Best Thread The Arcade Traders "Pit Stories" Thread

[Pitscum]

barney blowjob

well, who remembers barney? barney deserves a page on his own. he wasnt the worlds best looking fella but his mum loved him at the very least. his passion in life was...swinging..oh yes barney put the s in swinging.

thing was, fair game to the bloke, he used to come into work on a monday with all the pictures of that weekends little soiree. some of them were a bit hard to look at first thing on a monday morning but you know, we got by.

barney was married once, to a woman who loved his pastimes. trouble is they took the wife swap thing to its extreme, swapping wives with his next door neighbour, permanently!!

not sure where he ended up..last i heard he was on the ipe paper filling so now thats gone, he probably has a lot of spare time on his hands so um, lock ur wives up!!!

 

[Pitscum]

i think ive discovered a new tuna on here....fantastic....great to know characters exist even in the cyber world

 

[SOCRATES]

This one sprung to mind after a chat down the pub friday. Several guys from the floor were enjoying a particularly boisterous meal at Langan's Brasserie. As usual for floor traders the more the wine flowed, the louder and more obscene the conversation. This started to upset the other diners, and one lady in particular who saw fit to make a very obvious complaint to the head waiter. As expected he came to the table and explained to the guys that they should lower the volume and behave themselves. This upset the guys, especially as they felt the size of the bill gave them the right to do what they wanted. One particular broker took great offence at being told what do and took it upon himself to deal with the issue in his own special way. An apology was given begrudgingly and the request was made for a plain salad. The waiter returned with the salad and departed. The broker took the plate from the table and rested it on his lap, where up he proceeded undue his flies. He then removed his c**k, placed it on the plate and dressed the salad about it. Standing up he made a beeline straight to the table with the complaining women, smiled and asked her if by way of an apology she wanted to try the sausage salad.
Again Second hand story so may be artistic licence here, but heard the same thing from several people. I certainly wouldn't put it past the particular individual.

Now would it not have been even funnier had the lady been able to respond quickly and plunged her fork into the salad with as much force as she could muster ?

Best stategy in dealing with bully is to respond, unexpectedly and fast, they never come back for more.

Caught on his own he is probably an awful coward, but in a group this sort of creature allows himself to balloon in his bad behaviour and blossom as a bully.

Alcohol cannot be offered as an excuse, nor the size of the bill. There cannot be any excuse for this kind of behaviour, ever.

 

[ValB]

agree with sentiments above. but physicsl violence shuld never be used. far better would have been a monstrous put down realting to traders massively short position.

 

[charliechan]

did anyone see a documentary a few years back ('99??) called city people - featuring bomber (aka biggest ****** on the floor), donkey and co????

 

[SOCRATES]

agree with sentiments above. but physicsl violence shuld never be used. far better would have been a monstrous put down realting to traders massively short position.

I do not agree with you at all.

After all the ladies were invited to try the salad. The appropriate action under the circumstances would have justified a fork well plunged, with force, so that the offerer of the salad would have his wishes fulfilled.

Unlike you and many other people, I have had it demonstrated and proved to me that there is not point in making allowances for people who behave badly.

I went through a long period in my life in which I fell into the trap of making excuses for the unjustified behaviour of others.

You know...he comes from an underpriviledged background...or ...it was only a joke...or...he didn't mean it...or...that was not the intention...or...it was only a mistake...or...just a blunder...or...he didn't think he was doing wrong / harm / giving grief / being a nuisance / behaving badly / stealing / telling lies / causing damage, etc.,

Until one morning I got out of bed and found that the rubber band had snapped. That rubber band we all naturally have of patience and so on....suddenly snapped....not even a knot in the middle would fix it.

From then on, I hardened my resolve not to tolerate unacceptable conduct.

Speaking in parables, nowadays anyone who serves to incur my displeasure gets his head sliced off, then the questions are asked afterwards.

Once your rubber band is stretched to such a limit that it made to snap, your entire view of the world is made to change, and you cannot go back.

Obviously your rubber band is intact. The day it is made to snap you will understand, and not before.

That is why my reputation for selective ferocity is justified.

 

[dc2000]

many thanks to those in pages 1 to 5
" The best Sunday read for a long time " FOCWL falls off chair with laughter

 

[Pitscum]

i remember bomber..gotta hand it to the lad..not many boys will live at home with a db stuck in the drive!!

 

[Pitscum]

another sausage story

old exchange....entrance right by the reuters statue, enter bradley h, wo has to rank as one of the all time zero business, zero morals low life scum you will ever meet......as usual done out of his brain on the usual shyte, comes back to exchange reception, gets asked to show his ID, corse hes so far gone, he cant find it....so what does he do? well, easy, gets the old boy out and slaps it down on the counter and says ''thats my pass son thats all you need'',,,,but i guess it wasnt..one rather heavy fine later..............


another time, cannon street totally blocked with traffic, so bradley h cant get his cab to go any faster than it is and hes in a rush. so only bradley would get out of the cab, take his wallet out and start flashing a met police pass at drivers telling them to get out the way...and they did.....gotta dmit, made the bible story of the seas parting look pretty tame in comparison!!

and his classic line....''dont you know who i am?' !!! oh bradley we did, oh we did........

 

[Pitscum]

anyone remember the girl runner who decided to take her boyfriend up onto the roof garden and shag him in full view of the security cameras? she got a great reception when she came down stairs back on the floor.

 

[Directional]

Hey Pitscum,
if you get any new floor stories from up at Nymex Europe, you know where to report them

 

[Pitscum]

i will indeed, altho to be fair its not exactly heaving down there!!!!!

 

[jondoe]

TUNA.........

where does a man start with this chappie??? give u a flavour, he was openly proud of the fact he spent his wedding night in a....whore house. we are talking no shame 100% class a nutter. locked his new bride in the hotel bathroom cos they had the first of many marital rows and went and scored some quality brass instead

the man had done more road miles than iggy pop crossed with hunter s thompson. tuna was late thirties looking like he was going on 50. the man's body was coming apart at the seams. no drink too long no burger too big.

he'd done the whole nine yards when it came to trading. you name it, he'd scummed it. he became a fixture in the btp options for a helluva time giving us lots of free cash...

.....especially one monday when he walked in the pit and fierced us all up for the straddle...after we'd subdued our ''tuuuunnnnaaaaaaaaa'' chant we quoted it, he does a double take on his fat wad of trading sheets and lifts us all our size...christmas had come early that year, we all asked him did he want to double, so he did, being tuna.

at that point the legends that was puppy and wildman benevolantly whispered in his ear that perhaps he might consider printing out some new trading sheets with todays monday trading date on as opposed to last thursdays date when he was last at work...who says eyes cant pop out of a head??

following some choice cursing and swearing and promises we were all going to die by stabbings, tuna walked off several million lira lighter......to go and get it on again down the pub.........

Was that true that Tuna invited another trader round his house for dinner and decided to show the guy a video of himself having Lipo suction??

 

[Pitscum]

jeez christ..yes ive heard that story too and i remember him having it done but i cant vouch for that story sorry..however, knowing tuna, i reckon he'd have done it!

 

[Pitscum]

there was this stag do i wentto once at the no.6 club other side of london bridge, the stag had shipped in nasty treacles in the days long before eastern european if u get my drift. anyway, the gents was the scene of various bits of action and one young lad called kinglsy.....KKS if anyone remembers him, paid his ticket for a nosh or two. anyway, post event, kks is rummaging abt this sewer of a hole looking in all the corners , we got bored and asked him whats the problem...he come back, whilst the good lady was obliging him, shes had her hands in his back pocket and rifled all his cash and cards away...£500 in all..........nice.........

 

[kriesau]

Speaking in parables, nowadays anyone who serves to incur my displeasure gets his head sliced off, then the questions are asked afterwards.

Once your rubber band is stretched to such a limit that it made to snap, your entire view of the world is made to change, and you cannot go back.

That is why my reputation for selective ferocity is justified.

"Anyone who serves to incur my displeasure gets his head sliced off, then the questions are asked afterwards"

LOL - Gosh Albert, I bet there are many people quivering in fear at the prospect of incurring your 'displeasure'.

"Once your rubber band is stretched to such a limit that it is made to snap your entire world is made to change and you cannot go back"

LOL - Old Albert is obviously just a Victor Meldrew clone. Hey Albie, you should also checkout your syntax - there should never be a comma preceding 'and' in a sentence. AND is a conjunction wheras a COMMA is a mark of separation in a sentence. You obviously failed O Level English Language

"Thats why my reputation for selective ferocity is justified"

Hahaha - What a macho man he is - just beware of his 'selective ferocity'

 

[Directional]

c'mon guys, can we keep this thread on topic please

 

[Pitscum]

pit ditties

''Speaking in parables, nowadays anyone who serves to incur my displeasure gets his head sliced off, then the questions are asked afterwards.''

now, let me wager, hes a sepo....long on words and action so long as he's a 1000 miles from the action...hmmmm? u know what we hadda asong down on the floor anyone remember it? the one from west side story...


''i wanna be an american......SOLDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD !!!!!!

 

[Pitscum]

right..i cant personally vouch for this one but, it has rung a bell with me from the floor many moons ago...

langans brasserie opposite the ritz, christopher reeve was dining there as were a few city boys being a bit loud but not offensive nor intruding into reeeves' nite out to dinner.

anyway, post dinner, christopher reeve is relaxing in his chair over his brandy when he looks out the window to see the three city boys carrying their mate above their head in superman pose...................

 

[Directional]

Theres a few good stories of antics from the US floors and prop shops at the below thread

http://www.elitetrader.com/vb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=47026&perpage=6&pagenumber=1