Best Thread The Arcade Traders "Pit Stories" Thread

I met Bill Hubard the TV presenter from CNBC at this years FOW Derivatives & Securities World expo in london a month or two back. Was chatting to him with a few other locals near the LIFFE stand - anyway, my gut had been growling away angrily all morning from a curry & too many beers the night before.. while he was engaging my colleagues in conversation about what he's up to now he's left CNBC and joined Sigma, I squeaked a fairly noiseless guff out to ease the mounting pressure in my a-rse, but the stench that turned the air brown immediately after was chokingly dense, enough to gas an iraqi village. Bill Hubard, ever the professional barely broke stride in his commentary, but I'm sure his eyes were watering there for a few minutes.. probably not from held breath and stifled laughter like the rest of us however :cheesy:
 
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Anyone remember when the All Saints come down to visit the floor? And Natalie Appleton took off her bra as a trader had paid £1000 for it at a charity auction or something. Can't remember who it was mind...

Pobster
 
Other things I remember are;

A runner being escorted out of the building by security with a towel covering his face/ head after he'd been heard masturbating in the toilets. Never did find out who that was!

A broker who I shall refer to as only Darren in case he's reading this (to save any embarrassment!) took his nephew to Alton Towers and missed the M1 junction on the M25 and DROVE THE WHOLE WAY ROUND THE M25 rather than turn around at the next junction... All the other brokers got there in time for dinner at the b&b and he rolls in gone midnight! I distinctly remember the laughter at his choice of driving attire as well, it was some silk frilly cuffed shirt! Very bizarre!

A well known ex-carpet fitter *cough* told one of his runners to fetch him out of the BTP pit early as he needed to get to the airport to go on holiday with his family. It got busy that day and no matter how hard the runner tried the trader wouldn't stop trading and became increasingly abusive telling the runner to 'sort something out'. Story goes that the runner chartered a helicopter to pick up the trader to whisk him to the airport and got a bonus for his ingenuity.

That very same ex-carpet fitter once told his runners that you know you've 'made it' when you can afford to have your shoes hand made for you. That was legend around our booths for quite a while back when I was a runner...

To be honest I can't think of any more *really* insanely funny things that happened, mostly it was just the general stuff like calling Nick P "Princess" to wind him up, sharking and runner abuse. I guess that stuff is only funny when you were there?

Pobster
 
lol - from reading a few of the tales of runner abuse, it still sounds pretty funny even if you werent there (feigned anal sex, boot polish on phones, chewing gum on cards etc, lol!) :LOL: :cheesy:
 
Hmmm I'm concerned about naming people tbh!!! I'll stick with mnemonics that I can remember, else it'll be just first names or nicknames...

If you remember RAW from Alpha (later MFF) you'll know he was a BIG muscled guy, when I was a runner even if he was *really* busy he'd always find the time to ask me (and all other young runners) if I liked Gladiator movies... He threw me into the middle of the pit once, him and BIP did their best to keep me in there too but they got told off by the pit police ;) It's all in good jest though, they offered me a job as a runner a few month later and I worked as a broker for them at MFF/ DMF just before the floor closed. Good bunch, nice guys!

I'll never forget seeing Nigel in the Sterling hitting paper for 20,000 lots and saying quite loudly "Oooo I love a bit of size!". I also remeber Mark G in the Euromark doing a similar size in a fast market with JP Morgan, it's only when you see these kinds of things that you realize what a small fish you really are...

Another great legend with Nigel (Sterling) was that some new hot trader was trying to impress people by telling them he'd just bought a Bentley, someone said to Nigel "Hey Nige, you've got a Bentley haven't you?" and Nigel, being Nigel replied "A Bentley? I've got one for each foot..." Classic! :)

Pobster
 
Yes it is! :) I only changed it today after noticing that I'd previously uploaded a picture of myself at 5 or 6 years old... I think the flash is more appropriate! ;)

I still have various trading cards, badges, trading jackets and a Bund mug somewhere!

Pobster (POB obviously!)
edit: I never bothered updating that picture, so that was me on my very first day on the LIFFE floor as a fresh faced 17 year old back in 1992!
 
Pitscum said:
anyone remember nutty norman here??????????
Click to expand...


Yes he is still trading, Brent crude only these days i believe. He is part of the group of traders i am in, although he is in another office.

The bird on the roof with her boyfriend, wasn't she from Cargill's, massive round of applause when she came back on the floor.

Brilliant days, just gutted they ended.

Haven't read any stories about Batesy 'Paul Johnson' yet, what no mention of poo-lipping or his wall of death.
 
eldrechr said:
Haven't read any stories about Batesy 'Paul Johnson' yet, what no mention of poo-lipping or his wall of death.
Click to expand...

mate, you gotta elaborate on these two? I have an inkling what they might be about... :LOL:

I was chatting with someone about this thread last night, he said to ask if anyone remembers Allder, i think Jason or Johnny Allder from the floor..? apparently there are some funny tales to tell about his antics of the day :cheesy:
 
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Batesy, who now does the squawk from Sigma, he used to **** people off by shoving his finger up his ****, waiting for them to drop there guard, then he would rub his finger under there nose. Didn't matter how much washing you did that smell was terrible.
 
eldrechr said:
Batesy, who now does the squawk from Sigma, he used to **** people off by shoving his finger up his ****, waiting for them to drop there guard, then he would rub his finger under there nose. Didn't matter how much washing you did that smell was terrible.
Click to expand...

LMFAO!! :LOL: :cheesy: :LOL: the way you tell that, I'm guessing you are speaking from personal poo lip experience!?
 
Deutchemark Darren

Pobtastic said:
Other things I remember are;

A runner being escorted out of the building by security with a towel covering his face/ head after he'd been heard masturbating in the toilets. Never did find out who that was!

A broker who I shall refer to as only Darren in case he's reading this (to save any embarrassment!) took his nephew to Alton Towers and missed the M1 junction on the M25 and DROVE THE WHOLE WAY ROUND THE M25 rather than turn around at the next junction... All the other brokers got there in time for dinner at the b&b and he rolls in gone midnight! I distinctly remember the laughter at his choice of driving attire as well, it was some silk frilly cuffed shirt! Very bizarre!

A well known ex-carpet fitter *cough* told one of his runners to fetch him out of the BTP pit early as he needed to get to the airport to go on holiday with his family. It got busy that day and no matter how hard the runner tried the trader wouldn't stop trading and became increasingly abusive telling the runner to 'sort something out'. Story goes that the runner chartered a helicopter to pick up the trader to whisk him to the airport and got a bonus for his ingenuity.

That very same ex-carpet fitter once told his runners that you know you've 'made it' when you can afford to have your shoes hand made for you. That was legend around our booths for quite a while back when I was a runner...

To be honest I can't think of any more *really* insanely funny things that happened, mostly it was just the general stuff like calling Nick P "Princess" to wind him up, sharking and runner abuse. I guess that stuff is only funny when you were there?

Pobster
Click to expand...
A few more "Darren stories".
In cannons health spa swimming pool, cupping the water in his hands and saying"funny how it isnt blue when its in your hands".
Asking if he needed a passport to travel to Wales.
As the pit became electronic and moving onto screens, first day trading picking up the computers mouse and saying into it "sell me 50 bunds"
 
re:darren

another great storyabout darren is when organising a crimbo night out he phoned up langans and was asking what was on the set menu......when the lady was reeling it of she told him venison...to which he replied 'Venison...whats that'???...oh its deer sir......so he then came back with....' i dont care how much it is ....tullets are paying...!!!!!'


Bloody marvellous
 
One that made me laugh the most at the time........

New boy (runner) on his first payday 'twas a thursday so he was invited out with all the pit traders for beers................very very drunk. ...................Woke up at home in the morning with a bird in his bed. Emotions i can only assume were mixed between 'nutsin' and getting up late for work! Jumped out of bed explained he was late for work, she could let herself out and left her there. Only to be called at work by his irate mum explaining that there was a brass in the house refusing to leave until she was paid!!!!

I also remember the bird getting caught weeing on the train. For the rest of the day the entire floor made Psssssh noises everytime she tried to place orders into the pit! Very funny :LOL:
 
Not pit stories per se but snippets culled from a thread on the Nuclear Phynance forums . . .

Trader 1: "You bullish or bearish on crude?"
Trader 2: "I'm watching porn. I think that answers your question."

-------------------------------------------------

HeadHunter: So you sent me your CV with no explanation, what do you want to do?
Junior quant: I want to be a trader.
HH: Why?
JQ: more challenge, more excitement, more reward etc
HH: Tell me what trading experience you have so far.
JQ: No I don't trade, I am a quant.
HH: Come on, you must have traded a few shares or something?
JQ (perks up a bit): Oh actually I traded on the Singapore stock exchange this last year, I did quite well, I made a 30% return!
HH: And how did that index perform over the same time frame?
JQ: It went from 2000 to 3000....

-------------------------------------------------

Sales to MarketMaker: where's your offer on XYZ?
MM: 85
Sales to client: 85 offer
Client: I'm seeing better away...can you improve?
Sales: Lemme check...
Sales to MM: Could you be more aggressive?
MM: Sure...85 offer, you f*****g c**t!

-------------------------------------------------

Girl in Interest Rate Sales: "Why is USD/EUR trading at 0.7734 when EUR/USD is showing 1.2930?"

-------------------------------------------------

"You're so fat ... when you sit down ... the bund moves"

-------------------------------------------------

Bond option market maker answering phone: "Hi, what can I do against you?"

-------------------------------------------------

Risk Manager: "You're long 4,000 bonds from about a full point higher. Just wanted to bring that to your attention."
Trader considers . . . .
Trader: "You're right. Thank you. At these levels, I really should be long 8,000...."

-------------------------------------------------

http://www.nuclearphynance.com/Show Post.aspx?PostIDKey=6082&PageIndex=15
 
A friend told me of the time a trader’s client, visiting LIFFE , was subject to numerous cries of “syrup”. I don’t know if he was also wearing brown suede shoes.

“Sales to MM”. That’s a good one.

Grant.
 
Whilst having the misfortune to be working as a runner at MFF i managed to walk round the floor for 45 minutes with the classic cardboard bow tie neatly tucked into my tie
nicely coloured luminous yellow and in big black letters the word C**T
oh how i laughed, should have given it to jamie beer (head runner at mff) as it would have suited him down to the ground
 
A Dashing Blade said:
Not pit stories per se but snippets culled from a thread on the Nuclear Phynance forums . . .

HeadHunter: So you sent me your CV with no explanation, what do you want to do?
Junior quant: I want to be a trader.
HH: Why?
JQ: more challenge, more excitement, more reward etc
HH: Tell me what trading experience you have so far.
JQ: No I don't trade, I am a quant.
HH: Come on, you must have traded a few shares or something?
JQ (perks up a bit): Oh actually I traded on the Singapore stock exchange this last year, I did quite well, I made a 30% return!
HH: And how did that index perform over the same time frame?
JQ: It went from 2000 to 3000....
Click to expand...

Lots of funny jokes, thanks! Very funny that the quant underperformed the index (30% vs 50%) - isn't that what they are supposed to do?
 
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