my journal 2

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psychology...

Interesting event, or rather usual event and interesting analysis that I thought of today.

A couple of days ago I felt the EUR was due for a rise and I went long on it (discretionary trade) but I only held it for a few dozens ticks, and a couple of days. Yes, I made money, but I also expected the rise to last longer than 2 days.

Yes I didn't hold it. Why did I close the position?

I remember thinking when I closed it that it might have fallen back down. I thought to myself: is it worth it to risk losing these few hundred dollars of gain in order to try to make another few hundreds? And I thought it wasn't worth it.

But I wouldn't call the closing of the position a mistake. You can't just say "yes, i would have made more" and then, afterwards, decide you made a mistake, because back then you didn't know it would have made more.

The problem is if when you entered the trade you were hoping for 100 ticks and then exited with only 40 ticks. It all depends on what your plan was and what the odds for that plan were.

The problem is that with discretionary trading first of all you don't know the odds, and therefore you often don't have a plan based on odds, and therefore you cannot have a plan at all, but your trade evolves according to whichever wins between your fear to lose what you made or lose more than you're losing and the hope to make more than you are making or lose less than you're losing.

So, recapitulating, here's the problem with discretionary trading:

1) no knowledge of odds
2) no plans
3) obviously no sticking to plan, because there's no plan (and there shouldn't be)
4) exiting based on feelings

But then the question arises as to why you should enter a trade when you don't know the odds of your entry and therefore do not have an exit plan. That is why this kind of trading is often called gambling.

But then why are there discretionary traders who make money and who cannot be called gamblers? Because, unlike me, they're good at guessing, roughly, the odds in their favor and in picking only the trades where the odds are in their favor. I am too insecure about the odds in my favor, and when I enter a trade, I rarely know if the odds are in my favor.

By odds basically I am referring to being able to answer questions like these:

1) is this trade more likely to go up 100 ticks than down 100 ticks?

2) am In a position where I can lose 100 ticks (so to trade more afterwards even if I lose)?

If I answer yes to both, then I can make the trade and stick to it, but usually when I enter my trade I am unable to answer this type of questions, and so I should not enter the trade.

For other people it's different, but I would guess that for most people it's like me. And yet this is not going to be the last time I make a discretionary trade based on hope and fear and a rough estimate of my odds, rather than a clear plan, with questions asked and answered before entering a trade. This is all in my nature of a compulsive gambler, whereby I will be more likely to enter the trade if today I am frustrated and I need a reward from the market to compensate some frustration from work. This is in my nature, and my account until something changes is not safe from this nature.
 
Riviera Paradise

I was riding in the cab, and there was this song playing, so I asked the cab driver what it was a here I am:


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Riviera
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stevie_Ray_Vaughan

It's not the usual song they play on the radio. Usually I have to sit there and here a radio station where they utter some bull**** about a soccer game or the latest radio hit, very low quality usually.

And today is gone as well. Another day bites the dust.
 
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pretty in pink

This is quite good, in that you feel that you're right there, living the life of these guys, in highschool and everything:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pretty_in_Pink
http://www.megavideo.com/?v=8Z4275MZ

Not a masterpiece but a very good movie for its kind.

Of course we don't expect this type of crap to be as good as a scorsese film, but in its crappy genre, it's a very good film.

In fact the director made pretty good movies:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Howard_Deutch

This is another good one by him:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Great_Outdoors_(1988_film)
 
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i felt that way before I think u better of daytrading if u have the time. I recommend you at least spend 4 hours in a day just to day trade simulation.
ill give u a guide if u have the time. I did blew my capital more than u before.
I tried to hold for few days bla bla bla it never works.

Hey, if you can make money trading you have many options. Take time off and do things properly, or hire someone to do it for you. Personally my problem right now is a lack of capital, and it has been the case for the past 2 years. No matter what capital I have, unless it's higher than 100k (which was never the case), it will always be too little for me, I will rush to increase it, and then I will lose it all. That's been the case for the past 2 years. Had I not done, by now I'd have several hundred thousands. But each time I rushed, because I felt I had nothing, and I blew out my account dozens of times. I had 2k, didn't feel like enough, and I blew it. Had 10k, blew it. Had 20k, blew it. Had 30k, blew it.

I think unless I'll have 100k and see constant profits of several thousands on a weekly basis, I will always feel poor, unsafe, always will try to rush things, and always go back to zero.
 
if u hav free time just analyze my statement with charts instead of watching movies all the time.
and then when u have question ask me. most of the question are answered on post anyway. but ur special i dont mind to explain it until you understand.
I have not tell u all my stuff yet so far.

Yeah, I am curious how the "deadline June" is working out for you. I've been skeptical about the "deadline June" concept from the start: how can you say "by June I must have a profitable system"?

Anyway, regarding your questions.

This round I didn't lose discipline simply because when on Thursday I went there and tried to go LONG on the EUR at 1.22 (I would have blown out my account again), IB didn't allow me because they're not using half intraday margin anymore, due to the high volatility of markets. So my trade wasn't accepted for lack of margin. Pretty sad because it wasn't thanks to any discipline, but pretty good that it wasn't accepted.
 
ill try to post my trade with the time if u desire to see it.
my statement doesnt contain time element. so it wont help.
 
Yes, thank you for the help. When and if I will try to learn discretionary trading again, I will ask for your help.
 
Wow, this is real quality comedy, actually hilarious (these guys know what they are doing):
http://www.letmewatchthis.com/watch-1855-Employee-of-the-Month

Director:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greg_Coolidge

This movie is a great comedy but it's also effectively telling me that I am taking my job too seriously and that a job is not worth ruining your life. I am not going to get fired or anything if I don't work my ass off like I've been doing until now. I pretty much look like the two competing employees, protagonists of this movie.
 
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Now this seems good:
http://www.letmewatchthis.com/watch-11560-Sledge-The-Untold-Story

He's going out with that chick and she made him star in her own crappy movie (see above). I guess this stuff happens with chicks you're dating. Two totally different leagues though.

This thing has got amazing performances, but it's still not entertaining enough. Yet great quality.

This seems like a true story, more than a mockumentary, it was written by the protagonist/lead actor:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Leitch_(actor)
 
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This is starting really well:
http://www.letmewatchthis.com/watch-11429-Smother

This Dax Shepard never stars in a bad movie practically.

It's very funny and well made. I am at minute 32.

It wasn't hilarious, but it was good. Because of the topic, it can't help but be sad.

It's finishing now. It was good quality, but it wasn't well built. Not symmetrical... sluggish, so sluggish that I skipped some parts towards the end.
 
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Things are not going well...

There's this new girl at work who's keeping me at a distance, and has been doing so for a whole week, or two, ever since I came back from my vacation. I don't know what happened, because she was nice until recently, and I don't see what I could have done, except maybe one thing.

I argued with the boss, and she's been recently hired, so maybe she's in those acute phases of kissing up and she didn't appreciate that I argued with her benefactor, who recently hired her.

She's acting like a bitch to me - not that she's saying anything because it's all in the way she looks at me, with contempt or something like that.

I didn't say anything because I don't want to blow her away and because she's a good worker, a rare thing among my colleagues. However, I am NOT enjoying feeling despised by her. I am quite sensitive and I am not ok with any criticism or dirty looks from people.

I don't know how long more I can take of this negative attitude before either despising her back or even speaking up. I hope I won't say anything, because she's too young and new to be told anything rude, but if she keeps on looking at me as if I were a criminal, I might lose control and say something like "what's your problem?" or "look, I can't work with you if you...", but it would be uncalled for. The problem is that this girl is really good at making you feel bad without saying anything at all. Not that i have anything to feel bad about - actually my problem is exactly that she's got me started wondering if there's anything wrong I am doing. The only thing I can think of is that I argued with the boss, which to her may be a crime. Maybe.

Or maybe it is because I was too nice to her - praised her too much - and now she feels she's even better than me, or she' someone who doesn't like to be praised. Or maybe she feels I was trying to seduce her or even harass her. If that's the case, all I have to do is never pay any compliments to her again. I'll also try never to talk to her unless it's really necessary.

Yeah, what the hell, I'm tired. I'll try to avoid her. I don't like being treated like a criminal. I work more than most people, I am meticulous at my job... I would like to be praised if anything. Actually I work this hard only to be praised, and there's no way I could put up with anyone giving me anything other than praising. That's why she's bothering me so much. It's nothing that she said - it's mostly in the way she looks at me, or ignores me. Bitch.
 
sleeplessness

Insomnia, just like travis (from taxi driver). I haven't slept last night, I am home and I still cannot find the relaxation needed to sleep.

I've got nothing to do, and yet I cannot go to sleep. It's as if I felt guilty for sleeping and feeling ok. Something inside me is not allowing me to go to sleep. Something inside me is not allowing me to relax. I think it's all coming from the way my dad brought me up: never relax, always work, always stay alert. It doesn't matter if it causes you self-destruction. He's worked his whole life, regardless of whether he needed to or not. Relaxing, celebrating, partying is all a sin and something to be ashamed of, both to my dad, and somehow to me as well, even though I always rebelled to him. Imagine that in my house no birthdays were ever celebrated because it's considered something stupid.

 
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