Best Thread Joke of the day
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Pat494
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Is this the end of student loans ?
*******************
Student Who Auctioned Virginity Online May Have to Pay Half Her Earnings in Taxes
Thursday, May 21, 2009
The teenage student who sold her virginity for $13,827 could have to hand over half of her earnings to the taxman.
German inland revenue investigators are studying reports that Alina Percea, 18, was paid in cash for a weekend of sex with a middle-aged Italian businessman after auctioning her virginity online.
Prostitution is legal in Germany — where Alina studies — but hookers are taxed at 50 percent of their earnings.
The Romanian-born computer studies student is allowed to work in Germany for 90 days as long as she arrived on a student visa, even as a prostitute.
But because Alina earned so much in such a short time she may also be liable for a hefty VAT bill.
A German inland revenue spokesman said: "If we have hard figures then we can make an accurate assessment."
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933...test=latestnews
*******************
Student Who Auctioned Virginity Online May Have to Pay Half Her Earnings in Taxes
Thursday, May 21, 2009
The teenage student who sold her virginity for $13,827 could have to hand over half of her earnings to the taxman.
German inland revenue investigators are studying reports that Alina Percea, 18, was paid in cash for a weekend of sex with a middle-aged Italian businessman after auctioning her virginity online.
Prostitution is legal in Germany — where Alina studies — but hookers are taxed at 50 percent of their earnings.
The Romanian-born computer studies student is allowed to work in Germany for 90 days as long as she arrived on a student visa, even as a prostitute.
But because Alina earned so much in such a short time she may also be liable for a hefty VAT bill.
A German inland revenue spokesman said: "If we have hard figures then we can make an accurate assessment."
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933...test=latestnews
that's great!
TheBramble
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Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. So have a cup now and then!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ..... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans ! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. So have a cup now and then!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ..... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans ! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
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westernforce
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Helen Clarke, ex Prime Minister of New Zulland, is awoken at 4am by the telephone.
Hillen, it’s the hilth Munister here. Sorry to bother you at this hour but there is an emergency!!!
I've just received word thet the Durex factory en Auckland hes burned to the ground. It is istimated that the entire New Zulland supply of condoms will be gone by the ind of the week!
PM: 'SHUT!!! - the economy wull niver be able to cope with all those unwanted bebies - w'ill be ruined!!'
Hilth Munister: 'We're going to hef to shup some in from....Brutain?'
PM: 'No chence!! The Poms will have a field day on thus one!!'
Hilth Munister: 'What about Australia?'
PM: 'I'll call Kevin Rudd - tell hum we need one million condoms; ten enches long and eight enches thuck!! That way they'll continue to respect the all blacks!'
Three days later a delighted Hillen rushes out to open the boxes. She finds one million condoms;
10 enches long; 8 enches thuck, all coloured green and gold with small writing on each one...
MADE IN AUSTRALIA - SIZE: MEDIUM :whistling
Hillen, it’s the hilth Munister here. Sorry to bother you at this hour but there is an emergency!!!
I've just received word thet the Durex factory en Auckland hes burned to the ground. It is istimated that the entire New Zulland supply of condoms will be gone by the ind of the week!
PM: 'SHUT!!! - the economy wull niver be able to cope with all those unwanted bebies - w'ill be ruined!!'
Hilth Munister: 'We're going to hef to shup some in from....Brutain?'
PM: 'No chence!! The Poms will have a field day on thus one!!'
Hilth Munister: 'What about Australia?'
PM: 'I'll call Kevin Rudd - tell hum we need one million condoms; ten enches long and eight enches thuck!! That way they'll continue to respect the all blacks!'
Three days later a delighted Hillen rushes out to open the boxes. She finds one million condoms;
10 enches long; 8 enches thuck, all coloured green and gold with small writing on each one...
MADE IN AUSTRALIA - SIZE: MEDIUM :whistling
montmorencyt2w
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This is an old one from Max Miller. Max Miller was an old-time music-hall/variety comedian who specialised in suggestive humour, where the naughtiness was supposed to be all in the audiences' minds - a sort of heterosexual Julian Clary of his day, known as "the cheeky Chappie".
Woman on Underground Train:
"Oh, I say, is that Cockfosters?"
"No Madam - Miller's the name..."
Woman on Underground Train:
"Oh, I say, is that Cockfosters?"
"No Madam - Miller's the name..."
blancspa
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that could sum up my trading
YouTube - Fast Show - Indecisive Dave
on the other hand it can only go up or down, or up and down and up and down, or up up up and down,
YouTube - Fast Show - Indecisive Dave
on the other hand it can only go up or down, or up and down and up and down, or up up up and down,
Pat494
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Depressed Man Diagnosed as "British"
George Farthing, an ex-patriot British man living in America, was
recently diagnosed as clinically depressed, tanked up on anti-depressants and scheduled for controversial Shock Therapy when doctors realised he wasn't depressed at all - only British.
Mr Farthing, a British man whose characteristic pessimism and gloomy perspective were interpreted as serious clinical depression, was led on a nightmare journey through the American psychiatric system. Doctors described Farthing as suffering with Pervasive Negative Anticipation - a belief that everything will turn out for the worst, whether it's trains arriving
late, England's chances at winning any international sports event or even his own prospects to get ahead in life and achieve his dreams."The satisfaction Mr Farthing seemed to get from his pessimism seemed particularly pathological," reported the doctors.
"They put me on everything - Lithium, Prozac, St John's Wort," said Mr Farthing. "They even told me to sit in front of a big light for an hour a day or I'd become suicidal. I kept telling them this was all pointless and they said that it was exactly that sort of attitude that got me here in the first place."
Running out of ideas, his doctors finally resorted to a course of
"weapons grade MDMA", the only noticeable effect of which was six hours of speedy repetitions of the phrases "mustn't grumble" and "not too bad,really".
It was then that Mr Farthing was referred to a psychotherapist.
Dr Isaac Horney explored Mr Farthing's family history and couldn't
believe his ears. "His story of a childhood growing up in a gray little town where it rained every day, treeless streets of identical houses and passionately backing a football team who never won seemed to be typical depressive ideation or false memory. Mr Farthing had six months of therapy but seemed to mainly want to talk about the weather - how miserable and cold it was in winter and later how difficult and hot it was in summer. I felt he wasn't responding to therapy at all and so I recommended drastic
action - namely ECT or shock treatment".
"I was all strapped down on the table and they were about to put the rubber bit in my mouth when the psychiatric nurse picked up on my accent," said Mr Farthing. "I remember her saying 'Oh my God, I think we're making a terrible mistake'."
Nurse Alice Sheen was a big fan of British comedy giving her an
understanding of the English psyche. "Classic comedy characters like Tony Hancock, Albert Steptoe and Frank Spencer are all hopeless cases with no chance of ever doing well or escaping their circumstances," she explained to the baffled US medics. "That's funny in England and is not seen as pathological at all."
Identifying Mr Farthing as English changed his diagnosis from 'clinical depression' to 'rather quaint and charming' and he was immediately discharged from hospital, with a selection of brightly coloured leaflets and an "I love New York" T- Shirt - in fact anything BUT brown he seemed to have a patholigical hostility towards the colour Brown and being called Darling.
George Farthing, an ex-patriot British man living in America, was
recently diagnosed as clinically depressed, tanked up on anti-depressants and scheduled for controversial Shock Therapy when doctors realised he wasn't depressed at all - only British.
Mr Farthing, a British man whose characteristic pessimism and gloomy perspective were interpreted as serious clinical depression, was led on a nightmare journey through the American psychiatric system. Doctors described Farthing as suffering with Pervasive Negative Anticipation - a belief that everything will turn out for the worst, whether it's trains arriving
late, England's chances at winning any international sports event or even his own prospects to get ahead in life and achieve his dreams."The satisfaction Mr Farthing seemed to get from his pessimism seemed particularly pathological," reported the doctors.
"They put me on everything - Lithium, Prozac, St John's Wort," said Mr Farthing. "They even told me to sit in front of a big light for an hour a day or I'd become suicidal. I kept telling them this was all pointless and they said that it was exactly that sort of attitude that got me here in the first place."
Running out of ideas, his doctors finally resorted to a course of
"weapons grade MDMA", the only noticeable effect of which was six hours of speedy repetitions of the phrases "mustn't grumble" and "not too bad,really".
It was then that Mr Farthing was referred to a psychotherapist.
Dr Isaac Horney explored Mr Farthing's family history and couldn't
believe his ears. "His story of a childhood growing up in a gray little town where it rained every day, treeless streets of identical houses and passionately backing a football team who never won seemed to be typical depressive ideation or false memory. Mr Farthing had six months of therapy but seemed to mainly want to talk about the weather - how miserable and cold it was in winter and later how difficult and hot it was in summer. I felt he wasn't responding to therapy at all and so I recommended drastic
action - namely ECT or shock treatment".
"I was all strapped down on the table and they were about to put the rubber bit in my mouth when the psychiatric nurse picked up on my accent," said Mr Farthing. "I remember her saying 'Oh my God, I think we're making a terrible mistake'."
Nurse Alice Sheen was a big fan of British comedy giving her an
understanding of the English psyche. "Classic comedy characters like Tony Hancock, Albert Steptoe and Frank Spencer are all hopeless cases with no chance of ever doing well or escaping their circumstances," she explained to the baffled US medics. "That's funny in England and is not seen as pathological at all."
Identifying Mr Farthing as English changed his diagnosis from 'clinical depression' to 'rather quaint and charming' and he was immediately discharged from hospital, with a selection of brightly coloured leaflets and an "I love New York" T- Shirt - in fact anything BUT brown he seemed to have a patholigical hostility towards the colour Brown and being called Darling.
A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye....It reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
10 MILES
He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without second thought....
Soon he sees another sign which reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
5 MILES
Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs are for real and drives past a third sign saying:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
NEXT RIGHT
His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive.
On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door reading:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, "What may we do for you my son?"
He answers, "I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in possibly doing business...."
"Very well my son. Please follow me."
He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented.
The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, "Please knock on this door."
He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the door...
This nun instructs, "Please place $100 in the cup then go through the large wooden door at the end of the hallway."
He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall and slips through the door pulling it shut behind him.
The door locks, and he finds himself back in the parking lot facing another sign:
GO IN PEACE.
YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS.
SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
10 MILES
He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without second thought....
Soon he sees another sign which reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
5 MILES
Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs are for real and drives past a third sign saying:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
NEXT RIGHT
His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive.
On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door reading:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, "What may we do for you my son?"
He answers, "I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in possibly doing business...."
"Very well my son. Please follow me."
He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented.
The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, "Please knock on this door."
He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the door...
This nun instructs, "Please place $100 in the cup then go through the large wooden door at the end of the hallway."
He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall and slips through the door pulling it shut behind him.
The door locks, and he finds himself back in the parking lot facing another sign:
GO IN PEACE.
YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS.
SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER
0007
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Our Glorious Leader
"Things are so bad that Susan Boyle has rung Downing Street
to check that Gordon Brown is OK."
from: Iain Dale's Diary
"Things are so bad that Susan Boyle has rung Downing Street
to check that Gordon Brown is OK."
from: Iain Dale's Diary
TheBramble
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dash riprock
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Natal Curry Contest
If you can read this whole story without laughing then there's no hope for you. I was crying by the end.
Note: Please take time to read this slowly. For those of you who have lived in Natal, you know how typical this is. They actually have a Curry Cook-off about June/July.
Judge 3 was an inexperienced food critic named Frank, who was visiting from America.
Frank: "Recently, I was honoured to be selected as a judge at a Curry Cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Beer Garden when the call came in.
I was assured by the other two judges (Natal Indians) that the curry wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted"
Here are the scorecard notes from the event:
CURRY 1 - SEELAN'S MANIAC MONSTER TOMATO CURRY...
Judge 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge 2 -- Nice smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.
Judge 3 (Frank) -- Holy s**t, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These people are crazy.
CURRY 2 - PHOENIX BBQ CHICKEN CURRY...
Judge 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of chicken. Slight chilli tang.
Judge 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavour, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich manoeuvre! They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.
CURRY 3 - SHAMILA'S FAMOUS "BURN DOWN THE GARAGE" CURRY...
Judge 1 -- Excellent firehouse curry. Great kick.
Judge 2 -- A bit salty, good use of chilli peppers.
Judge 3 -- Call 911. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drain Cleaner. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting drunk from all the beer.
CHILLI 4 - BABOO'S BLACK MAGIC BEAN CURRY.
Judge 1 -- Black bean curry with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a curry.
Judge 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Shareen, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 200kg woman is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chilli an aphrodisiac?
CHILLI 5 - LALL'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER...
Judge 1 -- Meaty, strong curry. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge 2 -- Average beef curry, could use more tomato. Must admit the chilli peppers make a strong statement.
Judge 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I broke wind and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chilli had given me brain damage. Shareen saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really annoys me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Stuff them.
CHILLI 6 - VERISHNEE'S VEGETARIAN VARIETY...
Judge 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety curry. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
Judge 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulphuric flames. I am definitely going to s**t myself if I break wind I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Shareen. Can't feel my lips anymore I need to wipe my a**e with a snow cone ice-cream.
CHILLI 7 - SELINA'S "MOTHER-IN-LAW'S-TONGUE" CURRY...
Judge 1 -- A mediocre curry with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chilli peppers at the last moment. (I should take note at this stage that I am worried about Judge 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably).
Judge 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with curry which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least, during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing - it's too painful; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
CHILLI 8 - NAIDOO'S TOENAIL CURLING CURRY...
Judge 1 -- The perfect ending. This is a nice blend curry. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced curry. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge 3 broke wind, passed out, fell over and pulled the curry pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor man, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot curry?
Judge 3 -- No Report
If you can read this whole story without laughing then there's no hope for you. I was crying by the end.
Note: Please take time to read this slowly. For those of you who have lived in Natal, you know how typical this is. They actually have a Curry Cook-off about June/July.
Judge 3 was an inexperienced food critic named Frank, who was visiting from America.
Frank: "Recently, I was honoured to be selected as a judge at a Curry Cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Beer Garden when the call came in.
I was assured by the other two judges (Natal Indians) that the curry wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted"
Here are the scorecard notes from the event:
CURRY 1 - SEELAN'S MANIAC MONSTER TOMATO CURRY...
Judge 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge 2 -- Nice smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.
Judge 3 (Frank) -- Holy s**t, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These people are crazy.
CURRY 2 - PHOENIX BBQ CHICKEN CURRY...
Judge 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of chicken. Slight chilli tang.
Judge 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavour, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich manoeuvre! They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.
CURRY 3 - SHAMILA'S FAMOUS "BURN DOWN THE GARAGE" CURRY...
Judge 1 -- Excellent firehouse curry. Great kick.
Judge 2 -- A bit salty, good use of chilli peppers.
Judge 3 -- Call 911. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drain Cleaner. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting drunk from all the beer.
CHILLI 4 - BABOO'S BLACK MAGIC BEAN CURRY.
Judge 1 -- Black bean curry with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a curry.
Judge 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Shareen, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 200kg woman is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chilli an aphrodisiac?
CHILLI 5 - LALL'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER...
Judge 1 -- Meaty, strong curry. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge 2 -- Average beef curry, could use more tomato. Must admit the chilli peppers make a strong statement.
Judge 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I broke wind and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chilli had given me brain damage. Shareen saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really annoys me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Stuff them.
CHILLI 6 - VERISHNEE'S VEGETARIAN VARIETY...
Judge 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety curry. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
Judge 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulphuric flames. I am definitely going to s**t myself if I break wind I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Shareen. Can't feel my lips anymore I need to wipe my a**e with a snow cone ice-cream.
CHILLI 7 - SELINA'S "MOTHER-IN-LAW'S-TONGUE" CURRY...
Judge 1 -- A mediocre curry with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chilli peppers at the last moment. (I should take note at this stage that I am worried about Judge 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably).
Judge 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with curry which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least, during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing - it's too painful; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
CHILLI 8 - NAIDOO'S TOENAIL CURLING CURRY...
Judge 1 -- The perfect ending. This is a nice blend curry. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced curry. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge 3 broke wind, passed out, fell over and pulled the curry pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor man, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot curry?
Judge 3 -- No Report
westernforce
Active member
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- 246
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- 44
BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing
