Best Thread Joke of the day

[jamesbk]

An Oirish story;
An Irishman goes to the doctor with "botty" problems,

"Dactor, its ma ahrse, I'd loik ya ta teyk a look, if ya woot".

So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look,
"Incredible" he says, "Theres a £20 note lodged up here".

Tentatively, he eases the £20 note out of the mans bottom but then a £10 note appears.
"This is amazing" exclaims the doctor, "What do you want me to do".

"Well fur gooness saik, teyhk it oot man!" shrieks the patient.

The doctor pulls out the tenner and another£20 appears, and then another, and another, and another, and another etc,.....
Finally, the last note comes out and no more appear.

"Ah dactor, tank ya koindly, dats moch batter. Chust outa intrest, how moch was in dare den?".

The doctor counts the pile of cash and says " £1990 exactly".

"Ah dat wid be roit," says the Irishman.......

"Ah knew a wasnt feelin two grand" ........

(The Irish,,,,often in the ****. However, its only the depth that varies.)

 

[yacarob1]

Jesus on the cross surrounded by his followers.

"Mary...." his voice was quiet and pain stricken.... "take out the nails...."

She did as he requested and, as he started to fall, he shouted ,

"FEET FIRST YOU DOZY BITCH!"

 

[yacarob1]

I picked up a packet of sausages in Sainsbury's yesterday.

On the front of the packet was a picture of Jamie Oliver.

And on the back it said, "Prick with a fork".

 

[yacarob1]

The greatest lies of all time:

1.I love you

2. This won't hurt a bit

3. The cheque's in the mail

4. I was just going to call you

5. I swear I won't come in your mouth

6. Of course I'll respect you in the morning

7. We have a really challenging assignment for you

8. I'm from the government, and I'm here to help you

 

[Pat494]

A man gets stopped by the traffic cops for speeding
“ Alright sir “ he says “ and what is your excuse then ?
Wife having a baby is it ? Don’t worry Sir I’ve heard ‘em all “.

Well Officer , he said
My wife left me for a traffic cop 6 weeks ago and I thought you was him bringing her back

( J. Tarbuck)

 

[Atilla]

Shoe & the Bush

Legacy of Bush Administration in pictures...

 

[Atilla]

Bush and the lil ol two shoes

Noocular smart shoe...

 

[Atilla]

More Iraqi WMD My favourite :cheesy:

 

[yacarob1]

The Israelites were all waiting anxiously at the foot of the mountain, knowing that Moses had had a tough day negotiating with God.

Finally a tired Moses came into sight.

"I've got some good news and some bad news, folks," he said.

"The good news is that I got Him down to ten.

The bad news is that adultery's still in."

 

[yacarob1]

The hypothalamus is one of the most important parts of the brain, involved in many kinds of motivation.

The hypothalamus controls the "Four F's":

1. fighting;

2. fleeing;

3. feeding; and

4. mating.

 

[yacarob1]

What’s more full of sh1t than Gordon Brown?

Zimbabwe’s water supply system.

 

[yacarob1]

YouTube - Foamy - No christmas for you

 

[yacarob1]

George Bush is an anagram of Bugger, Shoe !

 

[gamma]

George Bush is an anagram of Bugger, Shoe !

Honestly Yacarobi,
All that good talent wasted on trading

 

[yacarob1]

Honestly Yacarobi,
All that good talent wasted on trading

Yes I know, shame isn't it ?

 

[SirFrancis]

Santa's Little Pills (could offend some)
A married woman walks up to Santa Claus and tells him that all she wants for Christmas is for her husband to be interested in sex. Santa then proceeds to give her a bottle of pills. He tells her to give them a try and then let him know how it's working.

So she takes the pills home and puts one pill in her husband's Christmas dinner. That night, they make love for one hour. The next day, she's running around thrilled and happy. "Oh, my God. I can't believe how well that worked," she thinks to herself. That night she puts two pills in his food and that night they make love for two hours. The next day, she's even more thrilled, so she dumps all the pills in his food.

Two weeks go by without any word from this woman, so Santa decides to give her a call. A little boy answers the phone. Santa says, "Little boy, is your mother home?"

"No, she's...who's this?" the little boy asks. "I'm a friend of your mother's and I gave her some pills to help her out a couple of weeks ago. Maybe you know how it's going?"

"That was you?!" the little boy says. "Let me tell you -- Mom's dead, sister's pregnant, my ass hurts and Dad's in the attic going, 'Here kitty, kitty, kitty.' "

 

[Atilla]

Shoe Game

Enjoy :cheesy:


PS Best score 7

 

[KillPhil08]

Best score 12. Don't think i could hit him anymore in the timelimit - i didn't miss.

 

[yacarob1]

A Load of b0llocks


YouTube - A Load of ********

 

[yacarob1]

YouTube - Fuck Xmas #5 - A message from Santa