elitejets
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Love to hear your advice for the wife who stands by her man all the way up only to get dumped for the trophy model when he makes it ...
Love to hear your advice for the wife who stands by her man all the way up only to get dumped for the trophy model when he makes it ...
timsk
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Hi Jason,
As others have said, the watchword is communication. If you are able to involve her with what you're doing, that would be great. Talk to her about the non-financial benefits of trading - the freedom to 'work' anywhere in the world, being your own boss and being able to spend more time with her and your son. Explain that you're spending so much time at your PC now - while you're learning - in the hope that you'll be able to spend more time with her later on. Focus on her and what she wants and show her that, potentially, trading offers great benefits for the whole family. I suggested focusing on the non-financial benefits because if you start talking about the $$$$ that can be made - she'll ask you to name the day - the hour even - that the lolly will start to roll in. No prizes for guessing how I know this! The other thing you can do is to agree time(s) that you will spend with her and your son and, whatever you do, make damn sure you keep to them. So, if you promise to watch Eastenders on Wednesday night - do it. And do it graciously. Remember, there's no such thing as a democracy in a marriage (unless you have more than one wife) - so, on those issues where there isn't total agreement between the two of you - a compromise of some sort will have to be reached. From what you've said, I suspect she feels as if she's the one doing all the compromising and you're not giving much in return. You must focus on ways of giving her what she wants, to allow you to continue doing what you want. Show her the respect and recognition she deserves by allowing you to spend the amount of time trading that you currently do. If she's cooked a meal or bathed you son while you've been trading - then thank her. As the old cliche goes - 'recognition: soldiers die for it and babies cry for it'. A little bit of your time and attention is a small price to pay if it enables you to develop a new career as a professional trader.
Tim.
As others have said, the watchword is communication. If you are able to involve her with what you're doing, that would be great. Talk to her about the non-financial benefits of trading - the freedom to 'work' anywhere in the world, being your own boss and being able to spend more time with her and your son. Explain that you're spending so much time at your PC now - while you're learning - in the hope that you'll be able to spend more time with her later on. Focus on her and what she wants and show her that, potentially, trading offers great benefits for the whole family. I suggested focusing on the non-financial benefits because if you start talking about the $$$$ that can be made - she'll ask you to name the day - the hour even - that the lolly will start to roll in. No prizes for guessing how I know this! The other thing you can do is to agree time(s) that you will spend with her and your son and, whatever you do, make damn sure you keep to them. So, if you promise to watch Eastenders on Wednesday night - do it. And do it graciously. Remember, there's no such thing as a democracy in a marriage (unless you have more than one wife) - so, on those issues where there isn't total agreement between the two of you - a compromise of some sort will have to be reached. From what you've said, I suspect she feels as if she's the one doing all the compromising and you're not giving much in return. You must focus on ways of giving her what she wants, to allow you to continue doing what you want. Show her the respect and recognition she deserves by allowing you to spend the amount of time trading that you currently do. If she's cooked a meal or bathed you son while you've been trading - then thank her. As the old cliche goes - 'recognition: soldiers die for it and babies cry for it'. A little bit of your time and attention is a small price to pay if it enables you to develop a new career as a professional trader.
Tim.
Sounds like you've got a lot to lose pal. If your eyes are open to the risks and you're willing to put those on the line then give it all you've got. However, in my opinion trading is not something to be embarked upon when you've got a wife and kids who are depending on you bringing in a steady income to put food on the table and pay the mortgage.
I believe there are two effects at work here:
Firstly, the erroneous belief that income is linked to happiness. To the outsider it would appear that the family living in a big house, flash cars in the driveway and multiple holidays are objectively better off than those scraping it in a 2 bed semi with a banger clamped on the street. But expectations acclimatise, so how does this impact your decision to sacrifice and risk so much when there may not be a reward at the end even if it does work out?
Secondly, women have more orgasms with wealthier men:
Study: Rich Men Give Women More Orgasms
Not sure how this ties in, but let's just remember that our nearest and dearest are gold-diggers at heart.
I believe there are two effects at work here:
Firstly, the erroneous belief that income is linked to happiness. To the outsider it would appear that the family living in a big house, flash cars in the driveway and multiple holidays are objectively better off than those scraping it in a 2 bed semi with a banger clamped on the street. But expectations acclimatise, so how does this impact your decision to sacrifice and risk so much when there may not be a reward at the end even if it does work out?
Secondly, women have more orgasms with wealthier men:
Study: Rich Men Give Women More Orgasms
Not sure how this ties in, but let's just remember that our nearest and dearest are gold-diggers at heart.
chesterlady
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Hello Jason, I can understand your family situation it is not unlike mine, however, are solution was for me to give up work and become a fun time mum and trader, I am still very much a learner but getting better all the time ( I understand my mistakes now and that progress).
I have never been happier I can spend as much time with the kids as they need but instead of reading novels at swimming lessons etc I am reading - high probability trader or the spread betting handbook ( I get a lot of funny looks from the other mums)
You may find you could learn together, or like us husband goes to work and I watch the FTSE in the garden in the sun lovely
I have never been happier I can spend as much time with the kids as they need but instead of reading novels at swimming lessons etc I am reading - high probability trader or the spread betting handbook ( I get a lot of funny looks from the other mums)
You may find you could learn together, or like us husband goes to work and I watch the FTSE in the garden in the sun lovely
montmorencyt2w
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Ingot beat me to it really, but just to repeat the general idea: Jason, it may turn out that your wife is the better trader of the two of you, given a chance. Or you could work together. Just a thought.
Don't go changing & drink to that !
hello elitejet, well the wife who is supportive has a great quality which a lot of people find attractive. I don't mean passive support, but full on, "The greatest gift I could give would be to stand by your side" support. So,
The wife shouldn't in my view abandon that quality under any circumstance as its likely a part of their character and personality, something of who they are and I think people should be at all times, who they are. So the wife does not have to resent doing what she has done (being supportive) and for being who she is . The opposite in fact, I hope the wife is aware of her own qualities and celebrate them.
So that's one part, now the other part ..... the partner who does not see these qualities and chooses to bugger off. This is about them now you see? and not the wife. Why do they feel the need to do this?
It could be to do with avoidance of happiness and them " needing " external physical attachments of things, money, jobs , people etc to validate their sense of self worth as they are not aware, not capable or find it too painful (life experience being formative) to look and validate themselves from within themselves.
Hence seeking external sources and material things to mask the internal from themselves. This is likely to be a cyclic behaviour pattern with one external validation object (job, money, person) continually replacing each other when the temporary buzz felt ,begins to wear off and a sub conscious alert warns them to replace or look within.
Looking within, is often the last thing that they will allow to happen, and so the cycle goes on and on until perhaps, (through a life experience with significant higher emotional charge) awareness of their own self is forced into their own view.
So, painful as it seems , for the wife to be on the receiving end at the time, the people running from themselves, often feel much greater pain over a longer period and actually likely, need deeper levels of support, but prevent themselves from being open to receive it.
So... don't go changing, and drink to that.
Cheers & bottoms up, Hip Hop.
hello elitejet, well the wife who is supportive has a great quality which a lot of people find attractive. I don't mean passive support, but full on, "The greatest gift I could give would be to stand by your side" support. So,
The wife shouldn't in my view abandon that quality under any circumstance as its likely a part of their character and personality, something of who they are and I think people should be at all times, who they are. So the wife does not have to resent doing what she has done (being supportive) and for being who she is . The opposite in fact, I hope the wife is aware of her own qualities and celebrate them.
So that's one part, now the other part ..... the partner who does not see these qualities and chooses to bugger off. This is about them now you see? and not the wife. Why do they feel the need to do this?
It could be to do with avoidance of happiness and them " needing " external physical attachments of things, money, jobs , people etc to validate their sense of self worth as they are not aware, not capable or find it too painful (life experience being formative) to look and validate themselves from within themselves.
Hence seeking external sources and material things to mask the internal from themselves. This is likely to be a cyclic behaviour pattern with one external validation object (job, money, person) continually replacing each other when the temporary buzz felt ,begins to wear off and a sub conscious alert warns them to replace or look within.
Looking within, is often the last thing that they will allow to happen, and so the cycle goes on and on until perhaps, (through a life experience with significant higher emotional charge) awareness of their own self is forced into their own view.
So, painful as it seems , for the wife to be on the receiving end at the time, the people running from themselves, often feel much greater pain over a longer period and actually likely, need deeper levels of support, but prevent themselves from being open to receive it.
So... don't go changing, and drink to that.
Cheers & bottoms up, Hip Hop.
GammaJammer
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Many many relationships don't end up being able to stand up to the stresses and strains of the markets and what they can impose on one (or even both) parties. It is unfortunately one of the biggest downsides to this profession imho (and I have the scars to prove it).
zupcon
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My advice is go for the divorce now whilst its cheap, rather than after you prove successful, because its going to happen as sure as night follows day, or alternatively, forget about this trading malarky.
This subject of wives and girlfriends demanding attention, and constantly interrupting whilst you are working has been covered before, but I draw your attention to Mr Socco's absolute masterclass on the subject
His initial advice to some poor punter whose wife was giving him grief and interrupting whilst he was trading was this:
You have responsiblity for your trading, you yourself, not anyone else. You must have total control of what you are doing, without interruption, however well intended. You cannot afford ANY distractions that are neither necessary nor desireable.
If you shrink from it, and don't do it, you are certain to have plenty of grief.
The lesser grief is better than the greater grief.
A couple of punters questioned his wisdom, so Mr Socco kindly elucidates
When I finished my studies, I did a stint at the M.O.D. There was a perimeter fence and a restricted area. You are familiar with this sort of environment.Outside a building was a red plaque with bold white lettering that read:
OUT OF BOUNDS
TO
VISITING UNITS
In all these years I have never forgotten the signifiance of that sign, so clear, so blunt and so much to the point.I have had it replicated, out of nostalgia and practicality.
It is displayed outside my office. It serves to discourage visitors.
Also, outside my office there is a small red LED light, with a warning:~ DO NOT APPROACH WHEN RED LIGHT IS ON Additionally anyone who rings in the middle of an op, gets barked at. "Not now ! " and the phone is slammed on the caller.
Everyone who knows me and has been here has to accept that these are my requirements. This includes my wife.
But my wife, used to do to me what your wife did to you. They don't mean any harm. They have no intention of causing any grief. But their frame of reference is inadequate, the same for visitors or callers.
They all have to be TRAINED.
They don't know, they don't understand, and they don't realilse.
They need to be TRAINED . YOU have to do the TRAINING.
They cannot TRAIN THEMSELVES, otherwise they would become traders, like you are.
You have to TRAIN THEM not to INTERRRUPT.
You have to put in EFFORT into this TRAINING that YOU MUST DO, until the REASON FOR THE TRAINING is finally ACCEPTED ~ UNDERSTOOD and ACCEPTED..........and ......
ADHERED TO !
Otherwise you make a rod for your own back by trying to please everyone but screwing your own self up for nonsense. Having said that, it is a different matter if the interruption is warranted by something really important or urgent that cannot wait.
But you are ultimately responsible, not her, therefore you must take precautions that the excercise you describe is not repeated. You must put in place your own model for PREVENTION OF UNNECESSARY INTERRUPTION to that which ought not to and can not be tolerated to be INTERRUPTED.
This is my constructive and sincere advice to you. I promise you that it works.
Mr Socco when questioned on the techniques appropriate to TRAIN A WIFE
About techniques, yes, sorry, here goes. For example, create a make believe situation.
Sit the lady in front of the screen. Give her a huge hypothetical responsibility.
For example, cause her to imagine that what is exposed is equivalent to the contents of your home. Now explain, that if she is right, all is safe, but if she is not, all the furniture, carpets, paintings, all the kitchen stuff, pots and pans, cooker, fridge, dishwasher, and crockery would sort of be taken away by bailliffs. Get her to realistically imagine that.
Now get her to guess three times what prices are going to do. Make every point worth an item of favourite furniture.
Show her the principle of using a stop to limit possible losses of equivalent items.
Show her the consequence of responsibility in a framework she can relate to and accept and understand. Now put her through this mincer, and see what happens.
And then, regardless of the outcome, explain all of this requires your undivided attention "without interruption" and the reasons why.
And now make a point of training her to leave you alone when you are in front of a screen, whether you are running a position or not. Remind her of the furntiure, or even the car, if necessary, and that will give her a frame of reference to understand it is to do with REAL MONEY and not a screen game.
See how this pans out.
If the message does not land, PERSIST until it DOES.
Although those posts still amuse me, he's 100% correct, the grief you'll suffer in handling tis problem is a fraction of the grief you'll suffer if you ignore it !
This subject of wives and girlfriends demanding attention, and constantly interrupting whilst you are working has been covered before, but I draw your attention to Mr Socco's absolute masterclass on the subject
His initial advice to some poor punter whose wife was giving him grief and interrupting whilst he was trading was this:
You have responsiblity for your trading, you yourself, not anyone else. You must have total control of what you are doing, without interruption, however well intended. You cannot afford ANY distractions that are neither necessary nor desireable.
If you shrink from it, and don't do it, you are certain to have plenty of grief.
The lesser grief is better than the greater grief.
A couple of punters questioned his wisdom, so Mr Socco kindly elucidates
When I finished my studies, I did a stint at the M.O.D. There was a perimeter fence and a restricted area. You are familiar with this sort of environment.Outside a building was a red plaque with bold white lettering that read:
OUT OF BOUNDS
TO
VISITING UNITS
In all these years I have never forgotten the signifiance of that sign, so clear, so blunt and so much to the point.I have had it replicated, out of nostalgia and practicality.
It is displayed outside my office. It serves to discourage visitors.
Also, outside my office there is a small red LED light, with a warning:~ DO NOT APPROACH WHEN RED LIGHT IS ON Additionally anyone who rings in the middle of an op, gets barked at. "Not now ! " and the phone is slammed on the caller.
Everyone who knows me and has been here has to accept that these are my requirements. This includes my wife.
But my wife, used to do to me what your wife did to you. They don't mean any harm. They have no intention of causing any grief. But their frame of reference is inadequate, the same for visitors or callers.
They all have to be TRAINED.
They don't know, they don't understand, and they don't realilse.
They need to be TRAINED . YOU have to do the TRAINING.
They cannot TRAIN THEMSELVES, otherwise they would become traders, like you are.
You have to TRAIN THEM not to INTERRRUPT.
You have to put in EFFORT into this TRAINING that YOU MUST DO, until the REASON FOR THE TRAINING is finally ACCEPTED ~ UNDERSTOOD and ACCEPTED..........and ......
ADHERED TO !
Otherwise you make a rod for your own back by trying to please everyone but screwing your own self up for nonsense. Having said that, it is a different matter if the interruption is warranted by something really important or urgent that cannot wait.
But you are ultimately responsible, not her, therefore you must take precautions that the excercise you describe is not repeated. You must put in place your own model for PREVENTION OF UNNECESSARY INTERRUPTION to that which ought not to and can not be tolerated to be INTERRUPTED.
This is my constructive and sincere advice to you. I promise you that it works.
Mr Socco when questioned on the techniques appropriate to TRAIN A WIFE
About techniques, yes, sorry, here goes. For example, create a make believe situation.
Sit the lady in front of the screen. Give her a huge hypothetical responsibility.
For example, cause her to imagine that what is exposed is equivalent to the contents of your home. Now explain, that if she is right, all is safe, but if she is not, all the furniture, carpets, paintings, all the kitchen stuff, pots and pans, cooker, fridge, dishwasher, and crockery would sort of be taken away by bailliffs. Get her to realistically imagine that.
Now get her to guess three times what prices are going to do. Make every point worth an item of favourite furniture.
Show her the principle of using a stop to limit possible losses of equivalent items.
Show her the consequence of responsibility in a framework she can relate to and accept and understand. Now put her through this mincer, and see what happens.
And then, regardless of the outcome, explain all of this requires your undivided attention "without interruption" and the reasons why.
And now make a point of training her to leave you alone when you are in front of a screen, whether you are running a position or not. Remind her of the furntiure, or even the car, if necessary, and that will give her a frame of reference to understand it is to do with REAL MONEY and not a screen game.
See how this pans out.
If the message does not land, PERSIST until it DOES.
Although those posts still amuse me, he's 100% correct, the grief you'll suffer in handling tis problem is a fraction of the grief you'll suffer if you ignore it !
counter_violent
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Happy Days
Technically Fundamental
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If its bothering her why not just set up a home office and make a schedule so you both know where you stand. Organisation and communication are the key. Let her know how serious you are about what you're doing or she may think it's just some sort of fad. There is no point in trying to gauge her actions if you have not let her know exactly what your views are on the whole situation. Thats like trading a chart full of wicks with no bodies lol.
Let her know how serious you are about what you're doing or she may think it's just some sort of fad. There is no point in trying to gauge her actions if you have not let her know exactly what your views are on the whole situation. Thats like trading a chart full of wicks with no bodies lol.I say,,that the key is to separate your work from your home life. Sitting up in bed with your wife while you have your head buried in your computer is just wrong....it will end in tears.
There is a time for everything....a time to trade and a time to spend time with your family....whatever you do...don't mix them as the animosity that develops will only lead you to grudge trade, you'll ultimately make mistakes if you mix them which will have a direct impact on your finances.
The quality time you have with your partner in the evening is for you and your partner.
I suggest that you get up extra early in the morning and do your trading...If you normally get up at 7am....you gotta get up at 4:30, at your desk for 5am....get a couple of hours trading under your belt in the morning and then go about your day as per usual. You can easily make a couple of hundred pounds every morning off nominal stakes...I suggest that you don't leave any trades open while you won't be monitoring after 7am unless you can lock in profit with a stop and let it run until you can get to you machine for the following morning.
I think your wife would be ok with you designating a set trading time that does not clash with both your personal requirements and responsibilities....the more money you make, the more she will support you....
There is a time for everything....a time to trade and a time to spend time with your family....whatever you do...don't mix them as the animosity that develops will only lead you to grudge trade, you'll ultimately make mistakes if you mix them which will have a direct impact on your finances.
The quality time you have with your partner in the evening is for you and your partner.
I suggest that you get up extra early in the morning and do your trading...If you normally get up at 7am....you gotta get up at 4:30, at your desk for 5am....get a couple of hours trading under your belt in the morning and then go about your day as per usual. You can easily make a couple of hundred pounds every morning off nominal stakes...I suggest that you don't leave any trades open while you won't be monitoring after 7am unless you can lock in profit with a stop and let it run until you can get to you machine for the following morning.
I think your wife would be ok with you designating a set trading time that does not clash with both your personal requirements and responsibilities....the more money you make, the more she will support you....
nunrgguy
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Well I don't know you or your girlfriend and can only speak from my own experience but I know a lot of women (my own included) say they want certain things in life, to be in a certain place, financial position, have freedoms etc but are so conditioned by society to do absolutely sweet F.A. to make any of it possible and even if there is someone else in the family trying to make it possible they sabotage it at every opportunity, while verbally saying they are giving full support. They can't help it though. It's programmed in from kiddyhood.
elitejets
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There are way to many very harsh generalisations on this thread.
Yeah there are some women who don't want to contribute or support anything but still want to be provided for but not all women.
Yeah there are some fabulous guys who work all day providing for unappreciative partners who just spend the money, but not all guys ...
None of these problems are just about trading ... people in high pressure sales jobs, starting or running their own business, people in post graduate studies etc are all in the same boat with respect to the time and effort required to be successful. The great thing about trading is when you become one of those who make it, you get the freedom.
I'm a big fan of women traders (obviously) but the suggestion that someone's wife can just take up trading like knitting without any previous interest in the markets is a bit of a joke really.
Because if it was that easy you would all have your wives/GF's doing it for you while you went and played golf or something, right?
Yeah there are some women who don't want to contribute or support anything but still want to be provided for but not all women.
Yeah there are some fabulous guys who work all day providing for unappreciative partners who just spend the money, but not all guys ...
None of these problems are just about trading ... people in high pressure sales jobs, starting or running their own business, people in post graduate studies etc are all in the same boat with respect to the time and effort required to be successful. The great thing about trading is when you become one of those who make it, you get the freedom.
I'm a big fan of women traders (obviously) but the suggestion that someone's wife can just take up trading like knitting without any previous interest in the markets is a bit of a joke really.
Because if it was that easy you would all have your wives/GF's doing it for you while you went and played golf or something, right?
Mr. Charts
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Nicola,
I don't know if this is the only trading BB you read, but over on the moneyam premium subscription site, many of the best traders are women - I know that for a fact.
It's a complete fallacy that most at home traders are men, the women tend to get on with the job and don't make loud pseudo-macho noises like preening peacocks.
Richard
I don't know if this is the only trading BB you read, but over on the moneyam premium subscription site, many of the best traders are women - I know that for a fact.
It's a complete fallacy that most at home traders are men, the women tend to get on with the job and don't make loud pseudo-macho noises like preening peacocks.
Richard
Elitejets, Absolutely, My wife works in the caring profession because she likes to help people.
She already thinks I have aligned myself with Faust. It is the last thing she would have any interest in learning. Even though I think she would be superb.
I really want to thank everyone for there replies on this thread (especially the few who took the effort to look at my profile, to check my trading style before replying). It has given me a real wake up call to what I am doing, why I am doing it and what consequences it is having on my family time. In some ways I wish I had found trading before settling down and I am envious of those that have.
Thanks for all the funny replies too, which have lightened my mood on the subject and helped me think more clearly.
Your replies that have resonated with me the most and I will be concentrating on are:
-Communication.
-Sticking to clearly defined and clear trading/screen times, to incorporating when my son is in bed or
out of the house.
- To cut down on wasted time, be more targeted on trading books, web sites and T2W reading.
- Looking into skipping the more time consuming lower time frame swing entries to obtain
positions and instead going straight into position trading.
After all it was wanting to take a position on oil over several months which lead me into trading. Then I was sucked into cheaper entries via day trading. Then soon the positioning became secondary to day trading.
Thanks again, this thread has been quite personal and targeted for me.
Jason
She already thinks I have aligned myself with Faust. It is the last thing she would have any interest in learning. Even though I think she would be superb.
I really want to thank everyone for there replies on this thread (especially the few who took the effort to look at my profile, to check my trading style before replying). It has given me a real wake up call to what I am doing, why I am doing it and what consequences it is having on my family time. In some ways I wish I had found trading before settling down and I am envious of those that have.
Thanks for all the funny replies too, which have lightened my mood on the subject and helped me think more clearly.
Your replies that have resonated with me the most and I will be concentrating on are:
-Communication.
-Sticking to clearly defined and clear trading/screen times, to incorporating when my son is in bed or
out of the house.
- To cut down on wasted time, be more targeted on trading books, web sites and T2W reading.
- Looking into skipping the more time consuming lower time frame swing entries to obtain
positions and instead going straight into position trading.
After all it was wanting to take a position on oil over several months which lead me into trading. Then I was sucked into cheaper entries via day trading. Then soon the positioning became secondary to day trading.
Thanks again, this thread has been quite personal and targeted for me.
Jason
Last edited:
arabianights
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gay
B
