my journal

[dr.blix]

i don't want to pass judgement on you travis, or your life, but sometimes...people who have lives that are relatively comfortable can lose perspective on what it is like to have to struggle to survive.

in fact i think this is the malady of the western world.

we are so removed from our natural process of daily survival that we struggle to find reason in our existence.

this struggle has long been known and exploited by organisations (first religious, now commercial) that capitalise on this state of confusion and manipulate it either for use as a control mechanism, or to sell us things that they tell us will give some form of meaning to our existence.

a new car, a new television, a bigger house, a surgically enhanced body.

deprivation can put us back in touch with these hard-wired natural survival instincts and help us appreciate the privileged existence we lead compared to so many other people on the planet.

if not deprivation, then coming into regular contact with people who still have that struggle with daily survival. people who live in war zones or just people who live in such poverty that all they know is hunger and misery.

a good way to get back in touch with these realities is doing charitable or volunteer work.

 

[dr.blix]

Interesting
This could be useful and be used to my advantage. For example, before meeting with someone I have to stand up to, I could take a cold shower and try to sleep less. Like if I have to meet some arrogant asshole, then I'll do all these things, so when I meet him, I am just about ready to kill him.

if you really believe the most effective method of dealing with people is to be combative, you're sentencing yourself to combative interactions/relationships for the rest of your life.

this is illogical, unhealthy and ultimately counter-productive.

people will negatively respond to your behaviour and, by using your logic, this will give you greater license to be even more combative, thus adding fuel to your negative perceptions about yourself and others.

 

[Yamato]

Yes, you've come to the right place for charity and volunteer work: a place where everyone is out to maximize their profits... giggling. Other than this, what you said makes sense. I appreciate your taking time to talk about philosophical matters on my journal. Thanks.

Regarding your comments on my attitude towards people, whether to be combative or not... it is all wise and I agree, but with some people, very rare ones, it does make sense to be combative. What... are you kidding me? Do you prescribe to everyone to be like Gandhi in all situations? You gotta be kidding. You're gonna get killed this way. My mom is Catholic and a catechist. I know what you are talking about, she's tried to teach me to show the other cheek all my life and she almost managed. But I think it does not make sense and does not work. Some people who are wronging you have to be stopped, one way or the other, for their own good. Because they won't behave, and if you won't stop them, they'll do damage to you and everyone else. Take negative people. Verbally, those people have to be stopped. You can't just listen to these people forever, pretending it's fine. You can stop them by walking away. I am not advocating killing people as a method of stopping them. Walking away, saying "stop", saying "no", raising your voice... there are so many methods.

 

[dr.blix]

where exactly is the conflict in being a retail trader and doing charitable or volunteer work?

 

[Yamato]

First of all, I am low on capital. I am trying to gather all the dollars I have to fund my account. If anything I should be planning to rob a bank.

Second of all, the whole idea behind trading is that you want more money, whereas the whole idea behind charity is that you think you have more than enough. If I thought I had more than enough money, why would I be trading. I trade because I want a lot more money than I have. When trading you want to take money, when you're doing charity you want to give money. The two things are quite in conflict. You're the one who should explain how the two things can go together.

 

[dr.blix]

on the most part travis, charity has very little to do with money.

take a little time to think about your limited perception of what charity really means.

if you show a more thoughtful understanding then we can have a discussion about it.

i'm not doing your thinking for you.

 

[Yamato]

Ok, that's pretty good. You're starting to get disrespectful here. I am not doing the "respecting" for you. I've been polite enough, but you've passed the limit. First you say you don't want to "intrude" and everything, and then you start treating me like a teacher treats a schoolboy. I can't continue either like this. Thanks for being my guest for so many posts. You either write your essay on "charity", or we're not going to keep discussing. You write the essay, because you're the one who's making the most unfounded assertions. You can't just keep on shooting questions, and people have to write essays and come up with the correct answer (by your thinking) or you'll fail them.

 

[GladiatorX]

I've always felt that charity is beneficial for all parties... But although it seems 'giving', ultimately the reward for those that are charitable is the feelings that come from it; Some seek these feelings and others don't. So like everything in life; even charity has a self-fulfilling underlying selfish act.

Because even those you'll meet, who seem so nice, and they genuinely are, they'll do lots of charity too; But there behaviour is based on getting the results they want - The satisfaction of being nice and the fact that it causes people to be nice to them... By being nice; They get the reaction they want and can feel good about themeselves...

Ultimately i think charity is about GIVING to those who NEED - Although this could be a selfish act; some people LIKE giving, therefore by giving, they are recieving... Anyway;
All thats unimportant; because regardless of the motives and reasoning, if it is beneficial for everyone its a good thing - If someone is made to feel better by giving and a man feels better for getting free food, then its a good thing.

I do know though; however, that maybe there is more depth to charity, maybe the nature of people is genuinely to share... But thats my current opinion and it could change instantly.

My current thinking however is that; In the end, we do whatever lets us sleep at night - And some people are more sensitive than others.

One thing is though; i don't need to give to charity to make myself feel good, because i accept myself as a selfish person... People that are less fortunate, are less fortunate, and fortunately for me i'm not one of them; So i'll just enjoy my fortune and be selfish...

Also; i believe 'fortune' is a perspective; Those that never had 'fortune' will have lower expectations of hapiness/What makes them happy - So its very hard to compare yourself to others...
Like i went to a tribal village and built them a house and i thought to myself, these people aren't unfortunate, even though they are poor and don't have much food... They are use to this, this is their life, who am i to think mine is better - They seem more happy in there established life patterns; Which ATLEAST are set about fulfilling instincts and needs rather than fulfilling needs for listening to music and watching TV - And they don't know whats its like to be fortunate, i don't know they're perspective; It would be naive for me to assume i'm better off.
So maybe i'd be angry is i accidently shot a bb gun at a 52-inch LCD the other night and i should get some 'PERSPECTIVE' on life... The poor people in Africa suffering, the difference is, i'm ACCUSTOMED, to this big TV and now i don't have it cause that GOD DAMN BB GUN! My life is now a lower standard in my perspective. I cannot compare this to the Africans who are suffering, because they never had what i had; And you only miss what you once had... I don't know what they're perspective is; Maybe they're life is just about having clean water and when they do life is great, life is better than mine with the big TV; So i just can't evaluate it...

Perspective, if your use to having a comfy bed and then you lose it; Its much worse than never having that comfy bed.

I also don't think this view of thinking is right in anyway; in fact i'd love to have more positive different thinking - This is just my current view.

 

[dr.blix]

apologies if challenging, what i would take, as your limited view on something is perceived as being disrespectful.

some people don't mind being challenged to think about things, some do i suppose.

i can see how some people would perceive this could be interpreted in this way, i can also see how some people wouldn't.

i'll refrain from posting on your journal travis, sincere apologies if i've interrupted or upset things.

best of luck mate

 

[Yamato]

Sure... it's too easy to keep on challenging my thinking, without ever writing more than a few sentences. I have to produce papers and essays, and you just test me like a professor. Pretty easy, isn't it? Why don't you produce some writing as well? Why don't you write a nice essay on charity? I've written plenty of essays already. And I am the one who doesn't like to be challenged? Let's say that you just want to be the teacher.

Besides, I am not making up your disrespect, because by writing "i'm not doing your thinking for you", you're calling me a lazy thinker, which is close to calling someone stupid. You even called something I said "illogical" earlier on. You should at least pretend that you don't think that anyone who doesn't think like you is "illogical", even though of course we all think that we are right and the others are wrong. Maybe you're the one who's not getting my point: why, if you're not understanding my point, do I necessarily have to be the one who's "illogical"? Calling what I said "illogical" is pretty much equivalent to saying "I think the correct way and you don't". "i'm not doing your thinking for you" and calling what I said "illogical" reveal how you think: I am right and you're wrong. So you're not here to reason together: you're here to teach me things.

And you may even have a point, but you're acting too much like a professor who's testing a student, and, with that tone, any reasoning can only turn into an argument, because, by the terms you use, I can see that the premise is that you're right, you know more, and you're only willing to teach and to challenge, but not the opposite.

 

[GladiatorX]

Sure... it's too easy to keep on challenging my thinking, without ever writing more than a few sentences. I have to produce papers and essays, and you just test me like a professor. Pretty easy, isn't it? Why don't you produce some writing as well? Why don't you write a nice essay on charity? I've written plenty of essays already. And I am the one who doesn't like to be challenged? Let's say that you just want to be the teacher.

Besides, I am not making up your disrespect, because by writing "i'm not doing your thinking for you", you're calling me a lazy thinker, which is close to calling someone stupid. You even called something I said "illogical" earlier on. You should at least pretend that you don't think that anyone who doesn't think like you is "illogical", even though of course we all think that we are right and the others are wrong. Maybe you're the one who's not getting my point: why, if you're not understanding my point, do I necessarily have to be the one who's "illogical"? Saying "what you said is illogical" is pretty much equivalent to saying "I think the correct way and you don't".

Well, I've talked enough. What I mean to say is that yes, you may even have a point, but you're acting too much like a professor who's testing a student, so with that tone, any reasoning and discussion can only turn into an argument.

È troppo facile di continuare sfidando il mio pensare, senza mai di scrivere più di qualche frasi. Devo produrre le carte e le prove, e lei mi testa appena ama un professore. Bello facile, non è? Perché lei non produce della scrittura come bene? Perché lei non scrive una prova piacevole sulla carità? Ho scritto molte prove già. E sono l'un chi non ama essere sfidato? Diciamo che lei vuole essere appena l'insegnante.

Inoltre, non invento il suo mancanza di rispetto, perché scrivendo "non faccio il suo pensare per lei", lei mi chiama un pensatore pigro, che è vicino alla chiamata qualcuno stupido. Lei ha chiamato anche qualcosa ho detto "illogico" prima su. Lei dovrebbe fingere almeno che lei non pensa che nessuno che non pensi come lei è "illogico", anche se certo pensiamo che abbiamo ragione e gli altri hanno torto. Forse lei è l'un che non prende il mio punto: perché, se lei non capisce il mio punto, devo essere necessariamente l'un chi è "illogico"? Il proverbio "che lei ha detto è illogico" è bello molto equivalente al proverbio "penso la maniera corretta e lei fa non".

Bene, ho parlato abbastanza. Che significo per dire è che sì, lei potrebbe avere anche un punto, ma lei agisce troppo amando un professore che testa uno studente, dunque con quel tono, qualunque ragionamento e qualunque discussione possono diventare solo una discussione.

 

[Yamato]

Bad google translation as usual.

I don't mean to scare people away: I am sorry to lose one of the few readers. But am I entitled to replying to other people's posts? Or do I have to just keep on being tested and graded, treated like a student, without being able to reply "you produce the evidence to the contrary"? Let's see who wrote more. I did. So if, after all I wrote, I am still being asked to further explain, motivate, justify my statements, to produce more thinking, that means there's something wrong here, or rather there's the premise that one guy is supposed to be tested and the other guy is doing all the testing. There's someone acting like a teacher and expecting the other guy to act like a student. How am I supposed to put up with this attitude, especially considering that I've always said here that I hate professors, schools, and so on.

How would he like it if I went on his journal, and wrote "this statement is illogical, now think a bit more - I am not doing your thinking for you - and you'll reach the right conclusion"? How would he like it?

Yeah... maybe he wouldn't mind. Maybe he would just reply after all. After all, all this discussion could have been avoided. Maybe I took it personally, because... it happened when I read the "I am not doing your thinking for you" sentence. That felt like being called "stupid". But one thing I am pretty sure about: you can't just keep on testing people without ever exposing yourself. There's many people on forums who do this. Not his case though, but I jumped to conclusions. Many people, especially children, keep on asking "why?", "why?"... and I am supposed to keep on explaining everything just because you keep on writing "why?"? No way. Now you produce some thinking yourself. That is still valid. He doesn't always ask just "why this" and "why that", but he did in this case. Sorry to have jumped to conclusions, but I felt like being called stupid and being treated like a student. I exaggerated a bit. But that doesn't rule out that he might indeed be someone who acts like a professor and is not willing to reason together with you on an equal level, and if we can't be (at least) equal, then I can't keep on discussing. Maybe that's because I had a father who acted like this: always teaching. And I can't take any more of this crap from anyone. We're either equal or I am the professor. I am not gonna be the student. And today there was a problem, because I met someone who wanted me to be the student. And when I wrote "you produce the evidence to the contrary", "you write the essay on charity showing me how the desire to give (that motivates charity) is not in conflict with desire to take (that motivates my trading)". Then he took off, and refused to accept that part, of being tested. He only wants to test me, and be the teacher. So, in conclusion, yes, I over-reacted and I am sorry (I apologize) but yes, he did want to be the teacher and wanted me to be the student, and wouldn't have it any other way.

 

[GladiatorX]

Bad google translation as usual.

Bad google Translation !?!?!?!
Took me an hour to write that Italiano

 

[Yamato]

Anyway. Bought another item on google. I am starting to feel confident about this, especially when I pay with Paypal. Now I am almost positive on what to buy and on the fact I'll get it. Today I bought this: HP Basic Notebook Case (AJ078AA), for 35 euros, including shipping and insurance. This is really important. You don't want to break your laptop when traveling. I am not entirely confident about that battery I bought, because I read some really bad reviews on that store I was recommending (a few posts earlier). On the other hand what's good is that they are so far away that I won't even consider sending them death threats.

 

[Yamato]

Excel won't accept my number 4563351951968948
Also, new totally amazing excellent discovery: excel won't accept this number: 4563351951968948. There's no way to type that number on a cell and keep it that way. It will change it to a "40" ending.

 

[Yamato]

Let's not pretend that everything is fine. I am not feeling as comfortable as before, posting on this journal. But it will only last a few days. Until I'll forget about this whole argument.

Today I woke up early, maybe because I ate too much. That's why I can write here so early, and with so much time.

Yesterday I spent a few hours talking to that colleague and his friend about that business proposal. Well, it turned out they just wasted my time, because they had nothing clear in mind. They just wanted to talk and talk about trading, about which they are quite ignorant. That other guy is actually a successful and intelligent businessman with a web design company, but he knows very little about trading. I talked way too much about my systems, as usual when they get me started. I regretted meeting them. I will try never to meet them again. What a total waste of time.

The truth is that, after taking care of automated systems, all you'd need to do is move on with your life as usual, and forget about trading altogether, since they take care of everything, with just 30 minutes of work a day, at the most. However, in order to build the systems, I had no life, so I can't return to my regular life because I don't remember what it was like. Actually, I never had a life, it's not like I put it on hold to create my systems. I could create my systems because I had no life to begin with. And I had no life because... I decided there would be no life until I had to work at a regular job, which in my opinion keeps you from being happy. In my opinion you cannot have real happiness while you're working all year long, with just 20 days of vacation per year.

I will leave it at that for today, because it's already good enough that I could write that much. Now whatever I write, I am imagining objections coming from everywhere, because of yesterday's objections. However the problem with yesterday's objections is that the person making them wasn't willing to accept any objections to the objections, so I am turning all that down. I ain't gonna write pages of explanations for someone who writes one-line posts. But to be truthful I also have to admit that I got into an argument almost with everyone interacting with me on this journal, and that's why I apologized. Because I take criticism very personally. And this happens because I had a father who took advantage of the opportunity he had to criticize me whenever he spoke to me. I still resent him very much today. I had to make him stop criticizing me by extreme means, like not talking to him for years or replying with more criticism... it was, and it is, a disgusting relationship. So basically whenever I meet someone who reminds me, by how he talks and criticizes, of my father, then I immediately say to myself: hey, wait a minute, I am not going to take any more of this crap. Only problem: the other guy doesn't know what I am talking about because that's the first criticism he ever gave me. Yet, to me, that's the last straw, and so I'd reply "I am sick and tired of this crap". Only problem by doing this I am overreacting obviously.

Ok. Excellent. Now bath and then work. Compliance work. Dealing with the tons of suspicious transactions reports we're getting from our branches, that we can't even process because we're too few and the few don't even work.

 

[Yamato]

Feeling a little better. Waiting for my boss to join me here and oversee some work. He was supposed to come yesterday, then postponed to early today, then must have postponed again... I can't urge him to do anything because he's the boss, but I am getting restless. My work is on hold because he's busy at some meeting or doing other stuff. Or maybe he's having me wait because I urged him before and he wants to feel like he's the boss and everyone has to wait for him. It's all his problem, because this way the office doesn't function properly and he gets fired.

Another problem is that he's too much of a perfectionist and we're very few and fewer of us actually work, so we either start doing things a little faster or we're going to fall more and more behind. We're already behind.

 

[Yamato]

I will just let my mind wander and let my writing follow it, wherever it goes
So, since he's not coming, I'm gonna have to write more. I don't mind. I will just let my mind wander and let my writing follow it, wherever it goes.

[...thinking...]

With people, also problems left my room
I waited a few minutes and nothing to say comes to my mind. Not even complaining. As I wrote before, my major problems at work were removed, as I was, temporarily, given a single room. With people, also problems left my room. Yes, people are still talking in the nearby rooms, and the walls are thin, but that's nothing. It's like hearing someone else have a nightmare. They're the ones having problems focusing. I am feeling great here. Let's not forget how lucky I got, as far as this problem.

[...thinking...]

waiting for some more packages
Today I am waiting for some more packages. The ultra-capacity battery from New York, and the other... the "HP basic case", a bag to carry my laptop, from somewhere in northern Italy. I am positive the bag will get here. I am not sure whether I'll get the battery, and whether it will be the right battery. Something will be here today for sure.

water was fixed
The water was fixed, and this morning I took a hot bath. Maybe I am not so happy that I didn't get to sleep enough, due to overeating probably.

 

[Yamato]

"Mobbing" is... being left alone, without work
Hmm... this is interesting. The whole office is leaving me alone finally, and yet the word "mobbing" came to my mind. After all, the difference between being left alone and mobbing is a subtle one.

The boss didn't come to oversee my work. No one is bothering me finally. And now I am feeling "wow they're isolating me..." whereas instead I am the one who asked to be left alone. I don't think I'm going to complain, ever, about being left alone. No way. That's what I asked for. It'd be different to be left alone without responsibilities, but until yesterday I even had too much work, to the point that I walked out on one of the managers for overloading me with work.

The difference is the fact that I have plenty of work to do for my office, and that my office totally relies on me being here and doing the work that I am doing. I am being left alone, but with work. Being left alone, without work is mobbing. It's interesting because it's also the best situation you could ask for, but the problem is that you risk getting fired, pretty soon after you don't have any more work to do. Or moved to a branch.

Everything is fine, almost perfect. It is just that I cannot bear not having anything to do, not having anything to worry about. Now I'm gonna start harassing the guys at the branches who are sending us incomplete reports. I got 50 of them to harass.

 

[Yamato]

The Parable of the Talents

This, taken literally, would be for trading, but people could even argue that it's not in reality, and they could have a point. However, if you (Jesus) use it as an example, the example itself should make sense and be approved of, or you wouldn't use it, so again it would be in favor of trading. But then you'll also find plenty of places where the bible is against trading, and at any rate to me this is just a regular book. Even if god existed, he wouldn't be ok with the bible, because it's so unclear. I'm talking about this because I read a thread about it. And also because I used to be catholic, and a lot of this stuff, unconsciously, is still in my mind.