Insomniac again
Sweet dreams, son
Damn, it happened yet another time. Since everyone keeps telling me here to give my father a chance, I did, and stayed in the living room a bit longer, until he came home. And sure enough he told me about his worries. Didn't ask me anything about me, didn't tell me anything pleasant, but went on telling about his worries the whole time. His worry today is that there will be a huge inflation, all over the world, and our money in the bank will lose most of its value. So we have to hurry and buy a house as soon as possible. So it's not enough that I couldn't sleep all last night because I carry the weight of my office on my shoulders despite not having any responsibility as manager or anything, but only because I am doing everything. Now I have to spend another night awake because as usual my dad has told me about some impending catastrophe. That sonuvabitch. Ever since I was a child this sick mother ****er has been telling that he could die at any time, and to be prepared, because when he was six his father died. Great, dad, thanks for putting me in this world and then ruining my life. Sweet dreams to myself now...
Impending catastrophes...but he doesn't seem worried
I told him that it's a bad idea to buy a house in rome, because he could get ripped off, and because I don't like rome at all and I don't plan on living here, and he doesn't either after retirement, so why would we buy a house where neither of us plans to live? Also, I told him, why... how can you worry so much about inflation and let your portfolio manager handle your money and invest it in stocks and bonds when obviously he doesn't know anything about how to invest it or else you wouldn't be having bonds from the bank you're a customer of, and your capital would have increased at least more than 2% a year. So you give me all this stress about inflation, but you didn't give a damn about your money for the past 20 years... it makes me wonder whether you are just sick and enjoy randomly passing worries on to people around you. Sick son of a bitch...
A question I didn't want to hear
Then he told me "what should I do then...?". I can't believe this guy asked me such a question when my whole life he acted like he was god and knew about everything at all times. I dodged the question because it made me uncomfortable, but lately I've been thinking that he lost some of his confidence. It seems like a big change actually.
I want his money, but I don't want him to give it to me...
I could have said to him: since your money is not worth very much to you and since it might lose all its value soon and since you're asking me what you should do, then give me just one hundred thousand euros and let me invest it as I wish. But I didn't say it, even though it crossed my mind. First because he might have said no and that would have been humiliating. Second, because he might have said yes, and that would have been a disappointment, because I'd have felt like my father ceased to be what he's been all these years: the one in charge, the responsible one. If he said "yes, I'll give you the money you ask for", I'd feel like he's become senile. And that in turn would be make me feel quite stressed out, because I've always counted on him to not be stupid. My world would kind of crumble, if he told me "yes, you can have my money".
But actually I don't want anyone's money
So, when he asked me "what should I do with my money?", I didn't say "give me some" because he might say no and offend me, and because he might say yes and worry me. And also for a third reason: I didn't want a yes, because I know how irresponsible I've been in the past, and I certainly could not afford to lose 100 thousand dollars or my trading career would end. As I've said before, I believe, to protect yourself from yourself, you should start with as little capital as possible and then build it up, all by yourself. That's the only way to become totally good and reliable, when you learn the value of money and the difficulty of making your capital grow. And you also learn it without losing too much money in the process. If you can grow a big enough capital (30k) despite starting undercapitalized, then it means you're really ready to take other people's money, but then you wouldn't need it, because you already have your own capital. So in all situations, or almost all situations, it's not a good idea to ask people for money. Unless of course you don't have a job, and no income, and then you cannot start unless someone gives you some money. But then maybe you should get a job.
Undercapitalization is less of a problem than overcapitalization
So I don't believe in being given money from other people. One should work and raise his own capital. If I had been given the money I wanted to be given, by now I wouldn't have lost 50 thousand dollars in 12 years but millions. Hopefully I'll make that 50k back in a few months. I've lost it 500 at a time, week by week, month by month, very slowly. It's less than 400 dollars per month, in 12 years. Partly I lost it because I didn't know how to trade and gambled instead. Partly I lost it because I could not trade the right financial instruments, futures. I traded options with large bid-ask spreads, instruments with low leverage... commissions... these are all problems, but you have to be able to make money even on the wrong instruments, if you really want to be ready.
It's best to encounter all problems from the start, and while you have a small capital
So all difficulties are good, even having a small capital or trading the wrong securities, and having an account with the wrong broker. Because they all teach you what's better. You learn to value the good broker, the good instrument... for example futures are superior to options, because you have to worry about less. There's fewer variables to worry about, so they're just better. They allow you to focus on picking the right direction and timing. You can't do everything so you should try to keep things as simple as possible. That's what people at work don't understand. They ask quality, quantity, don't simplify and don't even want to work. They want me to work for them and they don't even make it easy for me. I am going to have some fun now, seeing how far I can push them before getting fired. They don't even appreciate my work, I mean they appreciate when I am gone, but not when I am there. They say it's easy because I do it quickly, not because they could ever do it. Maybe tomorrow I won't go to work. Maybe I will.
Overnight LONG on the GBP, expecting a reversal
I started a long trade on the GBP, outside of my system, looking for a 25% correction compared to the down move of today. That's what you usually get in the night after something like today happens. But maybe I am wrong. The GBP doesn't behave like the other markets I follow. The JPY is even more unpredictable. But most likely, with those 2 contracts, I'll make the 500 dollars I am expecting to make. That would take me to about 7.5 k, which means 50% gain in a week so far. I am pretty satisfied. Of course in the previous week I had taken my capital from 10k to 5k, so that's how bad I actually suck. Yep, I just looked and the GBP is rising as expected. Already up 260 dollars. Another 20 ticks and I'll be done. Nope. Just looked again, 30 or more minutes later after that previous sentence, and now I'm only up 60 dollars.
Still cannot sleep
After all these hours spent writing, thanks to that last pleasant chat with my father, I can't go back to sleep. Instead of telling me something to tranquilize me, since he knows how stressed out I am about my work getting out of control, he told me about inflation and how all money will soon be worthless, quite a way to agitate me and right before I was supposed to go to sleep. If it weren't true, it would be funny, possibly the subject for a comedy, I realize that.
