I was thinking about this stuff, I logged in and realised it has been almost year. I know some people probably couldn't care less. But for anyone who does I shall provide an update. I write not to be indulgent, but just if there is anyone who ever ponders at night "I wonder what happened to...."
At 7.30am my alarm goes off and I arise. I don not a suit like my parents wish, but jeans and a jumper. All very casual. I join the other commuters and take the train. I guess in a way I look a little out of place amongst all the suits. But yes....Masquerade has joined the rat race (so to speak.)
By 9am I am at the office, turning on my computer. At this point, I check my phone and look at what's happening with my stocks. If I am really bored during the day I might check XE.com, just to see what the cable rate is. (I am holding some $ in a poker account, not a massive sum but there's some exposure.) Sometimes I read a little of the business section on BBC news website and that is about as much as my interest now entails.
I have no urge to constantly check the FX market, or know what's going on in the markets like I used to. I know people alluded to me being an addict. I made a decision to stop towards the end of February. I didn't go out with an almighty bang, but after some second guessing of myself which resulted in some sizeable red numbers I decided to halt trading and consider other avenues whilst I tried to get things related to trading together in my head. I have had no urge to place a trade or have "just one more go".
My perception of money has changed a little. In some respects I value it more now, even though I have more than this time last year. Money I could lose in a day now takes me a week or so to earn. I am not compelled to go crazy on the markets and invest it. I am not sure I can commit the time, nor that there is something with a long term edge I have. It's not something i've worried about as I am trying to save up a little. I do happen to hold some stocks, but these are nothing too exciting and maybe something good will come of them down the line. I have somewhat written off the money. In some respects, now is probably the best time for me to be trading as I would have to be less involved from the process.
As for my job: it doesn't feel like "me" , it's not something I am skilled at or like. Nor is it related to my academic background. I really think the only reason I have not been fired is due to my connections (although family have said I have always been very self-critical of myself and other people don't see it that way.) I have held the job for most of the year, turning up on time and trying my best every day. But I do feel it's not the direction I want to go, I fear the feeling of comfort where it just becomes "another day" and going to work becomes a routine despite me not being happy in this direction. At first I used to feel sick on the train to and from work, I tolerate the routine somewhat and this scares me now.
On the plus side; I am gaining some employment experience to put on my CV and obviously they're paying me which helps. Although commuting is an expensive business these days and I question to myself am I really much worse off working a local menial job for not much less money? It is a bit of a sad state of affairs
I am at the breaking point, but need a new direction. I do have a few applications on the boil for more related stuff to me (maybe I can elaborate on that later) and am feeling it's time to move on. My age and skills may be holding back and the lure of an £18k/year masters degree might force me into further education despite my instinctive protestations.
I would consider trading again, although I know going solo would be a bad idea and some training + extra resources is most likely a necessity. Other avenues such as accountancy are possible (although undesirable) , maybe something statistical/economics. I know people commented that my writing was of good quality here, I wrote some creative material and I received compliments about it. Perhaps I do have some journalistic/literary skills, although it was never something I excelled at back in my school days.
I don't want to write much more as I don't wish to bore people. Just thought I would drop in to say hi to who ever is still here and update. I will be around (although most likely not in work hours) and that is an extract of how my life has changed over the last year.
