my journal 2

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Hey, if you are offering help, I am willing to accept your help in any shape or form: wire or paypal, I can give you my banking details, just let me know.

As far as strategies, I told you what the problem is: I have 20 systems cooking, and I'll be done with them in a few months. I can't have too much stuff cooking at once or it will be a mess. My philosophy is to do a few things very as well as possible, rather than a lot not so well. I am very good at focusing and doing things one at a time.

One of the reasons I've kept this journal, subconsciously, is to hear business propositions, and it worked in that way, too. So I am not going to discourage any business propositions from you. If you want to give me help for free, so much the better.

Only one thing. If you're offering me help with discretionary trading, I don't know if I am interested. Others have offered to teach me discretionary trading in the past, and the only consequence has been that they caused me more discretionary losses, not because they weren't good teachers but because I am not a good student. So let's stay away from that field. On the other hand, I could hear your strategies, back-test them, and automate them.
 
hahah good one buddy, but im still making up my losses for past 2 year.
Im offering you a help that I can do, not what i cannot do. furthermore, getting money and blowing it all up again is not a solution.

i understand you're busy and want to get back on ur feet. so take your time as I said.
I am not offering you to trade discretionary but quantify my discretionary into automated one in a hope that it would help you. It would not help me because I dont use the same platform as you do. but ill be happy if you could benefit from it.
I wont let you do discretionary and keep losing.

I am myself do not believe in backtesting. I dont like curve fitted testing. I only believe in forward testing in real market. most seller out there they would give u hypothetical bull**** not a real broker statement. furthermore most system would need to be tweaked every period. it's just too complicated for me.


travis said:
Hey, if you are offering help, I am willing to accept your help in any shape or form: wire or paypal, I can give you my banking details, just let me know.

As far as strategies, I told you what the problem is: I have 20 systems cooking, and I'll be done with them in a few months. I can't have too much stuff cooking at once or it will be a mess. My philosophy is to do a few things very as well as possible, rather than a lot not so well. I am very good at focusing and doing things one at a time.

One of the reasons I've kept this journal, subconsciously, is to hear business propositions, and it worked in that way, too. So I am not going to discourage any business propositions from you. If you want to give me help for free, so much the better.

Only one thing. If you're offering me help with discretionary trading, I don't know if I am interested. Others have offered to teach me discretionary trading in the past, and the only consequence has been that they caused me more discretionary losses, not because they weren't good teachers but because I am not a good student. So let's stay away from that field. On the other hand, I could hear your strategies, back-test them, and automate them.
Click to expand...
 
Yeah, I like back-testing instead. I totally trust it. Thanks for the help offer. I will see you online.
 
Ok, I actually went to work today, even got there earlier than 11 AM. The manager is very very nice to me. He hasn't threatened to fire me or report me for my screwed up schedule. I just text messaged him and told him that I didn't sleep and would be late. Then he kept me a bit longer tonight. Quite a nice deal.

The goddamn problem is that I can't fix my insomnia. Eventually the wine did help. Half a bottle, holy cow. Tonight I might have to drink the other half, in case I wake up at 3 AM like last night. Goddamn.

I wish I could deal with some mobster who'd put me in charge of his money and investing it, like Meyer Lansky. That way I wouldn't have to go to the office. But then I might get killed if one day I decide to quit investing his money.


 
Yesterday I watched this and it was good:
http://www.letmewatchthis.com/watch-1852-School-for-Scoundrels

I advise you to watch it.

Now I'll watch another one of Jon Heder's movies. He's good at picking good comedy films to star in. This Heder guy is a mormon. Did you know that? Anyway, he's good:
http://www.letmewatchthis.com/?actor=11820

As I said previously, another actor I consider good at picking movies to act in is this guy:
http://www.letmewatchthis.com/?actor=106

Dax Shepard.

They have in common that they act in comedies, they're not very famous, but they are good and act in good movies, even if those movies are not very famous. But actually usually these comedies are better than the famous ones. Of course I am excluding the masterpieces with Ben Stiller and Will Ferrell (and all the other SNL people), Jim Carrey, and so on.
 
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Ok, i am watching this and it seems quite good so far:
http://www.letmewatchthis.com/watch-1895-Just-Like-Heaven

It really feels like the director and screenwriter knew what they were doing.

It's good. It's a very complex, scary and risky topic, but this amazing director has made it worth watching:
http://www.letmewatchthis.com/?&director=Mark Waters

Much better than a crappy movie like meet joe black or ghost.

Anyway, I was looking for who wrote the screenplay, and found this guy:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marc_Levy

He's from Boulogne, where I lived for a year when i was a student. But I forgot how Billancourt is pronounced, and finally I found this awesome web site, forvo.com, which lists the pronounciation for a bunch of words and languages, so I must share this precious link with the readers and at once remind myself of it in case my favorites get screwed up (I've got too many, over 5000 favorites):

http://www.forvo.com/word/boulogne-billancourt/

Just finished the movie. Not a masterpiece, but... righteous!
 
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daily complaining

There was a period in my life, as a student, when I was quite depressed, or rather: idle. I could sleep during the day without any problems. Now I am frustrated but having to go to work keeps me alive and frustrated. I don't know how to describe it exactly: I can't let myself go because I have to go to work, but I would much rather be depressed and be able to sleep all day long once I am home at least, rather than being stressed out and frustrated as I am now. I guess having to work doesn't allow people to get depressed. I guess getting depressed is a luxury of people who don't have to work for a living.

The mother ****ing child who has moved in the aparment next to mine wakes me up every morning at 3 AM. Then her mom comes and sings to him or says something stupid, like child talk. I thought - when my cousin told me a similar situation - that it was funny and that no one could get mad at a mom talking or even yelling at her child, but as I experience it, I feel like killing both the mom and the child.

I can't sleep, I don't enjoy my work, I don't appreciate my colleagues, nor my parents... I guess I've never had such a negative outlook on life as now. It seems permanent. All day long I feel like complaining. But the biggest question I keep asking myself is: why do I have to keep on working? How on earth did I get stuck doing this crappy job with these crappy colleagues? I don't like it at all. Why do I have to keep on going there? An intelligent person like me, with all the connections, the culture, the hard work... why... how can it be?

I guess the cause is the same for both good things and bad things in my life. The same negativity that runs in my family (my dad, and me) is what at once caused perfectionism and many qualities and achievements. Or rather: it's perfectionism which caused everything: perfect achievements and negativity for every situation which is not perfect. And this is what screwed me. I can't sleep because of the anxiety this attitude produces, I can't appreciate people because no one is perfect enough... I cannot accept any situation which is not perfect and where I am not perfect. I cannot play any sports at which I am not the best... I cannot go for any woman who will not accept me immediately. I cannot live basically.

It's like obsessive-compulsive people. Typically they're very clean, as they're cleaning their house all the time. But they never enjoy the product of their own work. There's really no point in being one of them. And there's no point in being like me. I didn't plan my life to be like this. I didn't choose my parents. It just happened. It didn't begin like this. It began a little better. There were some good things. But overall it sucked. And mostly thanks to my dad, who ruined it.

I caught two diseases, one from him and one from my mom. Perfectionism from my dad: you can't be happy unless everything around you is perfect. And altruism from my very religious mom: you can't be happy unless everyone around you is happy (so it's your responsibility to help them be happy). So basically I have to work all the time to fulfill both requirements, and I can never be happy anyway. These diseases are deeply ingrained and you cannot really get rid of them. Unless you isolate yourself and stay away from the masses. That way you are only around perfect people and happy people. In those situations I am happy and relaxed, but they are extremely rare. I have had an easier time being happy when I was a different person, living overseas, and momentarily immune from my parents' illnesses.
 
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more on history, languages and so on

http://www.dmoz.org/Reference/Dictionaries/Etymology

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Lists_of_battles

This in particular is fascinating:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Roman_battles

You can see historical trends.

Also, a good one is here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Byzantine_Empire

What happened to the Eastern Roman Empire? See above link.

Although the empire had a multi-ethnic character during most of its history[7] and preserved Romano-Hellenistic traditions,[8] it was usually known to most of its western and northern contemporaries as the Empire of the Greeks[n 3] due to the increasing predominance of the Greek element.[9] The use of the term Empire of the Greeks (Latin: Imperium Graecorum) in the West to refer to the Eastern Roman Empire also implied a rejection of the empire's claim to be the Roman Empire.[10] The claims of the Eastern Roman Empire to Roman inheritance had been actively contested in the West at the time of the Roman Empress Irene of Athens, due to the coronation of Charlemagne as Holy Roman Emperor year 800, by Pope Leo III, who, needing help against enemies in Rome, saw the throne of the Roman Empire as vacant (lacking a male occupant). Whenever the Popes or the rulers of the West made use of the name Roman to refer to the eastern Roman Emperors, they preferred the term Imperator Romaniæ instead of Imperator Romanorum, a title that Westerners maintained applied only to Charlemagne and his successors.[11]

By contrast, in the Persian, Islamic, and Slavic worlds, the Empire's Roman identity was generally accepted. In the Islamic world it was known primarily as روم (Rûm "Rome").[12][13]

In modern historical atlases, the Empire is usually called the Eastern Roman Empire in maps depicting the empire during the period AD 395 to AD 610, after the new emperor Heraclius changed the official language from Latin to Greek (already the language known by the great majority of the population); in maps depicting the Empire after AD 610, the term Byzantine Empire usually appears.
Click to expand...

You see, nations and peoples seem to be defeated but they keep on living and making history. If you look at the 1000 years of Roman battles, you see that the Romans defeated the Gauls, but centuries before that, you read:
390 BC - Battle of Allia River - Gauls defeat the Romans, then sack Rome.
Click to expand...
And centuries after that, they get their asses kicked by the descendants of the Gauls again. Same with the Greeks. They get conquered by the Romans, then a few hundred years later, the Romans get defeated by the "barbarians", and the Eastern Roman Empire lives on, but guess what - after just a century they switch back to Greek. You get conquered, a bunch of words enter your language, and viceversa, wait a few centuries, and you fight back and the opposite happens. At least this happened until recently. But look at the French in England, and how all their words entered the English dictionary:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Foreign_language_influences_in_English

If you don't get exterminated, there's always a chance to come back. This chart below, with the foreign language influences in English, basically corresponds to the list of the peoples who conquered England.

500px-Origins_of_English_PieChart.svg.png
 
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Yeah, I know... these sometimes are things that people say before committing suicide.

I am ok. I know I would sound healthier if I complained as usual, but the profits are doing this to me. They get to my head. In fact I resumed discretionary trading, little by little, as usual. Made 1500 in one week. Maybe I finally understood what it's about.

As long as I don't double up on a losing trade and close it by the end of the day (if I keep it open forever, it will blow out my account, potentially, even just 1 contract), I can do discretionary trading like everyone else, and make money. I know that's not normal, but it seems everyone makes money on this forum at least.

You see, my systems lost money because they were a second late and took an opposite signal (went short intead of long for being one second late). So I got vengeful, and made it back. But then I didn't stop and kept going in the following days, and made about 1200 dollars. I said 1500 earlier because that was what I counted earlier today, but tonight I lost 200 dollars in my last trade. But that was good, because I closed it instead of keeping a losing trade forever open, like I usually do (I didn't have the margin to double up, but I was tempted).

I am starting to feel better, as a trader, and therefore as a person, since, as a friend pointed out, my mood swings according to my equity line.

However, now, if I were the same old travis, it would just be a matter of time before I got cocky, lost on one trade, got mad, doubled up, blew out my account. But as long as I don't double up and don't keep losing trades open indefinitely, I am quite confident I can make money. I mean, my winning trades are just too many. I think I have an edge of about 80% of wins, without exaggerating. Of course, I don't use a stoploss, my stoploss is the end of the day. You see, my strategy is always top and bottom picking basically. So, once a future has gone too much in one direction, I pick the opposite direction, and I am usually right. And if it doesn't go my way in 10 minutes, it does it in 4 hours. If it hasn't done it by the end of the day, then it's time to get out because the next day it could fall just as much. In the last week I made about 8 trades, and only lost on one, today.
 
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I think you are luckier than me this week.
I got screwed up because of my dropped internet connection during trading.
so my mood was swinging with my equity balance for 2 days. hehe.
but I was quick enought to change that mood cause I've been busted many2 times that I am get used to it now. I can cope w/ that.

no do not be moody next time, just be normal even if you win or lose. keep your coolness. think w/ ur head not ur heart! ur a grown up man!!



travis said:
Yeah, I know... these sometimes are things that people say before committing suicide.

I am ok. I know I would sound healthier if I complained as usual, but the profits are doing this to me. They get to my head. In fact I resumed discretionary trading, little by little, as usual. Made 1500 in one week. Maybe I finally understood what it's about.

As long as I don't double up on a losing trade and close it by the end of the day (if I keep it open forever, it will blow out my account, potentially, even just 1 contract), I can do discretionary trading like everyone else, and make money. I know that's not normal, but it seems everyone makes money on this forum at least.

You see, my systems lost money because they were a second late and took an opposite signal (went short intead of long for being one second late). So I got vengeful, and made it back. But then I didn't stop and kept going in the following days, and made about 1200 dollars. I said 1500 earlier because that was what I counted earlier today, but tonight I lost 200 dollars in my last trade. But that was good, because I closed it instead of keeping a losing trade forever open, like I usually do (I didn't have the margin to double up, but I was tempted).

I am starting to feel better, as a trader, and therefore as a person, since, as a friend pointed out, my mood swings according to my equity line.

However, now, if I were the same old travis, it would just be a matter of time before I got cocky, lost on one trade, got mad, doubled up, blew out my account. But as long as I don't double up and don't keep losing trades open indefinitely, I am quite confident I can make money. I mean, my winning trades are just too many. I think I have an edge of about 80% of wins, without exaggerating. Of course, I don't use a stoploss, my stoploss is the end of the day. You see, my strategy is always top and bottom picking basically. So, once a future has gone too much in one direction, I pick the opposite direction, and I am usually right. And if it doesn't go my way in 10 minutes, it does it in 4 hours. If it hasn't done it by the end of the day, then it's time to get out because the next day it could fall just as much. In the last week I made about 8 trades, and only lost on one, today.
Click to expand...
 
travis said:
Yeah, I know... these sometimes are things that people say before committing suicide.

I am ok. I know I would sound healthier if I complained as usual, but the profits are doing this to me. They get to my head. In fact I resumed discretionary trading, little by little, as usual. Made 1500 in one week. Maybe I finally understood what it's about.

As long as I don't double up on a losing trade and close it by the end of the day (if I keep it open forever, it will blow out my account, potentially, even just 1 contract), I can do discretionary trading like everyone else, and make money. I know that's not normal, but it seems everyone makes money on this forum at least.

You see, my systems lost money because they were a second late and took an opposite signal (went short intead of long for being one second late). So I got vengeful, and made it back. But then I didn't stop and kept going in the following days, and made about 1200 dollars. I said 1500 earlier because that was what I counted earlier today, but tonight I lost 200 dollars in my last trade. But that was good, because I closed it instead of keeping a losing trade forever open, like I usually do (I didn't have the margin to double up, but I was tempted).

I am starting to feel better, as a trader, and therefore as a person, since, as a friend pointed out, my mood swings according to my equity line.

However, now, if I were the same old travis, it would just be a matter of time before I got cocky, lost on one trade, got mad, doubled up, blew out my account. But as long as I don't double up and don't keep losing trades open indefinitely, I am quite confident I can make money. I mean, my winning trades are just too many. I think I have an edge of about 80% of wins, without exaggerating. Of course, I don't use a stoploss, my stoploss is the end of the day. You see, my strategy is always top and bottom picking basically. So, once a future has gone too much in one direction, I pick the opposite direction, and I am usually right. And if it doesn't go my way in 10 minutes, it does it in 4 hours. If it hasn't done it by the end of the day, then it's time to get out because the next day it could fall just as much. In the last week I made about 8 trades, and only lost on one, today.
Click to expand...

Not sure if you like Jay-Z, but he knows how to string together lyrics.

The below from "My First Song" - it works just as well for drug dealing, fame or trading:

"Well, I'm just trying to stay above water, you know?
Stay busy, stay working
I was telling you like, the key to this joint, the key to staying on top of things
Is to treat everything like it's your first project
Know what I'm saying?
Like it's your first day, like I wasn't even an intern or nothing
That's how you try to treat things, like
Just stay Humble
...
...
Treat my first like my last, and my last like my first
And my thirst is the same as when I came"
 
Yes, thank you both for the advice. Luckily it's the weekend, so that last 200 dollars loss will get forgotten hopefully. Yeah, because it's exactly those small losses that cause me to lose my emotional and then financial balance.

Actually I should stop trading discretionary for a week, because I have been getting too cocky, and my cockiness could not take another small loss: the next 200 dollars loss might cause me to blow out my account. So hopefully next week I will just stay away from trading, in order to entirely forget the many wins and the small upsetting losses.
 
I think you need to do something else in your spare time. Try betting on sports or something. You'll lose less. Or learn how to discretionary properly. I find that you need to find a good amount to trade and stick to it. Never try more or less. If you try too small amounts you run it 50 points up then 100 into a loss. Too big and you're too edgy and eager to take a profit. You need to know how much you're gonna lose before you start. Taking profits early isn't stupid though. I often have stops 80 points away and may take profit at 40 points. I win 90% of the time so it works for me.
 
Winning 90% of the time, awesome. I'd like to do that. Usually I can do 80% only if I am in a very good shape mentally. But then I get cocky and when that 20% of losses happen, I can't accept them and cause them to blow out my account.

For a while I thought I win 80% of the time because I have a huge stoploss, which seemed a reasonable explanation. But the truth is I just win 80% of the time because trades go where I expect them to go. However, when they don't, I then widen my stoploss, or rather: a stoploss didn't exist in the first place, because I just find it inconceivable that - with my top and bottom picking trading - a given price could drop any lower or skyrocket any higher.

Here's what I do. I pick markets where price has been running all day, and I know at the end of the day there's at least a small correction, especially if it's been going at a range on the bottom or top.

Say the CL has risen 3 points, which is 300 ticks, like yesterday. And it's past 8 PM CST, and it's been going up and down at the top. Then I bet on a 20 ticks fall, which will give me a profit of 200 dollars. Then if it rises again the day's high, I bet again on another 20 ticks fall. And yesterday I had made 600 dollars with a trade like this. But then at the end it surprised me and it kept on going up all the way to the close.

Now, if I had been in a very bad shape, I would have kept my 200 dollars loss, hoping to make it back with an overnight overweekend reversal. And probably I would have been right. But that's when I run the risk of blowing out my account. Because let's say I wasn't right, and it kept on going up, and Monday I was losing not 200 but 600. What would i do then? In situations like those, I tend to keep it open even more, and actually if I have margin I double up my short position, and then... every once in a while I blow out my account.

It happened with the Pound in the summer of 2008, when it just kept on falling and falling, and I kept my LONG open for over a month.

It happened in May 2010 when the EUR kept on falling and falling, and again I blew out my account...

Basically I cannot allow myself to hope and keep one of my top/bottom picking trades open overnight nor obviously double up on a losing trade and keep it open overnight or overmonth. When I start hoping, it means I have to close my trade. If I start praying (and I call myself atheist), I also should close the trade, because it's never too late until you blow out your account. But the best is to exit with a 20 dollars loss, when I - usually it happens - realize my trade is not going as expected. I could have done it yesterday as well, and actually could have exited with a profit of 70 dollars, but after 3 wins I was cocky and was expecting 200 dollars, and instead I ended up losing 200 dollars because of it. After a few wins, I actually start expecting the market to give me exactly the money I want and exactly in the time I say.
 
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