Yamato
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Considering I have a debt of about 10k with my bank, I am about 510k away from that objective. Let's keep our fingers crossed. I just have to double my capital 8 times and I'll get there.
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Considering I have a debt of about 10k with my bank, I am about 510k away from that objective. Let's keep our fingers crossed. I just have to double my capital 8 times and I'll get there.
I dont think you are cut out for discretionary trading, but saying that i don't think you should always adhere to a system. Check out www.fxproalert.com. They give you signals, which are good. It can make you feel like you're trading discretionary and it keeps you disciplined. The signals aren't really important because it's not what you want to do, but if you analyze the signals, and stick to the disciplined way of trading and you know it's not really your idea you feel a lot better when the trades are losing, because others are also losing on the trade. Even if you don't like this sort of thing and it may not potentially work out well, it's good for general discipline. Theres about 12 trades a week, which hopefully you should be able to stick to and no more! You will profit from them by the end of the month and it will make you understand that you have to look at your statement at the end of the month and not on the individual trades. There are no goals other than to win at the end of the month. No 10% or 20% monthly goals, that will come.
The most important accomplishment about this is that you will be up month on month and you learn that you don't have to win on every trade, you can stick to disciplined trading, and you have someone else to blame for your losses, and you can take the credit for the gains. You will be up at the end of the month and all those annoying losses become just a cost of trading. Stick to it and you'll be up.
The most important accomplishment about this is that you will be up month on month and you learn that you don't have to win on every trade, you can stick to disciplined trading, and you have someone else to blame for your losses, and you can take the credit for the gains. You will be up at the end of the month and all those annoying losses become just a cost of trading. Stick to it and you'll be up.
Yamato
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Yeah, thanks for the advice but I don't follow signals. As they say in Idiocracy, "lead, follow or get out of the way". I'd rather lead, even if I am leading just myself. Your idea is good and you're very helpful (to others) in explaining it in detail, but it won't work for me. I have to do everything by myself.
I wish the goddamn TWS had a function where you could stop losses at 100 dollars, but it doesn't. It has "ticks" and "amount", but I don't think "amount" means money. Well, I'll find out later.
I can't follow any signals. But thanks for taking the time to try and help me.
I guess maybe my unwillingness to follow signals means I want to keep on losing. I don't know. Maybe.
I wish the goddamn TWS had a function where you could stop losses at 100 dollars, but it doesn't. It has "ticks" and "amount", but I don't think "amount" means money. Well, I'll find out later.
I can't follow any signals. But thanks for taking the time to try and help me.
I guess maybe my unwillingness to follow signals means I want to keep on losing. I don't know. Maybe.
I dont think you should follow the signals full time. I mean for like a month until you get into a dicretionary trading routine, then you can follow your own ideas and trade how you would with the signals, sticking to it. I don't think discretionary trading is about making money to begin with. It's just about sticking to a routine. It's like getting up in the morning and going to work and coming back. I think you find yourself going to work at 12am and leaving at 3pm one day and then the next going to work at 7am and getting back at 9pm. When i first started going to work i used to hate getting up and feel like quitting because i didn't want to get up, now its just routine and i want to quit because i feel i don't have to go to work. Now i wait for a set up then trade stick to it and get on with my work. Before i would be spending all day doing stuff i shouldn't do. Now i can get on with my work and trade and i have no emotion to trading because i have found an amount i'm willing to lose.
Adamus
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If you sleep with my wife, I'd ****ing kill you.
Unless of course Isabella Rossellini happens to be part of the deal at your end.
And anyway, you'd have to ask her yourself and she's not my wife.
But apart from that, nothing's off limits. But coming to think about it, you won't have any money left in your account so perhaps we should forget about it.
re: IB TWS & stop loss settings - you're right I don't think it'll let you set $100 stops by default, but have you tried any of the other trading software they package with TWS? Like Scale Trader maybe? I haven't tried it myself, just wondered. I used FXTrader and TWS.
Yamato
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Yeah, I wish there was a way to implement an automated stoploss in my discretionary trades, but there isn't. I am not quick enough to cut my losses, after 13 years of losses. Yesterday I was trying to make a quick 100 dollars on the AUD and now I am losing 1200.
Yamato
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No, sorry. I haven't tried any of that software. I am too depressed to try anything any longer. I am tired of my trading addiction, of my losing addiction. I am a total disaster, and I think IB and all brokers are plotting against me and against all traders for not creating a function that allows me to cut my losses at -100 dollars. Everything is tick based, which makes it impossible for me to use the same hotkeys for all futures, and I can't configure different hotkeys for a dozen futures, and so I've been losing for a decade. I am tired of myself and of losing, but I keep on falling into this trap.
I am tired of waking up in the middle of the night and being unable to go back to sleep. I am tired of this sick life, caused by my own sick mind. It is not my job's fault. Everything at work is ok. Everything in the house is ok. Everything around me is quite fine. It's all in my mind. I am destroying my life by being compulsive about everything - complaining, trading... everything. All the problems are caused by my attitude. Complaining about what surrounds me doesn't make any sense any more.
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Yamato
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Enough with complaining, enough with negativity, enough with compulsiveness. I can't even ****ing sleep anymore. From now on I'll have to be positive, accepting, and serene. Goddamn it.
Instead of complaining about things, I should try to fix them while I can. No more complaining. No more negativity.
Instead of complaining about things, I should try to fix them while I can. No more complaining. No more negativity.
Yamato
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Account blown out again
That's it. I did it again. I blew out my account again.
The trade on the AUD, that had gone from a take profit of 100 to minus 1200, did not end up too badly, because I only lost 350 dollars. But then I came home and found the CL falling by 1.50, and thought it was a great opportunity to make it all back. I went long on it, thinking it couldn't drop any more after all these days of falling, and it fell another 150 ticks. My position was closed on margin call, because I only had 1500 dollars left in my account. And this is like the 40th time I blow out my account. Awesome. The last time was in May, when the EUR was at 1.32 and I thought it couldn't fall any lower, and bet 5 LONG contracts on it.
This time I will leave it empty for one month, because there's no way out for me. I'd just do it again and again and again. I can't keep it idle for longer than one month or two, because there's a risk that IB will close it, as they wrote down somewhere I read, that they sometimes close idle accounts.
The way I would go about blowing it out again is according to these steps:
1) "I will only wire 2000 in order to allow my trading systems to work..."
2) "I will only add this highly probable trade to increase capital so my account can trade more systems..."
3) "This trade didn't go well, but now prices are so low that I cannot be wrong, so I will double up."
4) I blow out my account.
I guess I won't have any problems sleeping in the next month or two, as long as I keep my goddamn resolution. And now a lot of boredom awaits me. I hope I don't just wire money to my account because I am bored. It'd be a good test, to see if I trade out of boredom.
And here is the snapshot to remember this mother ****ing enterprise:
Here's how I see it. I have a trading addiction. It's not that I am stupid and it took me 13 years to realize I am unprofitable. I wanted to keep on trading, as a compulsive gambler, like all addicts, and this kept me from worrying about my profitability. I thought I was trading to make money, but even if you don't make money, the addiction is still there: the hope to make money one day keeps you going, even if your methodology keeps on failing. The thrill and the hope to win on your next trade is what makes you enter a trade, rather than the statistical knowledge that the odds are in your favor. What made me enter a trade was usually more the excitement rather than the reasoning. I was always focusing on how much money I could make, and never on how much money I could lose. The trading with stoploss has always been boring to me, even though it's been the only discretionary trading I've been profitable at, documented and chronicled on this very journal. But I put it behind me, because it was boring. Exciting and unprofitable attracts me more than boring and profitable. It's amazing, but that's how I behaved. I am simply a gambling addict, with a boring life to fill up, like all gambling addicts. I am just like the people they talk about in this documentary:
That's it. I did it again. I blew out my account again.
The trade on the AUD, that had gone from a take profit of 100 to minus 1200, did not end up too badly, because I only lost 350 dollars. But then I came home and found the CL falling by 1.50, and thought it was a great opportunity to make it all back. I went long on it, thinking it couldn't drop any more after all these days of falling, and it fell another 150 ticks. My position was closed on margin call, because I only had 1500 dollars left in my account. And this is like the 40th time I blow out my account. Awesome. The last time was in May, when the EUR was at 1.32 and I thought it couldn't fall any lower, and bet 5 LONG contracts on it.
This time I will leave it empty for one month, because there's no way out for me. I'd just do it again and again and again. I can't keep it idle for longer than one month or two, because there's a risk that IB will close it, as they wrote down somewhere I read, that they sometimes close idle accounts.
The way I would go about blowing it out again is according to these steps:
1) "I will only wire 2000 in order to allow my trading systems to work..."
2) "I will only add this highly probable trade to increase capital so my account can trade more systems..."
3) "This trade didn't go well, but now prices are so low that I cannot be wrong, so I will double up."
4) I blow out my account.
I guess I won't have any problems sleeping in the next month or two, as long as I keep my goddamn resolution. And now a lot of boredom awaits me. I hope I don't just wire money to my account because I am bored. It'd be a good test, to see if I trade out of boredom.
And here is the snapshot to remember this mother ****ing enterprise:
Here's how I see it. I have a trading addiction. It's not that I am stupid and it took me 13 years to realize I am unprofitable. I wanted to keep on trading, as a compulsive gambler, like all addicts, and this kept me from worrying about my profitability. I thought I was trading to make money, but even if you don't make money, the addiction is still there: the hope to make money one day keeps you going, even if your methodology keeps on failing. The thrill and the hope to win on your next trade is what makes you enter a trade, rather than the statistical knowledge that the odds are in your favor. What made me enter a trade was usually more the excitement rather than the reasoning. I was always focusing on how much money I could make, and never on how much money I could lose. The trading with stoploss has always been boring to me, even though it's been the only discretionary trading I've been profitable at, documented and chronicled on this very journal. But I put it behind me, because it was boring. Exciting and unprofitable attracts me more than boring and profitable. It's amazing, but that's how I behaved. I am simply a gambling addict, with a boring life to fill up, like all gambling addicts. I am just like the people they talk about in this documentary:
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Yamato
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All right. First 4 hours of no trading have passed and I already feel better. No compulsive checking of prices. Talking and laughing on the phone. Talking and laughing with my mom. Watching tv and appreciating the ads. Appreciating even a tv series without the volume on. Actually I already knew this feeling from before: each time I blew out my account I felt serene for a few days, carefree almost.
Now I'll see how it evolves in the next few days. Probably tonight I'll sleep better, because I am not worried about an overnight position on the AUD like last night, a position that I had started in order to make a quick 100 dollars and that ended with a minus 350, but that during the night went to as low as minus 1300.
I think I might end up building more systems. But first I need to take a break for a few days, and feel totally rested. I am going to have a lot of free time.
Now I'll see how it evolves in the next few days. Probably tonight I'll sleep better, because I am not worried about an overnight position on the AUD like last night, a position that I had started in order to make a quick 100 dollars and that ended with a minus 350, but that during the night went to as low as minus 1300.
I think I might end up building more systems. But first I need to take a break for a few days, and feel totally rested. I am going to have a lot of free time.
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Yamato
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usual remark on "counter-intuitive" nature of markets...
The interesting thing about the systems doing what I can't do and making money is that if price has gone up a whole lot today, e.g. on the EUR today, they go LONG and stay LONG all day. They know how people behave. Price takes a long time to reverse, but when it does, it just keeps on going.
Personally, I could wait for five days for a EUR reversal, and then when it comes, after 4 hours of rising, I will get out, and maybe even reverse. "The trend is your friend", but I am antisocial and reject all friends, anticonformist and reject all fads - so I always go counter-trend. Yet price now is rising and it will keep on rising for 3 days. As Livermore said "some people cannot sit tight" and they lose money even if they were the first ones to spot a reversal.
Whereas the systems measure this with back-testing historical data, no matter how many times I see it happen in the past, I still will not go for it. The data tells me trends last days, but i will get out of it after hours and start looking for a reversal - this is one of the many discretionary fallacies of mine. I will see an overbought price and not go long, but go short on it, and each time I will lose money and blow out my account, because what's overbought just keeps on going up, long enough to blow out my small account.
It's funny but the right thing to do generally is the opposite: going with the trend no matter how overstretched it looks. If the EUR has been going up for two thirds of the day, it makes sense - statistically - to go LONG on it, rather than what would seem natural to me, which is SHORT. I know this very well from tests, but I can't do it, I just cannot do it. That's why my trading is not profitable and my systems make money.
Say the EUR today was up an amazing 200 ticks. The systems at that point just say - given also other circumstances - to go LONG. They would have made 800 dollars today with one contract. Instead, I'd definitely not only go short, but step in and cancel my systems' trade. The same with the CL. It had fallen 300 ticks and it just kept on falling all day. The same with the EUR in May, and with the Dow Jones all this week. Usual story about "catching falling knives", which is the same as top and bottom picking, which is what I've been doing for several years and several accounts.
There's no way out - i just have to touch rock bottom, but I never seem to touch it. I never seem to get desperate enough to stop falling.
The interesting thing about the systems doing what I can't do and making money is that if price has gone up a whole lot today, e.g. on the EUR today, they go LONG and stay LONG all day. They know how people behave. Price takes a long time to reverse, but when it does, it just keeps on going.
Personally, I could wait for five days for a EUR reversal, and then when it comes, after 4 hours of rising, I will get out, and maybe even reverse. "The trend is your friend", but I am antisocial and reject all friends, anticonformist and reject all fads - so I always go counter-trend. Yet price now is rising and it will keep on rising for 3 days. As Livermore said "some people cannot sit tight" and they lose money even if they were the first ones to spot a reversal.
Whereas the systems measure this with back-testing historical data, no matter how many times I see it happen in the past, I still will not go for it. The data tells me trends last days, but i will get out of it after hours and start looking for a reversal - this is one of the many discretionary fallacies of mine. I will see an overbought price and not go long, but go short on it, and each time I will lose money and blow out my account, because what's overbought just keeps on going up, long enough to blow out my small account.
It's funny but the right thing to do generally is the opposite: going with the trend no matter how overstretched it looks. If the EUR has been going up for two thirds of the day, it makes sense - statistically - to go LONG on it, rather than what would seem natural to me, which is SHORT. I know this very well from tests, but I can't do it, I just cannot do it. That's why my trading is not profitable and my systems make money.
Say the EUR today was up an amazing 200 ticks. The systems at that point just say - given also other circumstances - to go LONG. They would have made 800 dollars today with one contract. Instead, I'd definitely not only go short, but step in and cancel my systems' trade. The same with the CL. It had fallen 300 ticks and it just kept on falling all day. The same with the EUR in May, and with the Dow Jones all this week. Usual story about "catching falling knives", which is the same as top and bottom picking, which is what I've been doing for several years and several accounts.
There's no way out - i just have to touch rock bottom, but I never seem to touch it. I never seem to get desperate enough to stop falling.
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Yamato
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so here you are...
So here you are, father. What have you achieved?
You have trained your son not to drop crumbs on the floor, and at what price?
That he will resent you forever for making his life unhappy, because he's basically obsessive-compulsive about every little detail, and he's intolerant towards all those who drop crumbs, including you, since you have raised him to standards you don't even meet.
What was the point of all this madness. Of criticizing me endlessly about everything I did, said, wore, thought.
Do you expect me to be grateful? No, I still fear you, and when you wish me goodnight, I hear "**** you" and reply "**** you", and your wishing me "goodnight" interferes with my sleep.
Do I use what you taught me? Precision, meticulousness: yes. Did it help me realize anything? Things that people don't really show appreciation for. Those who appreciate them, don't say it. Others are bothered by them. Others are envious. And I am miserable because I see everyone else doing whatever the **** they want and getting away with it, and living happily.
I went on vacation with my careless German highschool mate, and I was bitten by mosquitoes dozens of times, because he was too ****ing "serene" to ****ing care about closing the door, while the lights were on. I was cleaning after his mess all the time, treating him out to dinner. What did I get? Nothing. He had a good vacation because he was careless, and because I was taking care of the details. He even was so stupid to tell me that living carelessly is better - yeah, especially if you someone not careless to clean after you.
You taught me how to be unhappy and made my childhood and adolescence miserable in order to teach me how to be unhappy by being burdened with everyone's else problems and taking responsibility for all problems around me. I live to solve problems. And to create them when they are not there, because I don't enjoy anything else other than solving problems and working all the time.
Father, you really ****ed up.
It reminds me the Godfather talking to Michael, his son:
Yeah. "I refused to be a fool" is what sticks in my mind. My father refused to be a fool, but he did a whole mess because of that. It's like living with a dictator. It wasn't a ****ing family - it was like being in the army.
I never enjoyed his company, never enjoyed talking to him. He's either in lecture mode or in interrogation mode. You can't just tell him what's on your mind. You are always just a student, whoever you are. You can listen and learn from him, or be interrogated by him. But you can't tell him anything. If you do, he shows no interest at all, with what he replies, with his expression, and by the fact that he quickly interrupts you to resume his lecture.
I like writing about this. It makes me feel better. It's the biggest problem in my life. My father and his influence on my life. Mostly negative. Or at least I didn't get anything good out of it yet. All qualities that don't bring any happiness: meticulousness, precision, honesty, sincerity, generosity, fairness. Superficiality and stupidity bring you much farther and give you a much better life. You can live a happy and carefree life, resting on the shoulders of those workaholics that people like my dad train. A few people get trained by their parents to work their asses off, regardless of the need to do it, and the large majority sit on their asses, enjoying themselves.
So here you are, father. What have you achieved?
You have trained your son not to drop crumbs on the floor, and at what price?
That he will resent you forever for making his life unhappy, because he's basically obsessive-compulsive about every little detail, and he's intolerant towards all those who drop crumbs, including you, since you have raised him to standards you don't even meet.
What was the point of all this madness. Of criticizing me endlessly about everything I did, said, wore, thought.
Do you expect me to be grateful? No, I still fear you, and when you wish me goodnight, I hear "**** you" and reply "**** you", and your wishing me "goodnight" interferes with my sleep.
Do I use what you taught me? Precision, meticulousness: yes. Did it help me realize anything? Things that people don't really show appreciation for. Those who appreciate them, don't say it. Others are bothered by them. Others are envious. And I am miserable because I see everyone else doing whatever the **** they want and getting away with it, and living happily.
I went on vacation with my careless German highschool mate, and I was bitten by mosquitoes dozens of times, because he was too ****ing "serene" to ****ing care about closing the door, while the lights were on. I was cleaning after his mess all the time, treating him out to dinner. What did I get? Nothing. He had a good vacation because he was careless, and because I was taking care of the details. He even was so stupid to tell me that living carelessly is better - yeah, especially if you someone not careless to clean after you.
You taught me how to be unhappy and made my childhood and adolescence miserable in order to teach me how to be unhappy by being burdened with everyone's else problems and taking responsibility for all problems around me. I live to solve problems. And to create them when they are not there, because I don't enjoy anything else other than solving problems and working all the time.
Father, you really ****ed up.
It reminds me the Godfather talking to Michael, his son:
Yeah. "I refused to be a fool" is what sticks in my mind. My father refused to be a fool, but he did a whole mess because of that. It's like living with a dictator. It wasn't a ****ing family - it was like being in the army.
I never enjoyed his company, never enjoyed talking to him. He's either in lecture mode or in interrogation mode. You can't just tell him what's on your mind. You are always just a student, whoever you are. You can listen and learn from him, or be interrogated by him. But you can't tell him anything. If you do, he shows no interest at all, with what he replies, with his expression, and by the fact that he quickly interrupts you to resume his lecture.
I like writing about this. It makes me feel better. It's the biggest problem in my life. My father and his influence on my life. Mostly negative. Or at least I didn't get anything good out of it yet. All qualities that don't bring any happiness: meticulousness, precision, honesty, sincerity, generosity, fairness. Superficiality and stupidity bring you much farther and give you a much better life. You can live a happy and carefree life, resting on the shoulders of those workaholics that people like my dad train. A few people get trained by their parents to work their asses off, regardless of the need to do it, and the large majority sit on their asses, enjoying themselves.
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duxank
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Re: so here you are...
Hey Travis i'm sorry to hear that you blown your account again. I think I know how you feel, because i traded my small acc. at prop shop and run it up and eventully lost 50% of it. I've allways wondered how did you have motivation to keep trading and losing for 13 years?
Also, you said that its your father's fault. But is it really? I dont know how old are you but why are you still living with them instead in yout own apartment? In my opinion you would have much better conection with your father. Then he wouldn't tell you why you did this or that, because you will see him only when you or him really want to see eachother.
Hey Travis i'm sorry to hear that you blown your account again. I think I know how you feel, because i traded my small acc. at prop shop and run it up and eventully lost 50% of it. I've allways wondered how did you have motivation to keep trading and losing for 13 years?
Also, you said that its your father's fault. But is it really? I dont know how old are you but why are you still living with them instead in yout own apartment? In my opinion you would have much better conection with your father. Then he wouldn't tell you why you did this or that, because you will see him only when you or him really want to see eachother.
Yamato
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Yeah, because in Rome rent is very expensive. It would cost me more than twice my salary to rent an aoartment by myself. I've lived away from my father for over 10 years before, and it didn't make a difference. His influence was always there, whether I was with him or not. What you experience between 0 and 20 affects you your whole life.
Regarding motivation. As I said, without even realizing it for many years, I have recently realized that what kept me going for all these years was not motivation but a trading addiction, compulsive gambling. It's like asking a smoker: despite all the problems that smoke is causing you, how can you be so strong and motivated to keep going for 13 years? It would be funny to hear such a question.
For trading, while gambling, I also worked on trading systems and created something good. So, there were like two people at work: the gambler, who kept on gambling. And there was the systems'' developer who put his best efforts for many years. So I know I have something good and that keeps me from quitting. At the same time, not quitting is a continuous temptation for the other side of me.
It would like for someone to make a living from selling wine. He's great at making and selling wine, but then he develops an addiction to drinking. And people tell him "stay away from wine". And he says "but it's my job, how can I do that?".
Or for a baker, who's obese because he eats his own pastries, but he's really good at making pastries, and he can't quit his job.
Regarding motivation. As I said, without even realizing it for many years, I have recently realized that what kept me going for all these years was not motivation but a trading addiction, compulsive gambling. It's like asking a smoker: despite all the problems that smoke is causing you, how can you be so strong and motivated to keep going for 13 years? It would be funny to hear such a question.
For trading, while gambling, I also worked on trading systems and created something good. So, there were like two people at work: the gambler, who kept on gambling. And there was the systems'' developer who put his best efforts for many years. So I know I have something good and that keeps me from quitting. At the same time, not quitting is a continuous temptation for the other side of me.
It would like for someone to make a living from selling wine. He's great at making and selling wine, but then he develops an addiction to drinking. And people tell him "stay away from wine". And he says "but it's my job, how can I do that?".
Or for a baker, who's obese because he eats his own pastries, but he's really good at making pastries, and he can't quit his job.
Yamato
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Boston accent and other American accents
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boston_accent
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_England_English
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_English#Phonology
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_English
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Regional_accents_of_English_speakers
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boston_accent
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_England_English
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_English#Phonology
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_English
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Regional_accents_of_English_speakers
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Yamato
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Jackass and CKY
After over 24 hours being sober from discretionary trading, I had to replace it with something and I've been watching this amazing Jackass and CKY videos, available on the usual streaming movie web site:
www.letmewatchthis.com
It is extremely interesting. I've been wondering why these people enjoy getting hurt. If it's just for the money, it would make sense, even though I don't understand why they get paid to do this, since I'd never pay to watch a movie with these people hurting themselves. If it's because they do it even on their free time, then I still have to understand why otherwise healthy people behave like this. It's in the same category as piercings though, so it's not far from people I know, like my cousins. I have to ask them why they get piercings and I'll find out why these people hurt themselves with their stunts.
Anyway, here's some links:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/CKY_3
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jackass_(TV_series)
Or maybe I do understand a little. Young people like to be brave and defiant, and the regular people do it as long as they don't get hurt in the end. But actually people who get heavily drunk do something similar to these guys in Jackass, as do those who get piercings. But then when you have people who really push this instinct far, then you have the guys in Jackass, who will totally disrespect their own bodies. I guess there's a minority of people who can enjoy this, and even more if they get paid to do so. I guess what amazes me is the extent to which they will hurt themselves willingly, while seemingly having fun.
There's some quality that these people share with soldiers maybe, or at least the way some soldiers are shown in movies, not caring about danger.
Another question would be: what is the point of skateboarding? Getting hurt? CKY and skateboarding go hand in hand. It seems like a sport for people who want an excuse to get hurt and achieve nothing with it.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arto_Saari
More interesting stuff on the subject:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-harm#Psychological_factors
Maybe that's why Steve-o and all of them hurt themselves: to show they are strong. It seems to me this thing is much more spread out in the US rather than in Italy. Here fewer people take pride in hurting themselves and showing they're resilient to pain.
-----
This is even worse:
http://www.letmewatchthis.com/watch-4756-Steve-O-The-Early-Years
The huge success these people are having with people, by doing what they do, means that the level of people is very low. I don't know if it's always been this low, or if it used to be even lower. I am really amazed by how low the level of people is, not just in the US, but all over the world, because these people have gone on tour all over the world.
People over the centuries have become more sensitive and evolved - I thought. But maybe we're getting back to the gladiators. Or maybe nowadays killing others is not accepted - but it's ok if you hurt yourself. It really makes you think what world we live in. I mean I know there's countries where they're like in the stone age, but in europe and the US I would have never expected these people to have the success they have.
I watch the show and focus on the huge audience of young people screaming while someone sets his head on fire or does something else dangerous, painful or just disgusting. This is what crowds are and I've always known that it's best to stay away from crowds and even from average people.
After over 24 hours being sober from discretionary trading, I had to replace it with something and I've been watching this amazing Jackass and CKY videos, available on the usual streaming movie web site:
www.letmewatchthis.com
It is extremely interesting. I've been wondering why these people enjoy getting hurt. If it's just for the money, it would make sense, even though I don't understand why they get paid to do this, since I'd never pay to watch a movie with these people hurting themselves. If it's because they do it even on their free time, then I still have to understand why otherwise healthy people behave like this. It's in the same category as piercings though, so it's not far from people I know, like my cousins. I have to ask them why they get piercings and I'll find out why these people hurt themselves with their stunts.
Anyway, here's some links:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/CKY_3
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jackass_(TV_series)
Or maybe I do understand a little. Young people like to be brave and defiant, and the regular people do it as long as they don't get hurt in the end. But actually people who get heavily drunk do something similar to these guys in Jackass, as do those who get piercings. But then when you have people who really push this instinct far, then you have the guys in Jackass, who will totally disrespect their own bodies. I guess there's a minority of people who can enjoy this, and even more if they get paid to do so. I guess what amazes me is the extent to which they will hurt themselves willingly, while seemingly having fun.
There's some quality that these people share with soldiers maybe, or at least the way some soldiers are shown in movies, not caring about danger.
Another question would be: what is the point of skateboarding? Getting hurt? CKY and skateboarding go hand in hand. It seems like a sport for people who want an excuse to get hurt and achieve nothing with it.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arto_Saari
More interesting stuff on the subject:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-harm#Psychological_factors
Maybe that's why Steve-o and all of them hurt themselves: to show they are strong. It seems to me this thing is much more spread out in the US rather than in Italy. Here fewer people take pride in hurting themselves and showing they're resilient to pain.
-----
This is even worse:
http://www.letmewatchthis.com/watch-4756-Steve-O-The-Early-Years
The huge success these people are having with people, by doing what they do, means that the level of people is very low. I don't know if it's always been this low, or if it used to be even lower. I am really amazed by how low the level of people is, not just in the US, but all over the world, because these people have gone on tour all over the world.
People over the centuries have become more sensitive and evolved - I thought. But maybe we're getting back to the gladiators. Or maybe nowadays killing others is not accepted - but it's ok if you hurt yourself. It really makes you think what world we live in. I mean I know there's countries where they're like in the stone age, but in europe and the US I would have never expected these people to have the success they have.
I watch the show and focus on the huge audience of young people screaming while someone sets his head on fire or does something else dangerous, painful or just disgusting. This is what crowds are and I've always known that it's best to stay away from crowds and even from average people.
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Yamato
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This is life. This is people...
http://www.letmewatchthis.com/watch-5855-Dont-Try-This-at-Home-The-Tour
I didn't think I could find anything worse than steveo and the jackass people. Well, here they are, and they are from Finland:
Pretty depressing to know that even in Europe there's people like this. And to say that I considered scandinavians the most evolved people. So, these people are from Finland, their public is from Finland... the world is basically ****ed.
Oh my god... this is so disgusting. It's like the total opposite of what I am like: careful, precise, always avoid harm or damage to myself and to others.
How would you like people to throw darts on your belly? How would you like to be woken up by a baseball bat hitting your balls? That's how these people have fun.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Dudesons
The live shows in front of an audience pretty much show that we're the same people as the people at the time of the gladiators, two thousand years ago. Biologically we're identical to the Stone Age people (we were in the Stone Age until 12000 years ago), but culturally I thought we were totally different from the goddamn Romans who went to watch the gladiators. But I was wrong. Maybe we are reverting and getting worse. Or maybe tv is falling into the hands of less evolved people from the hands of evolved people. Or maybe the people who have televisions are changing. I mean if 50 years ago tv was only in a few houses, and now it's everywhere, it becomes normal to please everyone, and then the quality has to be lower and lower. I guess that's what it is. But then what I am really saying is that evolution goes together with money. I guess that's usually the case. Too many things put together to be able to summarize them all properly in a couple of sentences, but I am getting a better idea of the world is like.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeline_of_human_evolution
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeline_of_prehistory
Here's how the web site manager of darwinawards.com sees it:
http://www.letmewatchthis.com/watch-5855-Dont-Try-This-at-Home-The-Tour
I didn't think I could find anything worse than steveo and the jackass people. Well, here they are, and they are from Finland:
Pretty depressing to know that even in Europe there's people like this. And to say that I considered scandinavians the most evolved people. So, these people are from Finland, their public is from Finland... the world is basically ****ed.
Oh my god... this is so disgusting. It's like the total opposite of what I am like: careful, precise, always avoid harm or damage to myself and to others.
How would you like people to throw darts on your belly? How would you like to be woken up by a baseball bat hitting your balls? That's how these people have fun.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Dudesons
The live shows in front of an audience pretty much show that we're the same people as the people at the time of the gladiators, two thousand years ago. Biologically we're identical to the Stone Age people (we were in the Stone Age until 12000 years ago), but culturally I thought we were totally different from the goddamn Romans who went to watch the gladiators. But I was wrong. Maybe we are reverting and getting worse. Or maybe tv is falling into the hands of less evolved people from the hands of evolved people. Or maybe the people who have televisions are changing. I mean if 50 years ago tv was only in a few houses, and now it's everywhere, it becomes normal to please everyone, and then the quality has to be lower and lower. I guess that's what it is. But then what I am really saying is that evolution goes together with money. I guess that's usually the case. Too many things put together to be able to summarize them all properly in a couple of sentences, but I am getting a better idea of the world is like.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeline_of_human_evolution
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeline_of_prehistory
Here's how the web site manager of darwinawards.com sees it:
Last edited:
Yamato
Legendary member
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This is going to be good:
http://www.letmewatchthis.com/watch-21031-Cradle-Will-Rock
With historical movies you can never go wrong. They're placed into the past and they tell true stories, usually worth telling. They are never bad.
I think I'm going to watch all of them, because I like history:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_historical_drama_films
It wasn't that good, but better than nothing. It was worth something.
http://www.letmewatchthis.com/watch-21031-Cradle-Will-Rock
With historical movies you can never go wrong. They're placed into the past and they tell true stories, usually worth telling. They are never bad.
I think I'm going to watch all of them, because I like history:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_historical_drama_films
It wasn't that good, but better than nothing. It was worth something.
Last edited:
Yamato
Legendary member
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tomorrow I might skip work
I can't sleep. It's too hot and humid. My parents stayed for the weekend. I can't breathe in this little room of mine.
At least I got something done: backtesting three new systems, on the NG. Finally I got to do it, after planning to do it for all these past months, but always having to postpone it due to other more urgent issues.
Right now I have 43 systems, of which the last 3 are not implemented yet. I think I can push this all the way to 60 systems, without my excel workbook complaining for having to do too much work.
After I'll get to 60, I'll take a long break, possibly forever, and focus on quality, again. Now, that's what I have done, on and off, for many years. Everything now runs smoothly, no bugs, no problems with timeframes... it's all totally efficient.
Except for me. I've never been able to improve myself at all - I am the same old gambler I was 13 years ago. I am still keeping my account "empty" (below 2000, so I can't trade) and have been doing so for about a week now.
Sooner or later I will have to fund it or they'll close it. Then we will know if I was cured or if I am the usual gambler.
Despite having stopped trading, my insomnia continues though.
This means that I was a gambler because I am compulsive, and not that I am compulsive because I was a gambler. It's the compulsiveness that keeps me from sleeping and that makes me do everything compulsively, including gambling.
It all comes from my dad, always giving me his anxiety, stressing me out about life's unexpected events, telling me to be alert 24 hours a day, keeping me from celebrating any achievements, and keeping me from relaxing.
I remember sometimes, on vacation, when we would watch the sunset together, he'd say to me something like "when I was this age, my mother died" or "my father died". Or "pretty soon I may die, since my father was dead much younger than I am now".
His dad died when he was six, from the second world war. And sure enough, when I was six, my dad told me "when I was your age, my father died". Isn't this a sick individual... talking about death with his six year old son? Now you know why I am always complaining about the way I was brought up by this son of a bitch. It's like... emotional abuse, no doubt about it. I still totally resent him.
Even today, he doesn't criticize me as he's been doing my whole life, but we can't talk about anything, because he's used to being the center of the attention, the big wise guy everyone listens to. When he shows up at my aunt's or anywhere else for that matter, wherever I've seen him go, everyone is supposed to be quiet and listen to his wisdom. It's really frustrating having a relationship with him, because he doesn't show any interest for what you think, and expects you to show a lot of interest for what he has to say, which is not the case at all. But he won't have it any other way. So the consequence is that I either make an effort, and then regret it, because he disappoints me. Or I don't make any effort, avoid him, since if I don't make an effort there can be no conversation, and then he starts wondering whether I am ok, since today I didn't ask him to share some of his wisdom with me. If I don't act like one of his students - the world basically - he will think that I am depressed or that I resent him, whereas he's the one who's sick, and doesn't realize it. It's not normal to just... it is normal to just think of yourself, but it's not normal to force and expect others to adore you. Everyone should have a 50% of every conversation, and so on. You can't expect people to just listen to you and not be able to say anything they think, or if they dare to, you can't show total indifference to what they say, because they will get pissed off.
I can't sleep. It's too hot and humid. My parents stayed for the weekend. I can't breathe in this little room of mine.
At least I got something done: backtesting three new systems, on the NG. Finally I got to do it, after planning to do it for all these past months, but always having to postpone it due to other more urgent issues.
Right now I have 43 systems, of which the last 3 are not implemented yet. I think I can push this all the way to 60 systems, without my excel workbook complaining for having to do too much work.
After I'll get to 60, I'll take a long break, possibly forever, and focus on quality, again. Now, that's what I have done, on and off, for many years. Everything now runs smoothly, no bugs, no problems with timeframes... it's all totally efficient.
Except for me. I've never been able to improve myself at all - I am the same old gambler I was 13 years ago. I am still keeping my account "empty" (below 2000, so I can't trade) and have been doing so for about a week now.
Sooner or later I will have to fund it or they'll close it. Then we will know if I was cured or if I am the usual gambler.
Despite having stopped trading, my insomnia continues though.
This means that I was a gambler because I am compulsive, and not that I am compulsive because I was a gambler. It's the compulsiveness that keeps me from sleeping and that makes me do everything compulsively, including gambling.
It all comes from my dad, always giving me his anxiety, stressing me out about life's unexpected events, telling me to be alert 24 hours a day, keeping me from celebrating any achievements, and keeping me from relaxing.
I remember sometimes, on vacation, when we would watch the sunset together, he'd say to me something like "when I was this age, my mother died" or "my father died". Or "pretty soon I may die, since my father was dead much younger than I am now".
His dad died when he was six, from the second world war. And sure enough, when I was six, my dad told me "when I was your age, my father died". Isn't this a sick individual... talking about death with his six year old son? Now you know why I am always complaining about the way I was brought up by this son of a bitch. It's like... emotional abuse, no doubt about it. I still totally resent him.
Even today, he doesn't criticize me as he's been doing my whole life, but we can't talk about anything, because he's used to being the center of the attention, the big wise guy everyone listens to. When he shows up at my aunt's or anywhere else for that matter, wherever I've seen him go, everyone is supposed to be quiet and listen to his wisdom. It's really frustrating having a relationship with him, because he doesn't show any interest for what you think, and expects you to show a lot of interest for what he has to say, which is not the case at all. But he won't have it any other way. So the consequence is that I either make an effort, and then regret it, because he disappoints me. Or I don't make any effort, avoid him, since if I don't make an effort there can be no conversation, and then he starts wondering whether I am ok, since today I didn't ask him to share some of his wisdom with me. If I don't act like one of his students - the world basically - he will think that I am depressed or that I resent him, whereas he's the one who's sick, and doesn't realize it. It's not normal to just... it is normal to just think of yourself, but it's not normal to force and expect others to adore you. Everyone should have a 50% of every conversation, and so on. You can't expect people to just listen to you and not be able to say anything they think, or if they dare to, you can't show total indifference to what they say, because they will get pissed off.
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