new_trader
Legendary member
- Messages
- 6,770
- Likes
- 1,656
With due respect... she wasn't a blondee by any chance... was she???
:whistling
Best Thread Joke of the day
- Thread starter Airthrey Capital
- Start date
- Watchers 253
:whistling
Atilla
Legendary member
- Messages
- 20,851
- Likes
- 4,031
new_trader
Legendary member
- Messages
- 6,770
- Likes
- 1,656
- What do you call a woman who has lost 90% of her intelligence?
- A widow!
- A widow!
A woman was at her hair dresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:
Rome ? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?'
'We're taking Continental,' was the reply. 'We got a great rate!'
'Continental?' exclaimed the hairdresser. 'That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly , and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome ?'
'We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste.'
'Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it's gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump, the worst hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the service is surly, and they're overpriced.
So, whatcha' doing when you get there?'
'We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope.'
'That's rich ,' laughed the hairdresser. 'You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant.
Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it.'
A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome .
'It was wonderful,' explained the woman, 'not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.
And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a £5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!'
'Well,' muttered the hairdresser, 'that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope.'
'Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.
Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me.'
'Oh, really! What 'd he say ?'
He said: 'Where the f**k did you get the sh1t hairdo done? '
Rome ? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?'
'We're taking Continental,' was the reply. 'We got a great rate!'
'Continental?' exclaimed the hairdresser. 'That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly , and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome ?'
'We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste.'
'Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it's gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump, the worst hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the service is surly, and they're overpriced.
So, whatcha' doing when you get there?'
'We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope.'
'That's rich ,' laughed the hairdresser. 'You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant.
Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it.'
A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome .
'It was wonderful,' explained the woman, 'not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.
And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a £5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!'
'Well,' muttered the hairdresser, 'that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope.'
'Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.
Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me.'
'Oh, really! What 'd he say ?'
He said: 'Where the f**k did you get the sh1t hairdo done? '
mggrier
Newbie
- Messages
- 1
- Likes
- 0
Atilla
Legendary member
- Messages
- 20,851
- Likes
- 4,031
SIGNS of BEING A GROWN UP???
Check out how old you guys really are???? :cheesy::cheesy:
1. Your housplants are alive and you can't smoke any of them
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge
4. 6:00 am is when you get up, not when you go to bed
5. You hear your favourite song in an elevator
6. You watch the weather channel
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "break up"
8. you go from 130 days of vactaion time to 14
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up"
10. You're the one calling the police because those ******* kids next door won't turn down the stereo
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you
12. You don't know what time McDonalds closes anymore
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up
14. You feed your dog/cat Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt
16. You take naps from noon to 6 pm
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the begginning of one
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 am would severely upset, rather than settle your stomach...
19. If you're a female, you go to the drug store for Ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy test
20. A £1.99 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff"
21. You actuallyeat breakfast food at breakfast time
22. I just can't drink the way I used to ... replaces ... I'm never going to drink that much again
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work
24. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate her instead of asking "Oh-****! What happened???"
25. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old butt.... :whistling
Blast from the past or what????
Check out how old you guys really are???? :cheesy:
:cheesy:1. Your housplants are alive and you can't smoke any of them
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge
4. 6:00 am is when you get up, not when you go to bed
5. You hear your favourite song in an elevator
6. You watch the weather channel
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "break up"
8. you go from 130 days of vactaion time to 14
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up"
10. You're the one calling the police because those ******* kids next door won't turn down the stereo
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you
12. You don't know what time McDonalds closes anymore
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up
14. You feed your dog/cat Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt
16. You take naps from noon to 6 pm
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the begginning of one
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 am would severely upset, rather than settle your stomach...
19. If you're a female, you go to the drug store for Ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy test
20. A £1.99 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff"
21. You actuallyeat breakfast food at breakfast time
22. I just can't drink the way I used to ... replaces ... I'm never going to drink that much again
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work
24. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate her instead of asking "Oh-****! What happened???"
25. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old butt.... :whistling
Blast from the past or what????
Man goes to a fancy dress party wearing only a glass jar on his dick.
Lady asks, "What are you?"
He says, "I'm a Fireman."
"But you're only wearing a glass jar," says the woman.
He says, "Exactly, in a emergency, break glass, pull knob, and I'll come as fast as I can!"
Lady asks, "What are you?"
He says, "I'm a Fireman."
"But you're only wearing a glass jar," says the woman.
He says, "Exactly, in a emergency, break glass, pull knob, and I'll come as fast as I can!"
timsk
Legendary member
- Messages
- 8,725
- Likes
- 3,421
That's assuming he doesn't lacerate his bell end on the broken glass and bleed to death!
Atilla
Legendary member
- Messages
- 20,851
- Likes
- 4,031
Hope you realise Timsk, you ruined a perfectly good joke... :cheesy:
That is as bad as the definition of agony...
Sliding down a razor blade and using your balls as brakes...
KillPhil08
Experienced member
- Messages
- 1,860
- Likes
- 381
Knock Knock
new_trader
Legendary member
- Messages
- 6,770
- Likes
- 1,656
