Best Thread Joke of the day
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Atilla
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No **** Sherlock!
Average bonuses for directors of FTSE 350 companies have risen by 187% since 2002, without a corresponding rise in share prices, new research suggests.
The High Pay Commission said on Monday that average annual bonuses were worth 48% of salary in 2002, but are now 90%.
Commission chairman Deborah Hargreaves said it was a "myth" that big bonuses meant companies performed better.
The Department for Business, Innovation and Skills said it would study the report, which it called "interesting".
During the time bosses' salaries rose by 63%, said the report, which is due to publish its full findings in November. The commission is backed by the left-leaning Compass group and the Joseph Rowntree Trust.
The study also found that total pay packages for company executives in the wider FTSE 350 had gone up by 700% since 2002 - while the index had risen by only 21%. Pfff SacreBleu
The High Pay Commission's Deborah Hargreaves: "Shareholders are very concerned about pay"
Pay levels for the average worker in Britain have risen by 27% over the past decade.
Ms Hargreaves said the share prices and performance of companies had not come close to matching the rises in pay and salaries.
She said: "The evidence exposes the myth that big bonuses and high salaries result in better company performances.
"There has been massive growth in what has been termed as performance-related pay yet no such corresponding leap forward in company performance."
She said that changes to remuneration schemes were masking the real value of what executive get paid.
"Corporate governance reforms attempting to link pay with performance appear to have done little more than add to the huge complexity of executive packages, reward schemes and bonuses that make up the pay of FTSE 100 directors," Ms Hargreaves said.
Top Man!
CBI director general John Cridland told the BBC high rewards for real business achievements were necessary and acceptable, but soft targets or payment for failure were not.
Average bonuses for directors of FTSE 350 companies have risen by 187% since 2002, without a corresponding rise in share prices, new research suggests.
The High Pay Commission said on Monday that average annual bonuses were worth 48% of salary in 2002, but are now 90%.
Commission chairman Deborah Hargreaves said it was a "myth" that big bonuses meant companies performed better.
The Department for Business, Innovation and Skills said it would study the report, which it called "interesting".
During the time bosses' salaries rose by 63%, said the report, which is due to publish its full findings in November. The commission is backed by the left-leaning Compass group and the Joseph Rowntree Trust.
The study also found that total pay packages for company executives in the wider FTSE 350 had gone up by 700% since 2002 - while the index had risen by only 21%. Pfff SacreBleu
The High Pay Commission's Deborah Hargreaves: "Shareholders are very concerned about pay"
Pay levels for the average worker in Britain have risen by 27% over the past decade.
Ms Hargreaves said the share prices and performance of companies had not come close to matching the rises in pay and salaries.
She said: "The evidence exposes the myth that big bonuses and high salaries result in better company performances.
"There has been massive growth in what has been termed as performance-related pay yet no such corresponding leap forward in company performance."
She said that changes to remuneration schemes were masking the real value of what executive get paid.
"Corporate governance reforms attempting to link pay with performance appear to have done little more than add to the huge complexity of executive packages, reward schemes and bonuses that make up the pay of FTSE 100 directors," Ms Hargreaves said.
Top Man!
CBI director general John Cridland told the BBC high rewards for real business achievements were necessary and acceptable, but soft targets or payment for failure were not.
barjon
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The Liverpool manager flies to Kabul to watch a young Afghan boy play football. He is suitably impressed and arranges for the player to come over.
Two weeks later Liverpool are 4-0 down to Chelsea with only 20 minutes left. The manager gives the young Afghan striker the nod, and on he goes. The lad
is a sensation. He scores 5 goals in 20 minutes and wins the game for Liverpool .
The fans are delighted, the players and the coach are delighted and the media love the new star. When the player comes off the pitch he phones his mum to tell her about his first day in English football.
'Hello mum, guess what?' he says. 'I played for 20 minutes today, we were 4-0 down but I scored 5 goals and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me.
''Wonderful?" Asks his mum, "well, let me tell you about my day …Your father got shot in the street, your sister and I were ambushed and assaulted, your brother has joined a gang of looters..... and all while you tell me that you were having a great time."
The young lad is very upset. "What can I say mum, but I'm really sorry.''
"Sorry?!!! Sorry?!!!" says his mum, "It's your bloody fault we came to Liverpool in the first place!"
Two weeks later Liverpool are 4-0 down to Chelsea with only 20 minutes left. The manager gives the young Afghan striker the nod, and on he goes. The lad
is a sensation. He scores 5 goals in 20 minutes and wins the game for Liverpool .
The fans are delighted, the players and the coach are delighted and the media love the new star. When the player comes off the pitch he phones his mum to tell her about his first day in English football.
'Hello mum, guess what?' he says. 'I played for 20 minutes today, we were 4-0 down but I scored 5 goals and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me.
''Wonderful?" Asks his mum, "well, let me tell you about my day …Your father got shot in the street, your sister and I were ambushed and assaulted, your brother has joined a gang of looters..... and all while you tell me that you were having a great time."
The young lad is very upset. "What can I say mum, but I'm really sorry.''
"Sorry?!!! Sorry?!!!" says his mum, "It's your bloody fault we came to Liverpool in the first place!"
Pat494
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welshguy121
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Subject: Just Hold Me
When girls don't put out!!
This was written by a guy.....it's pretty damn smart.
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'
I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear..
'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'
We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... She was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all
Dear, let's go to the cashier.'
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'
I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.......but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.
All right, Ladies: Forward this if you agree. Hell even if you disagree, forward it anyway.
When girls don't put out!!
This was written by a guy.....it's pretty damn smart.
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'
I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear..
'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'
We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... She was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all
Dear, let's go to the cashier.'
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'
I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.......but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.
All right, Ladies: Forward this if you agree. Hell even if you disagree, forward it anyway.
Gabrial
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A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words." The guy replies, "Hey, why not?" He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: "Paint…my…house."
the_coumiester
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Joseff
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Two Irish guys are fishing. The first guy reels in his line and sees that he's snagged an old bottle. As he's taking it off the hook, a genie pops out and promises to grant him one wish. "Turn the lake into beer," he says. The genie goes "Poof!" and the lake turns into beer. He says to the other guy, "So what do you think?" The other guy says, "You jerk. Now we've got to **** in the boat."
the_coumiester
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Definitely not a case of thinking things through right there, hey? LOL
Also liked the seashell one.
Atilla
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Definitely not a case of thinking things through right there, hey? LOL
Also liked the seashell one.
I really like your post here too as it has soooo much information I found it very useful. :cheesy:
I would like to give it a repu but just wanted everyone else to read my thoughts so publishing it to the www seemed like a good idea.
To anyone interested I also wrote a letter to my dear old grandmother...
If you send me a pm - with a stamped envelope I'll send you a copy too...
Oh dear I feel as if I am all muddled up. Am I on the right thread for jokes...
the_coumiester
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I knoooooow, right?! I'm full of wisdom, useful information, relevant news and just all of the best answers all at once! :smart:
Adamus
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A paramedic is called to a high speed car accident. On arrival he finds a brand new BMW rolled on its side and badly damaged. He can hear a man screaming from underneath “My car, my car! What have I done to my car!” The paramedic finds the man is missing part of his arm the car rolled on … “Mate… forget about your car… you are badly injured!” The man looks and notices his missing arm… “My Rolex, my Rolex is missing!”
the_coumiester
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