my journal 3

[Yamato]

Back at work. Amazing day, despite the martingale madness that ended today with my closing of 8 contracts between GBP and JPY. A lot of 22s today. Today I had to change my password here at work and the two digits at the end went from "21" to "22". Then it's the 22nd of January. And, as I said, my capital reached and is above 22k.

I am dreaming that I'll be able to bring my capital from 4k to 40k within another month, and I'll finally be able to say that I've "decupled" my account. Then of course my father won't congratulate me, and I'll get upset.

Maybe that's what makes me blow out my account: my efforts to impress him make me reckless.

I wonder if even "centupling" the account and bringing it to 400k would be enough. He'd be happy, but he wouldn't show it. Officially he says that he's against trading, because it's immoral to make money without producing anything useful for others. In reality it is just an excuse and he's never congratulated me on anything in my whole life. He does the same with the people he works with. Doesn't ever praise them, and doesn't even show any caring if they come back to work after a period of sickness. With my trading, he doesn't get excited because it's immoral. With my conspiracy theories, he's not interested because... I have no idea. So basically anything I do doesn't interest him and nothing I ever achieve is worth praising. What he's ok with is us listening to his political achievements. That's why he became a politician, so everyone would sit around him and praise him. Doesn't give a **** about anything but his own glory.

All right, I've said enough. The systems are now in control. 30 systems are trading. There'll be trades every day for sure. Profit/losses will be in the thousands every day, because the average per week is 2000 - supposedly, from the forward-testing results. So that means a week that goes like this: +2000, -2000, +1000, -1000, +2000. Let's hope today it doesn't begin with minus two thousands.

 

[NVP]

Hey T

congratulations on a continually fascinating and diverse thread......people do empasise with your honesty and candour and indeed the last post here raises haunting memories of my Teens when I was constantly trying to impress my Grandfather and Father (both ex Bookmakers/Professional Gamblers) with my Gambing Prowness on the Horses.....

this situation was not as challenging than your fathers (unfounded) concerns but nontheless the desire made me blow my winnings on a regular basis.......

hang in there.....
N

 

[Yamato]

Thanks for the great feedback, much appreciated, especially coming from the #1 by posts on this forum. I guess you have trading/gambling (we could call both with just one term: "betting") in your blood. Lucky you. For me it is the opposite, so if I impress him by making money, I should be ashamed because it's immoral. If I lose money, I should be ashamed because I'm incompetent and I am wasting money... no way to impress this mother ****er, because for some reason it is his life principle to not praise people nor pay compliments.

Yeah, I guess it's really time to employ my money management skills and let the systems trade, because they're much healthier mentally than I am right now. The plan is now to scale up systems/contracts as capital increases, and scale them down as capital decreases. This is the famous fixed fractional method.

 

[Yamato]

Presidential Inauguration



This... "presidential inauguration" looks like a show/farce to me. According to us conspiracy theorists the US is about to have a civil war or trigger world war three, so this is like the Titanic's band, that played on as the ship sank:
WebTitanic | Passenger & Crew Information | Titanic's Band

At the same time, I'll be sinking, too, because the CME is going down with the US, and I don't feel like learning Chinese. Lately, as my capital has increased, I've started rooting for the US, I can feel it growing within me. I now understand how the billionaires are capable of planning genocides and similar in order to protect their power, given that, with the little money I have, I don't want the CME to be shut down, so ultimately I want the US to keep its power at the expense of the rest of the world.

The thing is that I wonder if, with drones, false flag shootings, false flag attacks of all types and extremely frequent... I wonder if the US elite is really doing the right thing to preserve its power, or if it's rather speeding up its decline.

...

Check it out, crazy sons of bitches:
Getting Tickets for the 2013 Inauguration - Presidential-Inauguration

The farce goes further than I thought:
Global Peace Inaugural Ball - Presidential-Inauguration.com

The purpose of the Global Peace Inaugural Ball is to celebrate the inauguration of President Barack Obama while fostering cooperation and partnerships among the nations. The gala is particularly geared toward diplomats, high-profile figures, corporations, and others who would like to contribute to the cause of peace on an international level.

Yeah, sure, "contribute to the cause of peace on an international level" is really what you do by working together with the US, a country that continually creates new fake enemies, foreign and domestic, for what? I guess to control the world better. I really can't figure out why the US is doing what it's doing.

911 was a staged false-flag attack with few people who actually died (except in Iraq) for the purpose of invading Afghanistan and Iraq. Pipelines, Oil, and drugs, and geopolitics, the control of the middle east. And that is understandable. I mean: for that objective, you could understand a false-flag like 911.

Sandy Hook was another movie-like government-created play where, most likely, no one who died, and its purpose is clearly gun control - as was Aurora, Colorado, another attack (real or fake), organized by the government. However, why do they need gun control so badly? This I can't figure out. Or are there other needs fulfilled through these false flag shootings?

...

Ok, let's say I am a criminal and want to get some bread from the bakery. I have a shop across the street. So at night, I drive by and throw some rocks at my own shop. The next day I go to the bakery and kill everyone, saying that they are the ones who threw the rocks. Then I have the bakery, too. Trouble with the police or the law? Nope, because the police doesn't exist, or it is the UN, or it is me, and whichever the case, I have it in my pocket.

I guess in a similar way, I don't want anyone to have guns except me, so nuclear disarmament for all countries except me, and gun control within the country. Still I don't understand why gun control seems to be such a big deal to the government considering all the things they've been pulling off despite there being little gun control until now. They've pulled off JFK and all the other political assassinations, the moon hoax, 911, anthrax, and the other false flags... why do they need to risk looking ridiculous? They're risking a mass awakening with crap like this:

father ROBBIE PARKER of emilie parker speaks out FULL LENGTH - YouTube

Sandy Hook Fraud: Robbie Parker (Actor!) - YouTube

Sandy Hook Shooting Exposed as False Flag Attack Pt. 1 of 2 - YouTube

Sandy Hook Shooting Exposed as False Flag Attack Pt. 2 of 2 - YouTube

I think they're really pushing their luck, like when I engage in martingale trading. It's really not worth the objective, continuing with these false flags. Then one day people will massively wake up all at once, like in the hundredth monkey effect:

The hundredth monkey effect is a supposed phenomenon in which a behavior or thought spreads rapidly from one group to all related groups once a critical number of initiates is reached. By generalization it means the instantaneous spreading of an idea or ability to the remainder of a population once a certain portion of that population has heard of the new idea or learned the new ability by some unknown process currently beyond the scope of science.

But forget about gun control. Are we even sure that 911 was worth it? They've been spending in military all the money they have looted anyway. Wouldn't it be better to spend all this money teaching people to speak English? But maybe the problem is that they're not in agreement at the top, and the military-industrial complex wants to make money, at the cost of destroying the world.

The uncertainty I have now is the following, given that I am not thinking anymore (as I did as a child) that there is a good mind (the government, or my parents) ruling the process, which is the way they still try to present it to us on tv. Now my doubt is on whether there is a bad, or simply selfish, mind ruling ruling the world, or numerous selfish minds, occasionally in disagreement with each other. I think it's the latter.

For example, there's some who want to cure cancer, but there's more who want to make money selling drugs and slaughtering patients, so the cure doesn't emerge.

There's some who want peace, even at the top, but there's more powerful people who want to make money by slaughtering people. And so on.

I don't believe in very orderly and coordinated conspiracies from the top, because there is great evidence of imperfections in all these false flag attacks. So the execution is poor and that is for starters. And also the creativity shows that they're not omnipotent.

They're very powerful, but not enough to simply push a button and make everyone disappear. Otherwise they would have done it already. For example, the internet got away. That means they don't control everything. They'd like to control it and take it back, but they didn't manage it yet.

Internet started from the army, then it developed in universities, and now we have it. It's as if there were a link between all humans, that keeps the elite from doing everything exactly as they would like.

Right, because even in the best conspiracy, the billionaire might want to save his maid. And the maid has a dog, and the billionaire has his relatives, and they have other links... and pretty soon everyone is connected. So the conspirators are not that powerful because of their links to the rest of humanity. And yet their plans are very elaborate. I don't know if it's worth it at this point, if it's worth it to conspire. I really don't see what's making those at the top conspire and organize something like Sandy Hook or even 911. It doesn't seem like there's a very intelligent mastermind at the top. It seems that they're very powerful, but not very intelligent. Sandy Hook does require a lot of coordination despite all the blemishes and imperfections. So, maybe I was wrong: they're very coordinated, despite a poor execution, but still not coordinated enough, and especially they start from the wrong ideas. And with such a crappy execution, they're going to get caught soon. Or if they don't, I have again overestimated americans and europeans.

Actually I know I am surrounded by idiots, so they'll probably get away, setting aside a possible hundredth monkey effect.

 

[Yamato]

Ok, I am home. Let's see how the systems are doing. I am scared. I can't keep up with the past results. It can only get worse.

Ok, let's look:

...

Nothing, just the usual GBP long trade, which trades almost every day... I wonder why... right: it's a system that goes long if price is above average at a given time of the day. It trades every other day. It makes money. Low performance, but it makes money.

Now the big deal will be to manage to do something else, because I can't trade discretionary, given that I've been doing martingale compulsive gambling for the past few days.

...

A couple of minutes after saying this, I remembered that this morning I calculated that I can afford more than 20 NQ contracts. A minute later, I was long on NQ. That was like 4 minutes ago. Now I am still long on it.

Today on NQ it looks like a range day.

As long as I don't add on contracts too quickly, I cannot lose on this one. And I am only looking to make 50 dollars. Let's see how it goes.

Losing 32 dollars right now. Remember what I wrote earlier: "no discretionary trading because I am in martingale mode". I came home, and I changed my mind in the span of 5 minutes after looking at TWS.

Losing 77 dollars now. Still to early to add contracts.

Losing 100 and I just added another contract.

Hopefully I will close both at break-even but NQ is now lower, so I can go long from a lower level.

I had a sweater, I took it off.

I had a shirt, I am taking it off.

Nope.

It didn't take my two contracts at the break-even price, and it fell more. So I added a third contract.

Let's see now if I can exit at break-even.

Now losing 216.

Losing 156... maybe this time I'll make it.

Losing 111.

Come on...

Tight struggle in there:



I have to hope for price to get to that green line and then I can start it all over again, but from lower, so I am more likely to succeed.

Losing 171 now, and it looks like it will fail to bounce again.

...

I only realize now that I cannot take much more falling without bouncing. Imagine if it kept falling like this all day long. Obviously the chances were in my favor by more than 50%, not just for the range in place, but because NQ tends to rise more than fall.

Nope! Forget this bounce. It wants to fall more. It's now causing me a loss of 261.

291 ongoing loss now.

331 loss and I went long another contract.

I went to as big as a 483 loss, then, with my 4 contracts, it turned around and now I am losing 300 dollars.

This is how the battlefield looks like:



How long more before I have to give up? A lot of contracts, given the margin I have available.

Now losing only 283.

My facebook girlfriend is only poking me once a day. I wonder if it's a plan, such as slowing down the poking all the way to zero. I wonder. She was the first one to seek me out and poke me, a few weeks ago.

In the meanwhile, GBP has recouped its losses.

But NQ is still giving me a stomachache.

Losing 263.

I guess this is like betting on red at the roulette, and having enough money to keep on doubling up your bet, with the casino not forcing any limits on your bet. Furthermore, this is better because you haven't close your first contract, so you still make money on your chip, even if it doesn't reach the point where you went long on it.

This could almost be entertaining, if you had enough chips to bet:



But if it doesn't turn, I am soon going to be screwed. So far I've already failed 4 times in predicting a bounce. The fourth time is not a failure yet.

Losing only 223.

This is taking so long that I'll have to go eat something. The only good thing about this is that at least I picked the right market, with the lowest margin.

...

Wow, what are they doing there, at 2724? They've been moving around that area for half an hour already.

I am still losing about 300 dollars on these four contracts. Not dramatic yet.

Ok, this is it. After all this time, it seems to be going up finally. I am now losing only 223.

Losing 183 now. Wow, martingale is easy. Of course, on the wrong day it can also blow out your account.

...

Nope. It stopped at 183 and now I am back losing more than 300. It's back in its loved area of 2724. Been there for 35 minutes now. I'm going to take another break. But before going, here's the plan again. I get my 4 contracts closed, and then wait for a little fall again, and go long 1 contract. If it falls more, I go long another contract, and so on.

...

Wow, now 40 minutes into that range:



...

One hour has gone by and price is still near 2724.

...

NQ falling more and I am about to buy another contract.

...

Ok, losing 500, long 5 contracts.

...

It looks like it wants to bounce, after falling for two and a half hours. Losing only 255 dollars now.

...

Losing 230.

Losing 180.

Almost there. Awesome.

Then I'll go long again, from lower this time. Awesome.

Losing 155.

...

This is how it looks like on the trade log:



...

Still nervous because it hasn't closed yet.

...

Losing 130...

Almost there...

Losing 105...

Losing 55...

Losing 30...

Closed!

Lost 15 dollars from the commissions.

Now we start all over again.

I have inserted a buy order at 2726, and more orders lower, gradually, every two ticks.

...

Pretty funny guy. I went from saying, this morning, "no more discretionary trading because there's a risk of martingale behaviors" to saying, in the afternoon: "let's get back to it, because I have to test a new martingale strategy on NQ".

...

Anyway, time to celebrate with some music:

Paranoid Android (Radiohead) on violin & piano - Entropy Ensemble - YouTube

Jobim: Chega De Saudade - Dúo del Sol - violin & guitar - YouTube

...

Damn.

I entered a bunch of trades. Unbelievable me.

Let's see how they're going. You play with fire, you get burned. Or something like that.

Let's see.

I was supposed to play with stoplosses, but I didn't even use any.

Let's check.



Dude. I'm depressed. That's what it is. It's the facebook girlfriend who's not poking me anymore.

I miss her.

...

All right. I closed them damn trades and I am profitable for the day, despite the 15 dollars lost on NQ and the ongoing loss on GBP (by the systems).

Capital at above 22k.

My facebook girlfriend still AWOL.

No, wait. She's liking my links, but she is not answering my messages, nor poking me. Things are... I am afraid it's over between us. I had grown attached to her. The poking was good.

Anyway, I am off. Hopefully the systems will produce some trades tomorrow. I mean some real trades, not just the usual trade on GBP.

 

[Yamato]

Ok, enough said:



And only because GBP sucked very badly yesterday and made me lose 250 dollars.

I am going to print this and place it on my wall.

Hopefully today the systems will produce some money.

 

[Yamato]

Dunno, kind of in a bad mood, but I'll have to start working, since I am at the office again.

What happened is this: the cab driver didn't have change for a fifty (euros) and so I offered to go to the nearby gas station. Of course the mother ****er must have had change for a fifty given that everyone pays him with cash. However, he said "no, sorry". I definitely took this personally, but I could not force the mother ****er. Who knows, maybe he was envious that I was too well dressed, and decided to make me pay for it. Fine.

Then I went to the grocery store, and I wanted to buy a bottle of water to get change for a fifty, but I said to her "I guess you won't be too happy to change a fifty for a bottle of water...?", and unfortunately she agreed with her face, and so I went and got some potatoes, which were 5 euros. So I went back to the taxi, with the potatoes and my 45 euros and he had left the meter running, so now the cost was not 10 euros but over 12 euros. Another mother ****er. So far 3 mother ****ers in 3 minutes.

But I didn't want to argue with him, because I don't ride cabs to act cheap when these problems arise. I could have easily accused him of being dishonest. But I didn't even think of doing it.

Instead, I asked him if I could leave the potatoes with him as a gift, and he didn't look too happy, but then, after I gave him 13 euros, instead of the 10 I should have been charged, and the 12 he wanted to steal, he finally said "grazie mille" ("thanks a lot"). Well, that was enough to make me satisfied. That he realized how well he was being treated.

People who are not nice are not evil. They've been treated badly. People who are trying to steal are not evil. They feel they don't have enough. I feel I have enough, and losing some money is less important than being appreciated by them.

I don't like being ripped off, but usually I try to stop the guy from ripping me off, and then I give him the money anyway. If instead he gets away with ripping me off, I don't want to make a scene, so I simply don't go back to that store. With cab drivers it's different because they change all the time, so if it's blatant dishonesty, I say it right away. Then I still tip them.

I figure, if I feel like saving, I'll take the subway and save 20 euros per day. If I take a cab, I won't argue over 2 euros. It doesn't make sense. By the same rationale, if you go to the restaurant it makes sense to tip abundantly. If you want to save, you just don't go to it, don't travel, don't get married... don't do jack basically. For everything you buy/pay, you should always add an extra 20% for unexpected expenses.

...

This reminds me of that girl, the neighbor, the architect, who used to invite me for dinner at her house. However, we also went to the restaurant, much more frequently, and I paid each time. And it cost me 2000 euros in the span of 3 years. So, given that she would only have it that way (especially after moving out of that place): restaurant and me treating her, I simply stopped being in touch with her, since last summer (as you might recall, we went on vacation together). I didn't make a scene, I didn't try to get her to split the cost. I paid up to the last day we went to the restaurant, and then I simply stopped meeting her. Much more effective than arguing about money. Stop buying at a given place, stop meeting a given friend: so much easier and more effective than arguing. But this isn't just about money. It's about everything in a relationship. If it's not convenient, then avoid the relationship, instead of arguing. Treat them nicely from the first to the last second, and then simply avoid them.

 

[Yamato]

Back.

You know, I am not really that happy about suffering damage, on a daily basis, at the hands of these animals around me. I understand them, but I'd prefer not to be surrounded by animals.

Fine for the lady who minded changing my fifty.

Fine for the guy at the gas station, who said he couldn't change my money - and lied.

Not fine for the cab driver who tried ripping me off.

If I had one bullet, my bullet would have to be used for the cab driver. If I had two bullets, I still would shoot the cab driver twice. The other two can be understood. They weren't forced to change my money.

I can still do some good reasoning. Dishonesty is one thing, disliking me and not changing my money is another thing.

Anyway. I've got my id. My id is this:

Don't mess with me. I am gonna compound your ass.

I printed the chart and I'll carry it around with me, wherever I go. If I run into any trouble, I just whip it out.

 

[Yamato]

Today i have... tonight i have one of those dinners, where you go because others ask you to go. It's rare for me to go to please others. Especially because I don't have many friends. Not a friend, but one of the secretaries. I will bring my chart so I can show her my progress. She's been following me for years. Even gave me 200 euros to invest, which I haven't returned yet, because they've... because I lost them but I didn't tell her, because I am willing to return them, but she doesn't want them.

I am officially depressed again, for the "change for 50 euros" problem. I risk relapsing into compulsive gambling.

 

[Yamato]

Back home.

Ok, I am officially fed up and through with my facebook girlfriend, given that she hasn't poked me once in the last... 18 hours. No pokes, no messages... what kind of a relationship is this?

Fed up with her.

The Police - So Lonely - YouTube

I like this new punk band.

Tonight that dinner...

Now, the systems.

They're trading big things today, CL and NG, and the usual GBP. It's either going to make me or break me.

Sting - Fragile - YouTube

Losing right now, a few hundreds.

One discretionary trade: short on GBL.

...

The dinner. I thought, I had thought I'd bring my equity chart with me and show it to the secretary, but I won't. It's in bad taste. My dad will retire from politics and she'll soon be without a job. Not a good idea to show all this money, unless I'm willing to invest her money with my systems, which I won't because I might lose it, so best to just put this chart on my wall, and jerk off to it.

Sting - Shape Of My Heart - YouTube

 

[Yamato]

I am not done celebrating yet. I feel like bragging a little more.

Just one more time:

Oh yes!

Queen - 'We Are The Champions' - YouTube

This is like the biggest promotion for me. My middle finger is slowly rising and getting ready to be shown to my boss and all my colleagues. And my father, too.

I've had not just my share of sand kicked in my face, but everyone else's share as well. I've been getting nothing but sand in my face.

...

I can't wait to reach 40k and be able to say that I've "decupled" my capital. My chart is already smiling for me, but by then it will be having an orgasm.

If I ever reach 40k... wow! You know what? If I ever reach 40k, I will be able to incinerate any of my colleagues with my eyes. I have that killer look already, but it's going to be that much sharper once I reach 40k. Once I "decuple". I'm a decupling employee, you mother ****ers.

...

Good news. I just checked the systems, and I am only 1k away from being a sextupling employee. Sextuple!

I am in the middle of sextupling my account, yes!

 

[Benj1981]

Re: Presidential Inauguration

Sandy Hook was another movie-like government-created play where, most likely, no one who died, and its purpose is clearly gun control - as was Aurora, Colorado, another attack (real or fake), organized by the government. However, why do they need gun control so badly? This I can't figure out. Or are there other needs fulfilled through these false flag shootings?

...

Ok, let's say I am a criminal and want to get some bread from the bakery. I have a shop across the street. So at night, I drive by and throw some rocks at my own shop. The next day I go to the bakery and kill everyone, saying that they are the ones who threw the rocks. Then I have the bakery, too. Trouble with the police or the law? Nope, because the police doesn't exist, or it is the UN, or it is me, and whichever the case, I have it in my pocket.

I guess in a similar way, I don't want anyone to have guns except me, so nuclear disarmament for all countries except me, and gun control within the country. Still I don't understand why gun control seems to be such a big deal to the government considering all the things they've been pulling off despite there being little gun control until now. They've pulled off JFK and all the other political assassinations, the moon hoax, 911, anthrax, and the other false flags... why do they need to risk looking ridiculous? They're risking a mass awakening with crap like this:

father ROBBIE PARKER of emilie parker speaks out FULL LENGTH - YouTube

Sandy Hook Fraud: Robbie Parker (Actor!) - YouTube

Sandy Hook Shooting Exposed as False Flag Attack Pt. 1 of 2 - YouTube

Sandy Hook Shooting Exposed as False Flag Attack Pt. 2 of 2 - YouTube

I think they're really pushing their luck, like when I engage in martingale trading. It's really not worth the objective, continuing with these false flags. Then one day people will massively wake up all at once, like in the hundredth monkey effect:

Sandy Hook: Gene Rosen's Audition Tape_THIS IS A MUST SEE. - YouTube


After reading a few things, and watching the latest Gene Rosen video (above), I think the people behind the Sandy Hook hoax/false flag want the "truther" community to pick up on all these anomalies and bad actors, because they're way too obvious! Just imagine if they now brought out pictures inside the classroom, which proved Sandy Hook happened. All conspiracy theorists are now officially deranged and insane. That would be quite a play. Personally, I think the hoax was made obvious for the "truthers", in order to use these fake deaths of children to vilify the movement, while of course getting the guns at the same time. It's still a big risk like you say, as this was painfully staged.

 

[Yamato]

Re: Presidential Inauguration

Thanks for the precious video (haven't seen it yet because I am at work) and thoughtful and insightful feedback. However, I still have a doubt regarding the "they want to get caught" theory (you're not the first one who says this to me), in that I think you might be thinking too much of these guys.

There's been imperfections, many of them, in all these false flags, starting with JFK and continuing with the moon hoax and 911. That's why they had to kill so many witnesses and "conspiracy theorists". They have made plenty of mistakes because despite their power, their execution of the plan is very poor due to the fact that the people in charge of executing the plan are ordinary people (including actors and the press, which makes so many mistakes), and not top highly qualified secret service agents. The difference between JFK and sandy hook or 911 is that today, with the digital media and the internet, we see their mistakes very clearly (those of us who are awake). So, as I replied to all these people telling me that they're meaning to get caught by us (not just with sandy hook but with all the other false flag events), my answer is: I don't think so. They just have a very poor execution of the plan, despite their financial and military power. Or rather, due to videos (for JFK and moon landing), and digital media and internet today, they're getting caught on every single mistake they make.

Such conspiracies probably went on for thousands of years, just the same way, but today we can see through them.

...

I saw the video, from home.

Let's not forget that conspiracy theorists are roughly 1% of the US population, and the government and the media totally ignore them. I don't think they'd organize something this big, screw it up, just in order to make us look ridiculous (in fact it'd be the contrary in my opinion, because they'd look more ridiculous, either that, or guilty of murder).

 

[Yamato]

Monitor JPY (long opportunity) and GBL (short opportunity, stoplosslessness area reached today).

 

[Yamato]

Yes!

Above 24k, finally, and therefore I can say that i have sextupled my investment of 4k. All trades have paid off, except JPY. Made money with the systems and made money with GBL, GBP, NQ.

I don't know what kind of madness, compulsion, frustration I will come up with now, because I am so used to being unhappy and frustrated that for sure I'll come up with something - maybe even I will blow out my account to get back to earth, and stay grounded, or whatever the idiom is (I am translating from Italian).

Ok, it's all very much deserved. But I'll find a way to sabotage it, because in my family this is sinful.

Happiness is sinful... money is sinful... not suffering is sinful. You must work hard, suffer, be poor, be a Franciscan basically.

I am good, I am a genius, I am awesome, I am a staggering human being. I am... a sextupling employee. Of course I am done bragging about the 22k, but tomorrow I'll be sure to brag about the 24k+ that I am seeing right now on the account (the equity chart only shows on the next day).

Queen - 'Don't Stop Me Now' - YouTube

My equity line is defying the laws of gravity, like they say in the song.

Yep. I am having a good time and I don't wanna stop at all.

...

I am so good. I almost cannot describe/conceive how good I am. It's all coming together finally. I am going to own the world.

Scarface "the world chico...and everything in it" - YouTube

Yeah, that's my colleagues. Saying "take out the profit" and "be happy with what you got" and start with 4k again or you'll lose it. Me, I want what's coming to me. What's coming to me? The world, chico. And everything in it.

...

Oh, wow I just realized. Today is the 24th, and I have 24k. On the 22nd I had 22k. So this means on February 1st I will have 1000 thousand dollars! I am about to blow out my account! Let's be very careful with this excitement because it might be counter-productive. It wouldn't be the first time.

...

Ouch. Some ongoing trades by the systems went from +200 to -600 and now I am all of a sudden back to 23k.

 

[Yamato]

Ok, I've been smoking and I'll be smoking. It's going so well, that I am also eating a cake, I am celebrating.

Capital is back at 24k. I am still a sextupling employee.

...

Nope. Again the systems are losing on the ongoing trades so once again I am at 23k and I haven't sextupled jack. Really sad sad sad. Only 2 hours to go, for the systems to catch up and put the account back at 24k, and allow me to say that I sextupled.

...

Now a little better, but still not at 24k.

I am:

1) losing faith in my systems. They only seem to make money when I am not using them.
2) realizing that all this celebrating will get in the way of my trading
3) slowly getting used to my new capital

...

Watch it. Today is a Thursday, bullish day. There's going to be a pretty big rise in the last 30 minutes. That's what usually happens on a day like this. More on Friday, but on Thursdays, too.

Plus notice how NQ is down 1.5% but ES and YM are positive. This is not going to last. No, no, no.

Fred & Adele Astaire -- Fascinating Rhythm, 1926/Gershwin on Piano - YouTube

...

damn, I was wrong on NQ. Ten minutes from the close and it didn't rise as much as I thought.

 

[Yamato]

Martingale again. Long on 5 JPY. I might wake up and find 25k on my account or 18k. Yeah, I know. It sucks.

JPY was losing so many ticks for the day that I couldn't resist and I kept adding contracts.

 

[Yamato]

Position in JPY still unprofitable by thousands, and still open. It doesn't look good, but I am not closing it. There was no bounce whatsoever during the night.

I guess I haven't sextupled yet and I won't be bragging about my equity line today.

 

[Yamato]

Back at the office.

Maybe there's hope for my JPY martingale LONG trades. It seems recovering from a down-trend, switching briefly into a range, and hopefully it will soon be entering an up-trend.



...

Nope. I am paying with my blood this arrogance of mine. Losing thousands more. Down 5000 dollars on this trade.

Good thing I am at work, so I don't have to worry about what to do.

...

Obviously, sooner or later, it was going to bounce. The question is for how long the bounce will last and how far it will go... will it go as far as i need it to go?



Each time I get hurt with my martingale, it's a surprise. Like I never learn the consequences of it. This wasn't a stoplosslessness situation and yet I went for it, with martingale.

...

In the last hour there's been a range:



My judgment may be clouded by my hopes, but if I entered this trade, it is because JPY was extremely oversold, and having fallen this much so early in the day (there's still 10 hours to go), being a Friday (weak dollar on Fridays), I am still expecting a decent bounce that will at least allow me to break even.

...

Oh my god... this JPY loses hundreds of ticks as if they were butter, and it never bounces, and I am short 5 contracts.



This is a tragedy, I was asking for it, and I knew it all along. Now what I would find useful is knowing the future, so I can evaluate if I should get out or stay short overnight in case it doesn't bounce in the next 10 hours.

...

Due to this martingale trade, I am losing so much money that it almost makes me laugh. I don't know the odd mechanism that produces laughter when you're desperate but it does make me laugh. I am laughing right now.

Given that right now I am losing 6000 dollars on that goddamn martingale trade, if, by the time I get home (no margin call yet) I can manage to get out a break-even, I will definitely do it. Forget about my dreams of making 2000 dollars on it. I'll be glad if I can close the trade with a loss of 200 dollars even.

Nothing, no signs of bouncing. It just keeps on falling.

Wow, I wish I had been sleeping yesterday, and got to this situation today, and could go long from these levels. Wow wow wow. Lucky those who can do it.

...

Wow (sarcasm), after falling non-stop for days, it bounced 15 ticks, and broke the 1.1 barrier:



The only problem is that for me it's not enough. I need it to rise all the way to the 1.1111 barrier. Just one more hour here and then I'll go home.

...

Speaking of "falling knives", i really picked the right market to go long... look at the chart with monthly candlesticks:



Of course that's what attracted me, the fact that it was extremely oversold, but it's like trying to catch a bullet.

...

Falling lower. This is a supreme injustice. The fact that JPY doesn't bounce.

No margin call yet, but extremely close to it.

...

Lost 180 ticks yesterday, lost 150 ticks today, no bouncing whatsoever. Very unfair.

 

[Yamato]

Back home, and everything exactly as expected: I am losing 6000 dollars.



I guess I got away with one martingale too many and didn't learn my lessons while they were cheap.

... although, after all this falling, it finally looks like it's bouncing. Too bad I have no margin left to invest in more contracts:



To barely break even I have to reach the green line, which right now seems like a distant dream to me, and it'd bring me back to 23k, whereas yesterday there was a moment I was at 24500.

Yet now even just getting back to 22k is like a dream.

...

There's still some hope. But just hope to break even, whereas yesterday I had the confidence of making thousands.



JPY is capable of turning around and gaining 100 ticks in a few hours, and that is all I need to break even. Now my loss is under 5000. Wow, I really suck.

...

Now I am only losing 4000. It seems like it is starting to move.

...

Tell you what. I am so scared of this thing that I'll be ok with exiting anywhere near 21k of capital. This is like a 2000 dollars loss.

I have to pay this price for my stupidity and arrogance, because the alternative is the risk that my martingale trade might totally blow out my account.

That's precisely how I blew out my account after sextupling in 2008, and bringing 3500 to 24000. I used a martingale method on the GBP, which just kept falling and falling, until I was left with 5000. And JPY is an even better candidate for falling and falling.

I cannot afford to keep this trade open during the weekend. I must close it, no matter where it ends, at the end of today. Even if it means losing 6000 dollars. Only 5 hours to go.

Even losing 3000 seems like a good deal right now. JPY simply doesn't want to bounce. The past few months have shown it. I have really picked the wrong beast to use my martingale on.

...

Fine, I am being shown a lesson here, clearly. But I don't know if I'll learn, because it is clear what I've done wrong (not accepting my 200 dollars loss), but I don't even remember how I got myself into it. Let's go over it.

I was losing 200 dollars, and I decided that it was a great opportunity to make more money, because it could not fall any lower - I felt.

So I opened a second contract.

idea2develop

Then price fell and I was losing 400, and this seemed like an offense to me by the market, not looking for a way to make money anymore, but a way to get it back, and i was confident it would work. But then it fell lower, and I was losing 1000 dollars.

So I decided to buy all the contracts I could buy and hold it overnight, but at that point I was really desperate. I went from hopeful to desperate the moment I bought a third contract.

Starting from there, I've been in denial or similar.

Now that the loss is back to 5800, I feel like I should have closed with a loss of 4000.

Will it ever get back there?

My reasoning is all gone by now.

But this wasn't my first martingale trade. It was the last of about 20 of them, and they all worked out. I didn't lose money on any of them.

Half of my trades had stoplosses, and those 50% of trades are safe, but they hurt much more my pride than having 19 wins and blowing out my account on that 20th martingale trade. These trades, the martingale ones, are reckless, they blow out my account, but they don't hurt because I win almost always. The others involve a frequent incurring in stoplosses.

There's only one exception: going short on GBL, and without martingale. That is a stoplossless market right now. Everywhere else, you need a stoploss. You could get away much more on NQ than JPY with martingale, for frequency of bouncing and number of contracts you can afford. JPY is really the worst market from all points of view to engage in martingale trading.

But I did it anyway, because I got away with it so many times, that I forgot the rule altogether. Martingale is tricky because most of the time, you get away with it and you make money. Then you lose it all at once. Especially if you're so stupid to pick the wrong market and stay overnight on it.

...

All right, I've digested this loss. I'll wait a little longer and then close it, when it seems like it won't rise any more. And close it for sure by the end of the day. I won't be bragging for a while, given that my account will be probably still be below 20k by the end of today.