Best Thread Joke of the day
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Atilla
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Even funnier what replies were to the video...
Jonathon Lawson 7 months ago
i think Tumblr said it right...
For the uninitiated, this is what Magpies are like during “swooping season” here in Australia.
Fun fact: people have been known to walk around with empty ice cream containers on their heads to protect themselves in lieu of helmets.
Things to remember:
1) This is an Australian magpie. it is not like European magpies.It’s not a flappy bappy chirpy little ****bag you can bat away with
MCADJim 3 months ago
It's times like this I'm glad I live in the US, for two reasons.
1: Not every single thing that walks, crawls, swims or flies is trying to murder me here,
2: I'm allowed to carry a gun so that if something that walks, crawls, swims or flies DOES try to kill me, I can defend myself.
All that said, and this doesn't really have any bearing on anything, but she's cute. The girl, not the bird. The bird is an asshole.
hhiusa
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Atilla
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Stupidity knows no bounds...
UNBELIEVABLE!
http://www.msn.com/en-gb/news/xbox/...ider/ar-AAeQ5Fy?li=AA9SkIr&ocid=mailsignoutmd
UNBELIEVABLE!
http://www.msn.com/en-gb/news/xbox/...ider/ar-AAeQ5Fy?li=AA9SkIr&ocid=mailsignoutmd
hhiusa
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Check for Alzheimer's - Pretty Amazing.
The following was developed as a mental age assessment by the School
of Psychiatry at Harvard University.
Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a
mistake. The average person over 40 years of age cannot do it!
1. This is this cat.
2. This is is cat.
3. This is how cat.
4. This is to cat.
5. This is keep cat.
6. This is an cat.
7. This is old cat.
8. This is fart cat.
9. This is busy cat.
10. This is for cat.
11. This is forty cat.
12. This is seconds cat.
Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down.
The following was developed as a mental age assessment by the School
of Psychiatry at Harvard University.
Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a
mistake. The average person over 40 years of age cannot do it!
1. This is this cat.
2. This is is cat.
3. This is how cat.
4. This is to cat.
5. This is keep cat.
6. This is an cat.
7. This is old cat.
8. This is fart cat.
9. This is busy cat.
10. This is for cat.
11. This is forty cat.
12. This is seconds cat.
Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down.
Pat494
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PARKING TICKET
My wife and I went into town and visited a shop. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and I said, "Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?" He just ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him an "a**hole." He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn-out tires. So my wife called him a "s*ithead." He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing more tickets. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote. He finally finished, sneered at us and walked away. Just then our bus arrived, and we got on it and went home. We always look for cars with Corbyn stickers. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's so important at our age!!
My wife and I went into town and visited a shop. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and I said, "Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?" He just ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him an "a**hole." He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn-out tires. So my wife called him a "s*ithead." He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing more tickets. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote. He finally finished, sneered at us and walked away. Just then our bus arrived, and we got on it and went home. We always look for cars with Corbyn stickers. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's so important at our age!!
Atilla
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This must be surely adobe doctored...
No i can ashore you it kept are meatballs nice and toasty all afternoon.
Where now looking for an electric fire to plugin for those chilly evenings.lol
RTFM problemo...
I invented this a couple of years ago.
The umbrella car locater,see how it points to where you car is,
works like a weather vein,showing you which direction to head,
in this case north west.
We had trouble naming it as umbrella and weather vein were already taken so we just called it the knob head indicator.
Pat494
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One day, this guy is sitting in this bar taking his merry time. All of a sudden he's startled by three Corbyn lookalikes giving cheers, saying, "Fifteen! Fifteen!" He just ignores them and continues to drink.
About 5 minutes later, the guys with the facial fluff again say, "Fifteen! Fifteen!"
At this, the guy then walks over and asks them why they keep saying, "Fifteen! Fifteen!"
The guys respond, "Well, we went to the supermarket and bought this jigsaw puzzle, which we put together in 15 weeks! Considering that on the side of the box it said 3-5 years."
About 5 minutes later, the guys with the facial fluff again say, "Fifteen! Fifteen!"
At this, the guy then walks over and asks them why they keep saying, "Fifteen! Fifteen!"
The guys respond, "Well, we went to the supermarket and bought this jigsaw puzzle, which we put together in 15 weeks! Considering that on the side of the box it said 3-5 years."
Dick Lexic
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A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.
I'm emotionally constipated. I haven't given a **** in days
I'm emotionally constipated. I haven't given a **** in days
Pat494
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There was this cocky young trader whose girlfriend insisted he come to the spiritualist night at the pub.
She gave everyone a prediction. To our young hero she predicted that there was a lot of money coming his way in the near future.
Next day on the way to work he was run over by a Securicor van.
She gave everyone a prediction. To our young hero she predicted that there was a lot of money coming his way in the near future.
Next day on the way to work he was run over by a Securicor van.
Atilla
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I was sitting in Nero's having coffee and really enjoying great music.
Then I felt my belly rumble and had to let off some gas. So I thought I'd time it to the rhythm and beat of the loud music.
I did and it felt really good.
Everybody turned and looked at me.
It was then I remembered, I was listening to my mp3 on headphones
Then I felt my belly rumble and had to let off some gas. So I thought I'd time it to the rhythm and beat of the loud music.
I did and it felt really good.
Everybody turned and looked at me.
It was then I remembered, I was listening to my mp3 on headphones
Last edited:
Pat494
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An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While in China, he is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom all the time.
A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his ***** covered with bright green and purple spots. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tell the man to return in two days for the results.
The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says: "I've got bad news for you. You've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it."
The man looks a little perplexed and says: "Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, doc".
The doctor answers: "I'm sorry, there no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your *****".
The man screams in horror, "Absolutely not! I want a second opinion".
The doctor replies: "Well, it's your choice. Go ahead if you want, but surgery is your only choice".
The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines his ***** and proclaims: "Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vely lare disease".
The guy says to the doctor: "Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what we can do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my *****?"
The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs: "Stupid Amelican docta, always want to opelate. Make more money, that way. No need to opelate!"
"Oh, Thank God!", the man replies.
"Yes", says the Chinese doctor, "You no worry! Wait two weeks. Dick fall off by itself! You save money"
A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his ***** covered with bright green and purple spots. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tell the man to return in two days for the results.
The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says: "I've got bad news for you. You've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it."
The man looks a little perplexed and says: "Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, doc".
The doctor answers: "I'm sorry, there no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your *****".
The man screams in horror, "Absolutely not! I want a second opinion".
The doctor replies: "Well, it's your choice. Go ahead if you want, but surgery is your only choice".
The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines his ***** and proclaims: "Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vely lare disease".
The guy says to the doctor: "Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what we can do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my *****?"
The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs: "Stupid Amelican docta, always want to opelate. Make more money, that way. No need to opelate!"
"Oh, Thank God!", the man replies.
"Yes", says the Chinese doctor, "You no worry! Wait two weeks. Dick fall off by itself! You save money"
