Best Thread Joke of the day
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Gumping
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JTrader
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A very Clever woman...he he?
A woman and a man are involved in
a car accident. It's a bad one. Both of
their cars are totally demolished but
amazingly neither of them are hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man,
that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's
nothing left but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from
God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace
for the rest of our days."
The man replied, "I agree with you completely.
This must be a sign from God!
The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another
miracle... My car is completely demolished but this bottle
of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this
wine and celebrate our good fortune."
Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man shakes his head
in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then
hands it back to the woman.
The woman takes the bottle,
immediately puts the cap back on,
and hands it back to the man
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies,
"No, I think I'll just wait for the police..."
A woman and a man are involved in
a car accident. It's a bad one. Both of
their cars are totally demolished but
amazingly neither of them are hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man,
that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's
nothing left but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from
God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace
for the rest of our days."
The man replied, "I agree with you completely.
This must be a sign from God!
The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another
miracle... My car is completely demolished but this bottle
of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this
wine and celebrate our good fortune."
Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man shakes his head
in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then
hands it back to the woman.
The woman takes the bottle,
immediately puts the cap back on,
and hands it back to the man
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies,
"No, I think I'll just wait for the police..."
JTrader
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A woman walks into the Doctor's and say's, Doctor I can't stop singing these two songs, is there anything wrong with me
The Doctor say's, what songs are they
The woman say's, Delilah and The Green Green Grass Of Home
The Doctor say's, You have the Tom Jones Syndrome
The woman say's, Is that rare
The Doctor say's, It's Not Unusual
The Doctor say's, what songs are they
The woman say's, Delilah and The Green Green Grass Of Home
The Doctor say's, You have the Tom Jones Syndrome
The woman say's, Is that rare
The Doctor say's, It's Not Unusual
JTrader
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This coloured family are having a nice quiet Sunday at home
Dad's watching TV in the living room, mum's baking in the kitchen and Granny's knitting in the parlour.
When the son comes in from outside and goes to were mum is baking, he spots the flour barrel and sticks his head in it to see what's in there, when he lifts his head up he's all covered in white flour.
He see's himself in the mirror then say's to his mum, look mum I'm like a white boy, his mum gives him a crack and tells him to go and show his dad, so he goes to dad and say's look dad I'm like a white boy, his dad gives him a crack and say's go and show granny, so he goes to granny and say's to her, look gran I'm like a white boy, she gives him a crack and tells him to go to his mum.
When he gets back to his mum, she says now what have you got to say. So the boy says, I've only been a white boy for 15min's and already I hate you coloured's.
Dad's watching TV in the living room, mum's baking in the kitchen and Granny's knitting in the parlour.
When the son comes in from outside and goes to were mum is baking, he spots the flour barrel and sticks his head in it to see what's in there, when he lifts his head up he's all covered in white flour.
He see's himself in the mirror then say's to his mum, look mum I'm like a white boy, his mum gives him a crack and tells him to go and show his dad, so he goes to dad and say's look dad I'm like a white boy, his dad gives him a crack and say's go and show granny, so he goes to granny and say's to her, look gran I'm like a white boy, she gives him a crack and tells him to go to his mum.
When he gets back to his mum, she says now what have you got to say. So the boy says, I've only been a white boy for 15min's and already I hate you coloured's.
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A man walks into a crowded doctor's surgery. Goes to the receptionist and says. "I would like to see the Doctor. There's something wrong with my dick"
The receptionist became aggravated and said. "You shouldn't come into a crowded surgery and say things like that"
The man said. "How would you know what's wrong with me if I don't tell you."
The receptionist said. "We don't use language like that in here. Please go outside and think about it. Then come back in and say there is something wrong with your ear or whatever"
The man goes outside. Five minutes later he walks back in and says. "There's something wrong with my ear"
The receptionist nodded approvingly and said. "And what is wrong with your ear, Sir."
The man replied. "I can't **** out of it".
The receptionist became aggravated and said. "You shouldn't come into a crowded surgery and say things like that"
The man said. "How would you know what's wrong with me if I don't tell you."
The receptionist said. "We don't use language like that in here. Please go outside and think about it. Then come back in and say there is something wrong with your ear or whatever"
The man goes outside. Five minutes later he walks back in and says. "There's something wrong with my ear"
The receptionist nodded approvingly and said. "And what is wrong with your ear, Sir."
The man replied. "I can't **** out of it".
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A teacher asks her class to use the word 'contagious'.
Roland the class swat, gets up and says, "Last year I
got the measles and my Mum said it was contagious."
"Well done, Roland" says the teacher. "Can anyone else try?"
Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, "My grandma says
there's a bug going round, and it's contagious."
"Well done, Katie" says the teacher. "Anyone else?"
Little Irish Shaun jumps up and says in a broad Irish voice.
"Our next door neighbor is painting his house with a two-inch
brush and my Dad says it will take that cun* ages"
Roland the class swat, gets up and says, "Last year I
got the measles and my Mum said it was contagious."
"Well done, Roland" says the teacher. "Can anyone else try?"
Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, "My grandma says
there's a bug going round, and it's contagious."
"Well done, Katie" says the teacher. "Anyone else?"
Little Irish Shaun jumps up and says in a broad Irish voice.
"Our next door neighbor is painting his house with a two-inch
brush and my Dad says it will take that cun* ages"
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This Irishman walks into a pub in England and asks for three pints of Guinness. Carries them over to an empty table, puts one down in front of him, one to the left of the table and one to the right of the table then starts to drink them, a swig out each until they're empty. Goes back to the bar and orders three more Guinness, takes them back to the table and carries out the same procedure
After three or four times the landlord say's, Look Paddy you don't need to buy three pints at a time, we are not busy so there's no queuing, we can serve you as fast as you want
The Irishman said. Oh take no notice of me, when I'm back in Ireland I go out drinking with my two brothers so while I'm here in England I get three pints in and pretend they're with me. It makes me feel at home
This goes on all week. But on Friday evening Paddy orders only two pints
The landlord noticing this walks over to him and say's. You've only bought two pints to-night Paddy is there something wrong with one of your brothers
The Irishman say's. No it's me, I have a sore throat and I'm on antibiotics so I'm not drinking to-night
After three or four times the landlord say's, Look Paddy you don't need to buy three pints at a time, we are not busy so there's no queuing, we can serve you as fast as you want
The Irishman said. Oh take no notice of me, when I'm back in Ireland I go out drinking with my two brothers so while I'm here in England I get three pints in and pretend they're with me. It makes me feel at home
This goes on all week. But on Friday evening Paddy orders only two pints
The landlord noticing this walks over to him and say's. You've only bought two pints to-night Paddy is there something wrong with one of your brothers
The Irishman say's. No it's me, I have a sore throat and I'm on antibiotics so I'm not drinking to-night
Atilla
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There are four kinds of sex:
HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room. :clap:
BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom. :|
HALL SEX - After you've been married for many many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "eff you"...:cheesy:
COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her lawyer fcook you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've got.
HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room. :clap:
BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom. :|
HALL SEX - After you've been married for many many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "eff you"...:cheesy:
COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her lawyer fcook you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've got.
Atilla
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A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replis in huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you"... :innocent:
Atilla
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Yo mama is;
Yo mama so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her
Yo mama so nasty I called her for phone sex and she gave me an ear infection
Yo mama so dirty she lost 2 stones after taking a shower
Yo mama so smelly her poo is glad to escape
Yo mama so nasty when she takes off her panties it sounds like velcro
Yo mama so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her
Yo mama so nasty I called her for phone sex and she gave me an ear infection
Yo mama so dirty she lost 2 stones after taking a shower
Yo mama so smelly her poo is glad to escape
Yo mama so nasty when she takes off her panties it sounds like velcro
