Best Thread Joke of the day

[Scott47]

Aussie bloke is in Japan on business. The night before a golf round with his Japanese business partner, he decides to go to a brothel. While on the job, the girl screams
"Sung wa! Sung wa!" He thinks this means "Very good!Very good!"
Next day, while playing golf, his Japanese partner sinks a brilliant long putt.
Wanting to impress him, the Aussie shouts "Sung wa! Sung wa!"
The Japanese man turns and says "What do you mean..f*cking wrong hole?"..

 

[Atilla]

Hospital bath:

Nurse runs to sister, "maam I can't get the baby out of the bath".

"Good heavens nurse why on earth not?"


Water's too hot maam...

 

[Atilla]

What do you call a flying policeman?


A hellicopper !!!




Nee noo nee noo nee noo :cheesy::clap:

 

[Atilla]

What did the cow say to her husband in bed?


Moo-ve over darling...

 

[Scott47]

Vicar books into a hotel and says to the receptionist "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled."
She replies "No, it's just regular porn, you sick b*stard!"

 

[Atilla]

Vicar books into a hotel and says to the receptionist "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled."
She replies "No, it's just regular porn, you sick b*stard!"

Ha ha, Very good.

Here is a special one for you Scott... :cheesy:



Knock! Knock!

Who's there?

Scott.

Scott who?

Scott nothing to do with you...

 

[Atilla]

How do you count cows?

With a cow-culator...

 

[Atilla]

What did the letter say to the stamp?


Stick with me and we'll go places...

 

[Pat494]

From an hotel in Zurich
"Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose"

 

[Scott47]

I was walking in the cemetery this morning and saw a man hiding behind a gravestone.
I said "Morning" and he replied "No, just having a sh1t."

 

[Pat494]

Hotel in Acapulco
"The manager has personally passed all the water served here"

 

[Pat494]

At Budapest zoo
"Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty"

 

[Pat494]

A sign in Germany's Black Forest
"It is strictly forbidden on our Black Forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance men and women, live togethor in one tent unless they are married for that purpose."

 

[Scott47]

Just been down to the Gym, they've got a new machine. Only used it for an hour as i started to feel sick. It's good though, does everything...Kit-kats, Mars bars, Snickers and crisps...

 

[Atilla]

Why did the tomato blush?


Because it saw the salad dressing...

 

[Scott47]

A medical professor at Glasgow University was lecturing his first year students about involuntary muscle contractions. He says to one female student "For instance, do you know what your a*sehole does while you're having an orgasm?"
She replies "He's probably at Ibrox, watching Rangers."

 

[Pat494]

Cocktail lounge, Norway
"Ladies are requested not to have their children in the bar."

 

[Pat494]

Nairobi restaurant
"Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager"

 

[Pat494]

Tokyo hotel
"Guests are requested not to smoke or do other disgusting behaviours in bed."

 

[Atilla]

"Doctor doctor, I can't feel my legs!"



"I'm not surprised," said the doctor, "I've cut your arms off." :whistling