my journal

[Yamato]

Ok - I'm done: 700. I am happy!!! Finally something that proved me right! Wednesdays are good! I rejoice! The day is almost over, the intraday positions are going to be closed soon, and there's no way they will turn negative. I will make about 700 for the day, or more, but for sure not less than 400.

Then the ON positions will be opened as well, and those promise to be even more profitable (according to my stats). I would sum it up and say that I will only trade, from now on (already implemented on my excel workbook), if the timezone is above average (55 dollars per trade), which at the moment lets me trade WED_ID, WED_ON, and FRI_ON. Good, good, good, good, good. I am satisfied.

This of course is only valid until I got little capital. Above 20k, I will trade in every timezone that is positive. Then, most likely, with the 10 extra systems I will add, most likely, all timezones will be positive. And if they still aren't, then I'll quit my job, and build 50 more systems, and with a hundred systems, I should be able to make all timezones positive. And that isn't enough, I'll build 200 systems.

 

[Yamato]

Uh-oh... wrong again! Damn, so disgusting... I came back after a bath, and here it is: it made 250 dollars instead of the 800 I was shown earlier this afternoon. But I guess I'll have to accept this. Because this is the non-tampering policy. It produces more profit not because it yields more, but because, when it loses, it doesn't blow out my account (like I would do). When I tampered, I would make more, but when it all went wrong, I blew out my account. It sucks, but it's the best I can do, given my lack of self-control. So I'll have to live with seeing 800 and ending up with just 250.

If I were my old self, I now would get so mad and unhappy and frustrated that I would do some discretionary trading to make back the money that the market owes me. Instead, my hands are tied, according my established non-tampering habit, so I don't even consider that a possibility or a choice. I can't do a thing. My hands are tied. My hands are psychologically tied. Good!

The only thing I am celebrating is my non-tampering, because actually today was pretty depressing, also considering last week I lost 5000. Now I am down 4750 compared to before what happened last week. Pretty sad... but hey: no bugs and no tampering, which are my only enemies because stats are all on my side.

And now it opened a SHORT overnight position on the GBL, which I never would have opened. But WED_ON is supposed to be by far the best timezone, so let's hope for the best. Even though this position looks wrong.

 

[Yamato]

I just got up and changed the timezone filter: the systems won't trade just the above average timezones but all positive timezones. I figured it's enough of a filter that only the best systems are trading, so I shouldn't overdo the other filter. But, most of all, it's a psychological problem: as a non-tampering spectator, I'd get too bored seeing no trades for half of the timezones. So, the consequence is that there will no trades on TUE and THU ON sessions: that's the only filter (besides the filter allowing to trade only the best systems). Now this is really it for today, and by the way this is not "tampering". Any changes made with the markets closed and not related to ongoing trades are not "tampering". Goodnight.

YouTube - Walken Family Reunion

 

[Weighbridge]

$250... that's a good day's work, so congratulations. You'd have been happy with it if you hadn't seen the $800. The thing is that many days must unfold in a similar way. It stands to reason that the final result will almost always be lower than the peak figure - sometimes much lower.

I think that watching the totals move all day must be terribly wearing, and no good can come of it really. You've already decided that your robots have complete autonomy intraday, so they only need to report in to you at the end of the day.

I get the point about wanting a distraction so that you're less likely to place discretionary trades, but it seems like as much a temptation as a distraction. If someone gave up betting on horses, then they probably shouldn't watch lots of horse racing on TV to take their mind off it! You're better off playing video games or something.

That said, you've stuck to your plan like a champ over the last month. It's been good seeing your posts change from someone that's annoyed with himself to someone that's confident he's doing the right thing.

 

[Yamato]

Right, had I not seen the 800, I'd feel ok.

Correct: part of the days are ending with a lower profit than seen a few hours earlier, but another part, just as numerous, ends with a higher profit than what was seen a few hours earlier. Of course, if you asked me how many positions end with the highest profit ever seen during the ongoing trade, then the answer is close to zero for a single position, and even closer to zero for a bunch of positions.

Yes, like Gladiator you say that there's no point watching and reporting my ongoing positions here, and I reply the same thing: if I don't do that, I might risk being bored and engage in discretionary trading. So, by doing that, I am preventing boredom, and discretionary trading. Besides the purpose of keeping me busy, it's not entirely pointless also because it shows me and the readers how positions evolve, and each time I see something unprofitable, I go to my systems code and make sure it cannot avoid that problem, by retesting it. I did it yesterday as well for the GBL for example.

Oh, I just read your remark. That's a good one as well. You're really understanding me completely. It is indeed as much a distraction as it is a temptation. However it is working right now. Writing here, posting things, is keeping me in touch with a few readers who help me out psychologically to overcome my problem. "If it's working, don't fix it" to paraphrase an old saying. I don't know exactly what part is working but some part of what I've been doing is working very properly. Maybe it's unhealthy in other ways, but for sure I've not tampered for a whole month already, which in my situation, with so little capital, is unusual. The temptation to "help" my systems increase capital is big.

Thanks. Champ or not champ, I am sad that capital is not increasing that fast. But thanks to you and the other readers I am managing to follow the principle of not touching my systems. Right now they're placing 10 trades per day. Hopefully if I create 10 more, they'll place 12 trades per day, and that way I'll get even further from thinking I can "help" it.

 

[Yamato]

Good morning everyone.

 

[Yamato]

The part that's working is that I keep the readers informed on everything I do, and since I rarely lie, this forces me to not trade discretionary, because I would otherwise disappoint you and those few selected readers I have.

Losing about 100 on that trade started last night.

 

[Yamato]

The odyssey of a non-addressed envelope

I can't ****ing believe it. I am back at work. The letter that took me half an hour yesterday to deliver, was not meant for that guy, but it's for yet another person. Now the count is at SEVEN people getting involved, several phone calls, an hour wasted for me and counting (plus the time wasted by the other people), people finding out private things they shouldn't have known, and all because the sender didn't bother to write the exact addressee. Let's hope that these idiots I work with at the bank are also in charge of investing money, so I can count on taking their money in the markets.

 

[Yamato]

Doing good. I didn't regret letting it trade today, by reducing the timezone filter: it's already made over 100 dollars. Also, on yesterday's trade, which I thought was very likely to lose money, systems surprised me once more: the GBL ON trade actually made 6 euros after commissions. Still down over 4500 dollars counting the past 5 days.

YouTube - (Extreme) More than Words - Sungha Jung

 

[Yamato]

YouTube - Baden Powell - Samba Triste - Europe by Loronix

 

[Yamato]

YouTube - Baden Powell and Dulce Nunes

 

[Yamato]

Good news. Position's evolving in the right direction.

 

[Yamato]

Ok, the account is growing again. I am still a struggling trader, hungry for capital. But now i've established that I won't withdraw any more, so my capital should just keep growing. No more CL for a while so no big and dangerous drawdowns ahead of me.

So: no more withdrawing, no more drawdowns, no more discretionary trading - no more dangers for my capital. Will I now let it grow? Or will I come up with something to stop it from growing? I see it growing, if I don't touch it, at a speed of about 200 a day on average (since there'll be days where it doesn't grow, but also +1000 days). I'll recover from that huge CL drawdown in one month. Yeah, it sucks but it is indeed a month that I need. Then what? Then of course I should not start with the CL again. Well, my objective of reaching 50k is still very very far. But at 20k I might be able to increase the conctracts on the best systems, or trade more systems in case they're all doing as well (by then I'll have almost 50 of them, if the opening gap strategy works out).

 

[Yamato]

Ok, bad news again. Check it out. Just a few minutes ago I was making 250 and now less than 100. Pretty depressing. But, hey, I am just a spectator. I can't touch anything.

 

[Yamato]

Thanks to this journal and to the readers and their feedback and their caring about me not relapsing into compulsive gambling, the fact that I now see +300 no longer makes me feel the urge of tampering by closing my position early. I have gotten used to the habit of not tampering, by exposing it so much here. Thank you, readers, for caring about my problems. You made me want to be a better man.

YouTube - YOU MAKE ME WANT TO BE A BETTER MAN

 

[Yamato]

Ok, here's my last positions update for today, 'cause people are getting bored with my updates on positions, because they're tiring snapshots to take and crop every time, and because for once I am going out to dinner, which actually means "going in" because I am going to bring two pizzas to a neighbour's apartment. Yes, I made friends with a neighbouress, and I just asked her "in" to dinner. I invited myself to her apartment and offered to bring two pizzas.

It's funny because I used to take her "out" to japanese restaurants, but now that I'm poor again, I have to take her "in" with pizzas.

Anyway, the position is going ok, and considering my wrong predictions of yesterday ("I can definitely say that I will make at least 400" and then I made 250), I would estimate that, being right now at about +500 for the day (-4200 for the past 6 days), I will definitely close at above zero, but I don't know by how much. So today's my second positive day of the week.

 

[Yamato]

Ok, so I'm back. For a while no more updates on my equity. Let's just say that it's finally approaching 10k. Also, as i said tirelessly, no more withdrawing from the trading account, no more discretionary trading (in 2 days it will be one month since my last discretionary trade), no more systems with big drawdown. I am serene. I will talk slightly less in the near future because i am more serene and when I am like that, I write and talk less.

 

[Yamato]

http://www.trade2win.com/boards/trading-journals/72598-my-journal-3.html#post916608

Sep 24, 2009, 8:22pm

A whole two weeks of successful interfering... got cockier and cockier... more and more reckless... and finally today they got all the money back plus a lot of extra money (overall, as usual, twice as much as I had made with all my interfering). Now I'll try to get it back (I shouldn't but I will, most likely). It'll work for a while, till they'll get it all back plus more of it. On and on... It's been this way ever since I started automated trading. I just can't find a way to stay off of it, and find other things to do. Unbelievable. Un****ing believable.

Tomorrow at 8 PM it will be one month. But tomorrow there's no trading. So, tonight it will be one month. I've put a month of non-tampering between me and my addiction.

Good morning. Oh, look: that seagull is sitting on the rock again, exactly where he was yesterday.

 

[Weighbridge]

http://www.trade2win.com/boards/trading-journals/72598-my-journal-3.html#post916608

Tomorrow at 8 PM it will be one month. But tomorrow there's no trading. So, tonight it will be one month. I've put a month of non-tampering between me and my addiction.

Well done. Breaking a 12 year habit is definitely an achievement Many people just get stuck in their patterns forever.

 

[Yamato]

Thank you, and largely I owe this to you and the other people who showed me they cared about my non-tampering. I don't know how people could care about a stranger on a forum. But somehow you did. I should make a donation to the forum, but anonymously. I will keep on posting videos from youtube to enlighten your minds about the best movies ever made and the best music ever played. I'm on a mission from god. People must be made aware that movies with nicole kidman are the worse there is around. And that music by Madonna is totally worthless.