William Hague today admitted that his stay at the local YMCA lodge in Harrogate was “ill-judged, unwise, and rather silly”. The Foreign Secretary, who is most definitely not gay, told reporters that he regretted booking a bunk bed in a room with six other men.
“I’m all man,” said Hague. “And 100% at ease with my sexuality. I like a pint, and I also like the YMCA. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s fun to stay at the YMCA – you can get yourself cleaned, you can have a good meal, in fact, you can do whatever you feel. However, as a straight, woman-chasing, beer-swilling alpha male, it perhaps gave people the wrong impression.”
“I’d like to apologise to all my constituents – I have no need to feel down, I should pick myself up off the ground and remind myself there’s no need to feel unhappy.”
Hague’s team immediately organised some “manly” things for Hague to do, including participating in the annual “Yorkshire Puffter Hunt”, a traditional part of the calendar in Yorkshire, in which gay men are released onto the moors, and given a ten-minute head start before Geoffrey Boycott leads a pack of “real men” to hunt them down. This year’s event was notable for the inclusion of some non-Yorkshire gays for the first time, on the insistence of Mr Hague who wanted the Hunt to be more open to all races and religions.
Onlookers said that Hague was “perhaps getting into it too much”.
Julian, who runs the YMCA in Harrogate, said that he was delighted Mr Hague found the time to visit, adding “Mr Hague booked himself into a single bed and acted entirely properly and with dignity. He was in town for a Take That concert with his friend Gok Wan, and needed a place to stay.”
“He laughed out loud when he booked and reminded us all that he was 100% hetero and straight – which is cool with us – and said he might upgrade to a double if he bags himself a hot chick.”
“He didn’t.”
