Best Thread Joke of the day
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timsk
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Warning: if you're offended by very strong language - don't watch. Brought tears to my eyes - absolutely brilliant . . .
https://youtu.be/Bc9yMzsWgBY
https://youtu.be/Bc9yMzsWgBY
Atilla
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Dick Lexic
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MY PRIVATE PART DIED
You need a sense of humour to work in a nursing home ~ that is for sure.
MY PRIVATE PART DIED
An old man, Mr.. Wallace, was living in a nursing home.
One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed.
Nurse Tracy asked him if there was anything wrong.
'Yes, Nurse Tracy ,' said Mr. Wallace.
'My Private Part died today, and I am very sad.'
Knowing her patients were a little forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, she replied,
'Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Wallace. Please accept my condolences.'
The following day, Mr. Wallace was walking down the hall with his Private Part hanging out of his pyjamas.
He met Nurse Tracy. 'Mr. Wallace,' she said, 'You shouldn't be walking down the hall like that.
Please put your Private Part back inside your pyjamas.'
'But, Nurse Tracy I can't,' replied Mr. Wallace. 'I told you yesterday that my Private Part died.'
'Yes,' said Nurse Tracy , 'you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your pyjamas?'
(You've gotta love this.)
'Well,' he replied, 'Today is the viewing.'
You need a sense of humour to work in a nursing home ~ that is for sure.
MY PRIVATE PART DIED
An old man, Mr.. Wallace, was living in a nursing home.
One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed.
Nurse Tracy asked him if there was anything wrong.
'Yes, Nurse Tracy ,' said Mr. Wallace.
'My Private Part died today, and I am very sad.'
Knowing her patients were a little forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, she replied,
'Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Wallace. Please accept my condolences.'
The following day, Mr. Wallace was walking down the hall with his Private Part hanging out of his pyjamas.
He met Nurse Tracy. 'Mr. Wallace,' she said, 'You shouldn't be walking down the hall like that.
Please put your Private Part back inside your pyjamas.'
'But, Nurse Tracy I can't,' replied Mr. Wallace. 'I told you yesterday that my Private Part died.'
'Yes,' said Nurse Tracy , 'you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your pyjamas?'
(You've gotta love this.)
'Well,' he replied, 'Today is the viewing.'
Pat494
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One female trader at a firm was making a fortune on QQQ every morning.
No matter what the trade, she made money.
The other traders were curious and asked her the secret.
She said "when I get up in the morning, and my husband's dick is hanging to the right.....I go short. When it hangs to the left......I go long."
One of the traders, being the pest he was asked "and what do you do if it is straight up?"
Do you really wanna know ?
No matter what the trade, she made money.
The other traders were curious and asked her the secret.
She said "when I get up in the morning, and my husband's dick is hanging to the right.....I go short. When it hangs to the left......I go long."
One of the traders, being the pest he was asked "and what do you do if it is straight up?"
Do you really wanna know ?
Pat494
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Ha ha doesn't floatta ma boata
Pat494
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Nicked out of the Parish magazine
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A lady stepped off the pavement and into the road without looking both ways. She got knocked down by a cyclist.
"You were lucky there" said the cyclist !
" I'm hurt - how is that lucky ?" asked the lady.
" Well usually I drive a bus " said the cyclist !
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A lady stepped off the pavement and into the road without looking both ways. She got knocked down by a cyclist.
"You were lucky there" said the cyclist !
" I'm hurt - how is that lucky ?" asked the lady.
" Well usually I drive a bus " said the cyclist !
SaulGoodman
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In America, a sociological experiment .
They settled in different rooms physics, mathematics , and Day- trader.
Each gave metal balls.
A month later, the researchers decided to find out what their wards .
Watch :
Physicists have built some new molecule.
We go to the math - that puts a formula .
We go to the trader - no balls , "Where some balls ?! " .
Trader: " Where, where ... lost ."
They settled in different rooms physics, mathematics , and Day- trader.
Each gave metal balls.
A month later, the researchers decided to find out what their wards .
Watch :
Physicists have built some new molecule.
We go to the math - that puts a formula .
We go to the trader - no balls , "Where some balls ?! " .
Trader: " Where, where ... lost ."
SaulGoodman
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Three analyst and economist in the hunt .
See more deer.
One aims , shoots , missed - a meter to the left.
Second - aiming , shooting , did not get - a meter to the right.
A third analyst , not shooting :
- Well, on average - we killed him !
See more deer.
One aims , shoots , missed - a meter to the left.
Second - aiming , shooting , did not get - a meter to the right.
A third analyst , not shooting :
- Well, on average - we killed him !
SaulGoodman
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Broker said: "I came here because my house burned down , and all died in the fire that I had. The insurance company paid me a lot of insurance. "
" What a coincidence ," - says the engineer , - " I'm here because I lost my house and all my belongings during the flood , and the insurance company also paid me insurance ."
The broker is looking to be an engineer in amazement. " It's very interesting ," - he says - " but how did you manage to pull this off with a flood ? " .
" What a coincidence ," - says the engineer , - " I'm here because I lost my house and all my belongings during the flood , and the insurance company also paid me insurance ."
The broker is looking to be an engineer in amazement. " It's very interesting ," - he says - " but how did you manage to pull this off with a flood ? " .
Dick Lexic
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Six wings and eight legs lol
They don't know what these chickens taste like cause they haven't caught one yet he he
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-china-32964606
They don't know what these chickens taste like cause they haven't caught one yet he he
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-china-32964606
