The Labour Party has announced that it will decide on its future drinks choice by June 2011. The “Beverage For a Socialist Future” report lays out a clear path for the Party’s choice between tea and coffee, while outlining potential alternatives for those still unsure.
John Cruddas told reporters that it was essential the Labour Party take “as long as humanly possible” to choose between the two drinks: “When we do finally sit down, we need to be clear in our minds what we’re all about. Are we a tea party, or are we a coffee party? What does our choice imply? What does it mean to be a tea-drinking Labour supporter in the 21st Century? Is coffee a Tory drink? There are so many questions that remain unanswered. We have to capture the beverage zeitgeist, and that cannot be done in just a couple of months.”
“Personally, I’m neither a tea nor a coffee man and I won’t be drinking either, but I fully support the Labour Party’s long-term beverages strategy.”
The Beverage For a Socialist Future document outlines the procedure for selecting the drink available for the next Labour meeting, which includes an all-membership ballot to take place towards the end of 2010, with regional hustings in the run-up to the first ballot. Several rounds of voting will take place, representing 10% of the final decision, after which the unions will be consulted, and finally the Labour MPs present at the meeting. Labour Party officials have not ruled out the possibility of adding other beverages to the ballot sheets in the goodness of time, and say that they need “to meditate” over the ever-confusing list of options.
Leadership candidate David Milliband weighed into the argument, saying “Tea is tea, that’s fine. We’re fine with that. No bugger drinks green tea, and we’ve only got PG Tips anyway. But coffee’s not just coffee any more, is it? I mean, what happens if someone says – hey, I’m a latte guy but not a cappuccino guy? And who knows the difference between a latte and coffee with milk? Frappuccino? Flat white? We’re entering dangerous territory here, so it’s quite right that we should take our time over this decision. Has no one thought about hot chocolate?”
Ed Milliband said exactly the same thing to reporters afterwards, but added that everything he drank was “Fairtrade” only, which received a few “aw”s from the audience.
The Condemocrats have laughed off accusations that they face the same indecision problems, by mixing tea and coffee together and calling it “teaffee”. David Cleggeron spoke of a “new beverage situation”, telling reporters that “people are sick of us telling them what we’re going to drink, and they’ve quite clearly told us that they want us to drink something in between. Something new. Something inspiring. Something strong and stable. Something, well, frankly… I don’t like it so I’m going to sip at it for a while before throwing it down the sink and getting a coffee. White, of course. We don’t do black.”