Atilla
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Best Thread Joke of the day
- Thread starter Airthrey Capital
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MajorMagnuM
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very good. also 8 stages of spotting a spider made me laugh
Atilla
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Oldie but worth repeating given our economic predicament...
How to get out of debt!
A bald-headed bearded stranger stopped in town and went into an small old hotel to check in. He asked to go check out the rooms first so, in good faith, he left a $100 bill—a deposit of sorts—with the hotel owner. The hotel owner immediately ran next door to pay his grocery bill. The grocer ran it across the street to pay one of his suppliers. The supplier used it to pay off his co-op bill. The co-op guy ran it back across the street to pay the local hooker who had taken up residence in the aforementioned hotel. The hooker ran it downstairs to pay her hotel bill just ahead of the returning traveler, who picked the $100 bill off the desk and left saying that the rooms were not satisfactory.
Someone asked the hotel owner, “Who was that stranger?” The owner said, “I don’t know, but he sure looked a lot like Ben Bernanke.”
How to get out of debt!
A bald-headed bearded stranger stopped in town and went into an small old hotel to check in. He asked to go check out the rooms first so, in good faith, he left a $100 bill—a deposit of sorts—with the hotel owner. The hotel owner immediately ran next door to pay his grocery bill. The grocer ran it across the street to pay one of his suppliers. The supplier used it to pay off his co-op bill. The co-op guy ran it back across the street to pay the local hooker who had taken up residence in the aforementioned hotel. The hooker ran it downstairs to pay her hotel bill just ahead of the returning traveler, who picked the $100 bill off the desk and left saying that the rooms were not satisfactory.
Someone asked the hotel owner, “Who was that stranger?” The owner said, “I don’t know, but he sure looked a lot like Ben Bernanke.”
johnradical
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Warning sign in Tesco reads -
Whilst packing shopping into the car you maybe approached by two fit 18 year old eastern european girls in tight tiny tops. They wash your screen with there t*ts up against the window and ask for a lift to the next Tesco for payment. On the way they will strip down and perform oral sex on each other. One will then climb into the front seat and go down on you whilst the other attempts to steal you wallet! I've had mine stolen Thursday, Friday and twice Saturday...... Beware!!
Whilst packing shopping into the car you maybe approached by two fit 18 year old eastern european girls in tight tiny tops. They wash your screen with there t*ts up against the window and ask for a lift to the next Tesco for payment. On the way they will strip down and perform oral sex on each other. One will then climb into the front seat and go down on you whilst the other attempts to steal you wallet! I've had mine stolen Thursday, Friday and twice Saturday...... Beware!!
Atilla
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Pat494
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A Jamaican wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test.
"Here is your first question", the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."
"Without numbers?" the Jamaican says, "Dat is easy." And proceeds to draw three trees.
"What's this?" the boss asks.
"Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine," says the Jamaican.
"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."
The Jamaican stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Ere you go."
The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"
"Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99."
The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Jamaican, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100."
The Jamaican stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you go. One hundred."
The boss looks at the attempt, "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!"
The Jamaican leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, "A little dog come along and crap by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which makes one hundred."
"So, when I start?"
"Here is your first question", the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."
"Without numbers?" the Jamaican says, "Dat is easy." And proceeds to draw three trees.
"What's this?" the boss asks.
"Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine," says the Jamaican.
"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."
The Jamaican stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Ere you go."
The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"
"Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99."
The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Jamaican, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100."
The Jamaican stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you go. One hundred."
The boss looks at the attempt, "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!"
The Jamaican leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, "A little dog come along and crap by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which makes one hundred."
"So, when I start?"
Atilla
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This is a real cracker !!!
http://www.msn.com/en-gb/news/other...rd-for-tony-blair/ar-BBfQUC4?ocid=mailsignout
Can't make this stuff up???
Mr Blair was given the award by the charity’s US branch in recognition of his “leadership on international development”, with particular reference to his work on debt relief and the Make Poverty History campaign at the G8 in 2005.
http://www.msn.com/en-gb/news/other...rd-for-tony-blair/ar-BBfQUC4?ocid=mailsignout
Can't make this stuff up???
Mr Blair was given the award by the charity’s US branch in recognition of his “leadership on international development”, with particular reference to his work on debt relief and the Make Poverty History campaign at the G8 in 2005.
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alan5616
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This really is joke of the day. It's up there with TB (Middle East peace envoy).
Pat494
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A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island and discover a magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough, out pops a genie.
The genie says, "Since I can only grant three wishes, you may each have one."
The brunette says, "I've been stuck here for years. I miss my family, my husband and my life. I just want to go home."
Poof! The brunette gets her wish, and she is returned to her family.
The redhead says, "I've also been stuck here for years, and I wish I could go home, too."
Poof! The redhead gets her wish, and she is returned to her family.
The blonde starts crying uncontrollably.
The genie asks, "My dear, what's the matter?"
The blonde whimpers, "I wish my friends were still here."
The genie says, "Since I can only grant three wishes, you may each have one."
The brunette says, "I've been stuck here for years. I miss my family, my husband and my life. I just want to go home."
Poof! The brunette gets her wish, and she is returned to her family.
The redhead says, "I've also been stuck here for years, and I wish I could go home, too."
Poof! The redhead gets her wish, and she is returned to her family.
The blonde starts crying uncontrollably.
The genie asks, "My dear, what's the matter?"
The blonde whimpers, "I wish my friends were still here."
jotekfinance
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Awesome trailer!
Atilla
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Why 12/13/14 could be a day to remember
http://www.marketwatch.com/story/why-121314-could-be-a-day-to-remember-2014-12-12?link=MW_popular
Just another bleeding number with no significance non what so ever imo.
HUMANS are ???
http://www.marketwatch.com/story/why-121314-could-be-a-day-to-remember-2014-12-12?link=MW_popular
Just another bleeding number with no significance non what so ever imo.
HUMANS are ???
Pat494
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Why 12/13/14 could be a day to remember
http://www.marketwatch.com/story/why-121314-could-be-a-day-to-remember-2014-12-12?link=MW_popular
Just another bleeding number with no significance non what so ever imo.
HUMANS are ???
I expect there are loads of hippies hopping up and down expecting the end of the world today !!
Still some hours left but................
