Best Thread Joke of the day
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Atilla
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The govt is pushing assisted suicide for the elderly but this option better……………..
Medicare Part G
Say you are an older senior citizen and can no longer take care of yourself and need Long-Term Care, but the government says there is no Nursing Home care available for you. So, what do you do? You opt for Medicare Part G.
The plan gives anyone 75 or older a gun (Part G) and one bullet. You are allowed to shoot one worthless politician*. This means you will be sent to prison for the rest of your life where you will receive three meals a day, a roof over your head, central heating and air conditioning, cable TV, a library, and all the health care you need. Need new teeth? No problem. Need glasses? That’s great. Need a hearing aid, new hip, knees, kidney, lungs, sex change, or heart? They are all covered!
As an added bonus, your kids can come and visit you at least as often as they do now!
And who will be paying for all of this? The same government that just told you they can’t afford for you to go into a nursing home.
And you will get rid of a useless politician while you are at it!! (And now, because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any more income taxes!).
Is this a great country or what?
Now that you have solved your senior Long-Term Care problem, enjoy the rest of your week.
* FYI: Some folks are already complaining that you are limited to only one politician
Medicare Part G
Say you are an older senior citizen and can no longer take care of yourself and need Long-Term Care, but the government says there is no Nursing Home care available for you. So, what do you do? You opt for Medicare Part G.
The plan gives anyone 75 or older a gun (Part G) and one bullet. You are allowed to shoot one worthless politician*. This means you will be sent to prison for the rest of your life where you will receive three meals a day, a roof over your head, central heating and air conditioning, cable TV, a library, and all the health care you need. Need new teeth? No problem. Need glasses? That’s great. Need a hearing aid, new hip, knees, kidney, lungs, sex change, or heart? They are all covered!
As an added bonus, your kids can come and visit you at least as often as they do now!
And who will be paying for all of this? The same government that just told you they can’t afford for you to go into a nursing home.
And you will get rid of a useless politician while you are at it!! (And now, because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any more income taxes!).
Is this a great country or what?
Now that you have solved your senior Long-Term Care problem, enjoy the rest of your week.
* FYI: Some folks are already complaining that you are limited to only one politician
Phylo
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The King of Tonga
The king’s sense of the absurd was no surprise to me. I had heard that, while visiting Britain for the wedding of Prince Charles to Diana in 1981, he attended a dinner where two other guests argued at length about which of their Scottish families was the more aristocratic.
Tiring of their snobbish duel, the king of Tonga coughed, and interjected in his soft tones: ‘I, too, have some Scottish blood…’
His fellow guests looked incredulously at this king from such a faraway land. Then he continued, deadpan: ‘Grandfather ate a missionary.’
source: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/a...t-podcast.html
The king’s sense of the absurd was no surprise to me. I had heard that, while visiting Britain for the wedding of Prince Charles to Diana in 1981, he attended a dinner where two other guests argued at length about which of their Scottish families was the more aristocratic.
Tiring of their snobbish duel, the king of Tonga coughed, and interjected in his soft tones: ‘I, too, have some Scottish blood…’
His fellow guests looked incredulously at this king from such a faraway land. Then he continued, deadpan: ‘Grandfather ate a missionary.’
source: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/a...t-podcast.html
Phylo
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Winnie-the-Pooh first appeared by name in a children's story commissioned by London's Evening News for Christmas Eve 1925 - source: Wikepedia
www.towleroad.com/2014/11/polish-officials-ban-winnie-the-pooh-from-local-playground-over-characters-dubious-sexuality/
Officials in the small Polish town of Tuszyn have nixed a plan to have Winnie-the-Pooh used at a local playground over concerns that the bear is an "inappropriate hermaphrodite" with "dubious sexuality."
Croatian Times reports:
Councillor Ryszard Cichy, 46, said: "The problem with that bear is it doesn’t have a complete wardrobe.
"It is half naked which is wholly inappropriate for children."
He then suggested a Polish fictional bear, saying: "Ours is dressed from head to toe, unlike Pooh who is only dressed from the waist up."
The meeting, which was recorded by one of the councillors and leaked to local press, then turned on Winnie-the-Pooh’s sexuality.
One official is heard saying: "It doesn’t wear underpants because it doesn’t have a sex. It’s a hermaphrodite."
Councillor Hanna Jachimska then began criticising the Winnie-the-Pooh author Alan Alexander Milne.
She said: "This is very disturbing but can you imagine! The author was over 60 and cut his [Pooh's] testicles off with a razor blade because he had a problem with his identity."
No words…
www.towleroad.com/2014/11/polish-officials-ban-winnie-the-pooh-from-local-playground-over-characters-dubious-sexuality/
Officials in the small Polish town of Tuszyn have nixed a plan to have Winnie-the-Pooh used at a local playground over concerns that the bear is an "inappropriate hermaphrodite" with "dubious sexuality."
Croatian Times reports:
Councillor Ryszard Cichy, 46, said: "The problem with that bear is it doesn’t have a complete wardrobe.
"It is half naked which is wholly inappropriate for children."
He then suggested a Polish fictional bear, saying: "Ours is dressed from head to toe, unlike Pooh who is only dressed from the waist up."
The meeting, which was recorded by one of the councillors and leaked to local press, then turned on Winnie-the-Pooh’s sexuality.
One official is heard saying: "It doesn’t wear underpants because it doesn’t have a sex. It’s a hermaphrodite."
Councillor Hanna Jachimska then began criticising the Winnie-the-Pooh author Alan Alexander Milne.
She said: "This is very disturbing but can you imagine! The author was over 60 and cut his [Pooh's] testicles off with a razor blade because he had a problem with his identity."
No words…
FranziskaSchulz
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This one is the best joke in my mind regarding Forex
)))) Look at the certificate ))You can apply it to 85% of the courses that are being held.
And well, you just learn nothing.
Atilla
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A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.
While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?"
God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and
change her hair colour and brighten her teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way
home, she was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 43 years? Why didn’t you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"
(You'll love this)
God replied: "I didn't recognize you."
And here is a male version created by an edgy girl friend.
A 54 year old man had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.
While on the operating table he had a near death experience. Seeing God he asked "Is my time up?"
God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."
Upon recovery, the man decided to stay in the hospital and have his man boobs reduced, get hair implants, a penis extension and have a gastric band fitted. He even had someone come in and do a “back, sack and crack” wax and brighten his teeth! Since he had so much more time to live, he figured he might as well make the most of it.
After his last operation, he was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on his way home, he was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, he demanded, "I thought you said I had another 43 years? Why didn’t you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"
(You'll love this)
God replied: “I changed my mind after you got your scrotum waxed.”
While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?"
God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and
change her hair colour and brighten her teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way
home, she was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 43 years? Why didn’t you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"
(You'll love this)
God replied: "I didn't recognize you."
And here is a male version created by an edgy girl friend.
A 54 year old man had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.
While on the operating table he had a near death experience. Seeing God he asked "Is my time up?"
God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."
Upon recovery, the man decided to stay in the hospital and have his man boobs reduced, get hair implants, a penis extension and have a gastric band fitted. He even had someone come in and do a “back, sack and crack” wax and brighten his teeth! Since he had so much more time to live, he figured he might as well make the most of it.
After his last operation, he was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on his way home, he was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, he demanded, "I thought you said I had another 43 years? Why didn’t you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"
(You'll love this)
God replied: “I changed my mind after you got your scrotum waxed.”
