Best Thread Joke of the day

I went into a book store the other day and asked if they had any books by Shakespeare. The man behind the counter asked which one and I said William......
 
What's the difference between buying a lottery ticket and buying a penny stock? In the first case, you help finance your local community swimming pool. In the second case, you help finance the stock promoters home pool.
 
Herr Schnauble was heard to say he thought Greece was on a slippery slope.
 
There was an old man from Leeds
Who swallowed a packet of seeds.
The grass grew out of his ar3e
And his bolls were covered in weeds

:cheesy:
 
I think you missed a verse? Isn't it iambic pentuplate? :)
i.e.
There once was a man from Crass,
who had big shiny b@lls made of brass.
In bad weather,
When they clanked together,
Lightning shot out of his @ss.

:D
 
There was an old man from Australia
Who painted his bum like a dahlia
Penny a smell was all very well
But tuppence a lick was a failure.

:)

( another 4 liner )
 
You might be a redneck Jedi if ...

You prefer the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."
The doors on your X-Wing are welded shut and you have to climb in through the windows.
You've used a light saber to light the barbecue grill.
Gotta name like Peggy-Sue or Bubba
Take 1 bath a week in the horse trough
The disturbance you detected in the Force was last night's baked beans.
 
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Valentine's Day card from The Firing Squad

- we aim to please.

:)
 
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This one made me laugh and I just had to nick it........

At one time in my life, I thought I had a handle on the meaning of the word "service."

"It's the act of doing things for other people."

Then I heard these terms which reference the word service:

Internal Revenue Service
Postal Service
Telephone Service
Civil Service
City & County Public Service
Customer Service
Service Stations

Then I became confused about the word "service." This is not what I thought "service" meant.

So today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to "service" a few of his cows. BAM! It all came into perspective. Now I understand what all those "service" agencies are doing to us.

I hope you now are as enlightened as I am.
 
Ain't this the truth :)

aD0rxrG_700b.jpg
 
hard boiled, yip every time :)

She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual
soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast,
wearing only The ‘T’ shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly,
“You’ve got to make love to me this very moment!”

My eyes lit up and I thought, “I am either still dreaming or
this is going to be my lucky day!” Not wanting to lose the moment,
I embraced her and then Gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.

Afterwards she said, “Thanks,” and returned to the stove,
her T-shirt still around her neck.

Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, “What was that all about?”


She explained, “The egg timer’s broken.
 
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