my journal 2

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more on the story of English

Fascinating stuff here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Romano-Britons

Still watching the many youtube clips of that MacNeil Story of English documentaries mentioned in a previous post (about 10 posts ago):


Fascinating how first there were the Celts, then the Romans came, stayed, left, then the English came, then the Norse came and every time these peoples were pushed further to the west or mixed with the newcomers. Oh, and the French, too.

And ultimately it all comes down to this wikipedia page:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Foreign_language_influences_in_English

And chart:
500px-Origins_of_English_PieChart_svg.png

Interestingly, from the chart Celtic is missing:
Celtic words are almost absent, except for dialectal words, such as the Yan Tan Tethera system of counting sheep. However, English syntax was influenced by Celtic languages, starting from the Middle English; for example, the system of Continuous tenses (absent in other Germanic languages) was a cliche of similar Celtic phrasal structures.
Click to expand...



http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chaucer
Chaucer was born circa 1343 in London, though the exact date and location of his birth are not known. His father and grandfather were both London vintners and before that, for several generations, the family members were merchants in Ipswich. His name is derived from the French chausseur, meaning shoemaker.
Click to expand...

Some great stuff these youtube documentaries:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Story_of_English
by
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_MacNeil

and

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Adventure_of_English
by
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Melvyn_Bragg

Really good stuff.
 
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Re: my unprofitability and what I teach to daniele

I think u still risk everything in one trade b/c u want to make up for previous losses. I used to do that in the past & most of the time it doesn't work. I had big losses during my succesful trade (May and June) & i made it back slowly if you see my thread.

just b careful if he were to trade w/ur money.


travis said:
I gave him many profitable ideas and told him that I cannot use them profitably because I get out of control when i trade - whether I win or lose - and I have a tendency to risk everything I have on one trade. Yesterday I told him:
So the answer is I teach him discretionary even though I myself am incapable of it.
Click to expand...
 
Yes, I do feel some extra anxiety from past losses (the last 13 years). As if past losses somehow entitled me to have some extra luck in the future, as if I had the right to demand my money back from the market. But it's also other things. This is not enough to explain my compulsive gambling.
 
I think the way you live might be similar w/the way u trade. however life act differently and you try to always against it.

if you live for the past, you wouldn't be able to see the big picture & move on. it's like your mind is always get stucked to that mind set. (it's like a frog who been stuck deep in the well).
although I been trading for 2 years, I been busted 10 times at least and have higher losses many times more than you. I used to think like that and been crippled because of that. It's called revenge. lol

your mind would think like there is no other way even if there is.

this is the way my mind took big losses.
I took big losses but I left some reasonable bullets so i can fight another time.
made it back either in the same day or next few days. I know its not easy on the eyes but im confident i can make it back later. I just need more time.

Market is forgiving and it always give another chance. trust me on this. I daytrade everyday & I do not put fixed stop loss as any other trader. I only do mental stop 99% of the time. I am the only one who say this w/ real broker statement. no one is as honest as me so far.

travis said:
Yes, I do feel some extra anxiety from past losses (the last 13 years). As if past losses somehow entitled me to have some extra luck in the future, as if I had the right to demand my money back from the market. But it's also other things. This is not enough to explain my compulsive gambling.
Click to expand...
 
Yes, with the help of other people I might be able to change my habits. That's why I came here to write a journal. Because I sensed that I had been doing always the same mistakes, so I came to write them down and get help from others.

Another pressure to take big risks and bet everything on the next trade or close to, comes from the fact of having a small capital and a crappy life. I feel the urge to increase my small capital fast so i can stop living this crappy life. Yet this kept on leading to the same result of blowing out my account.
 
if u start with small capital i would only take highest probability trading and keep it that way until it grows. its depend on buying power. I dont know if ur system just day trade or swing trade. furthermore, you trade different instrument & im not familiar with them.

yes im willing to help u with sharing my techniques. but ill try to get a longer track record and see if im still constantly profitable every month. so u can be sure.
maybe by then you could automate the way I trade, it would be great. too bad u use IB. but i can still give my techniques to you. since im sucks at programing. I am doubtful that my technique can be 100% automated. but i think its possible to take few of my techniques to trade. however, hybrid is the best way to do it. cause sometimes u want turn off and turn on ur strategy depending on situation.

Here is just my summary of trading profits since May.

on early May, I started with 8300 then make 500% return within a month. along the way I took out profit actually. u can see it in my may statement. total I took out 25k out of 42k. use the rest to absorb my drawdown and earn more buying power.
(I make a lot because I done with my Spring class final around May 11, so i can focus making money for the rest of the May. I started my class on May 24 but its still first week of the class not much to do.)

On June, i'm v busy with midterm and constant homework&projects. in fact i will have my final this wednesday. i only make slightly above $10k so far. only withdraw 9k so far.




travis said:
Yes, with the help of other people I might be able to change my habits. That's why I came here to write a journal. Because I sensed that I had been doing always the same mistakes, so I came to write them down and get help from others.

Another pressure to take big risks and bet everything on the next trade or close to, comes from the fact of having a small capital and a crappy life. I feel the urge to increase my small capital fast so i can stop living this crappy life. Yet this kept on leading to the same result of blowing out my account.
Click to expand...
 
Re: my unprofitability and what I teach to daniele

tommason said:
just b careful if he were to trade w/ur money.
Click to expand...

I would advise anyone who asked not to try trading. I certainly wouldn't attempt to teach them anything. You are just setting yourself up to take the blame when they lose.

re: English and the tribes invading and invading, there were more than just Celts, Romans and Angles. There were Picts, Vikings, Jutes, Saxons, Angles, and probably more. Then for some reason, it stopped. The Normans were the last in 1066, who were more or less French, and then it stopped.

Each wave of invaders pushed the previous invaders further out, into the Welsh and Scottish mountains and wild lands. Besides English, there's still Irish Gaellic, Scottish Gaellic, and Welsh which are related to the French Celtic Breton, and the Spanish Gaellic. In 1910 the last Cornish speaker died. That was Cornwall in the south-west of England. I think it's directly attributable to the rise of the tabloid newspapers.

Excellent selection of youtube videos. I thought it was funny the way the American soldier blamed it on an Italian captain who gave the orders.
 
Tommason, I will reply as I read.

Yes, that's what I am doing - I am using the best of my 40 systems right now. All my systems daytrade or at the most do trades that last 2 days, but never swing trading, because no systems are looking for a swing.

That's not the help I was asking for (I meant psychological help), but if you want to give me your strategies we need to discuss some important problems first.

If I'll use your techniques it means I will develop trading systems on them, and I must stress out immediately before we get started on this, that I could give you those automated systems (for IB, on excel) - but I cannot give you a percentage of profits, because I'd be tied to you for my whole life, and I don't like that idea. Also, I don't like the idea that I cannot work on an idea on my own, just because someone mentioned it to me: so if that's case, we cannot start discussing your strategies.

However, for now it cannot be done anyway, because I have my hands full. I have another 20 systems to back-test and automate, which I will do as soon as I am in the right state of mind, as it's a very heavy type of work. Furthermore, I am not good at automating all sorts of strategies, so yours might be too hard to automate for me, from what you are telling me.

Congratulations on your capital compounding achievement. I envy you. If I had 42k I would have quit my job already. I'd be investing it in all of my systems together, and I'd be making about 50% a month without doing anything.

Unfortunately, each time I had about 30k, I got emotional and blew it. I came across a loss, tried to make it back and it didn't work, and... blew out my account, to make a long story short.

Recently I had borrowed 10k from my bank, and after a month I blew that, too. Then, despite having the 10k loan to pay back in 5 years, I went in the red and wired another 1k to my account (I was below the required future margin), but for once I got lucky and now I have a few thousands, so maybe I can catch up and breathe again. Otherwise I'd be screwed.

If I do well, I could be back on my feet in a few months. I just need 2 more good months where I double my capital. Nowadays I am mostly trading my systems, without any discretionary interference. Occasionally though I have to say that I closed a trade or two early, because they were making a lot of money and I couldn't afford to risk losing that money.
 
Adamus, I will reply as I read.

By teaching things I clarify them in my mind, so it's always good. There's no blame because there's no money involved. My friend has no money to invest.

Maybe it stopped because all the bad people had already come into England so there was no assholes left to invade and destroy. The good people stayed in their own countries because they didn't want to get their asses kicked by the guys in England.

I am glad you liked the videos I selected.
 
travis said:
Maybe it stopped because all the bad people had already come into England so there was no assholes left to invade and destroy. The good people stayed in their own countries because they didn't want to get their asses kicked by the guys in England.
Click to expand...

So what you're saying is, the rest of Europe conspired to dump all the assholes in England? You should become a history professor - there's a bunch of them here with interesting theories like that!
 
Look, it's like the Romans. History works like this. The deadliest people conquer and the others get conquered. That's why there were no invasions in Italy during the Roman Empire - because the Romans were going around invading other countries. The same with Greece. The same applies to every other place in the world, unless they're isolated, maybe like the aboriginal people in Australia.
 
Losing the will to write...

I can feel my motivation to write is going...

I may write more about movies, but I am tired of writing about trading. Everything that needed to be said has been said. I didn't manage to become a profitable discretionary trader, because of my tendency to increase bet size until I am betting everything and martingale trading, which causes me many successful trades and a few trades where I blow out my account.

There is nothing to be said about systems either. No point in talking about them. You build them by the dozens and keep whichever ones work.

Maybe I should even stop complaining about life in general. It doesn't lead to anything. I don't know why I do it.

For once I'll talk about something pleasant.

There was a lady (a colleague, never met her before) who just called me with questions about suspicious transactions and she had this sexy voice. She kept me on the phone for half an hour, even though her questions could have been answered in just 5 minutes. I hope she doesn't call me again because I wouldn't be able to hang up on her. Actually I told her to call another office with her questions, but i still stayed on the phone for half an hour. We were talking about suspicious transactions but it felt like phone sex.
 
Re: Losing the will to write...

travis said:
I can feel my motivation to write is going....
Click to expand...

Just don't ever catch sight of the woman, her looks will not match up to her voice. I saw a documentary about the manufacture of inflatable sex dolls once. The doll had a voice and was programmed to say stuff like "ooh yeah baby" and "aah you're so big". They interviewed the woman who recorded the messages onto it, and she was literally a massively overweight 60 year old on the verge of retiring, who normally did the post and packaging. They filmed her recording, and they interviewed her husband too. Hilarious.

It would have been the perfect documentary if they'd used the Roxy Music song for the soundtrack - there's one where he sings about his love for the inflatable doll he's become infatuated with.

I'm using up my precious messages here so I hope you appreciate it. I'm trying to keep below 1000 messages on my profile before I break on through with my trading system.

Anyway, talking about you which after all this thread's topic, since you're close to quitting writing here, can you actually say that it's fulfilled the purpose that you started it for? I read what you posted in conversation with Tomasson. Do you think you got help or do you think you just realised you're incurable?
 
Much food for thought in your message, so yes, thanks for posting here one of your precious messages.

Regarding the lady, she probably doesn't look as good as her voice sounds sexy, but I'd do her, just for her voice.

Regarding dolls we must mention a movie... SPOILER ALERT (ignore next to lines if you don't want to ruin a good movie):


http://www.letmewatchthis.com/watch-4212-Lars-and-the-Real-Girl

Regarding my trading instead, yes, I got a lot out of this journal, so thanks to trade2win and to all of you, but I am not leaving either. I am just stating that I am getting tired of writing. So I may write less, something like one post a day in the future.

What did I get:

1) I learned I've got problems with discretionary trading and I've learned (by writing it over and over again) pretty much what they are. In short: I can't lose, I take it badly, I lose control, I over-leverage, I bet everything on one trade, I blow out the account eventually. Beware: i can't lose even if the trade originated from the systems and it was entirely automated. I still will feel the urge to make the money back, and that chain of events will follow.

2) I have improved my automated trading thanks to advice from readers.

3) I received business propositions (or proposals?) from readers (I can't name anyone, since it's private).

4) I proposed to a couple of readers, and one accepted, and we're doing stuff together right now (I can't say more than this for privacy purposes), and maybe this will get me out of my vicious circle, which so far has been:
1) little capital leads to taking losses personally, and then engage in revenge trading, and blowing out my account.
2) little capital leads to urge to increase it, which leads to discretionary trading, which leads to blowing out my account.
3) little capital leads to having no life, which leads to being home bored, which leads to discretionary trading, which leads to blowing out my account.

5) I've received much benefit from thinking out loud here, in terms of making myself focus on things. Writing helps me do that, but it's hard for me to write unless others read me as well (at least one person has to read what I write besides me). Writing in front of others makes me think better. So does explaining things to others, when they ask me questions. That's why I like your questions.

In summary, if your purpose is to become good at something, there are only advantages in writing a journal here. If your purpose is to have fun, then of course it might be a waste of time, and you're better off going out and "partying" and all that crap which I rarely do. Actually my final purpose is to do just that, but first I need to make money, and to do that, first I need to become good at something.
 
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goddamn, can't sleep...

Can't sleep, as usual. I wrote a few things on another blog, but it's not enough. I drank half a bottle of wine but it's not enough. Last night I took melatonin, but of course it wasn't enough. So here I am, to complain and vent out my frustrations, brainstorming style.

My eyes hurt. There's some fan in the kitchen or it's the elevator, something is making a constant noise, like an engine... keeping me awake or waking me up in the middle of the night. I am tired but I can't sleep.

**** work. **** my dad. **** them all. **** the ****ing diaz brothers.

I woke up and thought immediately "I've got to rent a room at a hotel near my office". But how much is that going to cost me? And then I thought, wow, only 3000 dollars a month. I make what, 1500 dollars, so that should be enough to cover... nothing. I need to make money with trading then, that's the only way out. An easier way out would be to quit my job and move to the island. But I can't because my parents would condemn that choice, and the house on the island is not mine but theirs.

So I need to keep the job, to please my parents. Yet what is keeping me up is the job. What is keeping me in rome is the job. And it's the job that's been making me unprofitable all these years, because it puts so much pressure on me. Yeah, because in order to quit the job I need half a million dollars at least - that's what the general consensus is. But I am so far from making it that I rush things, and then blow out my account.

1) Job = unhappiness, insomnia
2) unhappiness = pressure to get out
3) pressure = overtrading, overleveraging
4) overtrading, overleveraging = blowing out account
5) blowing out account = another year at my job
6) another year at my job = more unhappiness
7) more unhappiness = more pressure to get out
8) ... more blowing out...
9) final result: never quitting my job

Godfather, I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do...

 
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no im not gonna take % profits from you. I am not a seller period!! I'm just trying to help. we can discuss this whenever u comfortable no rush i'm not forcing anyone.

I think having more money & be able to control ur losses will help ur psychology.I also take out money from my trading account each week but not too much that it will disrupt my strategy.that's help my pscyhology.
Most people keep their money in their trading account and then gave it back to market. so the way I deal w/it is to take some of my profits in a consistent manner as if i trade for a living


travis said:
Tommason, I will reply as I read.

Yes, that's what I am doing - I am using the best of my 40 systems right now. All my systems daytrade or at the most do trades that last 2 days, but never swing trading, because no systems are looking for a swing.

That's not the help I was asking for (I meant psychological help), but if you want to give me your strategies we need to discuss some important problems first.

If I'll use your techniques it means I will develop trading systems on them, and I must stress out immediately before we get started on this, that I could give you those automated systems (for IB, on excel) - but I cannot give you a percentage of profits, because I'd be tied to you for my whole life, and I don't like that idea. Also, I don't like the idea that I cannot work on an idea on my own, just because someone mentioned it to me: so if that's case, we cannot start discussing your strategies.

However, for now it cannot be done anyway, because I have my hands full. I have another 20 systems to back-test and automate, which I will do as soon as I am in the right state of mind, as it's a very heavy type of work. Furthermore, I am not good at automating all sorts of strategies, so yours might be too hard to automate for me, from what you are telling me.

Congratulations on your capital compounding achievement. I envy you. If I had 42k I would have quit my job already. I'd be investing it in all of my systems together, and I'd be making about 50% a month without doing anything.

Unfortunately, each time I had about 30k, I got emotional and blew it. I came across a loss, tried to make it back and it didn't work, and... blew out my account, to make a long story short.

Recently I had borrowed 10k from my bank, and after a month I blew that, too. Then, despite having the 10k loan to pay back in 5 years, I went in the red and wired another 1k to my account (I was below the required future margin), but for once I got lucky and now I have a few thousands, so maybe I can catch up and breathe again. Otherwise I'd be screwed.

If I do well, I could be back on my feet in a few months. I just need 2 more good months where I double my capital. Nowadays I am mostly trading my systems, without any discretionary interference. Occasionally though I have to say that I closed a trade or two early, because they were making a lot of money and I couldn't afford to risk losing that money.
Click to expand...
 
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