Best Thread Joke of the day
- Thread starter Airthrey Capital
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D
Dowser
Paddy's wife has never had an orgasm, so they decide to go see a doctor to find out why. After a number of tests, the doctor suggests Paddy's wife may be over heating during sex and recommends they buy a fan for the bedroom.
Paddy refuses to buy a fan and decides to get his pal round to waft a towel on them during sex. After about 20 minutes of wafting and still no orgasm, his friend suggests a swap. "I'll f**k her, you waft the towel" he says.
Paddy agrees and within seconds Paddy's wife is screaming in pleasure and has the best orgasm ever.
Paddy pats his mate on the back and says "....and that my old son, is how you waft a f**king towel!"
Paddy refuses to buy a fan and decides to get his pal round to waft a towel on them during sex. After about 20 minutes of wafting and still no orgasm, his friend suggests a swap. "I'll f**k her, you waft the towel" he says.
Paddy agrees and within seconds Paddy's wife is screaming in pleasure and has the best orgasm ever.
Paddy pats his mate on the back and says "....and that my old son, is how you waft a f**king towel!"
D
Dowser
Are you suggesting that Foroom is my alter ego because I posted an Irish joke?
Nice one Sherlock
Nice one Sherlock
foroom lluzers
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you won't see much more of foroom other than in another incarnation
Patrick is walking on the streets of Dublin , woman in a car pulls over to him and says "was up".
Patrick " Would you buy me guiness , if I told you ?"
Woman "0 k jump in "
Patrick " If I told you ,Would you sit on it and pay me 20 euros?"
Woman " ok"
Patrick "see that rockin horse in the fair ground across the road?"
Pat494
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This is for them with an IQ of over 50,
Fun With The English Language
We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes, But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, Yet the plural of moose should never be meese
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice, Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men, Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet, And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and three would be those, Yet hat in the plural would never be hose, And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren, But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!
Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England.
We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham. Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.
We have noses that run and feet that smell. And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
So if Father is Pop, how come Mother isn't Mop?
And that is just the beginning--even though this is the end.
Fun With The English Language
We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes, But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, Yet the plural of moose should never be meese
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice, Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men, Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet, And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and three would be those, Yet hat in the plural would never be hose, And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren, But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!
Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England.
We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham. Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.
We have noses that run and feet that smell. And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
So if Father is Pop, how come Mother isn't Mop?
And that is just the beginning--even though this is the end.
foroom lluzers
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Pat494
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One day Ronald Dump's body parts get into a little argument. The right hand smacks the left hand and says, I'm the boss.
The left smacks it back and says I don't think so.
The brain kicks in and says stop it. I am the main part. Get real you two.
The legs say shut it up there. Without me you ain't going no where.
The **** hole says, hey what about me guys, I play a part too you know - so as not to be left out.
At this reaction all the other parts of Ronald laugh out loud literally, what the butt hole. Ha ha ha ha. Ho how funny is that... This hillarious laughter goes on for sometime until Ronald gives a big stinky fart.
The smell shuts them up and it all goes quiet. However, the **** hole having huffed and puffed in anger is still very offended and decides to stop working in protest.
The next day Ronald is unable to move his bowels. Rest of body parts do their work.
The second day Ronald is still unable to move his bowels. Rest of body parts continue to function but notice the **** hole is not doing it's work. Rumours circulate between the legs, arms, internal organs, the brain and the ears. Something is not quite right.
Third day Ronald spends most of his time in the john and still unable to move his bowels. Rest of his body parts begin to stop functioning or rather disfunctioning. Hands start shaking and so do his knees. Appetite goes off despite eating to help flush the passage ways. Brain can't think straight he keeps going round in circles and wonders into the bathroom for no reason.
In the end the body parts get together and have a huddle. The brain says look we have upset the ****hole.
The head nods yes yes yes
The hands clap in agreement
The feet stamp to say aye
So they decide.
The brain apologises to the **** hole and Ronald is able to relieve himself.
The moral of the story tells us who exactly rules the White House
And the USA
And the Free World
The left smacks it back and says I don't think so.
The brain kicks in and says stop it. I am the main part. Get real you two.
The legs say shut it up there. Without me you ain't going no where.
The **** hole says, hey what about me guys, I play a part too you know - so as not to be left out.
At this reaction all the other parts of Ronald laugh out loud literally, what the butt hole. Ha ha ha ha. Ho how funny is that... This hillarious laughter goes on for sometime until Ronald gives a big stinky fart.
The smell shuts them up and it all goes quiet. However, the **** hole having huffed and puffed in anger is still very offended and decides to stop working in protest.
The next day Ronald is unable to move his bowels. Rest of body parts do their work.
The second day Ronald is still unable to move his bowels. Rest of body parts continue to function but notice the **** hole is not doing it's work. Rumours circulate between the legs, arms, internal organs, the brain and the ears. Something is not quite right.
Third day Ronald spends most of his time in the john and still unable to move his bowels. Rest of his body parts begin to stop functioning or rather disfunctioning. Hands start shaking and so do his knees. Appetite goes off despite eating to help flush the passage ways. Brain can't think straight he keeps going round in circles and wonders into the bathroom for no reason.
In the end the body parts get together and have a huddle. The brain says look we have upset the ****hole.
The head nods yes yes yes
The hands clap in agreement
The feet stamp to say aye
So they decide.
The brain apologises to the **** hole and Ronald is able to relieve himself.
The moral of the story tells us who exactly rules the White House
And the USA
And the Free World
BeedyBrandy
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Sums up how I used to trade! best thing I ever did was reduce the number of trades I was taking
foroom lluzers
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Biddy from Dunigol knelt in the confessional and said, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned."
"What is it, child?"
Biddy said, "Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Twice a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am."
The priest turned, took a good look at the girl, and said, "My dear, I have good news. That isn't a sin - it's only a mistake."
"What is it, child?"
Biddy said, "Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Twice a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am."
The priest turned, took a good look at the girl, and said, "My dear, I have good news. That isn't a sin - it's only a mistake."
foroom lluzers
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A browned off paddy from county Mayo ,goes to an Indian restaurant in Dublin.He orders two dishes
Dish one : A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.
Dish two: Nice, smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.
Frank: Holy shi-t, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two pints of GUINESS to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These char o's are crazy
Dish one : A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.
Dish two: Nice, smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.
Frank: Holy shi-t, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two pints of GUINESS to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These char o's are crazy
foroom lluzers
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piphoe
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Some Texans are mingling at the bar when an Oxford graduate walks in. “Howdy, stranger,” one Texan says. “Where are you from?”
The Oxford graduate answers, “I come from a place where we do not end our sentences in prepositions.”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” replies the Texan. “Where are you from, jackass?”
:clap::clap::clap:
The Oxford graduate answers, “I come from a place where we do not end our sentences in prepositions.”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” replies the Texan. “Where are you from, jackass?”
:clap::clap::clap:
piphoe
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Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me." The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me." The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700." The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?" The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence." "Done!" replies the government official. And that, my friends, is how the new stimulus plan will work.
piphoe
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A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America they didn't know what "please" meant. And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
foroom lluzers
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Four friends are drinking , Jock from glasgow , ray from plymouth john from london and Patrick from County Mayo .The three order beer and Patrick orders a coke "Why don't you order a Guinness?" his colleagues ask. "Naah. If you guys won't drink beer, than neither will I."
