Best Thread Joke of the day
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TheBramble
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I guess Mr. & Mrs. Hunt weren't thinking too far ahead...?
TheBramble
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Nah, you're thinking of his other mate, Phil McCavity.
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.
The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.
The husband said, "Who was that?"
The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."
The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.
The husband said, "Who was that?"
The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."
Rognvald
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“A big corporation recently hired several cannibals. "You are all part of our team now", said the HR rep during the welcoming briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't eat any of the other employees". The cannibals promised they would not. Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You're all working very hard, and I'm satisfied with you. However, one of
our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?" The cannibals all shook their heads no. After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, "Which one of you idiots ate the secretary?" A hand rose hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals continued, "You fool!!! For four weeks we've been eating Managers and no one noticed anything, but noooooo, you
had to go and eat someone who actually does something!!!”
our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?" The cannibals all shook their heads no. After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, "Which one of you idiots ate the secretary?" A hand rose hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals continued, "You fool!!! For four weeks we've been eating Managers and no one noticed anything, but noooooo, you
had to go and eat someone who actually does something!!!”
JTrader
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Bush Has Feelings Too
George W. Bush told Dick Cheney, "I really hate all the stupid jokes people make about me."
Cheney reassured him by saying, "Jokes can't hurt you. They are just made up by a bunch of stupid people. In fact, most humans are quite stupid. Here, I'll show you what I mean."
Cheney goes outside and hails a D.C. cab and says to the driver, "Please take me to 261 M street to see if I'm home," said Cheney.
Without a word, the cabbie took them straight to M Street. Cheney then rang the doorbell, came back to the car and said, "Oh, I guess I'm not there! Take us back to where we started, please."
The cabbie did what he was told without a word. Cheney leaned over and said to Dubya, "You get the idea? People are idiots wherever you go! Don't worry about their opinions!"
Bush said, "Thanks Dick. I feel a lot better." Then he winked and whispered, "Hooboy, was he stupid! He picked us up right in front of a phone booth. He should have realized you could have called instead!
George W. Bush told Dick Cheney, "I really hate all the stupid jokes people make about me."
Cheney reassured him by saying, "Jokes can't hurt you. They are just made up by a bunch of stupid people. In fact, most humans are quite stupid. Here, I'll show you what I mean."
Cheney goes outside and hails a D.C. cab and says to the driver, "Please take me to 261 M street to see if I'm home," said Cheney.
Without a word, the cabbie took them straight to M Street. Cheney then rang the doorbell, came back to the car and said, "Oh, I guess I'm not there! Take us back to where we started, please."
The cabbie did what he was told without a word. Cheney leaned over and said to Dubya, "You get the idea? People are idiots wherever you go! Don't worry about their opinions!"
Bush said, "Thanks Dick. I feel a lot better." Then he winked and whispered, "Hooboy, was he stupid! He picked us up right in front of a phone booth. He should have realized you could have called instead!
Here is a real life joke.
I was sitting in my cosy, heated conservatory this afternoon watching England play Wales at God's chosen game on my 42 inch spectacular TV.
The wind was blowing a gale outside and it was pi**ing down frantically. I was stretched out on the sofa enjoying a bottle of wine and loving the fact that England had a comfortable half time lead.
They came out for the 2nd half. The wind gusted like f**k ( otherwise known as nobody's business ) and the roof of the conservatory blew off.
The 2nd half commenced. It was pissing with rain, I was getting soaked on my sofa, my wife was giving me hell about the lost roof, Wales scored 2 quick tries and a cosy Saturday afternoon quickly became a day to forget.
Luckily my wife went away, I watched the remainder of the game in the rain, England won, I got pissed and wet and I just had to find the missing roof.
Luckily it landed 3 houses down the street, nobody got hurt and we all lived happily ever after.
The most important point to come out of this story was that England won and I was still able to enjoy myself and get totally pissed in the face of adversity.
Bring on Al Qaeda !!
PS. I still need to put the roof back together again.
I was sitting in my cosy, heated conservatory this afternoon watching England play Wales at God's chosen game on my 42 inch spectacular TV.
The wind was blowing a gale outside and it was pi**ing down frantically. I was stretched out on the sofa enjoying a bottle of wine and loving the fact that England had a comfortable half time lead.
They came out for the 2nd half. The wind gusted like f**k ( otherwise known as nobody's business ) and the roof of the conservatory blew off.
The 2nd half commenced. It was pissing with rain, I was getting soaked on my sofa, my wife was giving me hell about the lost roof, Wales scored 2 quick tries and a cosy Saturday afternoon quickly became a day to forget.
Luckily my wife went away, I watched the remainder of the game in the rain, England won, I got pissed and wet and I just had to find the missing roof.
Luckily it landed 3 houses down the street, nobody got hurt and we all lived happily ever after.
The most important point to come out of this story was that England won and I was still able to enjoy myself and get totally pissed in the face of adversity.
Bring on Al Qaeda !!
PS. I still need to put the roof back together again.
The only reason Wales scored 2 tries in the second half was the English team were distracted by the sight of a conservatory roof blowing over Twicks....they thought the roof off the Millenium stadium was being brought into play to make the Welsh team feel more at home...sneaky these Welsh....comes of account that they are really French people who got lost looking for Scotland...
Plus you must bear in mind that the average 'winter wardrobe' up here is a T shirt (you see kids striding to school in a Tshirt whilst absolute buckets of icy rain are deluging down, I kid you not).... I think I'll have to admire your tenacity.
(Being married I am well aware that a shout at half time of 'the damn roof blew off, stick it on will ya? While you're up how about a cuppa....' probably is pushing things a bit far).
As a confirmed sports fan, (I'm a great Nigel Mansell supporter.... )I'd have shifted toot sweet into the living room and told the Mrs which direction to start the search in....
(Being married I am well aware that a shout at half time of 'the damn roof blew off, stick it on will ya? While you're up how about a cuppa....' probably is pushing things a bit far).
As a confirmed sports fan, (I'm a great Nigel Mansell supporter.... )I'd have shifted toot sweet into the living room and told the Mrs which direction to start the search in....
tradesmart
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