my journal

[Yamato]

There's three parts of the Sopranos that really really suck:

Tony's wife:
she's a good actress, but not fun to watch

Tony's mother
she's a good actress, but not fun to watch

Tony's psychiatrist
maybe she's a bad actress
or she's playing a retarded psychiatrist
or the script is boring

So overall one third of the Sopranos is almost unwatchable. The rest is all good.

 

[Yamato]

Automated Systems Weekly Update



The overall equity line is starting to look up again.



Here's what happened this week. First good week after 7 straight red weeks. According to my "past week must be positive" filter, beginning next week i can resume trading the correlated systems (WITH ID trend, etc.), which were responsible for the losses of these 7 weeks. The two worst groups were WeekDay Bias and WITH ID trend. This week they have lost much less overall, and the others have made more... basically things are looking good again, so I will resume using - according to the mentioned filter - all of the systems again. In reality, I don't have enough capital to trade more than 4 systems, the best ones. So all this talk doesn't apply. But I am always hypothesizing and reasoning as if I had abot 20k, because that's what I need to trade these systems properly. Of course the charts reflects all of the systems trading together, basically the worst possible situation, in order to avoid any risks of overoptimization.

 

[Yamato]

From Trading in the Zone, Chapter 3:

Euphoria and self-sabotage are two powerful psychological forces that will have an extremely negative
effect on your bottom line. But, they are not forces you have to concern yourself with until you start
winning, or start winning on a consistent basis, and that's a big problem. When you're winning, you are
least likely to concern yourself with anything that might be a potential problem, especially something
that feels as good as euphoria. One of the primary characteristics of euphoria is that it creates a sense of
supreme confidence where the possibility of anything going wrong is virtually inconceivable.

Understanding the markets will give you the edge you need to create some winning trades, but your
edge won't make you a consistent winner if you don't have a winning attitude. Certainly one could
argue that some traders lose because they don't understand enough about the markets and therefore they
usually pick the wrong trades. As reasonable as this may sound, it has been my experience that traders
with losing attitudes pick the wrong trades regardless of how much they know about the markets. In
any case, the result is the same—they lose.

 

[Yamato]

Learning trading is like learning a video game, except that there are two extra problems: you're a sore loser because it pisses you off to lose money, and the game is really slow so it's hard to connect your decision to reward and punishment, and learn as a consequence. Also, if you play with real money, you don't get to practice endlessly, as it might be in a videogame.

Other than this, it should be the same. But these differences are enough to drive you crazy, and keep you from learning it.

The game is slow because you get to make two or three calls on the market per day, and you see the outcome of those calls only a few hours later (at least with my own trading timeframe).

I'm sure someone has already invented practice programs that allow you to play past data and trade on it, at a faster speed, for practice. But I do not have such programs.

In a way, that's what back-testing does: it speeds up in a few seconds tests of ten years, and that's its greatest power. But if you want to do the same for discretionary trading, it's not going to be as easy: it probably exists, but I am not aware of such (speeding up) platform.

 

[Yamato]

Painful dinner with my dad and mom tonight, as usual.

He started lecturing on crepes, then on bread in general... I didn't even nod. I ate without even listening. I was hoping for him to ask me how I was doing for once, but he didn't. He kept on teaching us something about each item that was on the table.

That's only because we didn't ask him any questions, as we usually do and as he expects us to do. Like about politics which is his job. In the past 10 years, we've spent 90% of dinners talking about politics: which means listening to his lecture about politics. But today I asked him no questions, so he started a random lecture, on crepes, bread, and other items on the table, waiting for a better subject to preach on.

After I got done eating, pretty fast, I said "ok, I am done, I'm going...". And my mom said "is there something bothering you...?". And I said "yeah, you're talking about bread". Then I went into the kitchen and brought my dish, and, as I was washing it, she came and said "come back, we'll talk about what you want".

I told her "no one cares about what I think and how I'm doing". She said "no, it's because you don't talk". And I said "when I do, no one looks interested". She said "yes, I care to know". And I said "obviously I am not talking about you but about him. He just cares to give his lectures".

Then she said "come on, we can try...". And I said "no, it's hopeless... forget it". And I came into my room.

Pretty painful to live (as I said yesterday) with a dad who only cares to show you how much he knows about the world and doesn't give a crap about what you think and what you do, and if you ever try to tell him, he doesn't show any interest, belittles you, or uses anything you say as an excuse to resume his lecture.

It's so painful, emotionally, to have a parent who dominates the family, especially my mom, and who doesn't show any empathy nor interest in anyone but himself. Yes, he took care of the family, but only financially. Our physical well-being was taken care of. Our brains and minds do not exist as far as he's concerned. We're just treated as his students: only good for listening to him and learning from him.

Well, **** him then. I'll leave the dinner table as soon as I am done eating.

The less time I spend with him, the less I will hurt myself by overtrading, by scratching my head, by complaining. Having to put up with things you don't like is what causes frustration, and this type of frustration is what causes me to overtrade.

Anyway, tomorrow they're leaving so I won't be seeing them for a while. They ruined my few days off from work. And by "they" I pretty much always mean "he". But I resent her as well because she never allied with me to make him change. She's has a "dependent personality" disorder. And he's a control freak with a narcissistic personality disorder. Two sick people who ruined their and my life.

 

[blancspa]

man, my dad never talked to me neither, me and especially my younger brother with mum went through a hell
my mum got out of this relationship and has got a new partner and he was cool when I met him. However, I went this year to my moms over christmas and he became same ******** as my dad, showing of how much of a man he is. He start throwing bread etc. I was very dissapointed for my mum.

 

[Yamato]

There you go, I am sure I am not the only one who's not happy with his parents. On the other hand, there's people who have better parents, either because they content themselves or because their parents are actually better. For example, my dad's brother is easygoing, positive, and not self-centered. He encourages people, instead of putting everyone down like my dad does.

And I am sick and tired of having to listen to someone who wants you to sit there and listen to his monologue, where he glorifies himself and belittles us. **** him. I just hope it's clear to my mom that it's got nothing to do with her - despite the fact that she's a big disappointment because she doesn't help me out in my effort to make him change, and make him give others more room. I don't give a **** that he was deprived of things and had a tough childhood: it's no excuse for emotionally abusing his family, and everyone who works for him. Yes, even people working for him say the same things: he shows no empathy and gives no gratification. That's how he brought me up, not with reward and punishment but just with punishment, and that's why I've stopped studying when I was fourteen.

 

[blancspa]

but then my brother told me stories he d heard from the relatives about my dads upbringing and his dad and mom and I start feeling compassion, and pain (feel pity for him) rather than hate. I had not known anything about his life neither until then. I try to stay positive and keep going.

 

[Yamato]

I see what you mean. My dad's father died when my dad was six years old. But I can't just let every unhappy person abuse me. That's what my mom does. I remember I'd come home from school and say "they beat me up" or something like that, and she'd say "oh, poor fellas, you've got to understand them... they must have a pretty sad life... show the other cheek". **** that attitude, **** my dad, **** the ****ing diaz brothers.

I don't want to feel either pain or hate. I just want to make sure I don't take any more abuse from that sick mother ****er.

 

[blancspa]

well good luck man I dont talk to my dad for about 5 years now and I have recently had a proper talk with my mums partner too about the treatment of my mother

 

[Yamato]

Good luck to you, too, with everything.

I just had a half an hour talk with my mom, making sure that she understood what I was trying to convey to my father by leaving the dinner table so early. She told him and she will tell him again in the future.

She spoke to me about these possible causes of my dad's desire to lecture everyone and have people adore him, in random order: inferiority complex from poor childhood, his father dying when he was six, everyone else treating him like a god now, she's insecure and does it as well (that's why he chose her as wife: he didn't want someone challenging). She said I am pretty much the only person who challenges him and disputes his authority and that if the others, who have been adoring him, suddenly all stopped that, he might crumble down, so that's why she's not stopping it, to not hurt his self-image.

These people treating him like a god have always pissed me off. Someone has to tell him that he's like everyone else, and if I am the only one doing it, it certainly is not enough.

We spoke for half an hour. My mom understands me and she will tell him. But I know that it's unlikely that he'll change very much.

I hugged her and said goodbye and see you soon, since they're leaving tomorrow. My dad... that son of a bitch... I didn't even say goodbye. Asshole: I won't forget how much you verbally and emotionally abused me throughout my life.

 

[Yamato]

You woke up this morning
Got yourself a gun
Mama always said you'd be
The Chosen One.

She said: you're one in a million
You've got to burn to shine,
But you were born under a bad sign,
With a blue moon in your eyes.

You woke up this morning
All the love has gone,
Your Papa never told you
About right and wrong.

But you're looking good, baby,
I believe you're feeling fine (shame about it),
Born under a bad sign
With a blue moon in your eyes...

http://www.letmewatchthis.com/tv-4130-The-Sopranos/season-1-episode-1

 

[dimsdaletraders]

Philip Larkin - This Be The Verse



They f*ck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were f*cked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.

 

[Da.DesiTrader]

Travis: Very interesting journal. I had same problems (maybe still have ) with regards to trading. All this psychology mumbo jumbo is useless, just give me a system thats profitable and everything will be fine. However, until I realised and I thank a lot of friends I made here to help me realise that. What I realised was that I was letting my losers run and cutting winners too early. I think you are having or had same problems. Three things I did, which helped me overcome this problem to some extent (yes some more psycho mumbo jumbo) though:

1) Never trade without a stop loss (if you do, then stop loss is instrument value becoming 0 - Yes 0), and when you have a stop loss and you have entered the trade. The minute you clicked on buy or sell, just write off the loss amount. Imagine you already have taken the loss (equal to the size of your stop loss). Seriously, its difficult but try, stop loss of $100 GONE. FINITO. The money is out of the wallet, you have no hopes whatsoever for it to come back, its like paying electricity bill for your new business office. GONE.
2) Never ever ever ever trade without a plan (even if the plan is, **** market's down 4%, almost 5 times it daily range, its gotta bounce for a retrace, let me buy - even this is a plan, if you know that you will get out at 50% of retrace and apply point #1 above). So the plan should have reason for entering the trade, entry level, exit level (even if its partial exit halfway, etc). PLAN to TRADE and TRADE the PLAN.
3) Lastly, my whole trading account (I do it part time for past 4 or 5 months), is the money that I am willing to lose. If i lose all of it, it wont affect my lifestyle or my savings, etc. I have to keep reminding myself of that, its just the money that I am willing to lose anyway. I see trading as a challenge to be profitable, I dont think in terms of money made. I think win/loss and risk/reward ratios and percentage compounding done so far, etc. I have only started to become profitable in like past 2 months, dont know if it will last but I certainly FEEL that I have got my head around the psychology side. I am much more calm when trades are in profit (I always found difficult calming myself when trades are in profit than in loss). We keep telling ourself that a loser will turn around, but we never hold on to a winner in the hope that it will meet the target which should be realistic ofcourse anyway.

Hope it helps, would be happy to talk about it. If you're based in London then comeover for our socials sometime.

Cheers

 

[Yamato]

I am glad you are stating many points similar to what I've recently stated. This should mean that I am on the right track:

#1 It makes sense and it agrees with my many posts written about the lottery ticket approach.
#2 makes sense.
#3 it all makes sense and congratulations on your past two profitable months. I never had 2 straight profitable months.


Other than this, keep on posting here, and I can't come to the meetings because I am in Italy.

 

[Yamato]

...not encumbered by unrealistic expectations about what is going to happen

From Trading in The Zone, Chapter 7:

The constant variables I am referring to are the rules of the game. So, even though you don't or couldn't
know in advance (unless you are psychic) the sequence of wins to losses, you can be relatively certain
that if enough hands are played, whoever has the edge will end up with more wins than losses. The
degree of certainty is a function of how good the edge is. It's the ability to believe in the
unpredictability of the game at the micro level and simultaneously believe in the predictability of the
game at the macro level that makes the casino and the professional gambler effective and successful at
what they do. Their belief in the uniqueness of each hand prevents them from engaging in the pointless
endeavor of trying to predict the outcome of each individual hand. They have learned and completely
accepted the fact that they don't know what's going to happen next. More important, they don't need to
know in order to make money consistently.

Because they don't have to know what's going to happen next, they don't place any special significance,
emotional or otherwise, on each individual hand, spin of the wheel, or roll of the dice. In other words,
they're not encumbered by unrealistic expectations about what is going to happen, nor are their egos
involved in a way that makes them have to be right. As a result, it's easier to stay focused on keeping
the odds in their favor and executing flawlessly, which in turn makes them less susceptible to making
costly mistakes.

After all, thinking in terms of probabilities is what we should do in every area of our life. I mean, in terms of risk/reward multiplied by probability. Like, we'd probably get rid of most things where we risk death, or at least we should, but many of us do not (like for driving and similar).

In getting a girl, we don't do it, but it would work great, or at least I don't do it. In that area, my pride rules my behaviour. If I thought in terms of risk/reward and probability, I'd probably give it a shot for every girl whom I find pretty.

Thinking in terms of probablities and not in terms of pride is the key.

Just a while ago, I was playing risk. You do what you think works best, and you don't suicide into someone just because you have to conquer australia at all costs. You must not lose focus of the purpose of the game: winning, rather than killing someone who's pissed you off.

The same should apply for studying. Once I was in a class, and since my first paper got a bad grade, I decided I'd drop it or quit studying. But what works instead, is doing your best on each paper, whether or not the previous one received a bad grade.

Thinking in terms of probability and not in terms of pride (of getting it right, of taking pride in guessing the direction of the market), that's it. That's what it's all about. That's how you can take a loss without taking it personally, and therefore don't transform a loss into blowing out your account.

 

[blancspa]

Exactly, I was watching the interview with film diretor Aki Kaurismaki the other day, and he said, the more movies I make the better chance I get for at least couple of them to be good films. Thanks for the bits from Trading in the zone T

 

[Yamato]

Yeah, you're welcome. I found it here for free:
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=V316HCRU


By the way, I was wondering about your quote...

It is hard! But what can not be removed, becomes lighter through patience. Horace

So I did some research on the exclamation mark:
http://www.neatorama.com/2007/07/09/the-origin-of-everyday-punctuation-symbols/

Unless you're talking about Horace from trade2win, the Latins didn't use the exclamation mark, not when Horace lived. It says it was invented in the middle ages. I suppose you modified Horace's quote and added the exclamation mark, because "it is hard" sounds like you're having an erection.

Actually I did look it up, and it is not horace from trade2win:
http://www.thelatinlibrary.com/horace/carm1.shtml

non lenis precibus fata recludere,
nigro compulerit Mercurius gregi?
durum: sed leuius fit patientia
quicquid corrigere est nefas.

By how he says "durum"... he sounds familiar. I have had similar situations when I was on the bus. I think this is what he meant to say: when you have it "durum", you have to be patient, since it cannot be removed. You wait until it gets softer and maybe get off at the next bus stop. Or several bus stops later. "It is hard, but what cannot be removed, becomes softer through patience".

 

[blancspa]

! - The mark comes from the Latin word io, meaning "exclamation of joy." Written vertically, with the i above the o, it forms the exclamation point we use today.

I didnt translate the quote, the reference point is here:
http://www.essentiallifeskills.net/patiencequotes.html

 

[Yamato]

I am assuming that you quoted the explanation provided at my link to imply that, since "the mark comes from the Latin word io...", Horace might have used an exclamation mark. The problem is that the original text doesn't have any exclamation mark (and even that be might be wrong, with the colon, maybe it's not the way it was written anyway). Also, Latin doesn't necessarily mean Horace, since it's been used for two thousand years after him. In fact here and elsewhere it says that the exclamation mark was introduced in the middle ages:

http://it.wikipedia.org/wiki/Punto_esclamativo#Grafia_e_storia

So the original doesn't have an exclamation mark. I bet 200 dollars on it. On the other hand, even though that exclamation mark bothers me, since everyone translates it that way, I'll have to live with it. It is hard... but what can not be removed, becomes lighter through patience.