Best Thread Joke of the day
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Pat494
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2 crooks hold up a lawyers convention, but the lawyers scream so much they panic and run. In the getaway car they count the takings. I've got good news and I've got bad news says 1 crook.Whatya mean, says the other crook.
Well the good news is we have £50 in the swag bag and the bad news is we went in there with £75 !
Well the good news is we have £50 in the swag bag and the bad news is we went in there with £75 !
Atilla
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Q. How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. 54
Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object, one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time cards, one to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a secretary to change the bulb, and twenty-eight to bill for professional services.
A. 54
Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object, one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time cards, one to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a secretary to change the bulb, and twenty-eight to bill for professional services.
Pat494
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It was getting late in Tingle Wood one day. The animals scurried back to their homes before dark. There were 2 major paths in the wood and they crossed in the middle of the wood. On this particular day a blind rabbit who was scurrying along crashed into a snake going the other way.
I say says the rabbit. Why don’t you look where you are going, can’t you see I am blind ?” Well no says the snake – you see I am blind too!
Oh says the rabbit as he brushes the dust from his fur. Then the snake says – excuse me but as I can’t see you, do you mind if I touch you to have an idea of what you are ?
OK says the rabbit. The snake feels him all over and says – you have 2 big ears, a fluffy coat and a small tail – I think you are a rabbit. Am I right ?
Yes says the rabbit. Now may I do the same for you ? Of course says the snake.
Well you have a scaly body, big sharp teeth and a forked tongue. Are you a lawyer ?
I say says the rabbit. Why don’t you look where you are going, can’t you see I am blind ?” Well no says the snake – you see I am blind too!
Oh says the rabbit as he brushes the dust from his fur. Then the snake says – excuse me but as I can’t see you, do you mind if I touch you to have an idea of what you are ?
OK says the rabbit. The snake feels him all over and says – you have 2 big ears, a fluffy coat and a small tail – I think you are a rabbit. Am I right ?
Yes says the rabbit. Now may I do the same for you ? Of course says the snake.
Well you have a scaly body, big sharp teeth and a forked tongue. Are you a lawyer ?
A lawyer was driving his BMW down the highway, singing to himself, "I love my BMW, I love my BMW."
Focusing on his car and not his driving, he smashed into a tree.
He miraculously survived, but his car was a total write off.
"My BMW! My BMW!" he sobbed.
A good samaritan drove by and cried out, " Sir, Sir, you're bleeding...my God, your left arm is gone!"
The lawyer, horrified, screamed, " My Rolex! My Rolex."
Focusing on his car and not his driving, he smashed into a tree.
He miraculously survived, but his car was a total write off.
"My BMW! My BMW!" he sobbed.
A good samaritan drove by and cried out, " Sir, Sir, you're bleeding...my God, your left arm is gone!"
The lawyer, horrified, screamed, " My Rolex! My Rolex."
Pat494
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The kings of Spain, France and England are standing on stage ready to show the world who of the 3 has the largest p*nis.The King of Spain takes his out and , as its impressive proportions are seen, all the Spanish shout Viva Espana!. The King of France is next. He drops his pants and his is even larger. All the Frenchies scream Viva La France! Next comes the King of England. He drops his pants and after a stunned silence, everyone exclaims God Save The Queen !
John_Betong
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iPhone Low battery warning
A man saved hís gírlfríend's phone number as " LOW BATTERY " so whenever she calls ín hís absence, hís wífe takes the phone and plugs ít into the charger!
joke of the day/2011/November - Joke of the day
A man saved hís gírlfríend's phone number as " LOW BATTERY " so whenever she calls ín hís absence, hís wífe takes the phone and plugs ít into the charger!
joke of the day/2011/November - Joke of the day
Pat494
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In the budget speech Ozzie Osbourne & Dipstick Dave said that it was with regret Britain could no longer afford a military presence in Afghanistan, only the catering staff would remain.
Well no point in cooking lots of food for nobody so the officer in charge sent an invitation to anyone who could get there was welcome. Most of them were Taliban supporters probably but no matter.
The Taliban were so impressed they agreed the war wa over and it was drinks ( soft ones only ) on the Airbase !
Well no point in cooking lots of food for nobody so the officer in charge sent an invitation to anyone who could get there was welcome. Most of them were Taliban supporters probably but no matter.
The Taliban were so impressed they agreed the war wa over and it was drinks ( soft ones only ) on the Airbase !
Pat494
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A salesman sees a young boy sitting on a porch and says, Hi there, sonny, is your mother at home ? She sure is says the boy. The salesman rings on the bell, then again and again but with no answer. He turns to the boy and says , Hey I thought you said your mummy was at home. She is replies the boy. But I don't live here !
for sale
parachute
only used once, never opened. Small stain.
hahah!
