Best Thread Joke of the day

[roguetrader]

Try this one, I'm off to B&Q to get the bits.

 

[DaveJB]

Well,
if we're all going to swap trunk monkey files....also a bit over 1Mb I'm afraid. There were 5 in the series, I only have 4 by the look of it.

 

[TheBramble]

I love these!!!

Dave, you have another 2.....? (Go on, Sharky wont mind...)

 

[DaveJB]

Okay then,
I had all 5 but can't find number 2....
Dave

 

[boy]

Here is the mother load...
http://www.trunkmonkey.com/content/category/4/68/51/

 

[TheBramble]

Boy is my hero. Yaaayyy.

We want more monkey - we want more monkey - we want more monkey....

 

[rossored]

Tony, you are one seriously disturbed man...

 

[TheBramble]

Thanks mate. Practise makes perfect.

 

[TheBramble]

Cocktail

A really sexy young woman walks into a cocktail bar and asks the bar-tender for a "Double Entendre".

So he gave her one.

 

[TheBramble]

Sex Before the Fight

Q: Why don't boxers have sex before a fight?


A: Probably becuase they don't fancy each other and there are people watching.

 

[fudgestain]

A chicken farmer went into a local tavern and took a seat at the bar next to
a woman patron and orders a glass of champagne.
The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of
champagne, too!"
He turned to her and said, "What a coincidence. This is a special day for
me; I'm celebrating."
"This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating!," says the
woman.
"What a coincidence," says the man.
They clinked glasses and he asked,"What are you celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child. Today, my gynaecologist
told me I'm pregnant!"
"What a coincidence," says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer. For years all my
hens were infertile, but today they're finally fertile."
"That's great!" says the woman, "how did your chickens become fertile?"
"I switched cocks," he replied.
"What a coincidence," she said.

At last a funny joke! Belly laugh on that one.

 

[jonnyy40]

When watching the new Pope being introduced on the balcony,he reminded me of someone but I didn't know who.This morning it came to me.Just put a pudding bowl wig on him and he's Anne Widdecombe.

 

[FetteredChinos]

When watching the new Pope being introduced on the balcony,he reminded me of someone but I didn't know who.This morning it came to me.Just put a pudding bowl wig on him and he's Anne Widdecombe.

i see another likeness...

 

[demag]

The new Rover small hatchback, the P45.

The new Rover family saloon, the P60.

With apologies to the workers at Longbridge.

 

[demag]

Bit late with this one.

If you want to know how the selection process for the new pope is progressing, then watch

Pope Idol tonight at 7.30.

 

[boy]

THE STREETS OF PHILADELPHIA ARE SAFE.. IT'S THE PEOPLE WHO MAKE THEM DANGEROUS --
-- FRANK RIZZO, FORMER MAYOR OF PHILADELPHIA

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

``````````````````````````````````
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." --Mariah Carey

````````````
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"
--Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.
`````````````````````````````````````````````````
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
`````````````````````````````````````````````

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.
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"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."
--Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.
````````````````````````````````````````````````````

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it," ---A congressional candidate in Texas.
````````````````````````````

"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
``````````````````````````````````

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
--Al Gore, Vice President (DUH !)
```````````````````
"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
--Dan Quayle
``````````

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
--Lee Iacocca
```````````
"The word 'genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
````````````````````````````````````````````
"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
--Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC instructor.
`````````````````````````````````
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
--Bill Clinton, President
``````````````````
"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
--Al Gore, VP (darn! he's smart)
````````````````
"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
--Keppel Enderbery
``````````````````````
"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
````````````````````````````````````````````
"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the
next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

 

[demag]

Exercise

Let's face it guys, if we're not looking at T2W, then we're probably looking at a chart (or three).

I propose a light exercise routine to keep our bodies sharp as well as our brains.

Ok then,

Scroll Down.

























































































Well done,

That's enough for today, have a beer.

 

[peterpr]

Thought this qualified for a post here too:

http://view2.myvideotalk.com/hipi1.asp?msgid=35b0eb5f-4d3d-4da8-88ad-07de02d0e091

 

[roguetrader]

A few funny signs................

 

[roguetrader]

Some more............