Best Thread Joke of the day

[Ambrose Ackroyd]

Question of Conscience

I am a sailor in the NewZealand Navy.

My parents live in the suburb of Seatoun and one of my sisters,who lives in Palmerston North, is married to a guy from Liverpool, England.

My Father and Mother have recently been charged for growing and selling marijuana and are currently dependent on my two sisters, who are prostitutes in Auckland.

I have two brothers, one who is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Mt. **** Prison, Auckland, for the rape & murder of a teenage boy in 1994, the other currently being held in the Wellington remand centre on charges of incest with his three children.

I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who lives in Christchurch and indeed is still a part time "working girl" in a brothel, however, her time there is limited as she has recently been infected with an STD.

We intend to marry as soon as possible and are currently looking into the possibility of opening our own brothel with my fiancee utilizing her knowledge of the industry, working as the manager. I am hoping my two sisters would be interested in joining our team. Although I would prefer them not to prostitute themselves at least it would get them off the streets and hopefully the heroin.

My problem is this: I love my fiancee and look forward to bringing her into the family and of course I want to be totally honest with her.

Should I tell her about my brother-in-law being a Scouser?

 

[Atilla]

Really funny as it sort of creeps up on you... and listen out for perfect sound track and timing... Great stuff.

 

[FX Bandit]

Atilla's opinions!

Boom tish!

Just kidding. He's a crazy guy, but I guess that doesn't amount to a hill of beans in this gin joint.

 

[Atilla]

Had to google this one... Mr FX your spelling is tipsy turvy... You the geezer in this clip... and you've been drinking...

 

[FX Bandit]

Had to google this one... Mr FX your spelling is tipsy turvy... You the geezer in this clip... and you've been drinking...

Dude, WTF? It's an expression, it's mimicking the sound made by a drum / cymbal combo, you know like would be next to an old-fashioned comedian. They make a crap joke, like I did, joke's so crap it needs a drummer there to let the audience know that's the punch-line.

And I haven't been drinking, that is not an accurate description of the situation. I am pi1sed as a motherf***er.

 

[FX Bandit]

Check it out. You're one of a kind (long post, need to go to the bottom):

http://www.trade2win.com/boards/general-trading-chat/107842-secret-edge-24.html#post1319592

 

[Atilla]

I like this advert as it reaches parts that other adverts simply don't.

http://www.lotsofjokes.com/sexy_porsche-video-521.htm

 

[Pat494]

There is a general panic stations in Ireland over the country's debts.
A petition is being organised to get Guiness give back all the money spent on drink.
Another petition is being got togethor to sue the bookies and Cheltenham race course to get a rebate.
There is a little guy in a green suit and pointy hat, no not one of Robin's merry men, running around looking for rainbows
Paddy and Mick had a fight about whose fault it was, until they stopped for some more pints at the local, thoisty work Mick was heard to mutter
The Govt has found Danny McCoy to help out, but whether he is the real one has yet to be determined, perhaps by a drink-off !

Well good luck guys and have another one

:clover::clover::clover:

 

[Hoggums]

Who says chinese herbal medicine is mumbo-jumbo?

...

 

[Ambrose Ackroyd]

Sign in a Chinese hospital .............

 

[scose-no-doubt]

Got your own department, ambrose?

 

[Dommo]

Textbook BS setup here:

http://bigpicture.typepad.com/comments/files/black_swan.gif

 

[Dommo]

Sign in a Chinese hospital .............

That deserves to get in Private Eye.

 

[Atilla]

Textbook BS setup here:

http://bigpicture.typepad.com/comments/files/black_swan.gif

I know that setup really really well... One of my highest pip earners that is...


The renouned Elmar Fudd setup! :cheesy:

 

[Hoggums]

Have a double-take...

 

[Ambrose Ackroyd]

Look at the placard in the middle of the picture ........


http://img199.imageshack.us/img199/3482/44706466.jpg


Go for it Wagner mate.

 

[Atilla]

Look at the placard in the middle of the picture ........


http://img199.imageshack.us/img199/3482/44706466.jpg


Go for it Wagner mate.

They made the same mistake as I did typical students can't spell cuts :clap:

 

[GumRai]

Yes, typical students are a right bunch of cuts aren't they

 

[Pat494]

This economic crisis is one hell of a thing and getting worse by the day.

Ireland’s Mr. Lenihan, an economic guru says he has found a way through the mess. Ireland has had Sterling – but he said the Brits wrecked it with their violent attitude, the punt sorta got lost in all the offers from Europe of unlimited aid and now the Euro has gone down the toilet – all Germany’s fault for being too …..er, well something but never fear Ireland’s new currency is to be the humble spud. The potato crop should soon pay off the national debt. After all who wants 20 million tons of spuds dumped on their doorstep overnight ? Failing that he said we can always go back to mother and admit we, well got it a bit wrong in 1920.

The Americans are worried that this might spark some sort of new fashion and they would have to declare the Declaration of Independence null and void.

Mr Cameron was quickly gagged after hearing these revelations in case his insults offended the “children”.

The Queen graciously said she would forgive their wilder activities in the recent past. Boys will be boys , you know.

 

[Ambrose Ackroyd]

Much has been made in the press this week of X Factor's Katie Waissel having an 81 year old grandmother who is a London based prostitute.

This in itself is not a particularly newsworthy item but I was just wondering whether anyone has bothered to alert Wayne Rooney to this piece of news.

If so, he will certainly be playing away yet again the next time Manchester United play in London.