prediction of weekly updates cessation...
I can feel that day arriving, and probably this weekend I will start the new course. For the reasons I will list below I might stop posting those famous weekly updates of mine, on equity line and systems' performance, something which i've kept doing for over a year, through thick and thin. At least momentarily, I will most likely stop. These are the reasons I feel inside me (some reasons I might be unable to identify):
1) I am getting older and energies keep decreasing
2) I am getting older and calmer, and restlessness decreases
3) I am becoming more successful and there's a) less of a need to display my abilities here to self-pat myself on the back b) less of a need to display my abilities to get offers of collaboration from others
4) I am in a period of great stress at work, and this has further decreased my energies
5) I am in a period of great work at home on the new systems
6) As my systems go from 74 to 120, i will need more time to babysit them
7) As the investors increase the capital, the systems traded increase as well, and I will need to spend more time babysitting them (working on getting all the trade reports and such)
8) a bit related to #3.a, I feel that, having become "successful", coming here every week to show off my growing equity line, is no longer a needed self-pat on the back, but an unnecessary showing off in the face of others who may not yet have reached that goal (especially since I am not willing to give my systems away).
As you can see, there's so many identifiable reasons in my mind for not posting my equity line and weekly updates here... so many that I simply do not feel the energy, the need, nothing is going to make me do it anymore. Not the despair (no longer the case), not the happiness (getting used to it), not the need for self-encouragement (the financial reward is enough to encourage me). Nothing is making me do it. When you do something you could say you're doing it out of generousity, out of anything... but when you don't feel like doing it, all those reasons disappear. So you say to yourself "hey, maybe i wasn't doing it out of generousity... nor out of keeping track of my records...". Maybe I was only doing it out of boredom and despair. It served a purpose because I did meet the investors on this journal. Among the other purposes, because I am positive there are other purposes other than looking for investors, which was a side-effect actually. However, I felt like asking for help in general, to the world.
Those other reasons for which I was writing this journal still exist, and so I will keep writing it. They are the same reasons I've been writing journals since I was 17. So I will still write this journal with anything that's on my mind, whenever I feel like writing it. However, I am quite confident that for a while, a few months, or forever, I will not post those equity lines, those systems' performance scatter plots. Of course I am still ready to answer questions.
If I don't post that stuff, I will still talk about trading, but I simply won't post those reports. Nothing else changes. Hopefully, I will keep going in this direction and write less and less about trading, as I will find more and more profit and peace of mind.
I want this journal to slowly move further and further from trading and go towards philosophy, literature, psychology, history, cinema, music.
Hopefully, I will soon quit my job, and then I will retire to the island, and just think and think... walk on the rocks... watch the waves... think... be in peace.
