Best Thread Joke of the day

[trader-john]

Why do ducks have webbed feet?


To stamp out fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?


To stamp out burning ducks

 

[Pat494]

Why do ducks have webbed feet?


To stamp out fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?


To stamp out burning ducks

Q.Why do elephants have black feet ?

A. slow natives

 

[Hoggums]

Two men are in the shower after a long session at the gym when one notices the other has a huge cork stuck in his ass.
He says, "That cork looks very uncomfortable. Why don't you take it out?"
The other man says, "I can't. It is permanently stuck in my ass. Yesterday I was walking along when I tripped over an old oil lamp. There was a puff of smoke, and a genie with a white beard came boiling out.The genie said,'I can grant you one wish."
I said, "No ****?"

 

[Atilla]

Q. How do you get an Elephant into SafeWay?

A. Take the 'S' out of safe and 'F' out of way...

 

[TheBramble]

Ryanair

Ryanair have apparently charged Jennifer Mills-Westley's family £65 premium booking fees for bringing her remains back to the UK on the first available flight.

I suppose that's what you get for not booking ahead.

 

[TheBramble]

Ira

Linked to the visit of the Queen, 23 people have been found glued to the walls and ceiling of a train in Dublin. Police believe Irish Republicans have set off a No More Nails bomb.

 

[TheBramble]

Bin Laden (sorry, bit late but I've been tied up...LOL)

Starbucks limited edition coffee.

The "Bin Latte". A dark bodied frothy head with two shots.

 

[TheBramble]

Connection between Kate Middleton and Osama Bin Laden?

They both had their back doors broekn into and then got shot in the face my some bloke in the Navy.

 

[TheBramble]

Elton John to Release Tribute song to Osama

"Sandles in the bin".

 

[TheBramble]

Osama Killed on Monday (UK) May 2nd

Didn't know they took the bins out on a Bank Holiday.....

 

[Pat494]

A sudden new lease of life from TheBramble

Spring is sprung

 

[Atilla]

A sudden new lease of life from TheBramble

Spring is sprung

Yep - the old Master is back with a vengence... :clap:

 

[minch]

My girlfriend thinks that i'm a stalker....well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet

 

[Joseff]

This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: “Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?”

The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: “Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight....”

 

[trader-john]

 

[Kinger]

A guy at work has invented a device that allows you to steal other people’s ideas and then permanently delete them from your memory.

Why didn’t I think of that?

 

[Adamson]

Scientists invented a machine to catch thieves.
In 30 minutes in Canada the machine caught 10 thieves, in 15 minutes in the U.S the machine caught 5 thieves, in 3 minutes in Trinidad thieves stole the machine.

 

[Joseff]

What do Scientists have for snacks?
Micro-chips.

 

[Chartsy]

Girls are like condoms, spend more time in your wallet than on your d!ck

 

[minch]

What's the difference between Iron man and Iron woman ?

One's a super hero and the other is an instruction