my journal 3

ouch... awake again

I moved to another room so I would not hear the screaming child... "mom... mom... mom... "

Now I was hearing the door-slamming bitch. She came back at 2 am, and slammed her door, then she sleeps like 5 hours and slams it again at about 7.30.

so there's really no way to get any sleep because people are busy making noise to keep me from sleeping. No one seems to care about sleeping.

So all right. Another sleepless night.

I peeked at the systems and now capital is above 14k.

That's the only positive note.

What am I living for?

To avoid being touched on the shoulder by the monkey at the office, to avoid hearing the door-slamming bitch, to avoid being woken up by the screaming child.

Anything good?

Making money so I can leave all this.

But making money is not fun "in and of itself". I don't know what it means exactly. I just heard it. It sounds right.

So here I am again.

Typing away.

Tomorrow I'll be outspoken, because that's what happens when I don't sleep.

I might even tell him the famous sentence "keep your hands off me".

Then what.

I finished my first Corona. I will go get the second one.

...

I was thinking that in a month, my part-time schedule will switch to 8.30 to 14.30. So I'll only see the roommate from 10.30 to 12.30, because he comes late, leaves early, and he also will take a coffee break from 11 to 11.30, so that means only 1 and a half hour with this idiot.

And yet I will still fight to keep his hands off of me.

Yeah, big fight. Big feat. Big achievement. I know. When someone could just say "do not touch my shoulder". Obsessing about such a trivial detail. I know. It's crazy. But my life is so empty that I am making a big deal about such things.

Or maybe it's like this. I keep my life empty because even such small things bother me so much. So I stay away from bigger problems.

Or maybe it goes like this. Having managed to stay away from bigger problems all my life, I haven't learned to deal with problems. The better I get at avoiding problems, the worse I get at facing them.

Or maybe there's some other explanation. Just because an explanation sounds right, it doesn't mean that it is the right one. All three explanations sound great, and yet they can't all be right.

What I know is that if I lived at the house by the beach, my only fear would be a stranger coming to kill/rob me. Right, because there would be no other people around.

I would enjoy silence, nature, waves, wind, water, swimming, sun, peace.

When am I going to be there?

My father told me to get the social security straightened because I've worked abroad for some years. So I have to get those years to count toward the italian system. So i was thinking, why on earth would i worry about that if I am planning to retire early and never fulfill those required years to get a pension? But that's because my father has other plans for me, that is staying at the bank my whole life. And this is reminding me now that scene in the godfather 2, where Tom says to michael that he talked to his father, and his father has other plans for him:

The Godfather: Part 2 (8/8) Movie CLIP - Corleone Family Flashback (1974) HD - YouTube

Right, amazing actors.

My father had high hopes for me. I couldn't do things my way. I had no help nor encouragement to do things any other way.

And now what do I got? Just my dick in my hand.

... 14k is a great achievement, don't get me wrong, but to achieve what i want to achieve, by buying my freedom, and receiving everyone's blessing, I'd need 500k.

That's something concrete to them, parents. Otherwise they'd say I am being reckless.

I am very far from that capital.

And each time I try to speed things up and reach it, I blow out my account.

So, to be realistic, it is far.

What is close? 20k is close, 30k is also close. I've been there before. But even when i get there, it seems like a lot, but it is nothing compared to what i need.

I can double every month, when I have 4k. When I have 10k, it's harder. If I have 30k, it's impossible. Psychologically speaking even before considering money and risk management. If I lose 2k out of 4k, it's nothing almost. If have 20k and I lose 10k, it destablizes me. Also, I can take some extra risks when I have 4k, but I can't do the same when I have 20k, because I can't just wire another 20k, the way I can wire an extra 4k.

All things considered, it's a good thing that the systems will rule the whole process, because being at 14k, i have already kind of lost my sense of balance. The money management is already set up all the way to 400k, so it's all automated from here on. There's going to be some scaling up at about 20k.
 
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An Economic Theory of Limited Oil Supply | Our Finite World
We seem to hear two versions of the story of limited oil supply:

1. The economists’ view, saying that the issue is a simple problem of supply and demand. Substitution, higher prices, demand destruction, greater efficiency, and increased production of oil at higher prices will save the day.

2. A version of Hubbert’s peak oil theory, saying that world oil production will rise and at some point reach a plateau and begin to decline, because of geological depletion. The common belief is that the rate of decline will be determined by geological considerations, and will roughly match the rate at which production increased.

In my view, neither of these views is correct. My view is a third view:

3. An adequate supply of cheap ($20 or $30 barrel) oil is no longer available, because most of the “easy to extract” oil is gone. The cost of extracting oil keeps rising, but the ability of oil-importing economies to pay for this oil does not. There are no good low-cost substitutes for oil, so substitution is very limited and will continue to be very limited. The big oil-importing economies are already finding themselves in poor financial condition, as higher oil prices lead to cutbacks in discretionary spending and layoffs in discretionary industries.

The government is caught up in this, as layoffs lead to more need for stimulus funds and for payments to unemployed workers, at the same time that tax revenue is reduced. There can be a temporary drop in oil prices (as there was in late 2008), as recession worsens, but eventually demand rises again, oil prices rise again, and the pattern of layoffs and increased governments financial problems occurs again.

Without substitutes at a price that the economy can afford, economies will adapt to lower amounts of oil they can afford by worsening recession, debt defaults, and reduced international trade. There may be tendency for international alliances (such as the Euro) to fall apart, and for countries to break into smaller units (Catalonia secede from Spain, or countries break up the way the Soviet Union and Yugoslavia did).

At some point, probably not too many years in the future, the amount of oil extracted from the ground will drop, reflecting a combination of geological and economic factors. The fall may very well be quite steep. While we can’t expect to extract more than geology will allow, there is nothing to say that political and economic factors will allow extraction of this amount. If civil war breaks out in an oil producer, production may drop quickly. Or if oil prices drop because of severe recession, drilling of new fields and wells may drop off quickly, leading to lower production as existing wells deplete, and not enough new supply as added. There may also be disruption in international sales of oil...
Click to expand...
there's more at the link above

she knows her ****, i'm telling you - look, keiser interviewed her, too:

 
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Travis, hey man been reading and enjoying your musings. Listen, just tell him. Say "Man, I know this is strange, but, I can't stand anyone touching me. I need about 3 feet of personal space to feel comfortable."

Then you can follow up with: "My friend Mike said it was okay to tell you this. I've been worried about it, but he said it was fairly normal to feel this way."

Nothing wrong with personal boundaries.
 
Ah ah, awesome. And thanks for the feedback (come back any time). However, I have to argue about this, in that you make it sound simple, whereas I'd have to train like in the Marines to be able to say something like that. I need a program of counter-education to undo what my mother did to me in the early formative years. In other words, according to my education you shouldn't go to an adult and tell him stuff like "don't pick your nose" (which he does as well) and "don't touch people". And by the way he's many years older than me.
 
My wife is 17 years older than me. No ****. I am 31, she is 48. You might say I've gone long. :)

I have no trouble telling her what I think, even when I am wrong.

Speak your mind Travis! What is the worst thing that can happen? My parents raised me to be a psycho, that doesn't mean I have to operate the way I was taught.
 
OK, that "speak your mind!" is the first step in my re-education camp. Repeat it long enough and it will sink in.

Today I spoke my mind by the way. Met the usual cab driver, lady this time, I feel sorry for her, but I would have done it to a man, too. She had the usual FIAT with the folding front seat. Yet she wouldn't fold it down to let me see the meter. So I told her about regulations, and she said that I got up on the wrong side of the bed and I could leave and take another cab. So I left, but wasted an hour, because she had to go back in line after I left. Pretty stupid I think. Merely for standing up to a client who demanded his right to see the meter.

You see I only speak my mind when there's flagrant abuses of my rights. The uneducated/impolite person is problematic for me because he doesn't mean it. He's an animal basically. That cab driver instead: she knew the regulations. He doesn't know the unspoken regulations known as "good manners".

...

By the way, I wrote a text message to my roommate this morning saying to him that I'd be late due to insomnia, and to tell my boss and the others. And I was late, but he's still not here and I've been here half an hour.

...

10.47: he's here. He said the tramway broke down.
 
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Ok, so today there's not much to do because the connection to bank of italy is not working.

So here I am, typing. Today the bitch slammed her door at 2.30 am. Woke me up, I was mad, I wanted to kill her, but as usual, I didn't do anything. Too polite to kill her.

So, back to my "musings".

Now that I have 14k, Nibiru's impact with earth and doomsday don't look so attractive anymore. I've got a capital to worry about and I have everything to lose from the end of the world and even from financial collapse. I will drop out from the truthers and enroll in the satanic illuminati. The first human sacrifices will be the two neighbors.

Back to my capital, now that I have this huge capital of 14k, let's even round it to 15k, this represents as much as 3% of what I need to retire, which is 500k.

I can definitely quit if I reach 500k. Everyone will agree.

Now the question is how frequently I can double my capital safely.

So... from 3% to 6%, 12%, 24%, 50%, 100%.

I just have to double it 5 more times. Having doubled it twice already, because I am coming from 4k. So that's 8k once and 16k twice. And I am almost there. So if I doubled twice in 3 months, in 9 months I could reach 1 million. However, I want to play it safe, because I can be reckless with 4k but not so much with what represents a year of work.

So maybe I could reach this sum in a whole year, which means I should quit thinking about it, because I'll want to rush things and I'll blow out my account as usual.

How about focusing on just reaching 100k.

If I do that, that's still "**** you" money to me, as they say, because I could make several thousands a month with that capital and come live in a house near the bank so I don't have to ride cabs, and I could insulate the house from the neighbors, like those recording studios.

OK, let's pretend the objective to reach is 100k. So now I have reached 14%. I have to double three more times. And then I won't quit my job, but it will be much more relaxing. Then of course I'll start worrying about the impending financial collapse.
 
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eSignal.com free world stock market quotes and charts

esigchartspon.jpg

Usual dip at/before the time my systems close, which makes me fear that someone else is massively using them (because they've stolen them from me). I yet have to see a rise at the time my systems are closing, and I've been observing this for weeks.

At the same time, whatever systems worked a year ago and two years ago, are still working today. So, even if someone is using them (behind my back), they haven't eroded their edge completely. I hope it's just a coincidence, or even just an optical illusion, and no one is profiting unfairly and dishonestly from all my work.

...

still thinking about that stupid bitch of a cab driver who told me that I got up on the wrong side of the bed and expected me to be ok with not seeing the meter. Twentieth person in 7 years of Roman cabs, who hides the meter, and the first one who won't fold down the folding front seat. All other 19 assholes were men, and I managed to reason with them until I was able to see the meter. This bitch, nothing doing.

This is her car, FIAT Multipla, and the fold-down seat which she would not fold (unlike in the picture), claiming it could not be done and that it wasn't a big deal not seeing the meter:

fiat-multipla-1999-2003.jpg

And this is the regulations:
View attachment deliberazione_68_2011.pdf
http://www.comune.roma.it/PCR/resources/cms/documents/deliberazione_68_2011.pdf
Art. 24 – Tassametro per il servizio Taxi
1. Il tassametro deve visualizzare con caratteri preferibilmente luminosi l’importo
massimo da corrispondere al conducente per l’espletamento del servizio.
2. Ai sensi del D.Lgs. n. 22/2007 il tassametro deve essere idoneo a fornire le
informazioni necessarie alla stampa delle ricevute automatiche di cui al comma 6
dell’art. 31 del presente Regolamento.
3. Il tassametro deve essere collocato internamente alla vettura sulla parte superiore della plancia o sul cielo della vettura in modo tale che sia l’autista sia l’utente possano leggere chiaramente le indicazioni in esso contenute.
[...]
Click to expand...
There, bitch! This #3 translates to:
The meter must be located inside the car on top of the dashboard or on the ceiling of the car so that both the driver and the user can clearly read the information in it.
Click to expand...
"...so that both the driver and the user can clearly read the information in it", therefore not hidden behind the seat.

Now, the bitch said I was too fussy? I say she's outright dishonest. I got off the cab saying "you gotta be kidding me...". I wonder if after today she'll change things in her cab or keep things just like that and keep arguing that it's not her problem if you don't see the meter.

"People", these monkeys... most of them either too stupid or too dishonest to get along with me. That's why, as a rule, I avoid people/monkeys. And Romans are animals. Ask anyone - Romans are considered the rudest people in Italy. But after taking 4000 cabs, I am not getting ripped off. I am good at getting ripped off the first time. But, as they say, fool me once, shame on... shame on you. Fool me... you can't get fooled again.

Bush "Fool Me Once..." - YouTube
 
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systems at about 15k

30 more minutes to stay here at the office

done nothing today, worked for like 30 minutes

i hadn't slept well, and the boss didn't give me much to do, the connection to the central bank didn't work

roommate didn't touch me but tried to come by, but i leaned back in my chair, so he couldn't reach, unless he wanted to climb my chair or sit on my lap. It reminds me of how you deal with a dog who wants to lick you.

i think he might be getting the drift after weeks of this

15k... 15% of my target before... before... before saying that I've achieved something, like "profitability".

what the **** do i do when i achieve 100k? No idea.

when that happens, assuming at least a monthly 10% (with very safe money management), I will make a good 10k per month - provided my systems are still working. Let's keep our fingers crossed, with all the people who might have them by now. Not because of me, but because of having been betrayed, potentially.

Assuming a monthly 10k of profit, what could I do?

I really wonder.

I could easily travel to the island every weekend. What I'd like to do is drugs, even now. I mean pot.

That doesn't cost too much, but the problem is that it's illegal. Drinking is so ****ing unhealthy.

Don't know what to do with less than 500k. Other than paying for the server. I can't really find something that will cost me like 500 dollars per week and that will change my life. If I could grow hemp, but I can't. I'm going to get caught and go to jail. So nothing doing.

Trips no good, right price range, but no good.

Too tiring basically, and waste of money.

Maybe I could buy some things on ebay.

But that won't change my life, nothing drastic i can think of.

I can't use the money to treat women to the restaurant, because a relationship is too much to handle. It could destroy my life and my emotional balance and my trading, too.

If I were a child, I would have gone and bought pastries and cakes. But now I know how unhealthy it is to do so.

Really don't know what to do with an extra money, unless it's a lot. I don't even want to buy socks, shirts and similar. Clothes are not worth buying.

Scaling up is out of the question until I reach 25k. So profit can only be around 5k per month.
 
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slightly below 13k now, because CL and NG are turning against my open positions (started by the systems)

A few hours ago I was at 15k and now I am at 13k.

...

still losing a bit, but at about 13400 now - i must stop looking or it'll make me go into revenge trading mode, since I was counting on 15k for the day, and it's not there anymore

...

the day is over, the week is over (thanksgiving holidays disrupt the normal trading schedule of the next two days, so I won't trade on Thursday and Friday)

One way or another, my capital is higher. I am pretty happy that I didn't engage in revenge trading out of anger for this NG trade that took over a thousand dollars from my account.

I am now totally caught up with the systems, because what they made in 3 months I made, too (sometimes via discretionary trading). I'll post the details later.
 
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Back.

The week is over, here's the last 12 weeks of automated trading and their profit:

15
3,759
1,034
156
1,439
-1,351
-3,549
706
-854
1,039
1,571
770

Sometimes I didn't follow them, for lack of margin or lack of trust.

At any rate, I am above the "benchmark", my own benchmark of course - my systems.

So. They made 4700 in these 12 weeks, and I started with 8000, because in the second half of august, if I remember correctly, I had turned that initial 4000 into 8000, at which point I started automated trading, in early September. No wait.

In the first week... anyway. The trading is all in September.

Go back to the journal's previous months to see the exact dates if you are interested.

So anyway. Now my capital is at 13,300.

With the systems, without any tampering, it'd be at 12,700. So this is a great success for me.

Now I can trade my systems at ease and in peace with the world. We will see what the next few weeks will bring.
 
haven't slept well, but not 5 hours either.

Neighbor bitch slammed her door at 1 am and then again at 7.20, or her father did - i hope with all this noise she makes that at least she sleeps less than i do. Then, being tired, she might get run over by a car. I am hoping for that to happen soon. She definitely deserves to die. Hell, she didn't deserve to be born.

today and tomorrow there'll be no trading, but i have to write to complain about the daily annoyances.

the bitch
the roommate
the whatever surprise the day brings

probably, despite the early close today, ZN is trading right now. Let's see how it's doing, since I am short 2 contracts.

[...]

Yep, lower.

The chart won't even show it, since it's a half holiday. Bund lower, too.

[...]

Connection to bank of italy still not working, so today there won't be much to do either.

...

There might be a day when I'll stand up against the less flagrant violations of my rights, such as sleeping. But that day hasn't come yet. My education and good manners are still stronger than my anger. They won't let any argument/complaint through, to reach my neighbor.

For now, I have stood up for my right to not be touched on the shoulder by my roommate. Keep your hands off of me, you sick son of a bitch. But the trick here is to keep friends... er, "friends" with him, while achieving my objective of not being touched. This is a major battle in my life.

What can i tell you: i haven't learned to deal with such animals, because I haven't met many animals in my life. I am not equipped to deal with them. I have to learn it.

Had I been more successful in whatever field, such as banking or trading, now I'd be with the higher ups, who are not animals, and know some good manners. But, for one reason or another, i am stuck with the lower downs. And they're animals, big time.

But things could be worse. Let's build on what we've got. We've got quiet, calm, patience. Intelligence. Part-time schedule. I have some stuff.

For one thing, I don't get home at 8 in the evening like the others.

Not much more to celebrate for now.

...

By the end of tomorrow I'm going to have to close the ZN positions, because it can't go on falling for much longer, and I wouldn't want to see it go back up to 134, where I could go short again, if I exit within tomorrow. Besides, Friday is a bullish day, so the ZN fall should continue until tomorrow. But I am waiting for it to come below 133. I am expecting this, judging by the past. Once I exit these trades, capital should be above 14k.

...

I closed those ZN trades, because it looks like it will be bouncing back up - I can't risk losing all that profit. So now I am at above 13k, and no positions open. If ZN goes back up to 134, I'll go short again.
 
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Ok, back at the office.

Good thing I closed the ZN trades. I could sense it was going to rise:

esigchartspon.jpg

Nothing really that is not explainable. The fall was slowing down. Here you can't see it properly because, due to a Thanksgiving Thursday they're not showing yesterday's candle:

2.jpg

...

10.40: roommate shows up. He had the usual meeting at the hospital. Bull****.

What does he do as soon as he gets here? He calls someone to arrange a meeting for a coffee break. Now it's 11.08 and he's still on his coffee break.

...

wow, an historical moment: he came back from his coffee break, and made a personal phone call, so that went from about 11.10 to 11.30. Then I went to another room and when I came back, at 11.31, he was working. Memorable.

...

Not for long because 20 minutes later, at 11.51, he started making personal phone calls again.

Half an hour ago, at 12.30, he asked me if he there was anything he did to wrong me, and there is, many things, but I didn't tell him. I said I was busy working and that I couldn't start talking to him, because otherwise we'd go on forever. Just the mere fact that he does nothing all day long, and would like to keep me from working as well, just that fact is enough to avoid talking to him. Shameless slacker, dishonest son of a bitch. I am not going to be buddy-buddy with someone whom I despise, and who went so far as punching me in the arm a year ago, because he didn't like - maybe (I am still wondering about it) - my sarcasm. You joke with me and then if I joke back you punch me? You son of a bitch. It's payback time. I am still going to be fair, even if you are a piece of ****, but I am not going to be buddy-buddy with you, won't put up with your touching my shoulder, and I am not going to let you keep me from working. Be dishonest by yourself. And put your hand on your own shoulder.

...

Jon Brion Library - Free listening
 
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