Best Thread Joke of the day

[hhiusa]

Must be a pair of spread betting traders.

That makes no sense as spread betting is banned in the US and they are Americans.

 

[hhiusa]

 

[Atilla]

Here kitty kitty...

 

[BigDeal]

Plagiarism

Plagiarism - getting into trouble for something you didn't do

 

[Atilla]

A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack.

Upon getting home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made.

"Olympic condoms?", she blurts, "What makes them so special?"

"There are three colors", he replies, "Gold, Silver and Bronze."

"What color are you going to wear tonight?", she asks cheekily.

"Gold of course", says the man proudly.

The wife responds wryly, "Why don't you wear Silver? It would be nice if you came second for a change."

 

[Atilla]

Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

 

[hhiusa]

How do you get a one-armed Marxist-Socialist out of a tree?

Ask two teamsters to drive three AFL-CIO riggers each carrying an IAFF approved ladder to the tree and help the one-armed Marxist-Socialist down.

 

[hhiusa]

How many socialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. Why pay one person to do something that you can pay two to do.

 

[Pat494]

If you are ever desperate for ANYTHING, don't ask a capitalist or you'll be giving him everything you got including the house. No favours there bud it's against their ethics.

:cheesy:

 

[Atilla]

 

[Pat494]

The Russian roulette one is a goody too

http://www.trade2win.com/boards/foyer/6856-joke-day-403.html

 

[hhiusa]

The seven wonders of socialism

1. Everybody is employed.
2. Although everybody is employed, nobody works
3. Although nobody works, everybody fulfills the plan.
4. Although everybody fulfills the plan, there are no goods.
5. Although there are no goods, everybody has everything.
6. Although everybody has everything, everybody steals.
7. Although everybody steals, nothing is ever missing.

 

[hhiusa]

An engineer, an accountant, a chemist and a civil servant are comparing their pet dogs. To see which is the most intelligent, each dog shows off its cleverest trick. The engineer’s dog draws a square and a circle on a sheet of paper. The accountant’s dog divides a heap of biscuits into three equal parts. And the chemist’s dog pours exactly a third of a carton of milk into a bowl. Then it’s the turn of the civil servant’s dog. The dog strolls over, pees over the drawing paper, eats the biscuits, drinks the milk, has sex with the three other dogs, claims a back injury and as a result, applies for compensation before going on sick leave.

 

[Dick Lexic]

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peter's Square.

The first Catholic man tells his friends,
"My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic man chirps,
"My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic gent says,
"My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says 'Your Eminence'"


The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, “My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."


Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, “Well....?"




She proudly replies, "I have a daughter,
SLIM
TALL
BLONDE
38DD BREASTS
24" WAIST and
36" HIPS.









When she walks into a room, people say,




"Jesus Christ”

 

[hhiusa]

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peter's Square.

The first Catholic man tells his friends,
"My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic man chirps,
"My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic gent says,
"My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says 'Your Eminence'"

The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, “My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, “Well....?"

She proudly replies, "I have a daughter,
SLIM
TALL
BLONDE
38DD BREASTS
24" WAIST and
36" HIPS.
When she walks into a room, people say,

"Jesus Christ”

What do you know @Atilla, she is blonde, fair skinned and thin.

 

[hhiusa]

 

[Oscar Reed]

Australia got a new star batsman.

And he wasn't in the starting eleven.

His name is Extras.

 

[Dick Lexic]

While in a bar the other night I overheard three large ladies having a conversation.

It was a strange accent so I went over and asked, “are you three ladies from Scotland?”

“It's Wales you idiot“ was the reply, so I apologized and said, “OK, are you three wales from Scotland?

That's all I remember about that night.

 

[hhiusa]

A guy is down on his luck. He takes his last $500 and goes to Las Vegas. Overnight, he has a fantastic run of luck. He leaves the casino in a limo, calls his wife and says, "Honey, pack your bags. I just won over a million dollars in Vegas." His wife says, "That's wonderful. What should I pack for...Europe, the Caribbean?" He says, "I don't care, just be gone when I get home."

 

[Pat494]

The phone rings in the Australian Cricket Team's changing room.
"G'day. Could I speak to Micky Clarke, please?"
"Aww, look, sorry mate, he's just gone out to bat."
"Oh, that's alright, mate. I'll hang on."

:clap: