my journal 3

cant work cant work cant work - he won't stop talking
i've already wasted 30 minutes since my roommate came here. he was already late, an hour and a half, and he's not even working. i hope it's over.

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nope, still bugging me with questions

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Can't believe he had the nerve, like other times, to tell me incidentally that we do things a certain way because of the "strong sense of duty that characterizes both of us". I was here at 8.45, 45 minutes before my limit (up until 9.30) and he was here at 10 am, one hour and a half after he should have been here. He gets paid more than twice my salary. And he groups me with his group as far as "sense of duty". Quite insulting, although he meant it as a compliment. This guy is from southern Italy and his sense of duty is altered by his origin. And by the way, he still works on his own things all day long. So, he's late, and, second, he works on his own things. And third, he keeps me from working for the office.

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whoa, he finally left.

he comes an hour and a half late, bothers me for an hour, then goes on a coffee break, comes back half an hour later, bothers me another hour, then goes to lunch, comes back two hours later, or an hour and a half, bothers me for an hour or less, then i go home. All in all, I have to put up with him for 3 hours.

And let's not forget that once he punched me in the arm because he thought i was disrespecting him - without even showing me what he was going to do, abruptly, uncalled for (it's not like i had said anything offensive during the day), while i was busy working. ****ing asshole.

An animal, i use language and silence to express my feelings. He punched me, really hard, in the arm. I wonder what i could have done better. After it happened, it didn't make any sense to retaliate - plus he's 20 years older than me and it would not be appropriate to hit him - he's rude, and I am not. I should have prevented him, but i wasn't looking. The retaliation is that he offers me fruits on a daily basis, and I never give him anything back. I will never forgive him and never really be his friend, ever. He should have thought about it before punching me. That was the end of our relationship - rude, animal. Not interested in a relationship with monkeys.

I am keeping a fake relationship with him merely because getting another roommate is a gamble, since this is a good room, we're only two, and in the other rooms there's as many as 8 people. If I changed room, I might end up in one of those big rooms, or with an even worse roommate. This guy likes me - it's typical. There's plenty of people who like me and whom i do not like at all. The reason is 1) you punch me and I don't punch you, 2) you behave like a beast in general and i do not, 3) you keep me from working and i leave you alone, 4) you can't help me, whereas i can help you, and the list goes on. Even if he likes me, he still punched me. Even if I don't like someone, I still don't punch them. This makes me more likable than a rude animal-person like he is. Good manners means being likable without trying. Bad manners means being dislikable without meaning it. Same applies to stupidity and knowledge. It is almost better to be around intelligent polite people who dislike you, than being around animal-humans who like you.

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Losing hundreds on the ZN. Didn't expect it to keep rising for so long.

Anyway, this guy is like this: he tries to make you his friend, and then he tries to exploit you. I am not going to fall for that of course. To some degree we all do this as we'd rather make friends with people who can give things to us than with people who can ask things of us.

But this guy, just as his work ethic, takes it to another level of dishonesty: what is mine is yours, and what is yours is mine - give me the keys to your house at the beach so i can go there with my family. Then if you don't fall for it, he still keeps you warm for another favor, so he says "yeah, of course I should pay the rent..." and then he doesn't even pay the rent because he wanted to go there for free. Now he's probably giving me fruits so he can finally ask for a big favor at the end, but I am ready to return him all the fruits he gave me, and return no favors. I am never going to relax with this guy - I do not trust him. He can like me, and even think he's my friend, or that we're friends, but i will never trust him, because I have different ethics than he does, and I know that I'll be fair to him even if i dislike him, whereas he'll be unfair to me even if he likes me.

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Yeah, ok, it would be pretty easy to say that I don't like anyone, and that is my ideal life: only being around people that I am paying for things: company, sex, driving, cleaning. That way it's fair to everyone, and it's clear what kind of exchange is going on. I don't trust the concept of friendship. Don't even know what it means. It is very ambiguous.

Other than this, if we're talking about simply getting along, it is true that I don't get along with 95% of people, but i do get along with a 5% of fair, polite, intelligent people. So i can get along with people. And on the web i can get along with a larger percentage, because the interaction is limited.

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ZN is falling, finally. Still have some time to work in peace while the animal is out to lunch.

Right, today I have to deal with another retard. When I get home, the cleaning lady will be there, and I have to make sure she neither waters nor moves my marijuana plant. Since she's so retarded (it took me six months to get her to read and understand the expiration labels on milk), i predict that it will take me several weeks to get her to understand what it means to not move a plant, and to not close the shades, ever, and to not water a plant. I plan to train her with sugar cubes.

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leaving in a few minutes and going home to train the maid.

apple given to me by roommate sucks

need to find a way to throw it away without him noticing

going downstairs to grab a bottle of water and throwing it away during my walk
 
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Yep. As expected i landed on the island again, and now i am in my cousin's bed - she's married and not living here anymore. Very comfortable bed. My favorite one. Everything as expected.

Yeah. Back here, after a few years away. So much affection from them that i am moved.

The systems in the meanwhile made some trades.

CL lost some money, NQ made as much. ZN is not losing anything, always hanging up there, on the plateau, slightly below 133. Breaking even for the day, and made some money for the week, but I withdrew almost all the profits from the week to pay for the server and some other expenses.

Tomorrow they might take me swimming. With their children. I decided I don't want to be called uncle by the children of my cousins, but "cousin". I want to stay back a generation.

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Pretty soon in your life you realize that time goes by and wipes everything out. There isn't enough time to postpone your life until you quit your job, like i did. Either quit your job immediately. Or start living while you're holding your job. And by "living" I don't mean getting married - i mean simply enjoying your relatives.

Yeah, don't wait to be happy until just everything is perfect, because it's not going to happen. Yeah, they were all right. All those who told me. I mean, even if i'll succeed, i won't have millions but just thousands. That'd be success to me, and it's not the achievement of my plan. So I am settling for less than what i had planned for, so i should have done it sooner, and screwed some more women for starters - i mean i turned down a whole lot of women thinking i was going to get claudia schiffer. And now, I am left with just my dick in my hand, like they say in the godfather.

If the systems produce some money, I think this is what i'll do in the next few months. Take several trips all over the island and enjoy my relatives.

May god assist me in my plan to enjoy life. May the gods of the markets be with me. If necessary I will make human sacrifices.
 
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Yeah, the weekend with my other relatives proceeds well. I am changing my perception of myself and the world by being around these relatives. I can't say whether it's a positive change or negative, but basically i am expecting a better world now, because my relatives are very nice to me (they're the nicest relatives i have). Of course this doesn't say much about how the world really is, in rome or elsewhere.

This is clearing my mind very much, and I plan to come every weekend, either here or in other parts of the island, meeting other relatives or simply swimming, maybe with a spanish friend (the only one i haven't argued with, yet).

Whether my mind should be clear or filled with worries, having a relaxed state of mind makes my trading profitable, because I do not tamper with the systems to counterproductive levels. In turn, profit from trading improves my life - no doubt about this. Having money is a good thing.

So, by this rationale, I should be relaxed at this precise moment. Doesn't matter whether one should really be happy or frustrated in life, live in the dark and be carefree, or be aware and be sad. Right now it makes overwhelming sense for me to be relaxed, because it will increase my money and that will give me options - and that is good, having options. The systems are ready, the portfolio theory is homemade, not fully mathematically explainable, but it's ready and usable (fixed fractional with futures). Everything is ready. I need to be relaxed and let them systems trade or tamper to very limited levels, such as having a ZN short position open right now.
 
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Royal Navy's Bohemian Rhapsody - YouTube

being at sea does this to you - makes you a good person despite being in this business of killing people, or rather: good people like the sea

same with us swimmers - we're playful dolphins regardless of our age

Yup. Because humans are bad, and people who like the sea, like the sea precisely because there's fewer humans in it.
 
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Great second evening here with my relatives. Getting very relaxed and in a good mood. They've insisted that I come every weekend, but I am not sure whether to do it or not. Not just for the cost, but also because i can't believe that anyone would be interested in having me spend weekend after weekend at their house.

At the same time I did go shopping and bought lots of underwear and socks and t-shirts so I can leave them here in case I do come back in future weekends.

This may be a turning point in my life. I am actually enjoying these simple things, such as the company of my relatives.

Things that i was taking for granted until recently, and now seem very precious.

The turning point would have been better if it had been reached in a situation of financial independence: having so much money that i didn't need a job, and travelling all over the place, with unlimited free time. Like this it is rather a mental stability that might promote financial independence, rather than the other way around, as I had always expected it.

In other words, taking trips and meeting people I like might put me in a state of mind that will allow better trading, and in turn produce profit. Whereas what i thought until now was like tony montana: first you make the money, then you get the power, and then you get the women, or whatever you wanted to buy with the money.
 
Yeah, back in rome.

My dad did some research on laws and he said i risk big time for growing even just 3 plants of marijuana so tonight i came home and i've been eating them - for medical purposes. Yeah, marijuana cures cancer in case you don't know it.

After over an hour, no effect yet. However, I did just smoke a couple of leaves, and, immediately, I am having the first effect: big appetite.

So I've started eating a lot of stuff in the kitchen (other than my cannabis plants).

He said to the maid, whom I gave some seeds to, and who was growing cannabis plants herself, that she risks getting kicked out of the country and told me that I risk being turned in by her, if she gets caught. So we both made sure to tell the retarded maid that I am indeed getting rid of this plant. Not worth it. I mean, worth it, but only in holland. There I can really use Rick Simpson's hemp oil, which cures practically all cancers. No point now in growing just 3 plants, not curing any potential cancers i might have, and risking jail.

At any rate, I ate almost entirely 3 plants and didn't get high. Then I smoked one leaf and I am getting very hungry.

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During the weekend i was flexible with my vegan diet (non-ethical, just dietary reasons) and ate meat and even some sweets. Doesn't mean i am not going to be vegan in the future. Better to eat meat one day a month, than every day. It's not like cigarettes, where if you smoke one, you start buying them again (that doesn't apply to me either, because i can smoke all i want without getting addicted).

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great alex jones show with doctor peter glidden, on the shortcomings of mainstream medicine
 
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Yeah, back at the office.

I was thinking on my way to the office that, according to my previous estimates, this should be the last month of western civilization. After this, I am expecting economic collapse, brought about by peak oil and all the other unresolved issues of the western world, and in particular the US.

I welcome collapse, because I don't like my present situation. I want everyone around me to be wiped out. For one thing, they talk. They shouldn't be talking. They've got nothing to say, so don't talk.

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On the other hand, CL is not rising, so how is the collapse going to happen if CL stays at the same levels of the last few years? According to my estimates, oil should be triggering collapse. So, I'm going to monitor it. For now, it doesn't seem the case. Of course I could be wrong.

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Whoo-ah!

Great news. ZN is falling. Up and down on the 133 plateau for a few days and now finally falling.

esigchartspon.png

Hope it's the last time, and doesn't rise again.

But more important news is that my boss just came and told me that my animal-roommate will not come today nor tomorrow. So, I'm going to have two pleasant days.
 
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Proceeding ok.
Doing OK.

Another 2 and half hours to go. Not far from work there's this fair by the association of farmers:
Home page - Cibi d'Italia

home_cibiditalia_button-1.jpg

Yeah, "cibi d'italia", "foods of italy" or something like that. And there's going to be this lady who wants to have sex with the customers:

Snap1.jpg

Yeah, i'm gonna go, after work. It's within walking distance. Vegetables, healthy living. Life. That's what farmers mean to me right now. They used to be boring, but now they mean "life". If you eat healthy, you live longer.

Then i'll go home and smoke some of the pot i haven't eaten yesterday.

Afterwards, I might be so hungry that i'll go to McDonald's.

Yeah, everything is ok, as they say here. "Tutto a posto?" and you're supposed to answer "si". They don't even wait for an answer actually. What a dumb question to ask people. Even worse than the english "how are you?". I did notice that people just keep on walking when they meet you and ask "how are you?". It's like saying "hi"...

Jesus, they just came in the room, and asked me "ciao, tutto a posto?". And i said "yes", but then i said "well, more or less...". And he said "yeah, more or less for all of us". But what I had wanted to say was "hell, no. Not at all". "For starters, I would not want to be here, secondly, not in rome, thirdly... thirdly things that are on my mind but that I do not want to share with you... why don't you mind your own business? How dare you ask me if everything is OK?".

I am persecuted by people asking this question. And if I want to avoid them i have to lie and say "si", which I dislike doing, too. Mother ****ers. I like the japanese, the women in particular. They rarely talk, and if they do, you don't understand what they're saying.
 
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Ok, going home in less than 30 minutes. I'll stop by to look at the farmers' products on the way home.

The ZN has done it again and has placed another zag on the chart, on the range around 133. What a pain in the ass. It's been up there for a week and it won't go down enough to give me some profit, enough to close the position. And it's using up some margin that I might need for other trades.

I am like a cow basically, eating grass all day long. And now smoking grass, too.
 
Yeah, as I said, I am home now and smoking pot, or at least trying, because it's too green and fresh to burn.

The systems are above 11k, finally. The ZN is once again falling, hopefully this time for good.

I haven't eaten anything yet, last time i ate was at midnight yesterday.

 
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