Best Thread Joke of the day

[sighthound]

Husband and wife are out shopping in Tesco
Man picks up a box of Stella and sticks it in the trolley,
"What do you think you are doing?" asks the wife.
"They're on offer,£10 for 24 cans" he says.
"Put them back,we can't afford them" she says.
A few aisles later,the wife picks up a £20 face cream and puts it in the trolley.
"What do you think you are doing?" asks the husband.
"Its my face cream,it makes me look beautiful" she says.
Husband replies,"So does 24 cans of Stella and it's half the f***ing price so put it back"

 

[yacarob1]

A lonely frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and asked what his future holds.

The advisor tells him:

"You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

The delighted frog croaks,"This is great! Will I meet her at a party?"

The Psychic replied, "No, in biology class."

 

[Pat494]

Once in a land far away there was this problem. The King was worried because his big donkey, called economy, was constipated. Nothing seemed to work. Big economy – no sh*t. They tried all the potions and cures but niente, nothing. Big economy still no sh*t. The King starts getting annoyed with BirdBrain the donkey’s handler and started threatening various sorts of harsh punishment if BB couldn’t cure economy of her illness.
Somebody mentioned an African Witch Doctor passing through who might help. BB was desperate and only had hours to live if he couldn’t come up with the cure, so he offers the Witch Doctor a whole Fort full of gold if he could cure Big economy. He gives BB a huge pill. Next day BB appears looking worried. How did you get on says the King ominously ?
Er, says BB, it worked, big sh*t - but no economy !

( hope that one wasn't in your Uni mag Attila ? )

 

[yacarob1]

This may not be to everybody's taste but who gives a f**k anyway !!!

BATHROOM GRAFFITI

Here I Sit
All broken hearted
Came to sh1t
But only farted
The one day I took a chance
Went to fart and shat my pants

Here I sit, I'm at a loss
Trying to sh1t out taco sauce
When it comes I hope and pray
I dont blow my ar*se away

Here I lay in stinky vapour,
Because some bastar*d stole the toilet paper,
Shall I lie or shall I linger,
Or shall I be forced to use my finger?

Some come here to sit and think,
Some come here to sh1t and stink,
But I come here to scratch my balls,
And read the bullsh1t on the walls

 

[yacarob1]

The Americans have Barrack Obama, Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Bob Dole.

We've got Gordon Brown, no Cash, no Hope and everyone on the f*ucking Dole.

 

[ian]

T. B. Bechtel, a City Councillor from Newcastle, Australia, was asked on a local live radio talk show, just what he thought about the allegations of torture of suspected terrorists.

His reply prompted his ejection from the studio, but to thunderous applause from the audience.

HIS STATEMENT:


'If hooking up one raghead terrorist prisoner's testicles to a car battery to get the truth out of the lying little camelshagger will save just one Australian life, then I have only three things to say,'
'Red is positive,
Black is negative, and
Make sure his nuts are wet.'

ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Funny as f**k

 

[0007]

Pensioner is worried about his wife's deafness & goes to see the doctor for advice. Doctor says to move a bit closer each time until his wife hears him.

Goes home and asks "what's for dinner" - no reply so moves a bit nearer. Still no joy, so repeats several times until he's almost on top of his wife. She finally says: "for the third !@* time, it's chicken!"

 

[wasp]

.

 

[Pat494]

Once in a land far away .............

( hope that one wasn't in your Uni mag Attila ? )

Just kidding At - have to put my hand up over that one

( not easy making up jokes imho - hopefully Ben Bernanke etc. don't read this thread )

 

[Atilla]

Sometimes you can reach too far!

 

[Atilla]

Sometimes you can reach too far!

And when you find yourself over-extended and you are stuck in a situation that you can't get out of, there is one thing you should always remember... ???

 

[Atilla]

Not everyone who shows up...

Is there to help you!!! :cheesy: :cheesy: :cheesy:

 

[Atilla]

Should I get another dog... One called Ghengis ???

 

[Atilla]

Paul McArtney was walking down the road and he saw a little beatle...

He bent down and pointed at the little beatle and said... "Oi you little beatle, I named my pop band after you!"

The little beatle looked up at his face and replied... "What, you mean you called it Cyril???" :cheesy::clap::cheesy:

 

[Atilla]

Teenage trouble today...

Problem biddies tomorrow...

 

[Atilla]

Brain v Machine Power

If you have one... :cheesy:

 

[Atilla]

Sofa King!!!

One of my favourites...

 

[Atilla]

Air Conditioning Service - Recommendation

These guys are really good. Check out the telephone number... :whistling

 

[Atilla]

Pussy mad bloke...

Hmmm... :cheesy:

 

[Atilla]

Real Big Prick

:-0:-0:-0