A job as a professional footballer with no experience

P

pboyles

Legendary member
Messages
8,046
Likes
1,306
I see a lot of footballers make loads of money so I've decided this is the career for me. I've no experience at all, I'm a bit fat but so is that Rooney fellow, I tried playing football once but I scored 3 own goals and got sent off. Anyhow I'm sure I can make it. What career advice do you have? Should I call up the HR department and ask what qualifications I need?

How's about an O level in PT? Would they take me seriously if I can pass it? It's not from a red brick educational establishment but still. What else do you suggest, I can't be arsed to google any of this, just tell me.

I might go to Manchester and knock on a few doors.
 
Here at futecks training we can help you achieve your goals. Our 28 day comprehensive programme will enable you to achieve the results to become a footballer of stature. Once we have taught you to play we will also give you other life skills such as how to obtain super injunctions,plus a full day learning the art of roasting in preparation for those lonely saturday nights. We do require a small contribution to your training costs paid upfront(£4000) and 10% of your first years salary.
 
Lord Flasheart said:
Here at futecks training we can help you achieve your goals. Our 28 day comprehensive programme will enable you to achieve the results to become a footballer of stature. Once we have taught you to play we will also give you other life skills such as how to obtain super injunctions,plus a full day learning the art of roasting in preparation for those lonely saturday nights. We do require a small contribution to your training costs paid upfront(£4000) and 10% of your first years salary.
Click to expand...

Now I appreciate you need to make some money but can I possibly pay you 25% up front and then pay off the rest each month? I know this will be no problem because I'll be receiving my 50,000 a week salary.
 
Lord Flasheart said:
Here at futecks training we can help you achieve your goals. Our 28 day comprehensive programme will enable you to achieve the results to become a footballer of stature. Once we have taught you to play we will also give you other life skills such as how to obtain super injunctions,plus a full day learning the art of roasting in preparation for those lonely saturday nights. We do require a small contribution to your training costs paid upfront(£4000) and 10% of your first years salary.
Click to expand...

Dare I ask what your success rate is? I mean if it's like 1 or 2 percent then that's fine. I mean if I didn't give you 4k I'd have no chance.
 
pboyles said:
Now I appreciate you need to make some money but can I possibly pay you 25% up front and then pay off the rest each month? I know this will be no problem because I'll be receiving my 50,000 a week salary.
Click to expand...

Now were jumping ahead here.First you need to pass the aptitude test,then if and only if you are selected will we talk about financial issues. However I can see that you are extremely driving and likely to pass so we can look at other ways of paying.There is a shortage of quality players at the moment so will accept 5% of your first years salary but the initial contribution and I stress it is only a contribution is still payable to show your commitment to us. Please find a sponsor and apply immediately
 
Lord Flasheart said:
Now were jumping ahead here.First you need to pass the aptitude test,then if and only if you are selected will we talk about financial issues. However I can see that you are extremely driving and likely to pass so we can look at other ways of paying.There is a shortage of quality players at the moment so will accept 5% of your first years salary but the initial contribution and I stress it is only a contribution is still payable to show your commitment to us. Please find a sponsor and apply immediately
Click to expand...

Yes I totally get it, you don't want a bunch of dreamers just turning up expecting to get it for free. Asking for 4k will definitely keep them out. I tell you what I'll do, I'll cash in my McDonalds pension, that's worth about 5k because I've been with them 20 years.
 
My apologies. Of course this is all dependant on passing your aptitude test. I don't mean to be presumptuous.
 
pboyles said:
My apologies. Of course this is all dependant on passing your aptitude test. I don't mean to be presumptuous.
Click to expand...

your attitude is one of inspiration and I look forward to welcoming you to the team.
To reduce your contribution as there is such a shortage we can offer a referral fee for anyone you introduce. All applicants must be under 35 as otherwise there will be little playing time left in there careers for us to recoup our outlay. There is also a minimum age of 7 for the academy. Students under 16 will not be able to participate in certain aspects of the training that were mentioned in my first post.
Once training is completed you can expect to earn around £1.25m a year and in some cases it could be tax free.
 
Flash ..how many spaces are now left in your academy ?.....;)
 
We only take suitable applicants who pass the aptitude test and are below the age of 35 and a weight of less than 19 stone. However we make make exceptions as there is a great demand at the moment.Do you want to apply
 
Wow, I've just stumbled across this thread and I must say it's daft to even think about paying some dodgy outfit all that money.

I just took my first kick ever at a football three months ago and it sailed into the net no problem. Since then I've had 142 kicks and scored 141 times (slipped running up on one). I tell you, this footballing lark is dead easy if you're wearing the right boots. Mine are custom made and you can have pair for only £200.

Might sound a bit expensive but they are guaranteed to score every time and I've proved it haven't I.
 
barjon said:
Wow, I've just stumbled across this thread and I must say it's daft to even think about paying some dodgy outfit all that money.

I just took my first kick ever at a football three months ago and it sailed into the net no problem. Since then I've had 142 kicks and scored 141 times (slipped running up on one). I tell you, this footballing lark is dead easy if you're wearing the right boots. Mine are custom made and you can have pair for only £200.

Might sound a bit expensive but they are guaranteed to score every time and I've proved it haven't I.
Click to expand...

look kindly dont promote your wears on this thread,please speak to our marketing dept
 
i'd like to play for tottenham ..........will that make my path easier coach ?

do I get a discounted fee ?

N
 
do you teach any special secrets that the professionals dont want us to know, like how to fall over in the penalty box?
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

A
Football News
Replies
1
Views
1K
Ambrose Ackroyd
A
JTrader
When did you last have a fight with someone?
2 3 4
Replies
62
Views
9K
mauzj
mauzj
C
Starting a career as a stockbroker or working for a spreadbetting firm.
Replies
1
Views
2K
Charlton
C
P
2.2 in Economics with Econometrics, want to start a career in Finance.
Replies
8
Views
6K
Pita5
P
A
Where to go?
Replies
11
Views
2K
Claudia123
Claudia123
Top