Agony aunt thread

[arabianights]

Dear Deidree......?

NO!!!!

Dear rawrschach and arabianghts should be your refrain. We are your maiden aunts. We will help you with any trading problem. Especially if we can illustrate it approiately.

So ask questions proles!

 

[rawrschach]

Surprise buttseks shall be priovided where necessary.

Courtesy of Genics.

 

[Trader333]

In view of the fact that your strapline is:

Only morons take my advice!

Then shouldn't this thread be renamed "Moronic Agony Aunt Thread" or maybe "Agony Aunt Thread for Morons ?


Paul

PS I am not asking for advice on this

 

[Hoggums]

Dear Arabian,

I came home early last week and found my wife placing trades with a different broker. She'd opened up the account in secret. I am devastated. How can I ever trust her again?

 

[foredog]

Dear Arabian,

I came home early last week and found my wife placing trades with a different broker. She'd opened up the account in secret. I am devastated. How can I ever trust her again?

Don't, hedge her, get a mistress

 

[GammaJammer]

What sort of trades?

(there are so many many possibilities here)....

Swaps?

 

[shadowninja]

Dear Mssrs Night and Chach,

While making love to my girlfriend the other night, I noticed my position had gone from a minor profit to quite a big loss. I immediately became flaccid which made my girlfriend laugh.

What shall I do???

Yours,
Worried of Surrey

 

[Skill Leverage]

Dear Arabian,

I came home early last week and found my wife placing trades with a different broker. She'd opened up the account in secret. I am devastated. How can I ever trust her again?

if it's execution-only, I wouldn't be too worried, but if he's full service I'd go round and clout the fecker.

 

[montmorencyt2w]

Dear Auntie,

My boyfriend and I have different trading needs ..... I like to wait until the time is right and take it nice and slow. He on the other hand is an animal, he wants to trade all the time, and never leaves it alone. My Mum says he's a beast, but I've caught her looking at his futures.

Please help; I'm desperate, and it's almost time for my monthly chart.

Sharon, of Essex.

 

[GammaJammer]

I think Sharon has to accept the fact that he might be better off with a spreader....

 

[TheBramble]

Although everything points up in the right direction I have this overpowering urge to go into shorts. Whenever I’ve done this in the past I’ve invariably ended up with a scratch situation.

Is there any way you can help me to follow my natural tendencies without keeping on going the wrong way up a one-way street?

 

[Hoggums]

Dear Mssrs Night and Chach,

While making love to my girlfriend the other night, I noticed my position had gone from a minor profit to quite a big loss. I immediately became flaccid which made my girlfriend laugh.

What shall I do???

Yours,
Worried of Surrey

You should always hedge your positions. Buy a vibrator.

 

[Skill Leverage]

Dear Arabian,

Every time I'm shagging my girlfriend, all I can think of is the voice of the RANSquawk guy - this affects me so much that as I am on my vinegar strokes, I cannot help but say 'coming up to the release now...10 seconds....'

How can I solve this problem? Sincerely, Mayor Douchebag

 

[arabianights]

Dear Me,

I just got into work and had no memory of posting this thread. Is it wise to use spanish as a model for sensible alcohol consumption?

 

[montmorencyt2w]

Although everything points up in the right direction I have this overpowering urge to go into shorts. Whenever I’ve done this in the past I’ve invariably ended up with a scratch situation.

Is there any way you can help me to follow my natural tendencies without keeping on going the wrong way up a one-way street?

Try to remember not to ignore "No Entry" signs.

 

[Gumping]

Although everything points up in the right direction I have this overpowering urge to go into shorts. Whenever I’ve done this in the past I’ve invariably ended up with a scratch situation.

Is there any way you can help me to follow my natural tendencies without keeping on going the wrong way up a one-way street?

Yeah - you must remember to pay your stamp duty...

*reaches for iron brand from the fire*

*STAMP!!*

Paid! That'll learn ya' :smart:

 

[arabianights]

Well, nic brought this thread up again, so anyone got any more quesitons?

 

[Paul71]

Well, nic brought this thread up again, so anyone got any more quesitons?

I have a question.

Q) How come gay dildos are bigger than dildos for females? (So i've been told)

 

[elitejets]

I have a question.

Q) How come gay dildos are bigger than dildos for females? (So i've been told)

I'm not sure you need an agony aunt, ask any female ...
Men are bigger A***holes

 

[Paul71]

I'm not sure you need an agony aunt, ask any female ...
Men are bigger A***holes

I asked for that one, you're probably right. Trust men want the really big ones though, women are quite content with the little lipstick size ones.