It's 4 am and I just woke up from a terrible nightmare where there was a taxi driver who was charging me like 10 times as much as fair and he was trying to beat me up, by moving closer to my seat, while he was driving and the car was riding in the river... a lot of things that didn't make sense.
But the truth is that I am being mobbed at work. And that is why I had that nightmare.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mobbing
Mobbing in the context of human beings means bullying of an individual by a group in any context, such as a family, school, workplace, neighborhood, or community.
When it occurs as emotional abuse in the workplace, such as "ganging up" by co-workers, subordinates or superiors, to force someone out of the workplace through rumor, innuendo, intimidation, humiliation, discrediting, and isolation, it is also referred to as malicious, nonsexual, nonracial, general harassment.
Ok, here's the deal.
Almost 2 years ago, there was branch head who sent me a report and told me there was a newspaper article about a leak of information in our compliance department.
I forwarded that article to my boss and to another guy the branch head told me he had informed. In my email I said "this is something to worry about...". I didn't think I had done anything wrong.
This other guy, who turned out to be pretty mean, wondered who I was and why I was sending him this article, so basically this thing got out of hand because this guy didn't understand that I sent this email because I alerted by the branch head.
Then he asked who I was, and they remembered/realized that I was the son of some politician. Now they won't say anything officially, and they never did, but a few things started happening, and I would classify them as "mobbing", but maybe, there is a remote possibility that I am being paranoid. Because I have a history of being paranoid.
I was disabled, back when this happened, from 1 program, which is not too big a deal. And I was disabled from a folder in the LAN.
Of course I did get offended, because it seemed like someone wasn't trusting me. And this was very strange to me, because all I did was forwarding a newspaper article about a leak, and the consequence seemed to be that I was treated as the potential leak!? This doesn't make any sense.
So I looked for alternate explanations, but I didn't get any. Because each time I asked the boss dodged my question and replied that it was merely because they needed me to do other things. Also with the new boss this thing has continued (I'll tell you how in a minute), so the new boss (the previous boss luckily was moved) has been as evasive, as to why I have been disabled from a program and from a folder and why am i not being allowed to use it, given that it is so necessary to the office that the boss often has to let me use her computer for hours to use that very program and/or network folder.
Each time I get no answer, so it seems to me that there is a higher boss, and I know who it probably is, who wants to harass me or similar, with the excuse that I am the son of a politician (although he will never say it expressly) and that therefore I should not be working for the compliance department which often investigates politicians, and which 2 years ago (when I forwarded the article) was investigating a politician from the same party as my father. Recent developments: 1 year ago and six months ago, this higher-up tried to move me out of the compliance department, but could not succeed because I refused to go.
Latest development: yesterday I realized that for my user id, I have been disabled from using USB flash drives. Once again, it seems like:
1) I am being treated as the leak
2) no one wants to admit they're doing it (no one ever told me I ever did anything wrong)
3) there is no reason for treating me like this
I certainly don't kiss up to this higher-up when I meet him in the hallway and don't even go out of my way to say "hi" to him, so this may add reasons for him to dislike me, given that almost everyone else is kissing up to him.
At the same time, all my colleagues are on my side, big time, and see that I am being persecuted. Also my boss seems to appreciate my work, so much that, despite being in the room next to this higher-up, she goes to lunch and lets me use her computer - given that I've been disabled from all these things. Just a week ago, I was asked to buy a USB flash drive to back up our sensitive data, and I was asked to the back it up.
So I am always around sensitive data, I am being trusted with everything, but at the same time there's this guy who gives instructions to treat me as a criminal. It is just this one guy, as far as I could find out. But officially he pretends that nothing is happening. Also, this direct boss of mine and the previous one, being afraid of him, because their career depends from him, never penalize me but never tell me what is going on and why I am seeing all these things happen to my authorizations to use programs/folders.
So now I had this nightmare and I don't know what to do about it. Most colleagues told me not to react. My father told me to mention it to the boss, and ask why. But I know she'll do the same thing and evade the question.
Not only am I having nightmares, but I can't sleep. So I won't work too well tomorrow.
This is exactly the objective of mobbing, so he's succeeding.
So this makes me want to complain instead of suffering quietly.
At the same time, I am thinking about my lessons from trading. For effective trading you must not take things personally and this works exactly the same in life, although we do not realize it.
So, the word "dignity" and "pride" sound good in movies, but in trading and in life, they lead to counter-productive behaviors.
In other words, the "respectable" thing to do is to maybe go to his room and talk to him. But it may not be the profitable thing to do. Actually it might very well be, but I don't want to do it. So maybe the trading is now giving me an excuse to not do things I don't feel like doing. I can't be direct and outspoken when it comes to people I am afraid of. I don't know what the potential consequences of facing up to him are.
At any rate there might also be good things to learn from trading.
When you make a bad trade, you should get out, without regrets, without vengeance. You should accept your loss. You should accept your diminished account.
Here we could see it like this: I cannot use USB flash drives any more, and so it's like having received a blow and seeing my account diminished.
Do I react or not?
With the markets, you don't have the tools to react successfully, because -- out of revenge trading -- you're just going to trade more, when there is no opportunity, and you're more likely to come across another unprofitable trade.
With this, what happens if I am rushed into a reaction? Does the chance of its profitability increase or decrease?
My father said it is a matter of understanding who is doing this and why. So he says:
1) show that you noticed
2) state clearly that you did not appreciate
3) state clearly that you'd like to know why
He said to not ask the higher-up who's behind all this, but my immediate superior.
I will follow his advice, and yet I already know that she'll try to protect him, like before, because otherwise, they are afraid, I'll go to him and say "they told me that you're behind this, so why are you doing it?" and yet he wants to stay hidden, clearly. He wants to harass me without allowing me to retaliate. But this is pretty hard for a boss, and pretty unusual, too.
Usually you'd expect to be called up and yelled at. But this has never happened. No one will tell me that I did anything wrong. No one will tell me why I am not being trusted. Not only this but no one will even admit that I am not being trusted. So, given that I end up being allowed to use the the boss's computer, it really seems like the point of this is harassing me, rather than protecting the bank from my dangerous actions.
So it goes back to the wikipedia definition of "...humiliation, discrediting, and isolation, it is also referred to as malicious, nonsexual, nonracial, general harassment".
I feel humiliated, I feel discredited, and I feel harassed. And yet he expects to be allowed to do this without ever giving any explanation for this. So maybe I should go straight to the union, and call him out on this.
But you know what? So many things could go wrong that most likely what I'll end up doing, if I can stop having nightmares, and if I can sleep, is this: nothing. I will do nothing and will go on without using USB flash drives. This guy is older, he's been our boss for a few years already, and I'll probably outlast him, too, like I have outlasted the others.
If instead I can't accept this, and I keep having nightmares and I am unable to sleep, then I'll talk to my boss, and if she does and says nothing, then I'll go to the union.
It all depends how impulsive I am, and how much I take it personally. The more I take it personally, the less I sleep, the more impulsive. But this might be a good thing, because that's how I avoided being transferred, because I complained about it to the union. Also, let's not forget that I don't want to bother the union, so maybe I should have a better case before I go to them, or not go at all.
Ok, I am satisfied. I covered every issue and every emotion. I have lost 2 hours of sleep, but I wouldn't have slept anyway. This guy is really evil. This higher-up. I remember disliking him from the start, because he was using my roommate for personal matters, such as shopping and making reservations for his holidays. Yet she wasn't his secretary and even a secretary shouldn't be doing this. But she wasn't. So, much like this example, he has kept using employees as if they were his slaves. And since he can't control me, he wants me out. There are no doubts about this. As there are no doubts that I am not a risk for the compliance department. So the obvious consequence should be that he's harassing me. He could not transfer me, so he's trying to bother me as much as possible.
In the meanwhile, the markets are going my way but only as far as everything else, because gold and silver are taking a beating, and so is JPY.
It's hard to take a beating at work and from the markets at the same time and not react in either field. But I have to hold my positions without reacting, that's pretty clear and easy to do. And at work, I don't know what to do. I am very bothered. And, as I said, I can't sleep because of it.
One thing I had forgotten to say is this, and it's partly why I should maybe not call him out on this USB flash drive issue.
I've been doing my back-ups on the USB flash drive, because I don't trust the safety and reliability of our servers. So this is one thing I can't be doing, because that means bringing sensitive information home.
Furthermore, we're not supposed to browse on personal things, not even emails. Everyone does it. But if I were to complain about being disabled from using USB flash drives, then they might tell me that I misused them.
Damn.
You see, my conscience is not so clean that I can go around fighting these wars. Yes, I've been doing it for good reasons, but:
1) I used programs not given to us by the bank, which I can't do
2) I did back-ups that I brought home
3) I did web browsing for personal subjects
So here's a list of things that make me think I shouldn't engage this higher-up.
If I even go to work tomorrow, which is to say today, I might even end up telling my boss that I didn't sleep because I found out that they banned me from using USB flash drives. Pretty pathetic. The thing to do, as in a movie, would be to go to the higher-up and yell at him. Of course I don't dream of doing it. And, outside of trading, I am not impulsive at all, but very careful and weigh my behaviors. So there is no chance of that happening.
I don't know.
My prediction is this right now:
1) I won't go to work tomorrow/today or I'll go late.
2) I'll tell my boss that I am bothered by this and I can't sleep over it.
But given that this is my prediction, and that I don't like it... I probably won't go to work at all.
I am definitely taking the impulsive route here, like a spiteful child, like I've done with my trading, for years.
Now I am tired enough to go back to sleep.
...
[several hours later]
I ended up coming to work, and taking the first two hours off, officially "due to insomnia". I used up two hours from my holiday days/time.
