Best Thread Joke of the day

[foroom lluzers]

Doherty :I am trading trends

Patrick:On what

Doherty :currencies

Patrick : Which currency

Doherty ounds , I place bets on horse trends

 

[foroom lluzers]

Any of you want to pay for my holiday in Dominican , having excitement , fun and a holiday for yourself?

You pay for my holiday , I teach you!

 

[Dowser]

Any of you want to pay for my holiday in Dominican , having excitement , fun and a holiday for yourself?

You pay for my holiday , I teach you!

What's the internet access like in Dominica? If it's non-existent, I'll be the first to chip in for a one way ticket for you. Bon voyage

 

[piphoe]

Any of you want to pay for my holiday in Dominican , having excitement , fun and a holiday for yourself?

You pay for my holiday , I teach you!

I'M IN! Seminar right on beach and bounce trades off satellite b/w Corona's

 

[foroom lluzers]

Pippy :Why did you become a bricklayer

Patrick : I like field work , until trading was introduced to me as being the same

Pippy:Why did you become a trader

Patrick:I paid $2,000 to me mate .He told me you make the same trades over and over again .Become a trader bricky

 

[Atilla]

 

[Atilla]

Tasteless advert.

Will this advert sell more wines?

Only if you're living in ozzie land...

 

[Atilla]

This child reminds me a little of my big brother :cheesy:

 

[foroom lluzers]

Paddy and Mick go to London for fertility donations , Paddy missed the tube and Mick parked the bus , then arrived the Jolly ranger Patrick " am I missing something about sperm donations?"

 

[foroom lluzers]

Patrick from Mayo becomes a solicitor , His friend from Dunigol becomes a judge

Both meet in court one day

Client asks for accident report from Patrick and accident engineers , to help win his case .Engineer sends it with all the chips and scratches .

Patrick highlights all the 35 little chips and scratches , and sends to the judge.These 35 look more magnified than the accident ones.

Judge says to client "I can see you have had 35 accidents and are a clumsy driver "

 

[foroom lluzers]

 

[foroom lluzers]

Paddy from Dublin becomes a judge.

Shaun from behind hits Murhy and paddy is shown the photographic evidence on bumpers .
Shaun says "I did not do it"

Murphy is asked "did you see him hit you?"

Murhy " I was watching the front , how could I see him"

Paddy " The damage on your car is from pre-existing accidents "

Murphy "That is not true"

Paddy"I was sitting in Shaun's car , as you did not see him , you can not claim he hit you".

Paddy "case dismissed ,you reversed into his car ".

 

[foroom lluzers]

Patrick from Dunigol was promised 72 mamma mias.This is his 7 th reincarnation, he feels cheated.

 

[Atilla]

What's Forrest Gump's password?














1Forrest1 :cheesy:



https://www.buzzfeed.com/jessicamisener/21-jokes-so-stupid-theyre-actually-funny

 

[Pat494]

ahem

 

[Pat494]

There was a problem in the down town neighbourhood. The noise the cats made at night kept everyone awake. They held a committee. Action must be taken.
The rabbi was called in - he seemed to be muttering prayers - no good
They tried the Priest - again more prayers - no good
The atheist said he had a street wise friend who could fix it, but they all had to be indoors by 10pm.
That night all hell broke loose. Shots being fired 19 to the dozen and then ........silence !
Well they were in the US ! What did you expect

 

[Pat494]

There was a problem in the down town neighbourhood. The noise the cats made at night kept everyone awake. They held a committee. Action must be taken.
The rabbi was called in - he seemed to be muttering prayers - no good
They tried the Priest - again more prayers - no good
The atheist said he had a street wise friend who could fix it, but they all had to be indoors by 10pm.
That night all hell broke loose. Shots being fired 19 to the dozen and then ........silence !
Well they were in the US ! What did you expect

Da local Mayor. an ardent Trumpite said that showed great initiative,
As for the 2 old ladies found riddled with bulletts - that was collateral damage and obviously fake news.

 

[Atilla]

Da local Mayor. an ardent Trumpite said that showed great initiative,
As for the 2 old ladies found riddled with bulletts - that was collateral damage and obviously fake news.

Is that real or fake news?

Now I don't know if that was a joke or for real :whistling

 

[foroom lluzers]

Paddy ordered a whisky.
The stewardess asked the Abdullah if he'd like a drink.
He replied in disgust "I'd rather be raped by 72 virgins than let liquor touch my lips!"
Paddy handed his drink back and said
"Me too, I didn't know we had a choice!"

 

[foroom lluzers]

Patrick tells the SEAN, “I have some good news and some bad news.”

“What’s the bad news?” asks the SEAN

“The bad news is, your Guinness 
is all over the toilet seat , and your pants are wet prove you did it.”

“What’s the good news?”

“You are invited to pub crawling this weekend.”