Best Thread The Arcade Traders "Pit Stories" Thread

[Directional]

i personally think the IPE traders were well within their rights to kick hippie ass... they were only responding to a direct attack on their livelihood. Whatever Greenpeace say, they werent there to "discuss their point of view" - they were threatening the personal financial situation and livelihood of every trader on the floor. I am all for taking steps to control climate change, but those tactics are not the way to acheive meaningful dialogue.

I also think the tactics employed by SHAC and other activist groups against legitimate businesses are nothing less than terrorism by a different name.

thoughts for a different thread anyhow, this thread is for laughs.

 

[Pitscum]

talking of the stock exchange, who remembers sweaty betty being taken to one side by percy the door man (always utterly well dressed) advising her the committee felt it time they advised her to wear a bra????

and then the liffe market, that animal who worked for alpha who was piad off to stay away from the floor the day the queen came to visit...oh yes he was that bad........

fraggle, anyone remember him, and his 1000 lot bund order he chucked in the pit one morning at 7.01 having just come from his private drinking members club where he'd been all night.......

or the gamma bros..you never knew what was paper or what was their jobbing account...

 

[Directional]

or the gamma bros..

surely not GammaJammer? :cheesy:

 

[Pitscum]

there you go gamma, ye walketh in their shadow....

 

[Pitscum]

oh yes

then there was the story about the goldmans options booth broker who had the worse hand signals on gods earth who always gave his biz to one particular chappie whom we shall just call 'tony',,,,,, nobody could work out why he kept up this funny relationship with him especially as everyone else tried buying him off with gifts of tv's washing machines, etcetcetc..seriously, this blokes house was like a comet electrical store.

so, few months after the floor shut, (alleged) gospel word finally reached me why this guy always used this particular floor filler...it had (allegedly)something to do with with this goldman's geezer's (alleged) love of nazi memorabillia and his love of having tony's gf (allegedly )dress up in a nice ss uniform and smack his ass, allegedly of course.

the things people do to get a free telly huh?????allegedly , of course

 

[Beach Runner]

This thread gets my vote for the most colourful and entertaining for some time. Good idea to start it, Arbitrager. And Pitscum, even your name makes me gag - sorry, laugh. LOL. Nice to see the S&M contract getting a mention.

 

[Pitscum]

and theres more....

..cast your mind back to the year rubber jonny major was leading the conservatives to an election he couldnt win......

cliffy j, we'll call him, a very bright lad, schooled in options trading for a company that went by the name o'conner who knew their left hand from their right (rare for liffe traders)

cliffy by now, had long moved on and was plowing his way as a local backed by a bad tempered sepo we'll call steve w. cliff always was number crunching and viewed ftse options with relish as the election grew closer. maybe with too much relish. ...

one day on the national news they carried an article about some mad punter who had backed jonny major to win the election with £50,000. well, we all thought the bloke was nutz too on the floor, cliff included, and we all wished we could lay the idiot some more ourselves.

so election day came and unbelievably jonny stormed number 10 !! shcok horror , ftse volatility dropped down like some lovely ladies draws u might find at the minories on a thursday night. when i mean dropped i mean it dropped, loads and loads of percent. funny enough, amidst all the trading activity, no cliffy ....stevie w showed up at the pit edge demanding had anyone seen him....that'll be a no then..........infact, a few of the pit twigged......50k bet..cliffy long premium in the pit...the boy had pulled off the rio hedge in one hit.

guess what, cliff was or has never been seem again. good job really as steve w made no secret he had a contract out on the lads head to fit him with a pair of over sized concrete guccis.....

 

[holy man]

happy days Pitscum..........both your last stories are spot on .I could add relevant names and details ,but you ve already done a great job.

 

[Directional]

keep them coming guys.. had some great chuckles from all of these!

 

[Pitscum]

hooked the tuna

TUNA.........

where does a man start with this chappie??? give u a flavour, he was openly proud of the fact he spent his wedding night in a....whore house. we are talking no shame 100% class a nutter. locked his new bride in the hotel bathroom cos they had the first of many marital rows and went and scored some quality brass instead

the man had done more road miles than iggy pop crossed with hunter s thompson. tuna was late thirties looking like he was going on 50. the man's body was coming apart at the seams. no drink too long no burger too big.

he'd done the whole nine yards when it came to trading. you name it, he'd scummed it. he became a fixture in the btp options for a helluva time giving us lots of free cash...

.....especially one monday when he walked in the pit and fierced us all up for the straddle...after we'd subdued our ''tuuuunnnnaaaaaaaaa'' chant we quoted it, he does a double take on his fat wad of trading sheets and lifts us all our size...christmas had come early that year, we all asked him did he want to double, so he did, being tuna.

at that point the legends that was puppy and wildman benevolantly whispered in his ear that perhaps he might consider printing out some new trading sheets with todays monday trading date on as opposed to last thursdays date when he was last at work...who says eyes cant pop out of a head??

following some choice cursing and swearing and promises we were all going to die by stabbings, tuna walked off several million lira lighter......to go and get it on again down the pub.........

 

[Pitscum]

damn and another one...

royal exchange this time...tiny pits and tiny booths....

runners were never paid well, more a case of heres your chance son, suck it and see or naff off (bit like the arcades i think)

so one runner got a little desparate...am pretty sure he worked for gni and was having one or two minor cash flow problems..no worrries tho, he had a plan....

one day hes very late to work...noel the floor manager was screaming blue murder until, there goes the fone line and its little jonny's mum...conversation went something like this

''hello..is that gn?....?
''yes it is''
im jonnys mum, he wont be in today''
''whys that? is he ill?''
'''infact he wont be in for a very long time.....''
booth monkey now concerned...''why whats the matter?''

''he held up a petrol station last night attempting armed robbery and was caught so i expect he wont be in for about 15 years....''click..fone hung up, mum crying, we're crying with laughter....nasty old place!!

 

[Pitscum]

and another one

what about the work experience runner who got trapped in the bund pit and made the front pages of the evening standard?????

 

[Directional]

LOL! how did he get trapped and why did it make the front page?!?

 

[Pitscum]

during the war...

so this runner is just about nudging 16 but obviously couldnt get a suit to fit him but that didnt matter, he wouldnt stand out too much....on his second or third day, the lads collecting cards from the guys on the edge of the bund pit when wham, next thing he knows hes been lifted off his feet and dumped into the middle of the pit with a circle of traders chucking cards at him...he makes a run for it only to be grabbed by one 'senior' local who bends down and says

...''oi son d'you know what noise this is?''
-at which point he starts slapping his cheek..

little runner replies.....''no?'' (surpriise surprise)

trader says...''i'lll tell you, its my c++k slapping against your a++rse cheeks''

exit runner left, screaming and crying, pit dying of laughter..

trouble was they'd picked the wrong runner; he'd got down there with a firm only because his daddy was pals with a big wig from the l+++e board.

so, guess what story then appears in the evening standard later that week...and we're talking front page stuff...oh yes..........and guess what, horrendous fines followed soon afterwards to all those nasty nasty bully locals involved...

 

[Pitscum]

i got fined 5k i seem to recall for pre -arranging a trade i didnt pre arrange. was a case of knowing this bloke did the same trade every month near the end of the month. so cos i only showed a bid and not an offer and was first out of the traps so i got hit, that was defined pre arranged...lovely.

i was shopped by a chappie called steve s who reinvented himself from being a crap bund options trader to working on cnbc or cnn business daily. seems hes crap at that too from when ive seen him on there. nothing holding the lad back other than a severe lack of talent........altho you could argue at least he is consistent

and now, years later to rub salt in wounds (!) i hear all options deals are pre arranged and then cross on the fangled machine.....

l+ff+ wheres me bleeding 5k back you bunch of crooks!!!!

 

[charliechan]

i got fined £300 for using a wippet!!! well not quite, but it went like this.......

(a wippet was like a mobile phone but only worked in the liffe building - mobiles were not allowed on the floor)

so there i am, frantically calling out the futs down the wippet to my boss as he tries to manage his option position from the other side of the world (on holls) during a MAJOR figure, WHILE ALSO HAVING OTHER POSITIONS OF MY OWN THAT NEED TAKING CARE OF - NOT THAT MY BOSS GIVES A DAMN OF COURSE! anyway, i feel this tap and hear this voice behind me shouting 'NO MOBILES ON THE FLOOR!'


'F@*&K OFF IM BUSY' i reply thinking its some jerk or a runner trying to be funny.

'NO MOBILES ON THE FLOOR. WHATS YOUR MNEMONIC?' (id)

'F$$K OFF ******' i reply. my boss is also getting pi$$ed at this jerk now as well.

anyway, the tap turns into a hand on my shoulder and the person grabbed the wippet off of me. I span round ready to deck the twot, but stopped just in time..... it was don the floor manager!!!!

BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!

he was bloody fuming!! all hell was still breaking lose, so i grabbed the wippet back off of him and carried on, hoping hed realise his mistake and leave me alone.

he didnt. guess hiss missus must have been giving him a hard time last night and decided to take his frustration back out on me.

anyway, while the ****** tries to explain that such language has no place on the floor (WTF!!??) i had to pay a fine......

i actually tried to appeal given the circumstances and HIS mistake, but the ******s were having none of it. one reason why liffe had a bad run after they lost the bund - lack of understanding towards their customers (ie the traders)

 

[charliechan]

so this runner is just about nudging 16 but obviously couldnt get a suit to fit him but that didnt matter, he wouldnt stand out too much....on his second or third day, the lads collecting cards from the guys on the edge of the bund pit when wham, next thing he knows hes been lifted off his feet and dumped into the middle of the pit with a circle of traders chucking cards at him...he makes a run for it only to be grabbed by one 'senior' local who bends down and says

...''oi son d'you know what noise this is?''
-at which point he starts slapping his cheek..

little runner replies.....''no?'' (surpriise surprise)

trader says...''i'lll tell you, its my c++k slapping against your a++rse cheeks''

exit runner left, screaming and crying, pit dying of laughter..

trouble was they'd picked the wrong runner; he'd got down there with a firm only because his daddy was pals with a big wig from the l+++e board.

so, guess what story then appears in the evening standard later that week...and we're talking front page stuff...oh yes..........and guess what, horrendous fines followed soon afterwards to all those nasty nasty bully locals involved...

lol - i remember one guy grabbing a runner, pushing him up against the observers post and feigning anal intercourse with him - much to his displeasure (the runners that is!!!)

even the pit official was in fits - mind you, that runner was a real jerk.

 

[Pitscum]

anyone remember 'le chat noir???''

 

[charliechan]

http://www.elitetrader.com/vb/showthread.php?threadid=56274

 

[tommog]

Am really enjoying this thread, thanks, sounds like you guys had some good times in the pits, i would have loved to have traded in them, electronic trading doesn't seem to have quite the same atmosphere as what you got to work in, keep the stories coming.
Mind you, not so sure about those "feigning anal intercourse" stories on the runners, thats a bit much isn't it? If someone tried doing that to me the only arm waving and shouting they'd ever do again is moments before i pushed them into oncoming traffic.