Still some thoughts about the maid.
My mom is helping her the most, along with a couple of aunts. Great job, nothing less than nuns.
I am doing the most as far as my cousins: basically I keep her company and listen to her recipes and memories, all day long, with the excuse that I am sick. When the maid was healthy they ate all the cakes she baked for them, let alone all the other meals, and being raised by her for several months every year (for example she taught me how to walk when I was 8 months old). Now, for one reason or another, they're all missing.
I am a bit disappointed.
Also, uncles and cousins are inviting me to their houses, without realizing that I am not here because I am sick but mostly because I want to be with her (the maid).
My father, who always told me that she worked like a slave for our family, and I agree, now heavily disappoints me by showing very little respect in the way he says "hello" and "goodbye" every time he shows up. In other words, he is more cheerful and respectful to me than to the maid, whereas she deserves to be greeted much more than I do. Yet another confirmation that he's an asshole: incapable of being nice, incapable of showing affection. If you ask him how's the pasta, he'll tell you at best that "it's a bit cold" but never that he likes it, or even just that it's fine.
I am considering postponing my ticket by one week to spend more time with the maid, because I fear this is the last time I am seeing her -- I don't wanna cry when she is dead, while doing nothing when she's alive, after having already experienced that with my grandmother. She has swollen feet from not walking much any more, and she's letting herself go, and most of all, all my uncles and aunts, mostly doctors, are letting her have her way. She's only 83, and my grandmother died at 96, and she was still walking and cooking and shopping.
Yeah, I am going to postpone my ticket and spend another week here. At work, I'll tell them I am both sick and taking another week of holidays, so if they object to the holidays, then I am sick and got the medical papers from my uncles, and if they object to my being sick, then I am on vacation. Whatever they like better. I'm ok with being fired as well.
...
Ok, I got my refund for the ticket, all done online. However, the fact that I am assessing about myself is that I always need some time for myself, and each time I spend all day long keeping the "maid" company (of course I have a nickname and don't call her "maid" or anything formal), each day I do that, and each night I cannot go to bed right away. She goes to bed at about midnight, and I have to stay up another 4 hours to just think and write like I am doing now.
So the consequence is that I get up at noon, and cannot help her in the morning, and this is bad, but sorry -- I don't feel like doing more, because I would rebel and hop on the first plane I can find. My mom instead she does more, much more.
She doesn't care if she doesn't get enough sleep. When she's needed, she gets up. That's why I could never have a family. I would let my family die, if they bothered me while I am writing the journal or trading.
I guess I am a decent person, but obviously not a hero, and quite selfish, especially if compared to a bunch of saints and nuns like all my relatives are. The least decent relative is as good as I am, if not better -- my cousin. He lives in London, and doesn't work (pension from UK government). He didn't come to visit his dad when he was sick, because he was sick, too -- very sick. That's the worst thing he did. I would have done the same. And he asked me for advice, and I said it was ok to not come. Also because they wouldn't have let him leave, with one manipulation or another by this or that relative.
Yeah, I am quite selfish, yet I am aware that I am still better than average, because my family is just that good. It is so good that despite being the black sheep of the family, and of all 30-some relatives, I am still in the top quartile of nicest people in the world. For one thing, most of my relatives get ripped off by just about everyone, just to make sure they don't do anyone anything wrong. They keep getting ripped off and they're ok with it. Just like my mom with the maid in rome. She most likely stole 40k of jewelery six months ago, but since we're not positive about it, she's still working for us and we never blamed her or questioned her about the theft. Personally, I am peaceful, but if I could push a button and make her disappear and not get arrested for it, I would probably make her disappear, that ungrateful whore, after everything we have done for her. She's so stupid that she took us for idiots and thought she could get away with this theft, but we're not idiots. We just don't know if it was her, and we respect her, despite suspecting her, and being 95% sure that it was her. And if we were positive, we would simply say to her that we do not need her any more. Yeah, that's the way we are. But I am just like that superficially, whereas in reality, unlike all my relatives, I would have her slaughtered, if I could get away with it. Stupid bitch... she looks like a pigeon and she reasons like a pigeon.
See, keeping this maid company made me realize what a whore that other maid is. She's been with our family since 1949. With that romanian bitch instead (nothing against romanians) she's now down to 4 hours once a week, and soon hopefully they'll set the weekly hours to 3, 2, 1, 0. No more romanian maids. Everyone is telling us they're renowned for stealing. Hey, my best friend in luxembourg was romanian, so obviously I don't have a prejudice against all romanians -- just the romanian maids who work in italy.
Just like I will also tell you to not trust people from Naples and the south as a rule, while my father is originally from that area. In fact, I could be romanian and have a prejudice against romanians. For example, I live in rome, and I definitely have a prejudice against romans, and I am a human being and yet I have a big prejudice against human beings - i believe most of them are worthless idiots.
things2do
I was watching, with the maid, a movie about saint francis of assisi and the Franciscan friars. I definitely need to buy, being in rome, one of those... habits: they're comfortable, and I like being a Franciscan at least at home, because I like the Franciscans. And Saint Francis. The pope does, too.