Yamato
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maybe not, maybe I was not a fool
I woke up just now and thought about it again. There is some truth to what I said above, in that for others it is not as easy to rebel as it is for me. However, it is also true that I was blinded, in my rebellion to the boss, by good faith and hard work. If you break your back for four years trying to do things right, then it's hard to be submissive, when a new boss asks you to do everything wrong, and pressures you to tell him that you agree with his orders (this part is because he's an insecure contradicting idiot and keeps trying to get me to agree with him, after I tell him I totally disagree for months).
At this point, however, my disagreeing, protesting, objecting, rebelling has gone too far, in terms of disrespect for the boss, and in terms of emotional toll for me: I lose my temper on a daily basis, confronted with things I cannot change, I cannot sleep at night, and I cannot work once I come home, and I am looking like a madman to many (stupid) colleagues. It's ok to be a minority if I stay by myself, but I cannot take it for so many months, without any hope of winning a battle. I am not like that last japanese soldier who kept fighting for 30 years after the war was over.
So yesterday I talked to my historian uncle and he told me that during dictatorships in the 1600s there was a writer who argued that, when we're forced to obey unless we want to die or go to prison, it can be considered ok to hide our opinions, and even honest. His book was titled "Concerning Honest Concealment". And that is the behavior he recommended to me in order to avoid going crazy over impossible orders by the idiot boss or being fired for telling him he's an idiot.
Here's what wikipedia says about that book:
So that is what I am going to do. There will be complete reversal in my attitude, so they will know that I am concealing and not that I changed my mind. Dude, the office with this boss, will fall apart, and we will all be considered responsible, precisely because he's an idiot who doesn't take responsibility for his mistakes. But hopefully I'll get my satisfaction and money from trading soon, so I'll be able to handle this sad reality. This will be the first time that I conceal my ideas. Nope. Well, you see, before this I either said what I thought, or I wasn't asked. In many places I was before, I was not asked for opinions but simply told what to do. That is much easier for me. This will be the first time that I conceal what I think. Well, wait... who knows and how can I remember? Let's then say that I don't remember such a major effort of concealing my thoughts.
Tomorrow I will be tested in this new attitude with:
1) orders that cannot be executed and I will say "yes" or "I will try my best", even though I know it cannot be done.
2) orders that should not be executed and I will say "yes" or "I will do my best", and I will try to limit the damage from his orders.
3) being blamed for mistakes I did not make, and I will be quiet, reminding myself that I am dealing with an idiot.
4) more and more stupidity
You see, a great part of the problem is that the ACE kaizen team cannot give us direct orders but has to go through our boss first. Then, being an idiot, he should translate their "desires" and "suggestions" into orders, unless he wants to interrupt his kissing up career (he got promoted not out of merit but because of being a yes-man). I said "he should translate", because that is not what he does. Being such a stupid intellectual wimp, what he does is pretend it's a decision by the office, which simply cannot be. My colleagues, who are mostly yes-men, play along, when he asks for these "opinions", with questions such as "we all agree on this, right?" and "this is ok, right?". Until now, I could not help replying "not at all, this is a disaster... we're destroying the work of four years...".
Now will begin my new phase of "honest concealment". You want to destroy me by either firing me or making me go crazy with your insistence and contradictory orders and unjustly blaming me? Fine, I will turn into a yes-man. I won't tell lies. I will be quiet and obey, trying my best to limit your damage to the office and to my work.
My fighting days are over. From now on, I will engage in "honest concealment", much like soldiers do. This abrupt change in my attitude will almost be an extra mockery of your orders, because everyone will see it as brain-washing rather than as me kissing up to the boss, which of course no one can accuse me of (after months of heated arguments).
[...]
Anyway, I regard this change in attitude as giving up. There's nothing exciting about it, but it's the only thing I can do: giving up my fight, and let my work and the office fall apart without opposing resistance. Giving up is not something I do frequently, especially not after starting a fight - I either don't start or I don't give up (such as I did for trading, where I didn't give up, despite over a decade of losses). I am curious to see whether it will really be a defeat or if in the end I will be proven right. But, in this situation, the only way to be proven right is if this idiot boss goes somewhere else, because there's no way of fixing his damage while he's here with us producing more damage - he is simply too stupid to ever do things right. And he's too stupid to trust those who are doing things right for him.
Anyway, right now there's nothing I can do but swallow my pride and pretend I am Fantozzi, at least temporarily:
I woke up just now and thought about it again. There is some truth to what I said above, in that for others it is not as easy to rebel as it is for me. However, it is also true that I was blinded, in my rebellion to the boss, by good faith and hard work. If you break your back for four years trying to do things right, then it's hard to be submissive, when a new boss asks you to do everything wrong, and pressures you to tell him that you agree with his orders (this part is because he's an insecure contradicting idiot and keeps trying to get me to agree with him, after I tell him I totally disagree for months).
At this point, however, my disagreeing, protesting, objecting, rebelling has gone too far, in terms of disrespect for the boss, and in terms of emotional toll for me: I lose my temper on a daily basis, confronted with things I cannot change, I cannot sleep at night, and I cannot work once I come home, and I am looking like a madman to many (stupid) colleagues. It's ok to be a minority if I stay by myself, but I cannot take it for so many months, without any hope of winning a battle. I am not like that last japanese soldier who kept fighting for 30 years after the war was over.
So yesterday I talked to my historian uncle and he told me that during dictatorships in the 1600s there was a writer who argued that, when we're forced to obey unless we want to die or go to prison, it can be considered ok to hide our opinions, and even honest. His book was titled "Concerning Honest Concealment". And that is the behavior he recommended to me in order to avoid going crazy over impossible orders by the idiot boss or being fired for telling him he's an idiot.
Here's what wikipedia says about that book:
That answers exactly my doubts. When you're surrounded by conformism and hypocrisy, if you're honest, what are you supposed to do? This writer, Torquato Accetto, argues that if you don't lie, but simply conceal your ideas, out of prudence and to protect yourself, it is ok.
So that is what I am going to do. There will be complete reversal in my attitude, so they will know that I am concealing and not that I changed my mind. Dude, the office with this boss, will fall apart, and we will all be considered responsible, precisely because he's an idiot who doesn't take responsibility for his mistakes. But hopefully I'll get my satisfaction and money from trading soon, so I'll be able to handle this sad reality. This will be the first time that I conceal my ideas. Nope. Well, you see, before this I either said what I thought, or I wasn't asked. In many places I was before, I was not asked for opinions but simply told what to do. That is much easier for me. This will be the first time that I conceal what I think. Well, wait... who knows and how can I remember? Let's then say that I don't remember such a major effort of concealing my thoughts.
Tomorrow I will be tested in this new attitude with:
1) orders that cannot be executed and I will say "yes" or "I will try my best", even though I know it cannot be done.
2) orders that should not be executed and I will say "yes" or "I will do my best", and I will try to limit the damage from his orders.
3) being blamed for mistakes I did not make, and I will be quiet, reminding myself that I am dealing with an idiot.
4) more and more stupidity
You see, a great part of the problem is that the ACE kaizen team cannot give us direct orders but has to go through our boss first. Then, being an idiot, he should translate their "desires" and "suggestions" into orders, unless he wants to interrupt his kissing up career (he got promoted not out of merit but because of being a yes-man). I said "he should translate", because that is not what he does. Being such a stupid intellectual wimp, what he does is pretend it's a decision by the office, which simply cannot be. My colleagues, who are mostly yes-men, play along, when he asks for these "opinions", with questions such as "we all agree on this, right?" and "this is ok, right?". Until now, I could not help replying "not at all, this is a disaster... we're destroying the work of four years...".
Now will begin my new phase of "honest concealment". You want to destroy me by either firing me or making me go crazy with your insistence and contradictory orders and unjustly blaming me? Fine, I will turn into a yes-man. I won't tell lies. I will be quiet and obey, trying my best to limit your damage to the office and to my work.
My fighting days are over. From now on, I will engage in "honest concealment", much like soldiers do. This abrupt change in my attitude will almost be an extra mockery of your orders, because everyone will see it as brain-washing rather than as me kissing up to the boss, which of course no one can accuse me of (after months of heated arguments).
[...]
Anyway, I regard this change in attitude as giving up. There's nothing exciting about it, but it's the only thing I can do: giving up my fight, and let my work and the office fall apart without opposing resistance. Giving up is not something I do frequently, especially not after starting a fight - I either don't start or I don't give up (such as I did for trading, where I didn't give up, despite over a decade of losses). I am curious to see whether it will really be a defeat or if in the end I will be proven right. But, in this situation, the only way to be proven right is if this idiot boss goes somewhere else, because there's no way of fixing his damage while he's here with us producing more damage - he is simply too stupid to ever do things right. And he's too stupid to trust those who are doing things right for him.
Anyway, right now there's nothing I can do but swallow my pride and pretend I am Fantozzi, at least temporarily:
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