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The Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner

I want to show some good music. Also, I am posting videos I like, as a reminder to myself for the future. In some way it is also related to my trading, because it is automated trading, so I have nothing to do really. So this is my trading journal and i am talking about things I do while I don't trade, which means always. And finally, I have to keep busy in order to avoid trading. And this is one of the ways I keep myself busy. The loneliness of the automated trader is close to the loneliness of the long distance runner. Because they're both tiring, they both need you to cover long distances (years of work on automated trading), and usually you're alone and those around you don't even think you're doing anything worthwhile. In both cases you need to run for a long distance without even knowing if you'll win the prize in the end.


Loneliness has followed me my whole life. Everywhere. In bars, in cars, sidewalks, stores, everywhere. There's no escape. I'm God's lonely man...

 
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self-control update

Have been eating a lot sweets, and went to bed a bit late. Other than that, I did ok.

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Wow. It lasted only 2 hours, but it seemed like 6 hours long. I don't mean to say I didn't like it, because I fell asleep after half an hour. It had the power to defeat my insomnia and during the day. I should try it again every night before going to sleep. It was years since the last time I was able to sleep during the afternoon. Thanks, Jim Jarmusch. I am not saying it was boring: it was simply extremely slow and peaceful and I fell asleep. It put me to sleep in a good way. Anyway, certainly it was original and not a hollywood happy ending movie, so it deserves extra credit. One day I will watch the whole thing. I will remember this quote from the film, because I agree with it:
I like really old films. You can really see what the world looked like...thirty, fifty, a hundred years ago. You know the clothes, the telephones, the trains...the way people smoked cigarettes...
I often feel like I am a historian, a researcher.

I've seen a few movies by the same director and I can't say he's my favorite director. Maybe the only one I can say I liked is this one:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dead_Man

I guess I could say his movies are too slow for me. Like Ingmar Bergman's. And like some Asian movies (Japanese and Chinese).
 
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self-control update


This is not just a shocking video. It agrees with my theory (a scientific one as well) that we have a limited self-control. The guy was late, he got in the elevator first, people kept on getting in and taking forever, obviously he's also a nervous guy, until he had enough of it and ran out of patience. The same applies to all of us, except in different amounts and situations. Personally, when the pressure gets too high on me, I just skip work. So my pressure/stress levels are always quite low. But then self-control also needs to take care of other things, not just keeping your violence under control. I have problems with those other things, such as impulse control in discretionary trading. I cannot keep that in check, and that is why I simply quit discretionary trading altogether.

The neighbour just slammed the door as usual and I realized something (I am adding this paragraph a day later). I just thought that I perceive in this guy some egocentrism and paranoia, which I share with him, and which can cause us to get mad for no good reason: we take things personally, as if people were doing those things to bother us. He definitely feels as if those people were getting in the elevator to slow him down and make him go late to work.

It doesn't happen to me in the elevator, but it happens to me with noises, like when the neighbour slams the door: I feel as if he were doing it to spite me. I sometimes, like now, realize that I am wrong and that my neighbour would be doing it even if I didn't live here. But I can't help it: I am so mad at them (a couple) that I can't even go and ask him (and her) to stop slamming his door, because I would definitely be unable to ask him politely and it would likely be the beginning of a fight or a lawsuit. It is a big deal, it makes me very upset, and I can't go talk to the guy, because I actually feel... I want him dead. Yet, I don't grab a gun like the guy in the elevator, but I simply stay very far away from the neighbours, to avoid any risks of violent confrontation.

I am totally peaceful, but a few times in my life I lost control and became violent. Once I was in a cross-country race and a guy fell and I felt he was trying to trip me (maybe I was wrong, but when you're running you don't think as clearly): I got mad, temporarily stopped my race, and started kicking him, before resuming my race. Another time, a classmate, during gym class, tried to trip me (again), and, again, since I was in a physical activity, I reacted immediately and pitched into him. This happened again, a few years later when someone was throwing pebbles at me. Basically, I only lose control when someone deserves to be killed, because he starts bothering me when I wasn't even takling to him and didn't ever do anything rude to him. Basically when people bother me because I am too nice, that's the time I really feel ok with losing control. i can't help it. Since I never want to wrong anyone unfairly, I really have to be positive that I am being abused before I attack or better react to anyone, even just verbally.

Anyway, a while ago, I stumbled upon this depressing but somehow uplifting video, with a happy ending, which represents exactly how I feel and close to how I am (the difference is that I never punched anyone, and never met any bullies who wanted to beat me up):
http://www.buzzhumor.com/videos/31793/Bully_Gets_Abused

I either lose control, because I am positive that I am being abused, or I just avoid any confrontation.
 
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self-control update

Doing really well for today, until now at least. But my father's about to come home, and I might immediately start scratching my head. But I'll be watching out for that.

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self-control update

Need to updated it because I've been scratching my nose a bit, and the value went all the way to 0.3. Also, more importantly, I am going to sleep late. Still, I am reaching the highest work day value since I started recording my self-control.

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a few thoughts on relationshi-t with my dad

Somehow it's changing. It's as if, as time goes by, I am not willing to play the part of the listener, the student... like everyone else. Everyone else is always listening, and playing the audience to him. He's the big wise man telling everyone how it is, and everyone listens quietly, and if they don't, he shuts them up. I am not accepting that part anymore. He's either willing to talk on an equal level, or I am not willing to interact. I am not willing to treat him like he's superior any more. I am tired of this. I don't want our relationship to be one that rewards him and makes him feel good about himself, and makes me feel bad about myself, which is the way it's been my whole life. It's unfair. I have to praise him, while he's constantly put me down. I have to admire him, while he despises me. As I wrote at the end of an essay on "someone you're proud of", for my highschool in Maine, "my dad certainly taught me to be proud of him, but I wish he taught me to be proud of myself as well". And I got an A on it. Then I had him read it, and he cried, but it was useless because for the following years, he's behaved just the same. So, since he can't learn, I've decided I won't put up with this crap and not accept any relationshi-t.
 
market wizards: larry hite (on automated trading)

What made you believe that you could develop methods to put the odds in your favor?
I don't know that I understood it all then, but over the years I came to realize that the markets are inefficient. I have a friend who is an economist. He would try to explain to me, as if talking to a child, why what I was trying to do was futile, because "the markets are efficient." I have noticed that everyone who has ever told me that the markets are efficient is poor. He argued that if I could develop a winning system on a computer, so could others, and we would all cancel each other out.
What is wrong with that argument?
Because people develop systems and people will make mistakes. Some will alter their system or jump from system to system as each one has a losing period. Others will be unable to resist second-guessing the trading signals. Whenever I go to a money management conference and sit down with a group to have some drinks at night, I always hear the same story. "My system worked great, but I just didn't take the gold trade, and that would have been my biggest winner."
[...]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Larry_Hite
 
market wizards: richard dennis (on automated trading)

How much common behavior is there between markets? Are the patterns of beans similar to the patterns of bonds, or do markets have their own personalities?
I could trade without knowing the name of the market.
So, what you are saying is that patterns in different markets are very similar.
Yes. In our research, if a system doesn't work for both bonds and beans, we don't care about it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Dennis
 
market wizards: ed seykota (on automated trading)

How did you first get involved in trading?
In the late 1960s, I decided that silver had to rise when the U.S. Treasury stopped selling it. I opened a commodity margin account to take full advantage of my insight. While I was waiting, my broker convinced me to short some copper. I soon got stopped out and lost some money and my trading virginity. So I went back to waiting for the start of the big, inevitable bull market in silver. Finally, the day arrived. I bought. Much to my amazement and financial detriment, the price started falling!
At first it seemed impossible to me that silver could fall on such a bullish deal. Yet the price was falling and that was a fact. Soon my stop got hit. This was a very stunning education about the way markets discount news. I became more and more fascinated with how markets work.
About that time, I saw a letter published by Richard Donchian, which implied that a purely mechanical trend-following system could beat the markets. This too seemed impossible to me. So I wrote computer programs (on punch cards in those days) to test the theories. Amazingly, his theories tested true. To this day, I'm not sure I understand why or whether I really need to.
[...]

How did your trading program do?
The program did fine; the problem was that management couldn't keep from second-guessing the signals. For example, I remember one time the program generated a buy signal for sugar when it was trading around 5 cents. Management thought that the market was already overbought and decided not to take the signal. When the market kept on going higher, they came up with the rule that they would buy on the first 20-point pullback [ 100 points equal 1 cent]. When no such pullback developed, they modified the rule to buying on the first 30-point reaction.
As the market kept moving higher without any meaningful retracements, they changed the rule to 50 points and eventually 100 points. Finally, with sugar prices around 9 cents, they finally decided that it was a bull market, and that they had better buy before prices went much higher. They put the managed accounts long at that point. As you might guess, the sugar market peaked shortly thereafter. They compounded the error by ignoring the sell signal as well—a signal which also would have been very profitable.
The bottom line was that because of this interference, the most profitable trade of the year ended up losing money. As a result, instead of a theoretical return of 60 percent for the year, quite a few accounts actually lost money. This type of meddling was one of the main reasons why I eventually quit.

What were the other reasons?
Management wanted me to change the system so that it would trade more actively, thereby generating more commission income. I explained to them that it would be very easy to make such a change, but doing so would seriously impede performance. They didn't seem to care.

[...]There are many trend-following systems with money management rules; why have you done so much better?
I seem to have a gift. I think it is related to my overall philosophy, which has a lot to do with loving the markets and maintaining an optimistic attitude. Also, as I keep trading and learning, my system (that is the mechanical computer version of what I do) keeps evolving. I would add that I consider myself and how I do things as a kind of system which, by definition, I always follow. Sometimes I trade entirely off the mechanical part, sometimes I override the signals based on strong feelings, and sometimes I just quit altogether. The immediate trading result of this jumping around is probably breakeven to somewhat negative. However, if I didn't allow myself the freedom to discharge my creative side, it might build up to some kind of blowout. Striking a workable ecology seems to promote trading longevity, which is one key to success.

How would you compare the relative advantages and disadvantages of systems trading versus discretionary trading?
Systems trading is ultimately discretionary. The manager still has to decide how much risk to accept, which markets to play, and how aggressively to increase and decrease the trading base as a function of equity change. These decisions are quite important—often more important than trade timing.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ed_seykota
 
famous automated traders and ingenious scamsters

Whether it's noticed or not, many people on the market wizards book are in fact automated traders. I had been wondering why there were no famous automated traders and none on wikipedia, but I was wrong. Indeed there are and they're even all on wikipedia, including the first one of them in a chronological sense (but he wasn't interviewed on market wizards):

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Donchian

Nonetheless one never notices this, because they're not famous at all. Yes, they're on the most famous trading book there is, market wizards. But few people know and even fewer mentioned their names: Ed Seykota, Larry Hite, Richard Dennis, Richard Donchian. They're mentioned in relation to Market Wizards most of the time. Part of the reason is because, other than on that book, none of them really likes to talk, and appear in the media. But another reason of course is that their big success was prior to internet and now they're a bit older. But they are out there, they're known, and they're all millionaires. And to think that you find people on financial forums who still state that automated trading cannot work because the markets are always changing or because, like that quote by Larry Hite, "everyone would be doing it otherwise".

Now let's see if I can go to the roots of automated trading and find some interesting quotes by Richard Donchian on this concept.

Now I am reading his wikipedia entry and it says he was the father of "trend-following". But if you really think about it trend-following doesn't mean anything. It's a term which is meaningless, and yet everyone uses it. Since you can break time and trading timeframes into inifinte multiples, any trader who'll want to be profitable will want to follow the trend. So all profitable traders will be trend-followers, even top and bottom pickers, because even if you go against the bigger trend, you will definitely be with a smaller one, or else you wouldn't be making any money. Because trend, simply put, is where price goes, and all traders want to trade according to where price goes. Even if you use support/resistance to trade bounces, you will wait for s/r to be hit and then bet on a reversal, but what you will be following will be a trend, maybe shorter, maybe you won't be late, and maybe you won't even follow it at the start, but anticipate it, but a few minutes into it, you will be a trend-follower and for the largest portion of that move, you will be following the trend, regardless of whether you anticipated it on all timeframes or not.

Maybe I'm being ignorant, according to the wikipedia entry:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trend_following

But I maintain that at least the term is misleading. Even if the concept in that wikipedia entry was reasonable and even if all profitable methods didn't qualify as "trend-following", the term is totally misleading. To me it feels as if there was a trading methodology called "making money", it seems like a redundant term, in that anyone who wants to make money will want to be with the "trend", which is where price is going (whether on a longer or shorter timeframe). But if they tell me that by trend-following we mean longer timeframe, and by that we mean days, then I will still object that the term is misleading because it doesn't incorporate that information. It would be like calling the opening gap method "making money" and omitting "with opening gaps".

So, once and for all, "the trend is your friend", "trend-following" and all things referring to trend are as studid as saying "price is your friend", "price-following". I want to ask these mother ****ers using the word "trend" to stop doing it once and for all, because it deeply upsets me, almost as much as hearing "cool", "dude", "weird", "oh my god".

Now back to looking for what Donchian said about automated trading (also called "system trading" and "mechanical trading").

Didn't find any of his famous articles/letters yet (Ed Seykota says "About that time, I saw a letter published by Richard Donchian, which implied that a purely mechanical trend-following system could beat the markets"), but I found a good link:
http://ezinearticles.com/?Trend-Fol...The-Best-Two-Systems-to-Begin-With&id=1897004

This is an article by Chris Roberts, saying that the two basic Donchian systems make more money than most systems being sold, and allow beginners to make money right from the start, with a mechanical approach. I believe him, but it's surprising to me, and certainly the parameters to be used with those systems have to be back-tested and set before you can trade them, so that's like saying "use support/resistance", but not telling you how you find those levels and how you trade them. But this guy is a good guy for sure.

On the article it says:
Chris Roberts is a full time mechanical forex trader. He also provides advice to those aspiring to be systems traders. Visit his site for an in depth insight into what he does and the best way for you to get involved in this exciting area: http://www.profitfromfx.blogspot.com/.

So I am giving up on Donchian for now, and went to his blog, where the last entry says interesting things, because it sounds exactly like what I am doing:

Let me tell you a little about what I do. I am a full time currency trader, who runs various mechanical trading systems alongside each another. I spread risk across around a dozen mechanical systems simultaneously so that I am never too exposed to the failure of any particular system.

I only use 100% mechanical systems, most of which run through the MetaTrader platform in the form of Expert Advisors. I use mechanical trading systems for a number of reasons. Firstly, they eliminate human error. Secondly, they take up much less of your time. Thirdly, they can be backtested over a substantial period of time and various market conditions in order to check their validity.

Right now, I am running 5 systems that I have had made specifically for myself. These are systems that I have designed myself and had programmers build for me. These systems form the lower risk part of my overall strategy, trading over longer time frames and riding long trends. As you can imagine, these have done very well in the conditions we have seen coming into 2009. These systems are generally lower risk but also will never make the outrageous returns that intra-day trades can. They are my "insurance" to make sure that I am still profitable overall.

I am also running 6 systems that I have purchased...

This is where he loses me and yet it's also where I get fascinated by what he says, because he goes on to say (I can't quote the whole thing, but it's here) that he bought (I never bought or thought of buying any automated systems) FAP and then even FAP TURBO and they work well. This is amazing to me because this guy knows what he's talking about (no scamster would ever start his scam by talking about Richard Donchian, who's meaningless to the public and to scamsters), and yet he's praising applications that I thought were total scams. So I will now read the whole thing, and may write more about this later.

I gotta quote this, because, coming from this fellow automated trader, it's really puzzling and it throws away all my previous ideas about these systems being all scams:

One thing that I have learned about system trading is that every system will have losing trades and losing days, no matter what they may tell you on the sales letter. The thing that you have to achieve is to find one that is a winner in the long term. That is where FAP really stands out from the others. If you look at daily data for the system, it appears to not be any better than any other. It has losing days and sometimes even has losing weeks. However, I have never had a losing month with FAP. Looking at the monthly returns for the system, they are often over 50% and have on occasion gone over 100%. Don't get me wrong, they have been close to zero on occasion, but the fact that they have never been negative is what has really impressed me about this system.

This is very important stuff. One day, if I'll every quit my job and have free time, I will give FAP TURBO a chance, because it wouldn't make sense to not use something that works and that allows me to further diversify my risk. Even if it seems to be a black-box and I'll never know what it's doing, because the objective once again is to make money and not to challenge myself.

Well, well... what do you know... this guy could very well be a scamster. Here's how his post ends:

If you want to learn more about the original version of Forex AutoPilot: CLICK HERE

If you want to learn about the new version, FAP-Turbo: CLICK HERE

If you want to learn more about Forex Funnel: CLICK HERE

Thanks for reading this post, I hope you found it interesting and that it will help you in your journey to becoming a successful forex trader.

Happy Trading!!

Chris

Plus it's the only goddamn article in his blog. Nothing about his family or crap like that. Nothing about other trading experiences... he might be a very smart scamster I guess. Maybe the one who wrote the FAP program.

Ah ah... what an idiot I've been. On the other hand, it's good that I gave him a change and read the whole thing, because it confirmed to me that I was right, and that one should build his own systems all by himself.

Check out the way the "CLICK HERE" characters look (big and everything). He's definitely a scamster:

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Then you click on the link, and where does it take you? To a page that looks like this:

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Oh man... from Richard Donchian to this crap. Pretty smart indeed. I should have seen it coming when he wrote on the first "Richard Donchian" article (see part I marked in red):

How do these systems compare to those available to buy? Well, to put it simply, it is better than most of the systems out there but perhaps not as good as the one or two that are actually worth buying.

He writes one good article (because he's obviously a trader). Then you like him, trust him, and decide to read his profile, then go to his blog, when there's only one post (and that's alarming), and that one post pretty much resumes what he was saying in the previous article and says "...buy these two systems that are actually worth buying: CLICK HERE". Pathetic scamster but an ingenious one.

I am intrigued by this ingenious scamster by the name of Chris Roberts and went to check out all his articles:
http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=C_J_Roberts

There's another article which also looks appealing to me and which I am pretty sure now that it will tell me a lot of wise things and then try to push his product in the usual subtle way:
http://ezinearticles.com/?Mechanical-vs-Discretionary-Trading-Systems&id=1898287

I will quote the whole article (since it's short) and mark in red wherever I see the scam:

Mechanical vs Discretionary Trading Systems

All new traders must make the decision to either trade using their discretion, or base their trades on a mechanical system. There are many differences between the two and many reasons why specific people are suited to either one method or the other. This article outlines the difference between the two ways of trading and outlines the personality traits that are suited to each one. By the end, the reader who is new to this material should have some idea whether they would be more suited to discretionary or mechanical trading.

Mechanical trading differs from discretionary in a number of ways. Firstly, it takes all emotions out of trading. This is generally agreed to be a very good thing as emotions are often a great hindrance to traders. Traders often feel inclined to cut their winners too early and to let their losses run into bigger losses, the exact opposite of what they should be doing. By following a mechanical strategy, the trader can enter and exit at points that have been shown to be profitable in the past, thereby eliminating this disadvantage.

Another difference is that mechanical trading takes far less of the trader's time. Once the system is set-up the trader only needs to act when certain criteria are satisfied. He can either set an alert to tell him to act when the rule is satisfied or even better, he can use programming software to instruct the broker to execute the order automatically. Programs such as MetaTrader have become especially popular for this purpose. With discretionary trading, the trader must be in front of his screen as he sees the opportunities develop. Discretionary trading is therefore suited to those who have a lot of time to dedicate to trading and who feel that in order to "earn" any money from trading, they need to "put the hours in".

One other difference between the two is that it is possible to "back-test" mechanical trading systems. This involves quantifying exactly how well the system would have done in the past and it gives a trader the confidence to proceed with the system and expect the same returns in the future. With discretionary trading, there is no way to have such confidence in the profitability of the method. For this reason, discretionary trading is more suited to those who have a high degree of self confidence and a track record of success. However, in actuality, few of us possess this trait and many of us would be better off trading a system that we know has been effective in the past.

This article has identified some of the key differences between the two methods of trading. Whilst there is no right or wrong way, it is my view that too few people set out to be mechanical traders at the start of their journey to profitability. It is an accepted fact that around 90% of novice traders are unprofitable, this figure would undoubtedly be smaller if more traders began using systems that are proven to work over a period of decades. In addition to this, it would allow new traders to spend less time at the screen and more time analyzing their results and thinking about new strategies.

Chris Roberts is a full time mechanical forex trader. He also provides advice to those aspiring to be systems traders. Visit his site for an in depth insight into what he does and the best way for you to get involved in this exciting area: http://www.profitfromfx.blogspot.com/.

Ok, so, very reasonably, just as I always do, he explains that mechanical trading is better than discretionary trading. And he couldn't have said it better, because he's probably the author of those automated programs that he'll later try to sell.

And then, sure enough, ignoring that trading is a zero sum game, he tells you that more traders could be profitable if more of them tried the mechanical approach, and I could even agree with this sentence (except of course that if a higher percentage of traders was profitable, these profitable traders would also be less profitable). But then the scam becomes apparent, when he tells you "come to my web site, i am an expert and I will advise you on what's best for you". You go there, and only find one article ("in depth insight", LOL) recommending only 2 systems: FAP Turbo e Forex Funnel. Except that such article - even worse, and here it gets hilarious - says that, of those two systems, one is awesome and the other one sucks (Forex Funnel):

...When I first purchased this EA, it performed well almost instantly. However, it is a little different from the FAP series of products in that it does have losing months. When it does win it tends to win pretty big, but it can have some months in which it loses pretty heavily. This extra variance is not really a good thing, although it is ok as long as you don't mind occasional draw-downs on your account.

I actually moved this system up to a 10% allocation pretty recently after it enjoyed a good period, although it has struggled a little since then. One possible disadvantage of this system is that it only trades on the USD/JPY currency pair. This can leave it a little vulnerable to adverse conditions in this market, whereas the FAP products are suited to all the major pairs.

I do, however, think that the Forex Funnel has a lot of potential. The fact that it is overall a profitable system already puts it ahead of 90% of the other systems available. I think that maybe there could be some work done on the risk management aspect of the system in order to try to reduce some of the losing streaks.

Even though I may move Forex Funnel back down to a smaller share of my fund in the future, this product is generally pretty good and I could recommend it to anyone who has a high tolerance for risk and/or does not feel that Forex AutoPilot is for them. Overall I would give it a generous 4/5. It retails for just under $140, which is a good price, although for just a little more you could get FAP-Turbo, which is probably a better product...
By all means one ingenious scamster.
 
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Re: famous automated traders and ingenious scamsters

Didn't you read his website name "profitfromfx"? The hallmark of a scamster. A dodgy website name promising riches to suck in the unwary.

By the way, I think you're wrong about Seykota, Hite, Dennis, Donchian etc. They are hugely famous - at least among mechanical system traders. You know the Turtle story? That's gone down in legend now.

I suppose they don't compare to household names like Buffett and Soros. Go to the trading blox forum and read some of the posts there. They always drop in references to the Turtles.
 
loan came through

Thanks for the feedback.

Ok, the loan finally came through. On friday I'll have on my account 13k to trade automated again. This time, unlike the other times, I am quite worried and want to make sure I make no mistakes.

I've selected the best 12 systems based on:

1) discarding what never worked
2) keeping what worked best in terms of maximum loss to total forward-testing profit

But I am still puzzled because yes all selected systems will make money but they're not all the same, as some have a bigger drawdown/gain, and others have smaller drawdown/gain, so here's some brainstorming.

The worst would be to choose systems that just lose all the time with big losses. The second worst would be systems that lose all the time with small losses. So those are discarded.

We then have systems that gain most of the time with big wins and losses, and systems that win most of the time with small wins and losses.

Now. To avoid blowing out in case we get unlucky and incur a drawdown, it would make sense to choose the ones with small wins and losses. Not only that, because if we use a bunch of those together, they could combine to produce a big drawdown, if they all lost at the same time.

So, to make sure I don't blow out my account, it would make sense to use just one system, the best performing one out of those with small wins and losses.

That would certainly be the GBL_ID. But it trades so rarely, that I'd be trading it twice a week, and making 1000 a month.

So, I am definitely keeping it, but it would be a waste of capital to only trade that one. And I am not happy with just 2 trades per week: I've built all these systems to use them, I want money, and in 2 years they might not even work anymore.

So I need to expand and use more systems, but not so many that I'll increase too much my risk of blowing out.

I can then add the CL_ON_3, which trades very little but almost always makes money. This means the big drawdown of the CL systems doesn't happen, and if it did, it would happen slowly, because the system trades twice a month. So I'll definitely add it and still be safe from blowing out in case I get unlucky.

And with this, I can already count on over 2000 profit per month, which is still not enough, and my capital would be unemployed most of the time. All of it never being employed.

But with these two I am safe so far, and making enough to live from it:
GBL_ID, CL_ON_3

Unfortunately - unlike I thought until now - I cannot add the best system after GBL_ID, the CL_ID, because it had a drawdown in 3 weeks in October of almost 6k. If that happens again, I am dead. I can't lose half of my capital in 3 weeks. Especially not when things can go well without risking that. But I could definitely activate the system when I'll be at 20k of capital.

So far it's like this:
from 13k:
GBL_ID, CL_ON_3

from 20k:
CL_ID

I am then adding the EUR_ID_2, which loses 2500 in 2 months, drawdown which I can afford, even if it happens immediately after i start.

With this addition, I am at over 3k per month and capital still far from being all used up. From here on I will just keep on reasoning to myself, according to the mentioned principles, and enter all systems (the 12 very good ones, to be all used, according to a capital from 13k to 30k) in these four groups (except the unprofitable ones):

from 13k (monthly target profit of 6k, max dd of 4k):
GBL_ID (2 contracts), CL_ON_3, EUR_ID_2, EUR_ID_6, JPY_ON, ZN_ID, ZN_ID_2, ZN_ON_2

from 20k (monthly target profit of 10k, max dd of 5k):
CL_ID, EUR_ID_3, YM_ON

from 30k (monthly target profit of 13k, max dd of 6k):
CL_ON_2, YM_ON (second contract), GBL_ID (third contract), double all ZN contracts

Beyond 50k (monthly target profit of 20k, max dd of 10k):
All systems still unused, except the unprofitable ones.

I might change this in the future and make the increasing of contracts even slower, because the slower the safer. The only real pain in the ass is that relatives and parents won't allow me to quit my job until I reach a million, which will take forever, because to them doing it sooner would unsafe. And I will likely follow their opinion, for various reasons. Another thing is that on the other hand, if I have been rushing to make a million every time is exactly because they make me feel like i can't quit my job unless that happens. But if I rush, that's when i lose everything.

I also need to remember, no matter how much money I'll make, that I'll owe the drawdown back, a debt that sooner or later I will have to pay. With the first 8 systems, starting at 13k, i'll owe a drawdown of 4k, possibly even twice as much. I'll always have to remember that if I get to 20k, I might have to return 8k at any time, without any warning, and not get mad when that happens. Because when i get mad, i start interfering, and that's when i lose everything.
 
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Re: loan came through

I'd suggest being pessimistic about your trading returns: believe that you're going to start trading your best system and it's going to go straight into its worst drawdown, and that will be 50% worse than the drawdown you've seen on it already. *

That way you're almost certainly not going to see anything worse than what you're expecting, so you'll be able to take it in your stride. That's assuming all your forward testing and assumptions on live trading are all OK.

When choosing what other systems to introduce, choose the ones where the returns are the least correlated. Then the drawdowns on different systems are unlikely to be simultaneous.

I read one thread between two traders discussing the markets and one of them said "yeah and exactly at that point all the markets started correlating". Pretty worrying concept.
 
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walking on a girder

Nothing much to say today. I have been getting more and more under my own control, as far as the self-control update. Always have been above 90% of self-control lately. Yesterday I bought cigarettes, smoked half a cigarette and threw away the rest of the cigarettes. That's quite good for me. It seems like a waste, but obviously it's like not shooting people if someone hands you a gun (and throwing away that gun). That's how much of a waste it is to throw away cigarettes.

Today I felt really stupid and ****ed up, when I read this thread:
http://www.trade2win.com/boards/tra...simple-supply-demand-volume-price-action.html

Here's a guy, who's had a serene life, then he decided to give trading a chance, and after less than 2 years, he's fully in control of his trading and profitable. That's quite an achievement, especially considering he had done totally different things until then. That's a genius to say the least. Someone who excels like that in a totally different and unrelated field (he was a paramedic), and in so little time. I said before the same thing about the other guys at tradingapples.com.

And here I am, worked my ass off for over 12 years, and still cannot have a profitable month with discretionary trading, and blew the winnings of my automated trading, and even that is not entirely under control (in the sense that I am not positive I will be profitable with it from now on).

Questions that arose in my mind are the following. Not really how does he manage to be intelligent, because I feel intelligent myself. The question is how can he stay totally rational and keep his reasoning and learning going when the stakes are so big that could cloud anyone's judgement. And he's succeeding after just one year and a half.

Trading to me is like walking on a beam across the sky, like in those pictures from the Empire State Building. If it's lying on the floor, I can walk on it easily without falling. If it were suspended in the sky, with five hundred meters below me, I wouldn't be able to walk straight on it. And yet it's the same beam, with the same exact width.

I don't understand these guys. I am not that bad at all at learning and I'm actually used to acing new feats. I aced foosball, pool, and other things at some of which I was the best one in my whole highschool, I taught myself juggling, languages, and so many other things. I am good at learning things and teaching myself things, and I am good at doing them perfectly. Yet, with trading I just can't do things rationally, maybe because it's like being on a beam suspended in the sky, and losing my money to me is as scary as falling off of it and dying.

http://picasaweb.google.com/rostovtseva/NewYorkRetroPhoto#4951626408171405330
http://www.europosters.co.uk/posters/men-on-girder-tee-time-v7376
http://www.worldgallery.co.uk/art-print/Men-on-girder-71805.html
http://www.worldgallery.co.uk/art-print/Asleep-on-girder-71806.html

I can't do this stuff, and I can't keep rational while I trade:

walking.jpg

2.jpg

girder.jpg

hmmm.jpg

Another thing i noticed is that all these people talk about "mentors", and people who taught them. And I have a problem with that, because I am not open to learning from others. I resent being taught, and enjoy teaching myself, but maybe I simply cannot teach it myself, and the majority of profitable traders doesn't do that either. On the other hand, I am cut off from learning, because, since highschool, I've grown to resent all forms of teaching, except if I am the one asking questions. That's why I am also avoiding all threads when there's someone teaching others how to trade. It's not that I don't trust them, but that it makes me feel humiliated to have to learn something from someone, like a disciple or a student. I accept peer to peer teaching, maybe I'd accept a personal tutor, but I cannot accept to be a student among others. The summary of everything is simply that, for a number of reasons, I could not get to learn discretionary trading (and least of all be taught discretionary trading) and I simply gave up altogether, and will block anyone who'll offer to help me again or encourage to resume my trying and losing. There's no point in walking on a girder, if I can avoid that by letting my automated systems walk on it.

I asked him one day how he could do such work without fear of falling. He nonchalantly replied, 'When you walk on a sidewalk you don't think about falling off, do you' When I'm high in the air walking on a girder, in my mind I'm walking on a sidewalk on level ground.
from:
http://www.impactfactory.com/p/crea...ning_development/friends_1231-3106-65390.html
 
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promotions, first trade, and more

Lack of promotions

I just had lunch with a colleague. He was talking about promotions and I incidentally learned that some guy got promoted again, for the fourth year in a row. I try not to think about this stuff, but let's write something about this, too.

I've been in this bank for 5 years and never got a promotion, or bonus. Everyone around me got promoted instead. I am the hardest working guy, but I don't stay until late. These mother ****ers do nothing all day but chatting about the weather, and they get promoted every year. I am totally disappointed and if I weren't relying entirely on trading to avenge me and get me out of here, I would have killed a couple of colleagues already. Yet I entirely rely on trading and this allows me to consider this like a temporary place where I get my money for trading, loans and similar. But maybe that's why I could never do discretionary trading, because I hate this place so much that I am in a rush to make money and quit my job, and this makes me impatient and then I lose money instead of making it.


First trade by automated systems

After a break of a few months due to lack of funds, I took that loan, and today the systems made their first automated trade in months. As I wrote, I quit discretionary trading, so there'll be no more losses from that.

Most likely now the system will make a few thousands in a few days. But I must not make the mistake and think that the gains are mine and I can spend some of it, because that money is there to withstand the drawdown, which sooner or later will come. If I consider that money as acquired and mine, it will hurt so much when the drawdown happens, that I will start discretionary trading in order to get my money back. And that, as before, would lead me to slowly blowing out my account (this last time it took me about 6 months).


More

I said I'd write "more" besides the above subjects, so I have to come up with something. Also because I am so frustrated about the promotions I never got, that I need some writing to vent out my frustration.

I will write about the server I plan to run from my friend's house, which is something that excites me and that I am proud of. Thanks to this friend of mine, who's an ISP, I will be able to run my own server at his house. Not that he asked me, but I decided to pay for all costs and even a monthly fee to "rent" that server. That way, with the help of an application I found on the web, I will implement an infrastructure that will allow me to only connect once a week for an hour and run my systems, non-stop for a whole week. Or maybe I'll connect once a day. I'll see what works best and what's safest. In the long run, once a week would be best. Anything could happen to me here, but the systems will be running for a whole week, without any risks of blackouts and so on (there's a UPS running). Nothing else: these are the only sources of satisfaction that I get, since here I am not shown any appreciation for my work. Anyway, at least I never kissed up to anyone nor asked for raises, promotions or similar. If they feel like I deserve it, let them do it. I am not going to pressure them. Then of course, I can also leave whenever I want/can. No one will expect me to stay and be commited to the bank, when I have been treated so badly, especially compared to all these slackers around me.
 
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