Best Thread Joke of the day

During the recent floods one old gent was heard calling for his pipe and flippers.

Some religious people are claiming that the floods are a sign from God that he is angry with the people of the South East and is punishing them for too much fornication. I reckon we could do with a bit more of that here boyo. The fornication I mean, not the floods.

:cheesy:
 
I thought this interview belongs in the grand T2W joke section. Enjoy :)


SO YOU DON'T GO TO THE TICKET OFFICE?' 'NO'. RMT UNION LEADER BOB CROW'S FULL INTERVIEW WITH ITV NEWS
'What, and lose the money?': Bob Crow on whether he should have cancelled his ill-timed Caribbean trip
+65

'What, and lose the money?': Bob Crow on whether he should have cancelled his ill-timed Caribbean trip

You have to move with the times. Have you got an Oyster Card? I have one. Most people do. Do we need as many ticket offices as we have? - 'Well that’s the issue at the end of the day…Of course there’s new technology…but it’s how you implement that change.'

But you have an Oyster Card, yes? - 'Yes.'

Do you use it? - 'Yes.'

So you don’t go to the ticket office? - 'No. But if I was partially sighted I couldn’t get an Oyster Card. If I couldn’t speak English properly I couldn’t. Also, if I was disabled and I had problems getting an Oyster Card. You’ve got to look at the minorities of people.'

Let’s talk about justification for the strike. Only a third of all members voted for strike action. Can you justify millions of Londoners standing in the rain tonight? - 'I can justify that because we’ve had a secret ballot and our members can vote yes or no and we respect their wishes whether they vote yes or no.'

But shouldn’t the threshold be higher? - 'Why don’t we have a margin and a threshold for local councils or MPs that are elected? The Mayor for example was elected with only 27% of Londoners. Has he got the mandate to close booking offices down?'

There’s an argument to say the Underground is an essential service…therefore if it was, you’d have to provide a minimum level on strike days… - 'Well a lot of things are essential services. Everything’s essential. Don’t forget, the first people who started ban strikes were people like Hitler before the war…'

Everyone is entitled to a holiday but isn’t the timing of your recent holiday appalling? - 'Not really. The holiday was booked last March. Eleven months ago so what was I meant to do?'

A man on your wage could have cancelled it and booked another one? - 'What and lose the money?'

Courtesy ITV News



Full JOKE here with pictures.
 
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What with Mr. Crow, the striking rail union boss and Mr. Rook, boss at the Environment Agency who are struggling with the floods, it seems that we got the creme of Britain's bird- brains in charge.
 
According to astrophysicists, Old stars collapse when they exhaust their supply of fuel.

I disagree, Old stars collapse when the see the Rossers from Operation Yewtree coming up their driveway :LOL::LOL:
 
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Two little boys are in the hospital for an operation next day.



The older boy leans over and asks,

"What are you having done?"



The second boy says,

"I'm getting my tonsils out, and I'm afraid."



The first boy says,

"You've got nothing to worry about.

I had that done when I was four.

They put you to sleep, and when you wake up,

they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream.

It's a breeze."



The second boy then asks,

"What are you going in for?"



The first boy says, "Circumcision."



"Whoa!" the smaller boy replies.

"Good luck, buddy. I had that done when I was born.

Couldn't walk for a year
 
love the jokes lol

Management student kisses a girl.
Girl: Whats this?
Boy: Its called DIRECT MARKETING.
(Girl slaps the boy)
Boy: What is this?
Girl: This is CUSTOMER FEED BACK.
 
A Roman Centurion walks into a bar and asks for a Martinus.

"Don't you mean a Martini?" asks the bartender.

Centurion: "If I'd wanted a double I'd have asked for it".
 
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