forget about some worry you're having... Or you smoke, scratch your head, or, in my case, also, place a trade.

And now I have found a new, very useful, compulsive activity for these situations: looking for a new math subject to cover, but, even better, doing some math exercises. Indeed, mere theory might be complex, long and unsatisfactory and that would add to my worries and frustrations. But exercises are compact, and provide immediate satisfaction, by finding the answer. So, instead of scratching my head, I'll try to get used to doing math exercises or cover short and simple subjects.

For example, now I was having some unpleasant thoughts, and i said to myself: hey, let's see what's up next on the stat trek tutorial:
AP Statistics Tutorial: Random Variables

Actually I am first covering one of the last brightstorm lessons on probability:
Probability of Dependent Events - Free Math Video by Brightstorm

This will be a positive compulsive habit. We have a lot of good compulsive behaviours that we don't even realize or acknowledge, such as not forgetting our keys in the morning. Or checking if you still have your wallet and in which pocket it is. Or looking where you're walking... it's all compulsive.

So it'd be great if I could get rid of some bad compulsive behaviours and replace them with good compulsive behaviours such as doing math exercises whenever I am frustrated rather than placing trades or scratching my head or eating.
 
Nice to hear you might have found something, Travis. You've been doing a lot of math recently, so I wouldn't be surprised if you end up doing just that. I knew at least one professor from a couple years back who liked to do math as a stress reliever. Sometimes he'd just pick up puzzle books from the bookstore and work through them for fun.

Aside from that, you may be on to something with the NG play. Not necessarily because of the low price, but because NG in general is likely to pick up in demand in the coming months/years. I might have a couple references lying around somewhere... The current story is simply that there's an oversupply of NG lying around and we've got a mild winter. The offset is that production's going to pick up and keep price at that level or lower forever.

Whatever the case, good luck on that one! You probably picked up on a rare call option trade with a futures contract, which isn't a bad deal all things considered.
 
Yes, thanks for the detailed feedback and good luck to you, too.

You've got a point when you talk about the concepts of "stress reliever" and "rare call option trade with a futures contract".

In the first case, I hope to use math exercises both as a stress reliever and something that will benefit me (I need to practice math, for my trading).

In the second case, this trade first of all has the purpose of keeping my mind busy, so I don't do anything else dangerous such as other reckless discretionary trades. From this point of view, even if it stayed low forever, and i made nothing, it would serve its purpose.

Furthermore, the concept of "option and future" gives the right idea, because this trade combines the advantages of futures (no time decay) with the advantages of options (limited loss). And yes, I also do think that it's a rare occasion, as I said in previous posts.
 
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Weekly update is coming up. I did some statistics today, too:
AP Statistics Tutorial: Probability Distributions

It's getting tougher and tougher, but more interesting, too. Here's the last thing I read, which is almost "fascinating":
Note: With a continuous distribution, there are an infinite number of values between any two data points. As a result, the probability that a continuous random variable will assume a particular value is always zero.
What is the probability that I will make exactly 1% on my next trade? Zero percent. Because % profit is a continuous distribution (not the same for absolute profit, because of ticks and fixed commissions, and because of cents, too - indeed money does not have a continuous distribution).

You know, the week is closing and I don't think I've made a single profitable trade this week. But they were all small losses. The beauty of automated trading. With my discretionary trading, I never would have been able to keep five losses all small. Even just one of them. It would have been just one huge loss, or no losses. Each loss to me, in discretionary trading mode, is a matter of life and death. Pride, and all that.
 
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weekly update

Yup, I did lose 1000 dollars relative to last Friday.

Snap1.jpg

It was ok. I suppose this is close to the worst blow I could expect and take: two losing weeks in a row, and a combined loss of over 3000. Luckily I started two weeks earlier. Otherwise now I would have gone from a capital of 4000 to... blowing out.

Of course, the previous week I did not lose 2000 because the CL_ID_05 was not enabled yet, and because I placed a discretionary trade that kept my margin used up and did not let the automated trades cause me losses, while it brought me a profit (after a nightmare that lasted two days, cfr. previous posts).

Ok, I guess I am done. I am hoping for some profit next week.

This is the way the equity line looks for the forward-tested period:

Snap2.jpg

Now let's hope it doesn't start going down just when I trade it.

I can take another week like this, and even two of them, and more... but let's hope it doesn't happen.

But, most of all, let's celebrate once again the fact that today I close a whole month of trading without blowing out the account. Yes, I am still here.

Mockumentary "I'm Still Here": Joaquin Phoenix Performing in Miami(Attacks a Heckler) - YouTube

Happiness in Khabarovsky: I'm still here

I'm still here, I don't scare
I don't fear, don't even fear ****ing fear
I never crack, never, I don't give, never
I live forever, I'm the one that God...

I'm still real, I won't kneel
Unless it's God, my team know how I feel
I never sould out, never, my good soul, never
I live forever, I'm the one that God's chosen

I heard the call, alarms sounding off
Feeling guilty 'cause my night was spent ****ing off
History perverted me, words can never harm me
Saying I'm the epitome of a ****ing rap self-parody

A charity's being formed for this deformity
This man can't conform for nobody
I made it here despite the efforts of a few
What can I say to a punk but "**** you"?

I must confess, I'm preposterous at best
A pretentious mess, can't even get himself even dressed
In response I don't get mad, I shake you off
Waving goodbye like I was last year's fad

Trend-setting, on you I won't be betting
I let it go so long as you know that I'm stormy weather
And whether or not you're better or not
Couldn't make a lick of difference from where I'm sitting at the top

I'm still here, through these years
I don't scare, don't even fear ****ing fear
I never crack, never, I don't give, never
I'll throw it down, you can bet on that, fella

I'm still real, I won't kneel
Unless it's God, my team know how I feel
I never sould out, never, my good soul, never
I live forever, I'm the one that God's chosen, bitch

Long-winded letters that I've written
Once a snake has bitten, I'll forgive but won't forget it
Not talking revenge, I don't have the time to do to you
All the ****ed-up things, fantasies of ruining you

Ain't got a crew, but I'll take on yours
Gotta wrap this **** up with you, 'cause I'm so ****ing bored
Just this one thing I gotta say
To let you know, to get it off my chest
Before this long rest

I never betrayed you,
I never did what you thought I did
Still you came at me swinging, kid
Nevertheless I wish you the best and pray you get to Heaven
But more than likely you'll be burning with the Devil

Here through these years
I don't fear, don't even fear ****ing fear
I never crack, never, I don't give, never
I throw it down, you can bet on that, fella

I'm still real, I won't kneel
Unless it's God, my team know how I feel
I never sold out, never, my good soul, never
I live forever, I'm the one that God's chosen, bitch.

...dude, what's your ****ing problem?

Watch I'm Still Here online - on 1Channel | LetMeWatchThis
 
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problems with stat trek tutorial: fatigue, lack of understanding, boredom

After 4 months of non-stop math exercises (with an estimated total of about 10,000 problems solved: over 6000 just at khan academy), I managed to go over everything that I covered up to the end of highschool and managed to do it ten times better, and increase my knowledge in just about every area.

And I increased my confidence, which is just as important, because now when I see a formula I do not shy away from it. This changed attitude will enable further learning.

Studying probability, even before using it to read portfolio theory, has already greatly affected my portfolio decisions, with great benefits.

This was just great, and I am really satisfied with all this.

And I did all this to try and cover all the areas that will be needed in portfolio theory, so I'll finally be able to tackle a portfolio theory book, by Ralph Vince or by others. But now I have this big problem of finishing the stat trek tutorial, which is very heavy, and never seems to end. I have a decent understanding of the material up to half of it:
AP Statistics Tutorial: Attributes of Random Variables

It's going to be very challenging to finish it. I will just focus on it from now on, because it's the only thing I have left to read (according to my estimates) before being able to tackle a portfolio theory book.

This doesn't mean that I know everything I've covered by heart, and for example, in probability theory, there's much more I'd like to understand. But even in those areas where I have gaps, I know where to find those things I'll be missing, because I have a good understanding of the framework and overall structure.

So, I am saying that yes, I am satisfied with what i've done so far, but also that I am quite tired and discouraged by how boring and long this AP statistics tutorial is being. A lot of notions, memorization, formulas, and just a tiny bit of interesting insights.

Warren G - Regulate ft. Nate Dogg - YouTube

[...]

The big issue of learning and understanding vs. memorizing consists of this: you're not reinventing the wheel and you can't do it. You're forced to somehow go faster than if you were reinventing the wheel, which would be the ideal way of proceeding, because you do not have 10 thousand years availabe to go into depth regarding everything. You can't say "hey, trigonometry is not clear, so I'm going to spend another 5 years on it, and i am going to tackle it from all points of view". It's just impossible, at least with the limited intelligence I have, to cover everything you need and understand it thoroughly. So in me there's a continuous fight between wanting to thoroughly understand something and wanting to move forward to cover what I need to cover. It's very frustrating and it's the cause why I was always a bad student, in that I wanted to stop on subjects (in every area) much longer than teachers would let me.

Only in this sense, I could say that school is useful (in every other aspect it sucks). It is useful inasmuch as it forces you to focus on quantity rather than quality. Because too much quality (and perfectionism) also damages quality itself (the more you cover, the more you'll understand something that previously you did not understand). School makes you understand from an early age that you just need to keep going forward, at a given pace. And I was always a rebel and refused this from an early age, so I mostly disliked school and school mostly disliked me. But now I am realizing that I need this ingredient of school (pace) and I am making myself be superficial and refraining from getting too deep into subjects and questions that arise along the way. You just cannot answer all those questions, or you won't be able to move forward as fast as you need, to accomplish what you need to accomplish.

Warren G - This D.J. - YouTube
 
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Holy cow, somehow i managed to pull through this boring lesson:
AP Statistics Tutorial: Attributes of Random Variables

The mother ****ing idiot 3-year-old child of the neighbours keeps running around his house, and all I hear is his ****ing little feet hitting the floor. He does this every day. May he be struck by lightning along with his whole family. I want them to disappear from the earth. Mother ****ing idiots.

This pittering, pattering, beating and spattering drives me mad!
Lena Horne - Stormy Weather (1943) - YouTube

No, I'll pump up the volume and play some warren g, let's see if they get the message. Animals. Idiots. ****ing morons.

...

Ok, it worked. Just 5 minutes of pretty loud warren g and some red hot chili peppers was enough to get the message through to the moron family. And the child is not running around any longer.

Then I suddenly stop playing it, to show them why I was playing it. I am not good at ringing on people's door and teaching them good manners, so I have to resort to these methods.

Dogs and idiot children are the same. You either take them outside to vent out their animal nature, or be prepared to some sort of complaints from the neighbours.

What the ****, man: you can't expect the neighbours to be ok with hearing your child running back and forth in the house as if he were at the track. If you do that, I'll play music as if I were at a dance club.

Of course these methods work because these neighbours are idiots but not gangsters. If they were gangsters I would have to change neighbourhood or put up with it. Otherwise this would probably cause an escalation in violence, and pretty soon i would lose. I must always make sure to be around civilized idiots at least. Best to be around civilized intelligent people, but it's never good to be around real human animals.

[...]

Now they're doing the childish stupid talk. The bitch and her son.

I am done with that AP Stats lesson, and I have 34 lessons to go, starting from this one:
AP Statistics: Combinations of Random Variables

I have about the same number of lessons behind me, but that's not too comforting, because it was very tiring.

I could do 2 lessons per day, which would mean that in about 3 weeks I could be done with everything. That is many boring days ahead of me... many boring days. The sooner I start, the better. Let's tackle this awful task, one line at a time.

I'm gonna quote it here. It makes it easier to do it. I quote as i go along. That's why I am keeping a journal to begin with. I show people my work, I show that I am working... it's like study hall. And i get help occasionally. But most of all, it's the feeling of working while someone (the reader) is checking on me. That's one of the biggest benefits from this journal.

Another benefit is people's feedback, but not the idiots, who just discourage me for no reason and without even knowing enough about me. That's why I had to enable the "only posts from contacts" option. I still feel observed and watched while I study, but I don't get bothered while I study.

So let's do that quoting of the lesson, so I can study out loud on the journal.

Sometimes, it is necessary to add or subtract random variables. When this occurs, it is useful to know the mean and variance of the result...

Not too clear, but i will move ahead, because in this case quantity produces quality and speeds up the learning. Reading more makes it easier to understand what you've already read.

Suppose you have two variables: X with a mean of μx and Y with a mean of μy. Then, the mean of the sum of these variables μx+y and the mean of the difference between these variables μx-y are given by the following equations.

μx+y = μx + μy and μx-y = μx - μy

Still not clear.

Independence of Random Variables

If two random variables, X and Y, are independent, they satisfy the following conditions.

P(x|y) = P(x), for all values of X and Y.
P(x ∩ y) = P(x) * P(y), for all values of X and Y.

The above conditions are equivalent. If either one is met, the other condition also met; and X and Y are independent. If either condition is not met, X and Y are dependent.

Note: If X and Y are independent, then the correlation between X and Y is equal to zero.

This is clear, but only because I had understood it from another tutorial, from other tutorials. This is the problem with this tutorial and why it's so boring: it just lists a bunch of notions, rarely taking the time to explain anything. This is so and so, and if you don't understand it, too bad for you - just memorize it. That's what it seems to be telling me.

And I am afraid that I have another 34 pages of dense notions ahead of me. But this is better than nothing. I did not find anything better.

In the meanwhile, I am watching this:
Watch The Rose Tattoo online - on 1Channel | LetMeWatchThis
The Rose Tattoo 1955 - Stagevu: Your View
The Rose Tattoo quotes

Let's keep going with AP Stats:
Sums and Differences of Random Variables: Effect on Variance

Suppose X and Y are independent random variables. Then, the variance of (X + Y) and the variance of (X - Y) are described by the following equations

Var(X + Y) = Var(X - Y) = Var(X) + Var(Y)

where Var(X + Y) is the variance of the sum of X and Y, Var(X - Y) is the variance of the difference between X and Y, Var(X) is the variance of X, and Var(Y) is the variance of Y.

Note: The standard deviation (SD) is always equal to the square root of the variance (Var). Thus,

SD(X + Y) = sqrt[ Var(X + Y) ] and SD(X - Y) = sqrt[ Var(X - Y) ]
Again I don't understand it, but probably I'll understand it by doing the exercises, and I will manage to finish it today.

[...]

Nope. I did not understand it this time. Probably the thing that i understood worst in the last 4 months of math. But this is mostly because they make no effort to explain anything, and take for granted that someone must have explained it to me before. But nonetheless I have to move forward, because right now it is not advantageous in terms of cost/benefit to stop here and to dwell on this.

Despite my perfectionistic nature, the best thing to do is to be superficial and move on to the next lesson:
http://stattrek.com/AP-Statistics-3/Random-Variable-Transformations.aspx?Tutorial=AP

Speed, and quantity, rather than quality. Yes, I must move on. The two things that matter and that are required are these:
1) I tried with a reasonable effort to understand it.
2) I am not quitting out of a fear of formulas and thinking to myself "I'll never figure this crap out".

As long as these two conditions hold true, I can move on and quit some topic I haven't understood.

Furthermore, I know the nature of this tutorial: it doesn't explain things, but just goes through notions after notions, and it's not like I will be missing some foundations that will keep me from going forward - provided that this failed lesson doesn't destroy my confidence, in which case my understanding would be decreased by insecurity, like in a self-fulfilling prophecy (you lose confidence, and then you don't understand it because you're afraid of not understanding it, and give up too quickly - a problem which i've had with math formulas until recently).

[...]

Oh, and The Rose Tattoo, despite the talents involved, kind of sucks. I mean, out of respect for the talents and legends involved, I should say "i didn't like it", but let's face it - if it had come out today at the movie theaters, I would say "it sucks". And yet Anna Magnani won the oscar for it.
 
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Nice archive of .pdf textbooks on all scientific subjects:
CK12.ORG - FlexBooks

Today Khan mentioned that website in a new exercise he created on the empirical rule:
Empirical rule | Khan Academy

Here's the wikipedia entry for the empirical rule (also known as 68-95-99.7 rule):
68-95-99.7 rule - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

And he did it again, on his 300th exercise he got me to quickly understand yet another thing that seemed complex to me: the normal distribution. Thanks, khan. I khan do it. Yes, we khan.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QZN4qLSwS5U

unsolved mysteries

Having said that khan is good at explaining things, and among them, normal distribution, there are still some things bothering me with regard to variance, standard deviation - which are the basis for normal distribution.

Variance of some numbers is the average of the squared deviations of those numbers from the mean. And this is clear.

Now, the standard deviation is the square root of variance. So standard deviation is the square root of... the average of the squared deviations. Now: since with standard deviation we take the square root, could we not cross out that "squared" and simply say that the standard deviation is the "average deviation"? Nope, because we are taking the square root of the average of the squared deviations, and not the square root of those individual squared deviations.

If we did that, we would come up with the average absolute deviation. And this is my first argument: it's much better to use the average absolute deviation instead of getting into this messy formula.

Indeed, the standard deviation and the average absolute deviation produce very similar values, and yet the first one is over-complex, whereas the second one is straight-forward:

1) standard deviation:
You take the deviations, you square them, you compute their average (variance). Then you take the square root of that value (standard deviation).

2) average absolute deviation:
You take the absolute deviations, you compute their average.

What gets skipped is the squaring and the square root, and why were these added? To get rid of the plus and minus values. What for? You can simply take the absolute distance from the mean, without this useless garbage.

Actually the recipe's ingredients are the same, but they get mixed in a different order - I'd dare call it "disorder". Indeed, the absolute value is nothing but doing the square and taking the square root, so the ingredients of standard deviation are the same as the ingredients for average absolute deviation.

Standard deviation: square the deviation, do the average, take the square root.
Average absolute deviation: square the deviation and take the square root (abs.value) and THEN do the average.

Maybe the guy who invented the standard deviation did not know that he could simply use the absolute value? He certainly was one retarded moron, and so were all those sheep who followed him.

Now: the consequence of all this crap is that, as standard deviation became so popular, 150 years of statistics were built on this crap, instead of the more effective average absolute deviation.

I am almost math illiterate but I can understand this much: there's something wrong and fishy in this standard deviation business.

The second mystery and second argument is this: to make matters even worse, these mother ****ers added the different way of calculating the sample variance and standard deviation vs the population variance and standard deviation. And this is crap, too, and it doesn't improve jack ****. It just makes things overcomplex and uselessly, and actually it produces damage to the clarity of someone's work. It's a whole mess, produced by a couple of famous people.

Diana Ross - Do You Know - YouTube

Ok, enough with complaining about these famous assholes making things overcomplex. Now I will try my tests on normal distribution, on an excel sheet, with the help of the rand() function.

[...]

Ok. It works perfectly (only thing: where the chart says "0", it means the value is within 1 standard deviation, and so on):

Snap1.jpg

I verified both the normal distribution of average random numbers 0>=n<1, the empirical ruel, and the closeness of average absolute deviation to standard deviation. Cfr. attached file for details:
View attachment normal_distribution_experiment.zip

[...]

I've done it with my trades as well. I was curious to see if they had a normal distribution and the results were quite interesting.

Snap3.jpg

Their distribution is less "normal" than with random numbers. Of course the bell shape is not perfectly simmetrical, or the systems would not be profitable. I think it is said to be (very slightly) skewed left (more trades to the right of the average profit, which is about 100).

Another interesting thing is that over 80% or results (not 68%) are within one standard deviation.

Snap2.jpg

Here's the file with the details:
View attachment normal_distribution_of_trades.zip
 
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I am a khan academy millionaire!

Oh yes!

Snap4.jpg

300 exercises out of 300 solved. With dozens of problems per exercise, which means thousands of problems answered.

And finally I made a million points!

Snap5.jpg

I am more proud of this than of my real profit.

Snap6.jpg

I am successfully overcoming my math limits and my worst fears and phobias! Yes, yes, yes!!!

And once again, a big thanks to salman khan for his beautiful work of art website!

[...]

Tomorrow I have another week. Let's hope it's a positive one. 33% of being negative, but also, 66% of being positive.

Brazil by Terry Gilliam 1985 - YouTube

...Then, tomorrow was another day
The morning found me miles away
With still a million things to say...
 
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Wow, pretty bad. Today, after a whole 7 years at this bank, I was supposed to get an automatic promotion, but I just logged in and I didn't get it. What the hell is going on? I was passed over also for the automatic promotion?

Let's hope to at least make some money from my trading. I need to get some gratification from something.

Dude... I am like the employee with the lowest salary in the entire bank... I make about 1200 euros per month.

That automatic promotion would have gotten an extra 50 euros per month, but it doesn't seem to have gone through. Maybe I am an exception? This makes me laugh. I am not even mad enough to go and inquire about it. I feel it's demeaning.

This should at least motivate me to do my best with my automated trading, and actually it does, and actually that's why I never tried to change it. Not that I don't work hard, but I never worried too much about my career. Of course I also thought I'd be out of here much sooner. It did not happen due to my money management mistakes, but also because I don't have much capital (I am relatively "poor" so to speak), which further encouraged money management mistakes (you try your best to increase your capital, and that makes you blow out your account).

The Joker - Steve Miller Band - YouTube

But at least I am moving forward with my AP Stats course. I got here now:
AP Statistics Tutorial: Binomial Distribution

Actually it does motivate me: the reason I am so focused on my trading is that I am so ****ed with my career at the bank. But I never really counted on it. I've always been a failure as far as school, work and social recognition overall. I already know from the start that I will not be appreciated by whoever is the boss or professor. That's a rule. And this generally happens because I don't recognize their authority in any way. And I don't pretend I do. I don't kiss up, and all that. And I don't agree, and I don't pretend I do... you get my point.
 
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