Best Thread Joke of the day

Ambrose Ackroyd said:
So, I opened my wheelie bin and a wasp flew out.

What kind of a sick f**ker would put a wasp in a wheelie bin ?

Then I looked inside again and saw a live maggot wriggling about.

I mean, what kind of deranged sadist would put a maggot in a wheelie bin ?

This is a sad reflection on today's society.
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Yes and in another bin some bugger put flies in there. In fact I think it was a whole family of flies in there. Kids n all... Some had turned green and were not moving like as if they were in a coma. :-0

Wouldn't have happened when I was a young lad. What's wrong with pulling off their wings and throwing em into spider webs? :idea:
 
Pat494 said:
My my what some get up to for fun :)
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Spiderman is my superhero!

I was just helping out my neighbours. ;)

spiderman2.jpg
 
You have to laugh...
 

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Poster from 1919 - enough to drive a man to drink..
 

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This was actually siaid seriously :)

Sept. 1 (Telegraph) -- Russia’s finance minister has told people to smoke and drink more, explaining that higher consumption would help lift tax revenues for spending on social services.

Speaking as the Russian government announces plan to raise duty on alcohol and cigarettes, Alexei Kudrin said that by smoking a pack, “you are giving more to help solve social problems such as boosting demographics, developing other social services and upholding birth rates”.

“People should understand: Those who drink, those who smoke are doing more to help the state,” he told the Interfax news agency.

Voila :)
 
Re: This was actually siaid seriously :)

china white said:
Sept. 1 (Telegraph) -- Russia’s finance minister has told people to smoke and drink more, explaining that higher consumption would help lift tax revenues for spending on social services.

Speaking as the Russian government announces plan to raise duty on alcohol and cigarettes, Alexei Kudrin said that by smoking a pack, “you are giving more to help solve social problems such as boosting demographics, developing other social services and upholding birth rates”.

“People should understand: Those who drink, those who smoke are doing more to help the state,” he told the Interfax news agency.

Voila :)
Click to expand...


...... it's got that sorta George Dubya feel about it !
 
William Hague today admitted that his stay at the local YMCA lodge in Harrogate was “ill-judged, unwise, and rather silly”. The Foreign Secretary, who is most definitely not gay, told reporters that he regretted booking a bunk bed in a room with six other men.

“I’m all man,” said Hague. “And 100% at ease with my sexuality. I like a pint, and I also like the YMCA. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s fun to stay at the YMCA – you can get yourself cleaned, you can have a good meal, in fact, you can do whatever you feel. However, as a straight, woman-chasing, beer-swilling alpha male, it perhaps gave people the wrong impression.”

“I’d like to apologise to all my constituents – I have no need to feel down, I should pick myself up off the ground and remind myself there’s no need to feel unhappy.”

Hague’s team immediately organised some “manly” things for Hague to do, including participating in the annual “Yorkshire Puffter Hunt”, a traditional part of the calendar in Yorkshire, in which gay men are released onto the moors, and given a ten-minute head start before Geoffrey Boycott leads a pack of “real men” to hunt them down. This year’s event was notable for the inclusion of some non-Yorkshire gays for the first time, on the insistence of Mr Hague who wanted the Hunt to be more open to all races and religions.

Onlookers said that Hague was “perhaps getting into it too much”.

Julian, who runs the YMCA in Harrogate, said that he was delighted Mr Hague found the time to visit, adding “Mr Hague booked himself into a single bed and acted entirely properly and with dignity. He was in town for a Take That concert with his friend Gok Wan, and needed a place to stay.”

“He laughed out loud when he booked and reminded us all that he was 100% hetero and straight – which is cool with us – and said he might upgrade to a double if he bags himself a hot chick.”

“He didn’t.”
 
A woman had a problem with her closet door.

It kept falling off every time a bus was passing by.

So she called a repair man.

The repairman comes and sees that indeed, the door falls out every time when a bus passes by.

"OK, I am gonna see what is going on, just close the door behind me" and he steps into the closet.

At that time the husband comes from work, opens the closet and finds the repairman.

Husband: "What the f**k are you doing here!"

Repairman: "Well, you are not going to believe it, but I am waiting for a bus!"
 
The Liverpool escort agency are denying any wrongdoing, by supplying Wayne Rooney with a 21 year old prostitute.

A spokesman for the agency said 'He asked for a Grandma and anybody older than 21 in Liverpool would be a Great Grandma.
 
New on Channel Four!
Coming live and uninterrupted from Chile,
33 contestants,
4 months,
1 cave.
Dig Brother



Boom Boom....
 
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